Chapter Eight
After six restless hours of dick-hardened hell, Nick rose with a groan. Sure, touching Sasha last night—seeing her come for him—had been a fantasy come true. Better, even. And that was the problem.
Everything afterward had been an utter clusterfuck.
He had to stop wanting her so badly. If he couldn’t, he’d have to continue behaving like an ass.
Earning her contempt sucked. Worse, her nearness just kept wearing down his resistance.
He was caught in an endless loop of shit, and his only way out was to find Mike’s evidence or fuck her blind.
After Sasha’s angry snit last night, he could guess which choice she’d vote for.
It was a little after eight when he showered and self-pleasured again. Lamenting the frequent workout his hand was getting, he shoved on his underwear and tiptoed out of the bathroom to see if this rattrap had anything that made coffee.
Sasha stood beside the bed, looking both embarrassed and pissed as hell. He hated the former, but the latter would keep her the fuck away. Right now, he needed that because the way he’d pounced on her last night proved he couldn’t rely on his self-control anymore.
“Need help with the hair dye?”
She hesitated, glaring at him for such a long time, he wondered if she was even speaking to him. “What do you know about coloring someone’s hair?”
“Nothing. But I can read a box.”
She pressed that rosy bow of a mouth into a straight line. “Fine. I’ll talk you through the rest. Just don’t touch me anywhere else.”
Oh, feisty. She looked beautiful with flushed cheeks and sparks in her eyes. Nick kept that to himself.
“Let’s get to it. I want to blow this place quickly so we can grab some breakfast and be at the park by ten.”
Sasha pried open the box, then removed two bottles and a tube. The last item she took to the shower. Then she unfolded the instructions, peeled off a pair of flimsy, clear gloves, and shoved them into his chest. “Put these on.”
He barely had time to stare at the small plastic trappings and wonder how he was going to get his hands inside them when she brushed past him and started digging through her bag.
A moment later, she came back with some claw-like clips.
With the new brush, she sectioned off her hair into four quadrants, secured three of them in knots on her head, then mixed the two bottles together.
“I’m going to start with my hairline and the parts I just made. Watch. I’ll squeeze the bottle gently. After that, you have to do the same all over to cover my roots and scalp. Once we’ve used all this up, I’ll mix the other box so we can coat my hair all the way to my ends.”
Nick really didn’t understand much of what she said, but he shrugged as he wedged his hands into the gloves. He’d figure it out as he went along. “Sure.”
Wordlessly, she pulled the other pair from the matching box and began applying the dark mixture at her widow’s peak, working her way around her head and smoothing the dye back into her hair. When she reached her nape, she handed him the bottle with a sigh. “You’ll have to get the back.”
Wouldn’t all the inmates back at the big house get a good laugh out of him playing hairdresser? Not that he gave a shit. He hadn’t been there to make lifelong friends. He could do without a sliver of his man card for the morning if it avenged Mike and helped Sasha stay alive.
He did exactly as she asked, grabbing a hand towel when some of the goop ran down her neck. “Got it.”
“Now you have to cover the majority of the roots and scalp.” She demonstrated with the unbound section of her hair, taking small rows, applying a line of dye, working it in, then moving onto the next.
“That’s it?”
She nodded. “It’s easy. I used to do this for my mother. Even a kid can manage it.”
In other words, so could an insensitive idiot.
Nick wished he could apologize for last night.
But he wasn’t really sorry for touching her.
And if she softened toward him, that would be dangerous.
Him in her pants was the last thing Mike would have wanted, and Nick knew he was bad for Sasha.
She deserved a man who could provide the best of everything, would love her gently, and didn’t have a record he could never shake.
In the silence, he took the bottle and repeated everything she’d done through the remaining sections of her hair. By the time he was squeezing air from the bottle, she was already mixing up the next and shoving it into his hands.
“Work this through to the ends.” She plucked up the shower cap from the little display of toiletries next to the sink. “Then I’ll wrap it up for twenty minutes.”
He nodded, working the rest of the gooey mixture into her strands until they were glossy and drenched. Normally, he’d take any opportunity to put his hands in her hair but this crap smelled somewhere between nasty and toxic. He was glad this would wash out in twenty-eight shampoos.
“Good enough,” she declared as she snapped on the plastic shower cap. “Set a timer, please. Knock on the bathroom door when twenty minutes have passed.”
The second he agreed, she grabbed her duffel and shoved him out. Moments later, he heard the shower running.
At the twenty-minute mark, he pounded on the door, but the water still ran for another ten.
Another thirty minutes after that, Nick was glancing at his watch, wondering what the hell she was doing in there. Suddenly, she opened the door.
His jaw dropped. “Holy shit.”
She looked delicate and ethereal as a blonde. As a brunette, her eyes sparkled green, her skin glowed, and he’d have sworn she was one of the sexiest women he’d met in his fucking life. She’d applied the makeup with a light hand and dried her hair into an easy, tousled style.
Nick would bet twenty bucks Mike wouldn’t even recognize this woman.
She peered at herself in the mirror. “I’ve never been anything but a blonde. But I don’t hate this color.”
Clearly, that surprised her.
“It’s—wow. You’re beautiful. Then again, you’d look pretty if you were bald and wearing a garbage sack.”
Sasha turned to him, hand on her hip. “I don’t understand you. One minute, you’re supportive, helpful, protective. The next you’re an absolute bastard. Then you flip-flop again. When you say things like that… Are you just trying to confuse me?”
He could say yes. He could lie to her. But he saw the hurt on her face, the confusion. She’d been through so much, and the last thing she needed to be worrying about now was what the hell he thought or wanted or felt. And all right, he didn’t like having her pissed off at him.
“The truth?”
She nodded. “That would be great.”
“We’re all better off if you don’t like me.
I have nothing for you but a stiff cock, and if Mike were here, he’d do his best to beat my ass.
I want you like hell. I always have, but it’s easier if you hate me.
Now that the jig is up, I’ll stop being an asshole if you…
” What? Try not to look so damn fuckable?
It was up to him to control himself, not up to her to worry about his lust. “Keep your distance.”
“And the sex I owe you for your ‘fee?’”
Sure, he’d love that but… “Forget it. I would have helped you, regardless. It’s the least I owed Mike for being a good friend. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you and Harper have a safe, happy life.”
Sasha cocked her head at him, looking both relieved and confused. “So…everything you said that night I arrived?”
He closed his eyes. “I questioned you about my loyalties to make you think. I didn’t expect you to run from me.
When I tackled you and got you under me…
I wanted you too much to hide it. I knew you were afraid of me.
I used my rape conviction to scare the shit out of you.
Sorry. I should have just told you that unless you were looking for a lover, you shouldn’t get too close to me. If you do, I’ll hustle you into bed.”
“Because you just got out of prison and want an easy conquest.” She sighed. “I feel so stupid.”
“That’s not entirely false…but not the whole truth.
” He tapped his thumb against his thigh, wondering how honest to be.
Finally, he realized that besides not wanting to add to her stress, he hated her hating him.
“The first time I saw you, you were sitting on that enclosed porch along the back of your house at dusk. Through the windows, I saw the sun light you up with a golden glow as you breastfed Harper, looking so peaceful. You were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
But there was something else… You oozed kindness and goodness and an innocence that neither marriage nor childbirth could change.
You looked like something I had no business touching.
I wanted you—and I couldn’t stop. I wanted to pleasure you, corrupt you, bask in you.
I wanted to absorb whatever made you special.
I wanted to learn to be better for you. I still do, and I’m probably doomed to failure.
I knew then that if I hung around, my urge to claim you could zip past my friendship with Mike and wear down my self-control.
I’m still sure that’s true. But now that he’s gone, the only thing stopping me is you. ”
Sasha looked dazed. “So you’ve just been pushing me away?”
When she looked as if she was really seeing him for the first time, he shrugged. “I’m good at being an asshole, so it came naturally.”
“Last night, if I had asked you to make love to me…?”
“I’d still be deep inside you. Mike would be cursing me from above, and you’d hate yourself later. So let’s drop it. Let’s find Mike’s evidence and get it into the right hands. Then your nightmare will be over.”