Chapter 9
Beth
"He apologized and..." I shake my head, pausing as I rock the sleeping Ben in my arms on the couch in my apartment, replaying everything in my mind.
For a few seconds, I just stood there rooted to the spot, staring at the door Alex had disappeared through, wondering how I could lose my composure so quickly around that man.
"But that's a good thing, sweetie," Veronica says. "That's exactly what you've always wanted, right?" She pauses again. "You were about to add something. What else happened?"
"We almost kissed and..." Veronica claps a hand over her mouth in shock, and I look into her wide eyes. "I know, I know. I managed to pull back just in time. But he asked me to dinner, and maybe you're right and I shouldn't go at all and..."
"I didn't say that, sweetie. I was just so surprised. So happy. Oh, I don't know. But it sounds so lovely, doesn't it, the father of your child wanting to kiss you and take you out?"
"Yeah, I guess so," I murmur, and then I tell Veronica about my wild excuses for all the things I supposedly had to sort out.
Made-up online orders, my part-time help, and my messy apartment.
"Am I now the one building a potential second chance on a lie?
" I ask my friend. "And more importantly, do I even want this second chance? "
"Beth," Veronica says, sliding closer to me. She places her hand on my knee and with the other strokes the rosy cheek of Ben, who's still asleep in my arms.
"I've known you for a really long time, and I've heard you say more than a few times during your pregnancy and since Ben was born how much you wished he had a father. And now, it's not just some random guy who wants to go out with you, but the guy. Your boy's father."
"Yeah, but maybe he just wants to wrap me around his little finger again, like last time, and then toss me aside like trash. What if I fall for it a second time?"
"Counter-question: How are you going to feel about it if you turn him down and he never asks again?"
I get a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach as I look from Veronica to Ben and stroke his head.
How could I ever explain that to him? If I don't do it for myself, then at least for him.
Sure, I've always wanted a father for Ben.
But should it really be the man who dumped me in total playboy fashion?
Then again, he said it was a misunderstanding, a supposed emergency. But is that true?
"I'm not going to tell him we have a child together. I don't want pity or anything, and maybe he just wants to go to dinner with me because... there was that other guy who offered me money for the shop. Maybe he doesn't want anything from me and just wants the shop?"
"Did I hear in your words that maybe you do want to go?" Veronica says, grinning.
"You did, but..." I start, but this time it's a loud sigh from the sleeping Ben that makes me pause.
"See?" Veronica says in a whisper, a grin on her face as Ben settles down again and turns his sweet little head to the other side. "Even Ben thinks you shouldn't worry so much. But seriously, if you're worried he's up to something, just ask him."
"I just don't understand why he's showing up right now and wanting to take me out," I murmur under my breath, more to myself than to Veronica.
I can feel that curiosity is winning out and that I'd really regret it if I said no.
On the other hand, his motives aren't really clear to me, and the fact that I almost let him kiss me scares me.
And makes my knees weak just thinking about it.
God, what is it about this man that affects me so much, even after how he treated me?
"Maybe he's just into you," Veronica says, pulling me from my thoughts.
"You mean..."
"I mean he wants to go to dinner with you, even though your hair is anything but perfect right now," Veronica begins, and I instinctively run a hand through my hair, feeling without a mirror that my mane of curls desperately needs a comb.
Veronica continues, "Plus, your top has milk stains, which he might not have recognized as such, but he must have seen them, as well as your clearly visible nipples and..."
"Oh my God," I blurt out, feeling heat rush to my cheeks as I look down at myself and see how right she is.
This is so damn embarrassing. When I think about it now, that he wanted to kiss me even with messy hair and a dirty shirt, then.
.. yeah, what then? Then I don't even know what to think about it myself.
"Could it just be that he's into you? I mean, maybe he likes your personality." Then Veronica gives me a grin. "Sure, your body too, and your nipples were definitely a plus and..."
"You're impossible," I say, having to laugh, and I give her a playful slap on the butt, pushing her a little away from me.
"Seriously, Beth. Remember back in high school?
You longed for the boys to stop being mean to you and to see you as a girl.
And now? Now pretty much the hottest, and richest, guy to walk into your shop wants to take you out, even after you bluntly rejected him the first time.
Okay, he deserved it after how he ghosted you back then, but his explanation could also just be true, right? "
"Mm-hm," I murmur, looking Veronica right in the eyes. She could be right. She's actually right about this kind of thing pretty often.
"But you have the night shift tonight and I can't let you..."
"Shhh," Veronica says, placing her index finger on my lips. "A colleague owes me one. I'm sure she'll take my shift. I'll text her, and then I'll put sweet Ben in his little bed while you pump some milk and get ready to make that Alex's eyes pop out of his head when he picks you up."
"Thank you," I murmur, touched, feeling my eyes get watery with emotion because Veronica is simply the best friend ever.
"Don't cry, sweetie. I'm here for you. I promised you that, and I'll keep that promise," Veronica whispers, putting an arm around me and giving first me and then Ben a kiss on the cheek. "For both of you."
"You're the best," I say, returning the kiss.
"Now let's take a look in your closet. Do you have a classic black or maybe a red dress with a plunging neckline?"
"I do. But from before the birth, no idea if they still fit. But do I really want him to think I'm an easy target?"
"On the contrary, Beth. He should be kicking himself for how he treated you back then. Whether it was intentional or not. You're amazing, and he should be allowed to see that."
I smile and hug her again after carefully placing Ben in the bassinet.
Sometimes, I would give anything to be able to see the world through Veronica's eyes.
But having her with me is already a great help.
Without her... my life wouldn't be the same.
Especially since Ben came into the world and she's helped me like no one else.
"Then I'll text him now," I say, feeling how nervous I sound as I grab the small piece of paper from the dresser and take my smartphone in my other hand.
"It'll all be fine," Veronica says, giving me a friendly wink.
"Sent," I reply, and I see right away that he's online and typing a response, which comes through instantly.
"He's picking me up at seven o'clock at the shop," I read aloud, feeling my knees go weak.
"Then let's take a look in the closet and..."
"Pump milk first," I reply, walking into the kitchen and quickly texting back "OK" so Alex knows I agree. As I do, the thought runs through my head again whether I should tell him about Ben or not. Maybe I should just wait and see how things develop.
But what then? Just decide spontaneously? Is it right to go to dinner with the father of my child, when he wants to apologize, while keeping such a huge secret from him?