19. Cade
Ifinally convinced Gwen to come with me on this trip. Even after she agreed, I still had to promise that one day she’d hear more about my family. We faced a little hurdle when her initial request for leave got denied, but when she mentioned that the doc was a huge fan of mine, I used it to my advantage and asked him myself. All I had to do was tell him I needed help with travel for my parents… Oh, and I slipped in a pair of tickets for the first home game next season.
Oh well, it’s worth it.
I had her drop me off at my place so I could get everything packed while she went back to her place to hang out with the girls for a bit before we left for Ivy Falls.
“What the hell do you mean you donated a kidney?” Harris barks into the phone.
“I don’t know how else to say that… it’s pretty self-explanatory,” I retort, grabbing my duffle bag from the closet.
“Start from the beginning. I need to hear the whole story before I decide if I’m calling my mom.”
“Fuck off, Harris, you wouldn’t.”
“Wanna bet, fucker?”
“No. No, I actually don’t,” I tell him, grabbing my toiletries and tossing them into my bag.
“Good. And actually, hold on story time, I’ll be there in five,” he says, disconnecting the call.
God dammit.
While I wait, I start throwing clothes into the duffle bag. Well… setting them in gently, not moving too much, and making sure not to lift anything over ten pounds—and whatever other bullshit Gwen said before she left. I’ve still got a few more hours before we head out. I’ve timed it so that way we arrive before it gets too late but not too early that we’ll have to face the whole inquisition tonight.
I walk around, putting everything away until I hear a knock on my door less than ten minutes later. I guess it’s time to face Harris.
Shit, I thought I had more time, he must’ve been closer than I thought.
I let him in and immediately see the concern on his face as he quickly checks over me from head to toe.
“Aww, Harry, were you worried about me?” I joke, and the concern is replaced by anger.
“Fucking hell, Cade, you can’t just drop this shit on me. You had surgery? What the fuck? That kind of thing is planned in advance. Especially when it’s something like donating a damn organ,” Harris snaps.
Eyebrows raised, I just stare down at him. “You done yet?”
“If you hadn’t just donated a kidney, I’d punch you in it,” Harris seethes, barreling past me into my apartment, heading straight for the living room.
Shutting the door, I follow him, taking my spot on the couch while he takes a seat across from me, elbows resting on his knees, fingers intertwined like he’s holding himself back from that kidney punch.
His concern and the fact that he’s so angry at me for not talking to him—I’m feeling some things over it. For one, like I’m a pretty big asshole for not telling my friends about this, especially him. I can only imagine what’s going to happen when I actually see my family and they find out.
Between my mom and Ky, future me might be fucked because they don’t mess around. Just like Gwen, which is part of the reason I like having her around so much.
The other feeling, though, is that I’m cared for. This fucked up situation is making me realize that these wonderful people—my best friends—that I keep at arm’s length, really care about me. They think I’m worthy of their time… so why the fuck can’t I believe it’s possible?
“We calm now?” I grin, intentionally poking the bear on purpose while also trying to give him some time to be pissed at me if he needs it. It’s what I love about Harris—he doesn’t hold grudges—he just needs a little time to fume and call you a dick, and then he’s back to being happy.
“Yes… but I won’t be if you don’t tell me how the hell this happened so quickly. We’re barely a month out of the season and you’ve had a major surgery, and apparently, you’re shacking up with our friend, and you haven’t thought to really tell any of us? What the fuck, Cade? How about we start with that?”
Okay, maybe he’s a little more pissed off than usual.
So, I listen to his words and give him what he wants. The story—starting at the beginning, from the first night I spent with Gwen. He knew most of it, but since it’s how I ended up meeting Kennedy, I figured it would be helpful for him to see the whole picture. And this way I’m also telling him about Gwen and the mess I’m making. The big clusterfuck of a mess that’s become my life. By the time I’m done explaining it all, and I mean all of it, he’s staring at me with wide eyes. I guess that’s probably the most personal information I’ve willingly shared in… well, about eleven years.
“Oh… fuck,” Harris finally says, running his hand through his hair. “I mean… I get it. Like, I get why you did it. I bet it kind of feels like that part of your life came full circle a bit.”
I shrug. I had that thought once or twice, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t take a tiny bit of weight off my shoulders. Knowing that I was still able to help someone made me feel like a little less of a failure.
Doesn’t mean I haven’t spent every single day since that day wishing Veronica was here.
“I want to be pissed at you, and I am, but not because you had this surgery. I know you’ll be good to go. I’m just pissed you didn’t tell me before. Actually, I’m pissed you didn’t tell anyone. I can only imagine how that felt for Gwen, getting the news just minutes before you went to the OR. If I were her, I’d have offed you myself. Then you would’ve had two kidneys to donate.”
“It was definitely touch and go for a bit… especially because she doesn’t know about Veronica.”
“You’ve gotta stop this, Cade,” Harris begins, shoulders slumped like he’s given up. “You need to stop keeping all of us just out of reach. We all care about you—more than you realize. You’re so dense. You’ve made yourself believe that you can’t be loved—that you aren’t worthy, even though some of us have spent years trying to prove to you that you are. It’s exhausting. But what’s really tiring is seeing one of the best people I’ve ever known—the most selfless and loving person—cock block his own happiness.”
“I—I should have told—” I start, but Harris goes on.
“I’m not done yet,” he grumbles. “It’s time for me to lecture you some more, this time on Gwen and your family. You made the choice to start something with Gwen. Something we’ve all known should happen, but you were too oblivious to notice. And now that you’ve started it, it’s up to you to figure your shit out so you don’t fuck it up. You both deserve to give this a shot, especially because it’s something you’ve danced around for at least two years.”
I sigh, knowing he’s right. The more time I spend with Gwen, the more I realize just how much I shoved down. I never allowed myself to think about how deep my feelings for her went—something I’m now trying to uncover, and I know it’s worth it.
“I know. I’m not going to sit here and say I’ll be great at it or that I’m not going to fuck it all up… but I do know that she’s the only person who’s made me feel alive since Veronica died. When she died, she took a piece of me—the piece that made me feel alive. I became a shell, destined to go through life but never truly live. But Gwen?—”
“Made you feel like you could breathe for the first time? Like you’ve never truly known what life was supposed to feel like until you met her?” Harris adds, his face solemn, and I know he’s thinking about her as he says this—the one we’re not allowed to talk about. The same one I know he snuck off with at Mama Lockwood’s charity event last year.
But he’s not wrong.
“Exactly,” I say.
“Then do me a favor, brother. Don’t fuck this up.”
“I’ll do my best not to.”
“That’s all anyone can ask,” he says, a little smirk on his face now. “As for your family, I could sit here and lecture you all day, but we all know the second you get home, Kylie is going to let you have it. She’s nice enough to not lecture you from afar. But face to face… you’re fucked.”
I groan because he’s right… I don’t feel dread this time.
I’m almost looking forward to seeing them.
After Harris leaves,I use the last of my time before Gwen gets here to run to the corner store down the street. She mentioned stopping to get snacks, but I figure it might be a nice surprise to have some ready for her.
Besides, I know exactly what she’d get, so I might as well get it for her. If she knew I was going out alone and walking this far, she’d probably kill me, so I’m trying to make it a quick trip.
I’m not quite as quick as usual, but I still make it to the store in record time. Grabbing a basket, I head to the snack aisle and get to work. I start by grabbing her favorites, Flamin’ Hot Lime Cheetos, Extra Toasty Cheez-Its, and all the candy—especially the sour kind, including extra Sour Punch Blue Raspberry Straws because they’re her kryptonite. Once the basket is filled with drinks and snacks, I head over to the register to pay right as I receive a text from Gwen that she’s on her way.
Shit, time to see just how quickly I can make it home.