Chapter 37
The minute Lauren opens the door, I know she knows. “He called you.”
“Yes.” She backs up and I enter the house, and walk to the giant chair by the couch and sit down on the ottoman.
She joins me as she sits on the couch. “How are you?”
“How am I?” I laugh without humor. “I drank champagne to celebrate my press release, after which my brother called and told me Reese was suing my family. This was right before Reid told me to fuck off. Next up. Reese told me he loves me right before we said goodbye forever, for all I know. So how am I? I’m doing just peachy.”
“You and Reese will get through this. This mess sucks, but you will get through it.”
“You know the facts, I assume. Are we overreacting?”
“No you aren’t overreacting. This is a monstrous problem.”
“We can’t be together right now, can we?”
“That’s a potential challenge. Do you think your family will use you against Reese at Reese’s expense?”
“Yes. In some dark, underground, dirty way, they will lash out at him and I don’t know how to stop that from happening.”
“I talked this through with Reese, but let’s you and I try, too.”
For two full hours, we talk and talk, and talk some more, until there is nowhere else to go. “I think this will end us,” I say, voicing my biggest fear.
“Not if you love each other.”
“You don’t know how brutal my family is. They will make Reese hate me and I won’t be able to stop it.”
“You don’t give Reese credit if you believe that.”
“He’s brilliant. You’re right. I know. But so is my father.”
“Reese is younger, more agile in every way, and he’s in love. And love is powerful. While you are worrying about Reese, do you know what Reese is worried about?”
“What?”
“Your walls. That while you two are apart, you’ll find a way to shut him out.”
“I won’t. Not Reese. I want him to know that. Tell him I said that.”
“I can’t, Cat. Because for two years, all you have done is shut everyone out, even me. Julie is my best friend. You are as close to that as someone can be without being that because you go months without even calling me.”
“I know. I just—sometimes I deal with being alone by being alone.”
“But you’re not alone unless you make yourself alone,” Lauren says.
“My family shuts me out. I don’t shut them out.”
“Right. And you shut me out. Don’t do that to Reese. Don’t do that to me anymore.”
“I won’t,” I say. “I don’t want to. I might need you to shake me here or there. Old habits and all.”
“Do I have permission to shake you up if needed?”
“Yes, times one thousand.”
“Good. I will.”
I stand up. “I need to go get my things from his apartment. I have to deal with this and get home before I melt down.”
“Buy a stock of Ben and Jerry’s. I’ll be by to see you, and it helps anyway. Eat it. And I’ll bring Julie with me. She’s a good friend, Cat, and good friends get us through bad times.”
I hug her and I leave.
Thirty minutes later, I stand in my apartment—no, Reese’s apartment. I start packing up my things, but I decide, no. I’ll take only what I have to take. I’ll be back and soon, I hope. I fill a bag and then sit down on the chair where we often watch the sunset, and where we often just sit and talk. I’m going to miss this spot with him so much. My eyes prickle and I stand up before I melt down. My gaze goes to my nightstand where I have a pad and a pen. I walk to it and sit down, and on a blank page I write: I wish I was right HERE right NOW in huge letters. I tear off the page and set it on my pillow.
I then write him a note:
Reese,
There is no wall that could survive the force of how much I have fallen in love with you. My family is vicious. They will find a way to strip your license if they can. Don’t risk it. Don’t call. Phone records can be traced.
I left most of my things because I am coming back.
Love, Cat