2. Gwen
Walking the streets of New York feels nostalgic in a way I can’t quite put into words. It reminds me of what I always imagined my experiences would be like.
I didn’t grow up with a family who went on walks through the city or out for breakfast just to enjoy a nice day together. No. My parents were either working at the hospital or tucked away in their offices. Even at dinner time, they usually cut it short, opting to bring their plates into their offices to continue working.
Being an only child meant I spent a lot of time by myself, or with a nanny who was preoccupied trying to make my parents” lives easier. So, I started to study… a lot. My parents were thrilled. They loved that I was taking an interest in the medical field, although they weren’t exactly happy with my choice to become a nurse. I’m pretty sure it was intentional, though, like I wouldn’t let myself follow in their footsteps.
Now, I’m twenty-six and working as a PICU nurse in one of the best hospitals for kids on the east coast. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself. However, my father loves to remind me he finished school a year faster and became an actual doctor in that same amount of time, or whatever bullshit he wants to compete about that day. I started back to school about a year ago and finished one quarter before I said ‘fuck it’ and dropped out.
I’m not going to throw away my dreams to follow his.
Even though walks and breakfast weren’t a part of my childhood experience, I watched enough movies to daydream. I would imagine walking around with a coffee or hot chocolate in one hand and a bagel in the other, window shopping, and enjoying the city with people I love.
Just like I’m doing with Sawyer today.
Although I definitely should’ve grabbed two coffees because I need all the caffeine—every last drop. I worked at the hospital last night and then headed to the lab when I got off this morning to schedule an appointment… Needless to say, I’m exhausted.
I know working in the PICU is exactly where I’m supposed to be; I can feel it—deep down in my bones, I know this is it. That doesn’t mean it’s all sunshine and rainbows. In fact, a lot of my days can be pretty rough, and last night definitely falls in the ‘rough’ category.
It’s never easy when a patient’s health is worsening, especially one who’s been in your care on and off for years. Training tells us to make sure we don’t get too close to our patients, so we can remain detached. It’s damn near impossible, though, especially when our patients are kids.
“What do you think about getting Ellie a new purse?” Sawyer asks as we walk past the Coach store.
“Honestly, I’m sure she has enough of those. Besides, I definitely wouldn’t know what to pick out for her. Bags are a very personal purchase, the pockets have to be just right for what you need or the whole bag is trash,” I point out, before taking another bite of my bagel. “I think we should do something fun for her, something she wouldn’t normally do. Like an experience or something.”
“That’s a good idea. Rory has been asking to have Addy over, so that would be the perfect time to let the girls hang out,” Sawyer says, biting her lip, deep in thought. “What if we get her a spa day? Like, get her the whole shebang. A full day of relaxation and pampering where the only thing she’ll have to think about is what scent of essential oils she wants diffused in the room. I mean, we know Trevor takes care of her, but before he came along, it was just her.”
“That would be perfect. Isn’t there a new spa just around the corner?” I ask.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I walked by there on the way home when they were having their grand opening a few weeks ago,” Sawyer says with a smile, her eyes now on a jacket in the window of some tiny boutique—the girl loves to shop.
“Let’s head that way. I have an appointment at the hospital later, before the party tonight, but we should go grab lunch first,” I tell her.
“You got it. I want to hear all about that date you canceled last week, so lunch is a must.”
Too bad I have to go into work tonight, even if it is just the lab. I almost need a drink to even want to talk about that almost date.
Nachosand a dive bar are definitely what the doctor ordered… or in my case, the nurse. After we got the spa gift certificate for Ellie, it started to rain out of nowhere. Not just a drizzle either—a full-on downpour. After running down the street in our heeled boots, we are both soaked to the bone and tired, opting for coffee to warm us up.
“I’m excited you’re able to come out with us tonight. I know the hospital has been crazy, but we’ve missed you,” Sawyer hums into her coffee.
“Me too, it feels like it’s been years since I’ve been able to come out with everyone. It’s tough working nights. I’m working while everyone else is sleeping, then sleeping while everyone else is awake. It’s brutal and I feel like I’m basically a hermit right now. I haven’t quite figured out how to balance these late shifts while still maintaining a social life at the same time,” I tell her truthfully, knowing damn well I’m letting work rule my life. But I don’t know how to fix it. It’s the downside of being a perfectionist.
“Do you have to work in the morning, or do you get to stay out past your bedtime?” Sawyer asks, her little smirk hopeful.
“You’re stuck with me all night. I’m still on nights for at least the next two months,” I tell her with a wink.
Sawyer starts giddy clapping like a five-year-old, her excitement enough to make me smile. I’m thrilled I’ll get to see everyone tonight—it’s been way too long since I’ve been out with the group, and I miss them. I’ve missed their constant teasing; I’ve missed Harris constantly arguing with me about music just because he thinks it’s funny when I get worked up. I’ve missed dancing with the girls and feeling carefree, and I’ve missed conversations with Cade, even if I spent most of the time trying to get him to open up more.
I’ve just struggled to make time for anything outside of work, and it really, really, sucks. The hospital has been crazy lately—staffing shortages not helping the matter. But none of that matters tonight. Tonight’s the night I’m going to take control of my life, grab it by the reins and make it my bitch. Or whatever they say. I’m ready to put my party shoes on, drink with my friends, and maybe, if I’m lucky, find a man to take control of my orgasms, just for tonight.
I bet Cade could do it. I bet he’d have no problem making me come.
Why is he always the first person I think about when I want sex?
“Yes! That’s what I wanted to hear. I’m pumped,” Sawyer says, grabbing her phone and shooting off a text with lightning speed before I can even think to ask who the hell she’s talking to.
“Huh?” I ask stupidly, unable to come up with a more intellectual response. My mind is still mush from daydreaming about Cade touching me.
“I texted Cass. She’s going to be stoked you’re coming out. She was sad because she thought you had to work. Let’s get wild tonight, dance until our feet hurt, and then find someone for you to take home and bang,” Sawyer says with a wink.
“In my dreams.” I sigh. “It’s been so damn long since I’ve been with a man. Even longer since I’ve been with a man who had a basic understanding of female anatomy.”
She knows this dry spell isn’t my usual, at least it never used to be. I may not be big on relationships, but I definitely enjoy male company. Especially the naked kind. I love sex just as much as the next girl; it’s fun, a good stress relief, and if you’re doing it right, it can end in an orgasm or two.
I want to blame my lack of time for not getting out there, but it’s not just that. I’ve been horny, trust me. On the nights I haven’t been working, when I could have gone out and found someone on a dating app, I just didn’t want to. Instead, I’m single-handedly keeping Duracell’s stock in the green. All because no one has sparked my interest lately, not even a bit. No tingly feelings in my no-no zone from anyone.
It’s like my vagina is broken.
“We could always ask the guys if they know anyone,” she says with a mouthful of chips. “Although I think all of them, especially Rex, would agree you should just get naked with Cade already.”
Cade.
The one man who has always given me tingly feelings, ever since that first night I met him at the bar. A night that is ingrained in my brain—the way he looked when he walked over, his dark brown hair all messy, like he’d been running his hands through it, and all I could think about was what it would be like if I were to run my hands through it. His caramel brown eyes were warm from the lights in the bar, and I instantly felt like they were pulling me in. Not because they were warm and inviting, but because they held a darkness that called to me.
Ever since then, he’s been the only one I imagine when I touch myself, the one I think about when I make myself come, even if it’ll never be a reality. He instantly friend zoned me, and no amount of flirty banter has been able to undo that. Besides, he’s never shown any interest in me, outside of our friendship, and I respect that. Although it’s still fun to poke him from time to time, see how scrunched I can make his eyebrows while he glares at me.
“Been there, tried that, and we both know how that ended,” I tell her. “You remember as clearly as I do. I tried to get him to kiss me, to pretend to be my boyfriend at the bar, and he refused.” It wasn’t even that I wanted him to kiss me, well… I mean, I did. But I was more embarrassed by the disappointment in his eyes like he couldn’t believe I would even ask him.
Then, he looked me dead in the eye and said, “No. I will not kiss you.” And that was before he turned away and mumbled the one word that hurt even worse. “Ever.”
That word proved we would never be more than friends, and we’d never—ever —do the naked tango.
Since then, we’ve been nothing if not the most platonic of friends.
“I mean, I don’t exactly remember that night clearly, but I see where you’re coming from. That being said, I still think it was a lie. That man has secrets—you can see it in his eyes, in the way he listens but rarely talks. I wouldn’t be surprised if one of his secrets is just how badly he wants you. I’ve seen the way he looks at you like he’s ready to spread you out on the table and devour you.”
“You’ve been reading too much smut.” I roll my eyes, trying to force down a smile at the thought Sawyer might be right. I’m refusing to get my hopes up.
“You know I’m right, we both know it. You’re the only woman he actually talks to, besides his normal polite conversation. Cassie and I don’t count either, we’re dating his friends, so he’s required to talk to us. It just seems like he actually likes to talk to you.”
“Cool your jets, woman. I’m talking about fucking, not dating, or liking. Hearts and rainbows and feelings aren’t in the cards for me, I don’t have the time.”
“Gwen—” Sawyer starts but I cut her off.
“Nope. Strictly P in V conversations only. I need an orgasm, not a headache. Emotions only lead to heartbreak, and that’s the last damn thing I need.”
“Fine. But if you won’t go for Cade, we’re going on the hunt tonight,” Sawyer says, a mischievous twinkle in her eyes. “You deserve a fun night and a hot guy. And who knows, you might just make a certain caveman a little jealous.”
Cade… jealous?
I’d pay to see that.
After spendingthe afternoon with Sawyer, we head back to her place to get ready for tonight, where she proceeds to squeeze me into a pair of skintight jeans that make my ass look fabulous, and a crop top that’s making sure the girls are front and center.
If this doesn’t get me laid, I’m never going out in anything but sweats and a messy bun. No use in trying if I’m still the only one touching myself.
As much as I hate the idea of walking into work like this, I won’t have time to get ready after my appointment, so I don’t exactly have many options. Everyone at work is used to seeing me in scrubs, so I feel uncomfortable walking into the hospital all dressed up.
Especially if Dr. Dickhead is there.
He hasn’t always acted like a douche, only after I turned him down at the bar before I knew who he was. I didn’t need to know who he was to know he wasn’t my type. He has the clean-cut, preppy boy look going on, which is fine and all, but mixed with his slightly pretentious attitude, I had to pass.
I knew it was the right call when he said I would regret my decision, all niceness immediately dissipating.
I think it was him who ended up having regrets when he walked into the hospital I work at that very next week, only to realize we’d be working together for the foreseeable future.