Thirty-Four #2
“It is what it is,” I muttered, deciding fuck it.
I’d overshare. “My mom is the one who kept us sane. Dad’s a fucking maniac.
Works for Dom’s dad, Matteo De Santis. An enforcer like Vincent’s old man.
They do the dirty work so Matteo doesn’t have to get his hands too messy.
Dad was hardly around when I was growing up.
He was always working.” I snorted. “When he was around, he was teaching us fucked up shit, like how to kill a man and hide evidence. Stefan was good at it. Too fucking good. Pops took notice. Stefan became his favorite. Ivy League schools. Fancy cars. He doted on him. But my brother…” I shook my head.
“He knew what was up. He didn’t want this life even though Pops wanted it for him.
Stefan wanted to run his own business. Loved computers and designing games and shit.
Went off to college and got caught up in some bad stuff. ”
Bianca remained frozen the entire time I spoke.
I licked my lips. I’d only ever had Dom and Vincent to talk to, and God knew I didn’t waste a lot of time talking about my personal issues.
“Heroin. I didn’t know he was using. Apparently, he was though because he turned up dead in a fucking alley behind Dom’s dad’s club on 57th and Park.
A bullet hole in his forehead. Toxicology came back positive for drugs.
We buried him next to Mama a week later.
People said he had a girlfriend. Never found out who she was though.
Everyone went fucking silent about that shit.
She ducked out, and no one ever heard from her again.
What a fucking joke.” I took another hit, my body buzzing from the high I was on.
“That’s awful, Levin. I really am sorry.”
I grunted and drank more.
“My dad is gone,” she said softly after a moment of silence. “I thought coming here I’d be able to figure out where he went. I thought someone would know something. They said he owed some gambling debts to Dom’s dad—”
“What was your old man’s name?” I took a deep drink from my beer.
“Nathan Walker. He was an accountant.”
I shook my head. “Never heard of him. Trust me, I would’ve too since me and the guys are who Matteo sends out to rough up people who owe money. In fact, pretty sure that’s what Vincent and Dom are doing right now.”
She grimaced at my words.
“Do you guys. . . kill people?”
“Sometimes,” I grunted. “Just how shit goes.”
“You’re so young—”
“Youth doesn’t determine the ability to take a life.
I was twelve when I killed my first person.
A man. Didn’t even know his name or what he’d done.
My father took me and Stefan down to the docks.
He made Stefan shoot one guy and me the other.
Said it would build character.” I swallowed hard at the memory of the man on his knees, weeping.
“He begged me. A grown ass man begged a twelve-year-old for his life. And you know what I did?” I locked gazes with her.
She shook her head, her lips parted.
“I pulled the trigger.”
She flinched as I made a finger gun and pulled the imaginary trigger as I aimed it at her forehead.
“I had to shoot him twice. First shot hit his shoulder because I was so fucking scared. It was either kill him or get my ass kicked. I knew which I’d prefer.”
I froze as she reached out and squeezed my hand.
“I’m sorry, Levin.”
I stared back at her, hating that she kept apologizing to me for shit she had no control over. “Don’t say my name like that.”
“Like what?”
I squeezed her hand back. “Like you can fucking save me. You can’t, bumblebee. Don’t even try.”
“Bumblebee?” She cocked her head at me, her brows crinkled.
“I don’t know. Dom calls you a wasp. But I think of you more like a bumblebee, spreading your shit around. It’s whatever. I’m drunk and high. They have cutesy fucking names for you. Figured I should have one too.”
Her lips quirked into a tiny smile. “I don’t have one for you.”
“You don’t need one.”
She slid closer to me and twined her fingers through mine. “Levin… Hmm… love monkey?”
“The fuck. . .”
She laughed. “Mm, no? How about. . .Sugar Puss?”
I shook my head at her.
“Boo Bear?”
“Don’t you ever call me that.”
“ Boo Bear . I like it.” She snuggled closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder, her hand still clutching mine. “You’re just a big, old teddy bear, aren’t you?”
I swallowed hard and stared down at our interlocked fingers. Quietly, I said the shit that had been on my mind all night, “You’re sad.”
She was quiet for a moment before answering. “Isn’t everyone?”
“Not like you. Did your lover boy break it off with you?”
Silence greeted me before she shifted closer, her free hand resting on my abdomen as she snuggled against me. I focused on keeping my breathing even at her nearness.
“Yeah. It wasn’t going to work out. It wasn’t a surprise. It just hurt.” Her words tapered off into a soft whisper.
I grunted. I hated the happiness building within me at the idea of that shit going to hell.
“Want some?” I held out the remainder of the joint, not knowing what the hell else to say to her to make her feel better. The reality of it was, she was better off.
She hesitated for a moment. “Promise you won’t lose me this time?”
I studied her for a moment before nodding. “Yeah. Promise.”
She took the joint and sucked in her hit, all the beauty in the fucking world at my side.
I was definitely too fucking high for this shit.