Chapter 19 Wren
WREN
The warm water has been running over me for what feels like an hour, but somehow, I still don’t feel clean.
I knew they were coming for me all along. I knew they were listening. I knew I was going to be saved.
But there is always something that can foil a plan.
There’s always something that can go wrong.
I knew that dirty, disgusting man wasn’t going to get what he wanted from me, but that fire in his eyes told me another story.
I knew I was safe when the door came crashing down, but my fight-or-flight told me to fly.
And I know now that here, in his shower, with his arms wrapped around me, I’m safe. I never have to put myself in harm’s way like that ever again. My brain knows I’m safe, but my body hasn’t gotten the message yet.
He reaches over and pumps out some shampoo on his hands, running it through my hair and massaging my scalp.
Then he conditions it and then uses his fingers to scrub it out while I stand under the water.
He washes every inch of my body slowly and gently, leaving light kisses on my neck and shoulders.
My brain is kissing him back, but my body can’t react. I’m frozen. Paralyzed in a state of anxiety that won’t go away.
He tucks me into his bed, setting a warm cup of tea next to me.
“Tell me what you need, baby,” he whispers, kneeling down next to the bed and stroking my forehead with his thumb. His eyes are pleading. I want to tell him I’m okay. I want to give him comfort in knowing that I’m still here.
I just need a minute.
I can’t stop thinking about all the women who didn’t have someone waiting for them on the other end of a surveillance camera. Who didn’t have a safe word. Who didn’t have a safe person. And I just need a minute to sit with that thought.
I shake my head slowly.
“I’m just so tired,” I say. He nods slowly, leaning forward to kiss my head.
“Okay, baby,” he says, and then he stands up and turns off the light.
A few days pass, and I am a shell of myself.
I can feel myself going through all the motions, but I can’t seem to pull myself out of the funk I’m in.
I asked him to bring me back to my apartment yesterday, and although I could see the hurt in his eyes, I needed a little bit of time with no one else around me.
He had X sit outside of my door so that I would know—and he would know—that I was safe.
But I stayed inside with me, myself, and I.
I wake up, I drink something, and then I sleep some more.
After the third day in my self-imposed solitary confinement, there’s a knock on my door.
I wrap my blanket-cape around myself, shuffling to it in my slippers.
I see him through the peephole, his head dropped in desperation. When he lifts his head, I see the sadness in his eyes. I see the heaviness. The hopelessness.
It breaks me.
“Hi,” he says. His face is unshaven, his hair a little bit disheveled. He’s not dressed to the nines like he normally is. Instead, he’s in a t-shirt and some jeans.
“Hi,” I say back. There’s a little bit of a pause, and we just look at each other. “Come in,” I finally say, stepping backward and letting him through. He looks relieved, but there is still thick worry in his eyes.
I close the door and turn to him, crossing my arms over my chest. We both sit in silence for a moment, then we both go to talk at the same time.
“Sorry,” we both say in unison.
“You go,” I say.
“Wren, I….” his voice trails off for a minute.
“I am so sorry. I…I am so sorry that we put you through that. I’m so sorry that we sent you in there like a…
like a fucking animal for slaughter. We knew what they did, who they were, and we still agreed to it.
Even after…even after I fell in love with you.
” My eyes are wide, and it feels like my heart is beating through my chest. “You are the most important person to me, Wren. You have become my north star these last few months, and I put you in harm’s way.
I’ll never be able to forgive myself for that.
But…please. Stay with me. I know I’m not…
I know I have a lot to prove. But I don't want to be a disappointment anymore. Just give me a chance. I know I don’t deserve it. But please.”
His voice cracks, and it feels like my heart is splintering in my chest. I’ve been spiraling for the last few days, but not because of him.
He’s spent his whole life feeling like he’s an international joke.
With no one to take him seriously. No one to hear about his hopes and dreams. Just a world who met him with anger and resentment, as if he had any control over who his family was.
I close the space between us, then I open my arms and wrap the blanket around us both. I breathe him in, and he circles me in his arms, bringing me tight to his chest.
“Oh, Brooks,” I say against his neck. “I’m sorry I let you feel like I was abandoning you.
I’m here.” I instantly feel him loosen up in my arms. “I needed a minute. Not because of you. Because of me. Because of everything I heard and saw. Because I witnessed the evil of the world with my own eyes. And because now, hopefully, that chapter of it is closed forever. You didn’t force me to do anything.
I volunteered. You asked me time and time again to quit.
You told me to stop. You showed me how much you cared.
You made sure I would be safe every step of the way.
And you came through, because I was. Even in the end.
I knew you would come for me, and you did.
” His head is lowered, and he’s just breathing silently.
I take his face in my hands and tilt it up to me.
“Brooks, there is no one else on this planet that I trust more than you. I know you are used to being the butt of everyone else’s joke, so you leaned in on that.
But with me, you don’t have to. Because I see you.
I know who you really are. You are the most solid, sturdiest person in my life. And I love you.”
He looks down at me, his eyebrows pinched together, and then he scoops me up, pressing his lips against mine. When we finally come apart, he just holds me in the air, our foreheads pressed together.
“Can you come home now?” he whispers.
I lean back, giving him a look.
“Home?” I ask.
He sets me down, a mischievous smile on his face.
“Wren, these last few days, I thought I was going to lose you. Not to be dramatic, but I don’t want you to ever go anywhere ever again.”
I laugh as I push up to kiss him again.
“Brooks Everett, are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
He lifts me off the ground again.
“No,” he says. “I’m letting you know that, one day, you’re going to be my wife.”