Chapter Thirty
James
Sometimes, over the last few weeks, I’ll just sit back and watch Colton or think about him.
How light and silly he can be when the time calls for it, and how serious he can be when that’s needed.
About the way he’s always there for people, whether it’s me, the kids, Hannah, or a random person around campus.
I watched him once after class help a woman who’d dropped her bag and all her things spilled out.
That may seem like a small thing, but other students just walked by.
Not him. He doesn’t have it in him to just walk by.
And now, today, being around his family, I see where he gets it from.
They’re great. He and his brother don’t stop giving each other shit.
They tease each other all day, but you can see—no, you can feel—the love there.
He helps Christine in the kitchen and gets up to get Tasha a napkin.
He literally picked the mushrooms out of a portion of food for Hannah because she doesn’t like them and Christine forgot.
Christine offered to make her more because she forgot, and all that is normal to them—being there for people, showing up for people, making sure those around them know they care.
And that’s not even counting how attentive he’s been to me, Sadie, and Nash.
I don’t think he would leave my side all day if he didn’t have to, and I know that’s mostly for me—wanting to make sure I’m comfortable and don’t feel alone.
What he doesn’t realize is, I haven’t felt alone at all since he came into my life, something I’ve never experienced before.
We’re all sitting around the living room, our stomachs filled with food, when Colton taps his foot against Nash’s. “Wanna play ball?”
I can feel my brother come alive beside me, the spark of excitement nearly catching me ablaze too. “I always want to play ball.”
“Come on. Everyone has to this time.” Colton stands and holds his hand out for me. “That includes you.”
“I’m not a real sports ball kind of guy.”
“That’s okay. It’s my birthday, and I want to play with you.”
He’s absolutely trying to bite back a smirk. He phrased it like that on purpose, and if I didn’t have my dick in a cage, I’d be sporting a chub right about now.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” Nash says, but I hear the disappointment, the soft tone that says it’s not okay, that says he wants this from me.
“I’ll play.” I let Colton take my hand and pull me to my feet. “You too, Sades,” I tell her, and she grins.
“Okay!” She jumps up.
“Only if I get to be on the opposite team as you, big bro.” Dakota nudges him. “I need to show off for my girl. We’re gonna beat you.”
“You don’t have to show off for me.” Elena smirks, then mouths to me, “He’s not good,” and I can’t help but laugh.
Everyone gets up, including Christine, and we all put our jackets on.
It’s a cold day, but not as cold as it could be this time of year.
We have an odd number of players, so it’s me, Nash, Dakota, and Sadie against Colton, Hannah, Christine, Elena, and Tasha, with Christine and Tasha subbing for each other.
Surprisingly, I’m not that bad. I suck at dribbling and lose the ball, but when I get the chance to shoot, I hit every shot.
Nash and Colton are the best, the two of them carrying most of the weight of the game, but Hannah is right up there with them, and Dakota is better than me, at least at dribbling.
Like always, Nash is a good brother to Sadie, passing her the ball and making sure she’s involved. He really is the best kid. Somehow, despite being the kind of person she was, Sandra raised two incredible kids. Well, not raised them; birthed them.
I don’t quite know how it happens, but I end up with the ball, Colton guarding me.
He bites his bottom lip, smirking at me and almost making me lose my dribble.
“I won’t let you score on me…in this game, at least.” His voice is low, just for me.
I still feel my face flame, the ball bouncing off my foot, but somehow I keep possession of it.
“I feel it every time I move,” I counter, and the way Colton’s pupils flare tells me he knows exactly what I mean.
That I feel the cage around me—his cage—which makes him flush with want and lose his train of thought.
I pull up, hoping like hell I can make this shot and shoot over him before Colton can do anything to stop me.
The ball swooshes through the net, and then I’m jumping up and down, fist-pumping in this way that’s absolutely not normal for me.
The only time I do anything like this is now that I watch Nash play, but never for me, never for myself.
“Yes!” Nash cheers, then walks over, holding his hand up for a high five. I’m so surprised, I almost don’t respond, but then I’m smacking my palm against his, biting my cheeks so I don’t give a wide, clown smile at how happy I am. At how much I feel like a family.
I ride that high as we continue to play. A few minutes later, I have to excuse myself to go to the bathroom. When I finish up, I see Christine in the kitchen.
“Would you like to help me real quick?” she asks.
I’m positive she doesn’t need my help, but still, I nod and hope she won’t tell me I’m not good enough for her son, that I’m too old for him and he shouldn’t be with his ex-professor who’s raising two kids.
“Sure.”
“The candles are on that top shelf, and I can’t reach them.”
I grab the box of candles for her, thinking I’ll get lucky and she won’t talk to me about being in a relationship with her son, but she says, “You make him happy.”
“He makes me happy too. I know it’s not…ideal. Him having been in my class, the age difference, and—”
“I don’t care about any of that,” she interrupts.
“I must admit, when he first told me, I was worried. Even today I was worried. I thought maybe I’d see something in you that Colton’s too in love to see, but you’re a good man.
You love those kids. And you love my son.
You’re good to him. You see what an incredible man he is. ”
“I do. He’s… I never thought I would have someone like him. He’s just so good.”
She smiles. “He’s very good, and you are too, James. If you weren’t, he wouldn’t love you. I just wanted to make sure you know that, and also that you and the kids are welcome here anytime. You’re family now.”
My eyes sting, unexpected tears prickling there, and I rush to swipe them away. “Thank you. That means more to me than I know how to express.”
“I know.” She takes my hand and squeezes, just as the front door opens, the loud group of them coming inside. Christine gives my hand another gentle squeeze, then says, “Can you put the candles in?”
“Sure thing.”
I do, while she gets plates, and we bring the cake and everything to the table.
Colton stands beside me as we all sing happy birthday to him, and he blows out the two and the nine on his cake—chocolate, of course. His arm brushes mine as we wait for cake, not a doubt in my mind that it’s on purpose.
The conversation continues for another hour or so, before we’re all ready to head home.
Christine hugs Colton, then me, then the kids.
Sadie has a longer goodbye with Tasha and Hannah, something else I’m thankful for.
I’m glad she has them, that they’ve taken her under their wing and give her that connection to her Black roots. I know how important that is.
This was maybe the best day of my life, and I’m not ready for it to end, so when we’re almost home, I say, “Do you want to come up and hang out for a little while? Not late,” I add because I’m obsessed with making sure the kids don’t know what’s going on.
“Yeah. Sure. That’d be great,” Colton says.
“You know it’s okay if he stays the night, right? We’re old enough to get it,” Nash says.
“Why would he stay the night?” I rush out, heart punching against my chest.
“Because he’s your boyfriend?” Nash phrases it like a question, but also like he knows it’s true and I’m the one who doesn’t.
“Colton and James are boyfriends?” Sadie asks.
The word no sits on my tongue. I don’t want to do anything to mess things up, to change the comfort we now all have with each other, but I don’t want to straight up deny who Colton is to me either.
“Yes,” Nash answers for us. “They think they’re slick, but they’re not. It’s ridiculous how they look at each other.”
Colton laughs.
“How do we look at each other?” I ask, then silently curse myself.
“I don’t think I should say in front of Sadie,” Nash answers, and I roll my eyes.
“Jesus, Nash,” I say, but really, I’m trying to bite back my own smile now. “We look at each other like…” How do we look at each other? That’s probably not how I should be answering right now, so instead I ask, “Would you be okay if we were boyfriends?”
“Yes,” Sadie says. “I think it’s cute.”
Colton rolls his head against the back of the seat and looks at me. “See? We’re cute.” He’s just…chill, like always. Nothing seems to ruffle him, and here I am, trying not to burst out of my skin.
“Nash?” I ask.
“Why would I care? I just got tired of seeing you guys try to hide it.” He chuckles, and it’s a beautiful, wonderful sound.
“Okay,” I say, my heart slowing. This is okay. We’ll be okay. “This isn’t like Sandra. It’s important to me that you know that.” She would move random men in and out all the time, and they were never nice to me. I don’t doubt she was the same with them.
“Nothing about being here is like being with her. We know that.” Nash sticks his earbuds in, and I know this talk is over, but he sees it, the difference.
Things are better for him here, even if he’s not ready to talk about it yet, and that’s maybe the best thing that’s happened in an already perfect day.