Chapter Thirty-Three #2
“He reminds me of myself at his age. Angry at the world, but I’ve seen a change in him lately. He’s a good kid. He’ll find his way.”
Emotion clogs my throat, so thick and heavy, I nearly choke on it. “Thank you. He is a good kid. We love him so much.”
He nods. “Go on, now. Start looking before I have to head home for the night.”
“I will. Thank you again.”
Nash is nowhere in sight, of course. I jog straight to the locker room, pushing inside. “Nash? Are you here?”
He doesn’t answer, obviously he doesn’t, but I go up and down each aisle, looking in the showers, bathrooms, everywhere I can think of.
Nothing.
I make my way to the gym, take in the empty space.
“Nash?” His name echoes…but there’s no reply.
My gaze snags on the bleachers, on the way they’re halfway open on the sides.
My shoes squeak across the floor as I rush over, using the flashlight on my phone.
Despite the lights being on in the gym, it’s dark under there.
“Nash!” I hurry, moving my phone around frantically, heart in my throat, trying to punch its way through. “Nash!” I say again, just before I see him, tucked up under the bleachers, arms around his legs, looking at me, with his basketball and a backpack beside him, his coat laid out like a bed.
My body relaxes for the first time since Sadie burst into my room this morning.
“Thank God we found you. I’ve been worried sick.
” I rush over to him, drop to the floor, and pull him into my arms. He’s stiff, like he doesn’t know what to do at first, and then he relaxes, beginning to shake wildly as he sobs.
“Shh. It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll bring you home, and no one will take you away from us.
I promise you. I won’t let it happen. I love you, and you belong with us. ”
He cries harder, like his whole body is sobbing, like he’s been holding this in as long as he’s been alive and he’s finally able to set it free.
I keep holding him, keep telling him I love him, that we want him here, that he belongs with us, that we’re family and no one will ever take us away from each other.
Eventually his tears begin to dry. I grab his things, and the two of us step out from under the bleachers. I tug him down to sit with me. “I just…before we go, I need to tell you something.”
He nods, face streaked with tears.
“I’m sorry if I left any doubt about how much I love you, how much I want you here, how much I’m willing to fight for you. We’re a family, me, you, and Sadie, all three of us, now and always.”
He looks down, pulling at the seam on his jeans. “No one’s ever loved me but her.”
“I love you. I love you so much it hurts. Colton loves you. Your friends love you. Everyone came to look for you—Christine, Dakota, Elena, Hannah, Tasha. They’re all here because they love you, but I understand how you feel because I don’t think anyone ever loved me before you and Sadie either, and Colton, and now them.
I think it’s hard for us to believe we can be loved, but we can be.
We have a group of people around us to prove it.
I struggle believing that I can truly be happy, that good things will stick around, but we can be happy, and they will. ”
“You feel that way too?”
“I do. And I’m sorry I never shared that with you, never opened up about how I feel or what being raised by Sandra did to me. I was so used to bearing it alone that I didn’t know how to share it, and maybe that made me leave you out a little.”
“It’s hard to let it out.”
“It is. But let’s make each other a promise. Let’s both try and be more open with each other, let’s try to talk more and spend more time with each other. Apparently, I’m not as bad at basketball as I thought, so we can even play.”
“You’re pretty bad,” he teases, chuckling, and it’s maybe the best sound I’ve ever heard. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“I also think maybe I should find someone for us to talk to. A professional, maybe all of us together and each of us on our own.”
He nods at that too, then says, “I didn’t know what to do.
I wasn’t going to go far. I can’t leave Sadie, but I thought I could just hide here, live on the streets or whatever and watch her from here.
It’s not because I don’t trust you. You’re the only person I’d ever trust with her, but I was scared they would take me away.
I don’t know how to leave her…to leave either of you. ”
“You won’t have to. You belong with us.”
Nash looks at me, eyes similar to my own—something I never noticed before—and says, “I love you too…and thank you…for everything. Can we go home now?”
“Yes. We absolutely can.”
We gather his things, find the janitor and thank him, then head out.
Colton pulls him into a tight hug the second he sees him, telling him he’s glad he’s safe, and how much Nash means to him. My brother wipes his eyes again, fresh tears glittering there.
Colton drives us home, and I sit in the back with Nash, needing to be close to him.
I send a group text to everyone looking that we’re on our way home with him, and also let the officers and caseworker know he’s home and safe.
He’s going to have to talk to them all tomorrow, assuring them he’s safe at home and he didn’t leave because of the care he’s getting.
The second we get back to the apartment, Sadie is in his arms, holding him, the two of them crying. Nash apologizes for leaving and promises never to do it again.
The family stays for supper, I think all of us just needing to be close, and then they leave around eight, just the four of us remaining.
I don’t want to let Nash out of my sight. I’m afraid if I blink, he’ll be gone again.
“I have an idea,” Colton says.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“What if we have like…a big sleepover in the living room. We make popcorn and watch movies all night and just…fall asleep out here.”
“I’ve never had a sleepover before,” Sadie says.
“Me, Mom, and Kota used to do this all the time when I was a kid. It’s fun. We can even make a fort,” Colton adds, rubbing his hands together.
“That might be a little too far,” Nash teases.
“Forts are fun. Have you ever made one?”
Nash shakes his head.
“That’s it. We’re making a fort!” Colton shoves to his feet. I couldn’t love him any more than I do right now.
“I’ve never made a fort either,” I tell him.
“Baby, I am the best fort maker you’ll ever see.” He takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. “We need sheets and blankets. Lots of them.”
And that’s exactly what we do, turn the living room into a giant fort, make beds and popcorn and watch movies. Sadie is the first to fall asleep, followed by Nash.
“Thank you,” I whisper to Colton. “For everything. For loving me, for loving them, for giving me a family and, well, all the other dirty things you give me too.”
He grins. “I’ll give you anything you want, anything you need forever if you’ll let me. I’ll be your Sir, your boyfriend, your partner, your best friend. We’re in this together now, for as long as you’ll have me.”
“Until the day I die.”
“I’m not your dirty little secret anymore? You still have me that way in your phone—as DLS.”
My heart drops. “Shit. I’m so fucking sorry. I’ll change that right now. I don’t ever want you to be my secret again.”
A year ago, I never would have expected him, or any of this, for this to be my life, and I’m so fucking thankful it is. That I found Colton, that he’s mine, and I’ll always get to have this life, with him by my side.
“Kiss me,” he orders.
And I do, I kiss my Sir with everything I have in me, then cuddle in his arms and go to sleep.