Chapter Twenty-Six
Colton
The first thing I do when I leave James’s office is drop his class.
There’s two weeks left before I would get a failing grade for not finishing it, so I count that as a small blessing.
I should have already done it. The second James and I decided to continue having sex, it should have been the first thing I did. But I didn’t, and now this.
Me: Are you okay?
I don’t go to any other classes for the day, instead getting in my truck and driving to the shop to see Han.
The moment she sees me enter the bay, she frowns. “What’s wrong?”
I motion toward the office, not wanting to talk in front of Jerome, one of the guys who works with her sometimes.
“I’ll be back, J,” she tells him.
“What’s up, man?” I nod in his direction.
“Hey. How you been?”
We chat briefly before Hannah and I disappear into her office. I fall onto the old, grease-stained couch. “I fucked up.”
“What happened?”
“James and I…well, started something we shouldn’t have, in his office at work. A colleague came to the door. I hid under the desk, and the guy made it obvious he knew James had someone in there with him.”
“Fuck. That’s not good.”
“No shit.”
“He cool?” she asks.
“I don’t know him, but he seemed like it.
He’s queer and actually has a little thing for James, but he seemed to think the whole thing was funny.
I honestly don’t think he’ll say anything, and just because he knows someone was there doesn’t mean he knows it was a student.
I just know James, and he’s losing his shit right now.
I should have dropped his class earlier, and I sure as shit shouldn’t have tried to fuck him in his office. ”
She cocks a brow at me. “You’re so nasty.”
I flip her off. “Now’s not the time for joking.”
“I know, but I’d like to remind you that there were two people in that office.
James is an adult. He participated just as much as you.
He made you promise not to drop his class.
You both fucked up, and you’ll both have to deal with the consequences.
Yes, if this gets out, his will likely be more severe than yours, but he is an equal party in this relationship.
You’re good at holding the blame for everything, but you need to cut that shit out. ”
She’s right. Theoretically, I know that, but as his Dom, I should have done what was best for James. “I’m supposed to make sure he’s safe.”
“You’re only human. Cut yourself some slack.”
“God, this is so fucked.” I rub a hand over my face. “I think I’m falling in love with him, Han. And we’d just decided to be more, and now this. He’ll run. He’ll freak out, and I can’t blame him.”
“Maybe he won’t.” She gives me a sad smile.
“Maybe you’re wrong. Obviously, to him, you’re worth the risk.
But again, I’m also going to need him to take some responsibility here.
You two got yourselves into this situation together, and you need to work together to get yourselves out of it.
If he’s not prepared to do that, maybe he’s not good enough for you. ” Hannah shrugs.
“He is.”
“Then he needs to prove it.”
I don’t have it in me to argue with her, so I ask if she needs any help around the shop. Hannah’s no fool and will take help when it’s offered, so I work with her and Jerome for a couple of hours, hoping that will take my mind off James, but it doesn’t.
I can’t stop myself from checking my phone from time to time, hoping for a text from him, but he hasn’t answered me yet. That doesn’t give me a whole lot of hope for where his head is at.
Hannah invites me over for dinner, but I tell her no and head back to my apartment instead. I shower, make dinner, then stare at my phone like a fucking idiot. Will he even answer when I call tonight? What’s going to happen to my relationship with Nash if James ends this?
I’m so lost in thought that I’m startled when my cell rings. It’s James, and suddenly I feel like I can breathe for the first time since that knock at his office door.
“Hey. I’m—”
“I’m sorry,” he cuts me off. “I’m sorry for how I treated you afterward, and I’m sorry for putting you in that position in the first place. I never should have asked you to come to my office. You tried to tell me it was a bad idea, but—”
“But I went anyway,” I finish. “We were both in that room together. We both made a bad choice. Neither of us should be sorry, or we can both be sorry. The most important thing is how this will affect you.”
“Can we video call? I need to see you.”
Hearing those words does something to me, mends my broken pieces from earlier, maybe all the broken pieces I’ve ever had.
It’s such an honor to be wanted by him, to be chosen by him, and I will spend the rest of my life cherishing that.
“Yes. I’d like that…and you’re such a good boy for asking for what you need. ”
“Thank you,” he says softly. “I’ll call you right back.”
He does, and I notice he’s in his car in the parking garage.
“I told the kids I have to run to the store. I tried to wait until nine, but I couldn’t hold back.”
“I’m glad you called. Did you talk to Henry?”
“Yeah. I didn’t straight up admit to anything, but I stressed how important it is to keep what he thinks a secret, and that it’s not what he thinks. That’s my fear, that people will see this as something scandalous, and maybe it is, but—”
“It’s not. It’s real. Do you think we can trust him?”
James nods.
“Maybe I won’t kill him, then…even if he wants to fuck my man.”
James rolls his eyes, but his cheeks pinken. “I think Henry would fuck anyone.”
“I think you don’t know how irresistible you are.” His smile hits me straight in the chest, and I hope I won’t ruin it with what I’m about to say. “I dropped your class. I know you didn’t want me to, but it’s time.”
He sighs, closing his eyes, not looking at me as he speaks. “I’m not worth that.”
Jesus. Is that really what he thinks? Is that why he was so adamant I stay in his class? “You are to me. You’re worth everything to me.”
James’s brown eyes pop open, glassy and unsure. “I don’t know how to do this. I’m going to ruin it.”
“No, you’re not, and besides, neither of us knows how to do this. We need to talk and figure out what to do. I want you, James. That won’t change.” It won’t ever change.
“I want you too. You’re…unexpected.”
I grin. “Keep going.”
“Cocky.”
“Thank you.”
He chuckles. “Seriously, though, I still think we need to be careful. I don’t know the protocol for dating a student who dropped my class—or a student in general.
I imagine there’s nothing official, but it’s probably frowned upon.
And I still have to worry about the kids.
Things are just starting to come together with them both, and I don’t want to risk messing that up. ”
“Okay.” I nod. “So we don’t see each other at school. I think that’s important. I like making you lunch, though. It means something for me to be able to provide for you that way.”
“I like it too,” he admits. “What if I give you a key to my car, and you put it there?”
“That works. I like it. Will you feel comfortable being out with me in public? I know we talked about me coming to Nash’s games.”
“I doubt we’ll see anyone there, and it’ll mean so much to Nash, so yes. He’d like—we’d both like—for you to be there. I don’t know about dates or anything like that right now.”
“That’s fine. We can take that part slow.”
“And the kids should only think we’re friends for now.”
“I can handle that too.” None of it is ideal, but we can make it work. At least for a little while. Eventually people will have to be okay with us. I didn’t stay in his class, and for all they know, this started afterward.
“Okay,” James answers. “I might not be good at this. My head plays tricks on me sometimes. I’ll be afraid of getting caught and worry about everything that can go wrong, but…I’m trying. I’ll always be trying. Just please don’t give up on me.”
I know how much it took for him to be able to say that.
I’m not sure if he’ll ever understand how much it means to me that he’s trying.
He’s doing this for me, for us. “I’m not going anywhere,” I promise.
Leaving someone I care about isn’t me. It’s not how I’m built. I’ll love him forever if he lets me.
“Even if I didn’t listen?” he asks, offering a small smirk.
“What did you do?”
“I’m still wearing it…the cage. I tried to take it off, but I didn’t want to. It felt like having you with me, which was strangely comforting.”
“Jesus.” My dick chubs at hearing that. “Such a dirty, slutty boy.”
“Your dirty, slutty boy.”
“Yes. You are. Looks like you’ll start off Friday with a spanking again this week.”
James shifts noticeably. “Thank you, Sir, for punishing me when I need it, for guiding me when I don’t listen.”
My heart expands—yes, my dick too—but it’s my heart I’m focused on. I told Hannah earlier I’m falling in love with him, but I was wrong. I can’t be falling when I already fell.