Chapter 27
Beth
Shortly after Alex left the shop
I watch Ben as he nurses at my breast, his eyes seeming to fixate on me. "We'll get through this, Ben. I promise you," I say quietly, stroking his warm little head and feeling a tear run down my cheek.
I'm ashamed to show such weakness in front of my little boy and Veronica, but I can't help it. My bottom lip trembles, and I feel a vast emptiness inside me, one that seems to have grown even larger than before Alex's visit to my shop.
"Why did he even come here?" I say quietly, whispering more to myself than to Veronica, who has been sitting silently beside me and Ben the whole time, just waiting and being there for me.
Ben has since fallen asleep. I pull my breast from my little darling's mouth; a vacuum must have formed, because it lets out a little POP, and he just keeps sleeping with his mouth half-open.
I have to grin for a second because the moment is so beautiful.
Then the grief and guilt wash over me again, because right now I'm only thinking about myself and not so much about my little treasure.
"If he really only wanted the shop and wrapped you around his finger for it, and even made such a stupid bet, then..." Veronica begins, squeezing my hand tightly.
"I know, it's probably for the best," I say, swallowing the lump in my throat. "He left the second you arrived. He'll never accept me with a child, and he probably never would have if I'd been honest from the start. So I have only myself to blame for this mess."
"Don't think that way about yourself, sweetie."
"It's fine, I'm trying to look on the bright side," I say, feeling how hard it is as I wipe away my tears. "I'll never tell him Ben is his child, and in a way, I'm glad he doesn't know."
"Hmm," Veronica says, looking thoughtful.
"Should we take Ben for a little walk? Some fresh air would probably do you good," she adds, changing the subject.
I can sense that she might not be one hundred percent on my side.
Does she think it would be better if he knew?
But why? Is my own friend going to stab me in the back now, too?
No, I can't think like that. She's always there for me and does everything for me.
We don't always have to agree. At least she's keeping her opinion to herself and just wants to get my mind off things for now.
That's exactly what friends are for. And a little fresh air probably would do me good, because the chaos in my head is truly awful.
"Good idea. I'll just give Petey some food, then I'll put Ben in the stroller and..." I begin as I stand up, walk to Petey's cage, and freeze mid-motion.
"Petey?" I whisper softly, frantically opening the cage door when I see the little ball of fur lying lifeless in a corner. Please, no. Please just be asleep, I think, yet I know that's not the case. Petey always slept in his little house. ALWAYS.
This time, he's lying in the opposite corner. Curled up. And not moving. I gently nudge him with my finger, trying to wake him. Nothing.
I repeat the process a few more times. The result is the same.
"Beth, what is it?" Veronica asks, and I realize she's standing behind me, trying to see around me.
"Oh God," I murmur, feeling my knees give way as I sink to the floor in front of the cage without answering her.
"Is he..." I hear Veronica ask cautiously. "Oh, no," she says then, when she realizes what's happened. She sinks to the floor beside me, puts her arm around me, says nothing, and is just there for me as a flood of grief and inner emptiness overwhelms me.
"He was sick, you said?" she asks after a few minutes of us just sitting there in silence.
"He was. And I hope he didn't suffer," I say quietly, my voice raspy. "But why now of all times?"
"We'll give him a nice funeral. I have a friend who works in a woodshop, maybe he can make us a small cross..." Veronica says, then pauses and pats my back as the grief over Petey and the chaos with Alex makes my whole body shake. "I didn't mean to say the wrong thing. I'm sorry."
"No, it's okay," I reply, blowing my nose into a tissue. "That's a lovely idea. But are you allowed to bury pets? And where?" I ask, noticing how hard it is to speak. I turn around, look at Petey again, and feel that blackness inside me once more. Almost as if a part of me just died.
Then I look over at Ben, sleeping on the couch. A terrible feeling comes over me. I hastily get up, go to him, and gently place my hand on his tiny chest. He's still breathing, and immense relief washes over me.
I know it was silly, but for a moment, I was terrified of losing everything in my life.
"Hey, sweetie," Veronica says, coming over to me. "It's all going to be okay. I'm here for you."
I just nod, stroke Ben, and let the tears flow freely. What would I do without her?
******
One week later
At some point, I'd cried enough and found a strength inside me that let me function again. Maybe it was Ben's innocent smile and the many moments with him that kept me going. I still didn't know how I was going to manage it all, but for my little boy, it was worth trying.
For Petey, Veronica suggested a spot in Hartsdale Pet Cemetery, the first and only pet cemetery in New York.
A great idea, but unfortunately not affordable.
So we decided on a different, slightly more unconventional solution.
We bought a flowerpot just big enough to fit on the small ledge outside my window, buried him in it, and I planted the prettiest winter jasmine I could find.
A plant that's evergreen and, along with the little cross Veronica contributed, would always remind me of Petey.
A few days later, Veronica asked if I wanted to get a new hamster.
I wasn't so sure. She said she could just take the cage and store it at her place so I wouldn't have to look at it all the time.
A good idea. And as the days went by, I became more certain: a pet would be nice.
But maybe not another hamster. Petey was meant to be the only hamster in my life.
I also tried to structure my daily routine a little better. Veronica offered to help me at the shop for two hours in the morning. I refused at first, but she was persistent. We finally agreed that she would help me for pay. It was the least I could do.
Paula for the first two hours in the morning, Veronica for the next two, and me in the afternoon for two hours while Veronica watched Ben.
This way, Veronica could easily manage her evening shifts without having to get out of bed too early since Paula took the first shift, and I no longer had to bring Ben to the shop and leave him lying there whenever a customer came in, which always made me feel bad.
The shop was now only open six hours a day. That should work, because I analyzed the sales and saw that a lot comes from online orders and there were hardly any sales between 1 and 4 PM. So now I open the shop from 4:30 to 6:30 PM for customers who want to pick something up after work.
It pains me that I'll lose some revenue, and on top of that I want to pay Veronica, but it seems to be the best solution for me and my life.
At least sales have been a bit better in recent weeks, and this week I even managed to buy flowers more cheaply because I found a supplier who was also a single mom and understood.
Everything seemed to be falling into place a little, even though it was hard for me to laugh or be happy, because inside I still felt just like the weather outside: cloudy, cool, windy.
But I thought that would pass. At least until a moment ago, when Veronica told me something that made my world crumble.
"Beth, sweetie? Did you hear me?" she asks, waving a hand in front of my face.
"You can finally work as a lawyer at a firm in Washington. That's fantastic, I'm so happy for you," I say, forcing a smile and giving her a hug. I feel bad because I should be happier for her. No one deserves it more. She can finally leave waitressing behind and work in the job she studied for.
"It's just an invitation for a second interview," Veronica says with a grin.
"And with the money, I can get you a sitter for Ben. I won't leave you high and dry," she says, as if she can read my mind, and gives me a kiss.
"That's sweet, but I can't accept that," I reply. I really can't. I can't let Veronica base her life around mine. I've relied on her for long enough. I have to manage this somehow without her, too.
"But let's not talk about it anymore. Like I said, it's just an interview.
Have you tried your burger yet?" she asks, pointing to my untouched burger she brought for our lunch break.
It's still wrapped in paper with "BigBurger" printed on it, and just reading the name feels like a cruel joke.
I never told Veronica that Alex is the head of the chain.
I hadn't thought it was relevant until now.
"It's your favorite," she says. "Not hungry?"
"I am," I reply, feeling the yawning emptiness in my stomach. Maybe I should try to get over myself. The burger will taste good, and Alex didn't make it. He's just the suit who sits in the corporate office and...
I push the thought aside, unwrap the burger, and am about to take a bite when a hell of a noise makes me pause.
"What was that?" I ask Veronica, who just shrugs.
We get up together and go to the window.
Then we see it. Across the street, a huge scaffolding is being erected, and one of the workers dropped a pole onto the street.
Luckily, no one was hurt.Then I see the poster already hanging on the scaffolding a few feet away, and all the color drains from my face as I read the words.
Future home of New York's largest shopping mall - built by the ARS Group
Below it are numerous pictures, apparently showing the various shops. A flower shop is among them.
"Oh dear," is all I hear from Veronica beside me. But something else is going through my mind. ARS Group, ARS Group. Aren't they the ones who wanted my shop? Wait a minute...
"What are you doing?" Veronica asks as I pull out my smartphone, Google the ARS Group, and see a very familiar picture on the "About Us" page with the following text below it.
ARS Group is the holding investment company of billionaire, philanthropist, and BigBurger founder Alex Rodgers.
I can't believe it. I gasp for air and wordlessly turn the smartphone to Veronica. A week ago, he was standing here, mumbling something about being sorry and how he didn't mean it, and now? Now he wants to ruin me by putting the biggest mall, complete with a flower shop, right in my face?
"What?" Veronica asks, horrified, looking at me. "That reminds me, there's a letter for you from the ARS Group downstairs in the shop."
"I'm throwing that out unread," I say, running downstairs into the shop. I see the letter and tear it into as many pieces as I can. That felt good for a moment, but the bad feeling remains.
Then I see another letter that was under the one from ARS. I recognize the sender of this one, too: my landlord.
With a pounding heart, I open the letter, and when I read what's inside, I can't believe it. I'm being evicted. Just like that. I have to vacate the shop in three months. I know immediately who's behind this.
I thought I would collapse into a sobbing wreck, but then I think of Ben and the kind of mother I want to be for him, and I know exactly what I have to do.
I will never take this lying down.