3. Conflicted
Chapter three
Conflicted
Kazimir
Our whole rule of never keeping anything from each other was always a battle. I had not wanted to tell her about that moment with Lunita, but I knew I could not let too much time run between it happening.
Therefore, it took several minutes to soothe my mouse to a less murderous level.
And everybody thinks I am the one that has the horrible temper.
So enraged, Emily didn’t even want to get fully dressed. She was ready to rush off the plane in her robe, get in the car, and head right over to the voodoo woman.
I had to remind her of Paolo and how this smart kid was always by her side and watching. Learning. Assessing.
That took her anger down several notches.
She would never want to be a furious mess around him.
Once Emily cleared her head of violence, I convinced her to take her time and wash up.
Finally, she is calm.
The plane’s small shower could barely hold the both of us, but I would not let my mouse shower alone.
Everything will be fine.
No matter how cramped the space was, it was a world of our own, and I relished in this loving reality—the feel of her skin, the sound of her heartbeat over the shower’s gentle rumble.
I should have been focused on maintaining her better mood, but she was naked, triggering my horniness.
Surely, we have time for a little sex.
Groaning, I ran my hands over her curvy hips and then began palming her fat ass.
If one pregnancy could make this bigger, what would the second pregnancy do?
A wicked smirk spread across my face.
I cannot wait to see.
I squeezed her ass harder.
She batted my hands away. “Kaz, get out of this shower so I can finish up. We landed. I’m sure everyone is waiting—”
“Let them wait.”
“We are already late. It is time for us to get off the plane—”
“It is time to leave when the Lion and Mouse depart the plane. There is no other time.”
“If David was here, we would have already been driving through New Orleans and heading to Delphine.”
“Then, it is good that the king is in Moscow, dealing with the Butler and his little blueberry.”
“Stop calling her that.”
I returned to palming her ass.
She knocked my hand away. “I don’t know how I’m going to handle you without David.”
I yanked her back to me and rubbed my cock against her ass. “I can think of some ways.”
She laughed. “Oh my God. You are impossible. Get out of this shower.”
“I will not leave you in here alone.”
“I’m fine now. I can shower on my own, Kaz.”
“You cannot.”
Part of my reasoning dealt with concern for her mental stability. The other part was pure selfishness at wanting to be molded against her wet naked body.
Sighing, she turned around. Her wet breasts slipped against my chest.
Yes, mysh.
Steam rose from the warm water, unfurling in languid spirals and filling the space with a moist, comforting warmth.
I wrapped my arms around her and gazed down at my breathtaking fiancé. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
The heat of the water caressed our skin as our bodies swayed together in this intimate cocoon.
I captured her mouth and groaned.
A chuckle left her.
I leaned away and licked my lips. “My kisses are funny?”
“We are supposed to be showering.”
“Do you remember the first time we rode my plane and spent time in the shower? We were leaving New York and heading to Prague.”
Heat filled her eyes. “I remember.”
“When I guided you in that shower, I had plans to make you one of my main women.”
She blinked. “ One of your main women?”
“ Mysh , I was a single man at the time. That is how we think.”
“Basically, you were going to add me to your Side Chick roster?”
I smirked. “I planned to let you pick a city anywhere in the world. Once you did, I would get you a nice condo, butler, maid, chef, and a driver. Of course, a black AmEx card with your name on it.”
“Is that the official introductory Lion package?”
“It was .”
“Actually, that doesn’t sound like a bad deal, if I forget the fact that I would have had to share your cock with other women.” She eyed me. “Of course, I would be hooking up with other men too—”
“Is that what you think?”
“Yes.”
“That would not have happened. The package requires you only fuck me.”
“Oh, you’re tripping. The chicks had to be committed to you while you weren’t committed to them?”
“I have always had a one-penis policy. Their security team remained in place to make sure this was followed.”
“You are too much.”
“The Lion cannot fuck dirty pussy.”
“The fucking ego on you.”
“It does not matter.” My heart warmed. “On the plane leaving New York, you and I spent at least two hours in that shower.”
“Probably using up all the plane’s water supply.”
I ran my fingers through her wet hair. “We finished and dried off. Then, you figured you would go back to sit with everyone else—”
“I remember that too.”
“And I would not let you because. . .I realized in that moment that you were not everyone else.”
“And so. . .no introductory package for me.”
“I realized you would require. . .something more. I just did not understand back then that you were the woman to get the ring.”
“Aww, baby.” She rose on her toes and kissed me.
Groaning, I took over the kiss and lifted her up.
She wrapped her legs around my waist.
The scent of Emily’s citrus-infused shampoo wafted through the steam. It was a scent that had become intertwined with my thoughts of her—fresh, vibrant, invigorating.
I breathed it in and pulled away from her. “I want some pussy.”
“No, Kaz.”
“No?”
“You have had quite enough sex this flight.” Emily’s laughter—soft and delicate—filled the shower. “You hit it from the back, the front, upside down—”
“I do not remember upside down, mysh ?”
“For god’s sake, you drank my breast milk.”
My stomach growled. “That needs to be my new morning ritual.”
“Kaz, I did not stop breastfeeding Emilio so that I could start nursing your big ass.”
“Yet, I will be drinking from your breasts in New Orleans.”
“Delphine said she would be giving me stuff that could mess up my milk—”
“What is tainted milk to a lion?”
“We will wait until I’m fully healed.”
“You do not tell me no, mysh . You say yes over and over.”
“What we need to be talking about is what happened to your Hoe Squad.”
“What?”
“When did you get rid of them?”
I curved my lips into a smile. “Eventually, they were given a thirty day notice to find other lodgings and income.”
“Eventually?” She raised one eyebrow. “And who gave them this notice?”
I held in my chuckle. “Am I in trouble, mysh ?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“David gave them the notice.”
She frowned. “Dude, that was well after Paris—”
“In my defense, I had forgotten the women were even there. David happened to go over the budget with the Brotherhood’s accountants and found those expenses.”
“Likely story.”
Water cascaded down her hair, tracing the contours of her face, neck, and shoulders. My fingers followed the trail of the droplets, igniting sparks of love and longing in their wake.
“Jealous, mysh ?”
“You don’t want me to be jealous, liev . Blood would spill.”
My cock jerked. “Would it now?”
“Do you know how much I love you?”
“Enough to give me some pussy right now?”
She sucked her teeth. “Okay. Put me down.”
“It has been so long since I have been inside of you.”
“Bullshit.”
“It is not.”
“Kaz, you fucked me so much last night that I passed out and then. . .” Annoyance hit her face.
I raised her eyebrows. “And then?”
“Nothing.” She unwrapped her legs from around my waist, lowered to the ground, and tried to turn around.
I would not let Emily put her back to me. “And then?”
“You ended up fucking Lunita a little.”
Tension gathered in my shoulders. “You never said how you felt about that.”
“I am determined to kill her.” She grabbed the liquid soap from the tiny shelf. “Does that not say enough?”
I brushed a loose strand of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. “We should talk more about it.”
“I would rather not.” She commenced to smearing soap all over her body. “Honestly, I don’t ever want to talk about her again.”
Hmmm.
Next, she let the warm water rinse away the sudsy soap.
I just wished it could also wash away her anger, worries, and uncertainties.
I held Emily’s hips as she continued to wash herself.
What should I do about this?
Through being with my mouse, I had learned that to love another human being was complex. However, to love a woman with two different people living inside of her. . .that defied all logic.
I have to do something.
Here in this shower, I realized that my heart was torn in some ways between Emily and Lunita.
Of course I yearned for my mouse to fully heal. I would never dispute that. And clearly, I would never want Lunita to take over and fuck anyone else again.
But. . .fully getting rid of Lunita. . .was that the only answer?
And how could I talk to my mouse about it, without her exploding into pain and hurt?
I watched her clean, not sure of how to approach the conversation.
Emily—the woman to whom I had pledged my future with—was a beacon of light and resilience.
Yet, there was also Lunita, an integral part of my mouse’s identity. A twilight murderous persona that exuded her own odd charm.
Emily desired complete healing.
But what would that mean?
Would it be the unification of her supposed fractured self?
And if that was true, would that mean Lunita would dissolve into nothing?
Hmmm.
Meanwhile, I had grown to love both facets of my mouse and could not imagine any part of her disappearing. . .even the psychotic, gardener-fucking part.
Emily moved her focus to me and began smearing liquid soap on my chest.
I watched my lovely mouse as she cleaned me.
In the end, I would do whatever she wanted.
But I must at least say something. . .for Lunita. The other part of her.
This predicament felt akin to standing at the edge of an existential abyss.
Was love not about acceptance of the person in their entirety?
I had put a ring on Emily’s finger which meant that I accepted all of my mouse’s imperfections, idiosyncrasies, and complexities, just like she had accepted mine.
If so, would Emily’s decision to erase Lunita be a rejection of a part of herself that I had grown to love? Did I not have the place to argue the other side before she did it?
And yet, wasn’t my duty as Emily’s future husband to support my mouse in her pursuit of wholeness and peace, even if it came at the cost of losing Lunita?
These questions gnawed at the fabric of my mind.
It wasn’t about choosing Emily over Lunita, or vice versa. Both were intertwined in a dance as old as Emily herself. Their existence was so inseparable that I often wondered where Emily ended, and Lunita began. To love Emily was to love Lunita, and to lose Lunita felt like losing a part of my mouse.
And yet, I knew, beneath the turmoil of my feelings, that this was not about my emotional maelstrom.
It was about Emily.
Her wellbeing.
Her happiness.
Unfortunately, I was not used to thinking about someone else. . .ever in my life.
Emily raised her eyebrows and rinsed away the soap on my shoulders. “What are you thinking about, baby?”
“You.”
“I like when you think about me.”
“Good. I do this often.”
She grinned. “And I think about you more than I should.”
“That is not a thing, mysh . You are only to be thinking of my sons or me in your days and nights.”
“Oh. Is that how it should be?”
“Yes.” I gripped her hips harder and pulled her closer.
She shoved my hands away and stepped back. “What are you doing?”
“Back to our discussion on my getting pussy.” I grabbed her body again and pulled her to me. Unfortunately, we were both so wet, it allowed for her to easily slip out of my hold.
I sneered and tried to grab her.
Laughing, she rushed out of the shower so fast I couldn’t even get her.
Damn it.
“Whew.” She grabbed a towel and wrapped it around her body. “I’m finally getting my speed back.”
Frowning, I walked over and stood in the shower’s doorway. “Come here, mysh . You are still a little dirty.”
“ You are the one that is dirty. I’m clean.” She grabbed a towel and slung it at me.
I caught it. “If I have to chase you for the pussy today, then you will go to sleep aching.”
She headed out of the bathroom. “We’ll see, liev .”
A grunt left me.