Chapter Seven
Lainey closed the door to her room and slumped against the wall, her mind warring with confusion and irritation. Say nothing of her heart which was beating madly for a man who had once again wiggled his way past her defenses.
How was she to manage stealing all of his smallclothes after he’d shared his feelings so?
She’d attempted to put distance between her and the earl, but instead, she found herself touching him at one point during the meal. It had been only to offer comfort, but he was the enemy.
One did not offer comfort to their enemies.
Yet, she hadn’t wanted to stop with a mere pat of the hand. She’d wanted to pull him into her arms and offer him a safe place. To ease the pain of the boy he’d been when told repeatedly he wasn’t good enough.
She feared she was in danger of liking him. She needed to do a better job of hating him. If she couldn’t manage hatred, she could possibly muster up disgust. Dislike? Something she could use to shield herself from the danger he was to her heart.
She’d never have guessed it would be so difficult. Not with the way she’d felt in regard to the earl over the years. But one day with him and she felt as exposed and vulnerable as she had the night he’d…
She closed her eyes and pushed the memory away. It didn’t matter anymore. He didn’t matter.
Except when he’d escorted her to her room and hesitated for a moment while staring at her lips, she’d felt hot all over and a bit out of breath. She didn’t know how he’d managed to stir up such a response, but she needed to make sure it didn’t happen again.
He was incredibly attractive. She’d known that since she’d first seen him across the ballroom during her come out. He had a beautiful smile. This was not news either. She should have been better prepared to deal with him. Or better yet, prepared to deal with her reactions to him.
But from across the ballroom, long ago, she’d not noticed how very dark his hair was. The way it nearly shined blue in the dim light of the dining room. Upon closer examination, she’d seen how his eyes had bursts of gold in the center giving depth to the blue.
Blast and damn.She shouldn’t be intrigued. It didn’t matter that the outer package was so appealing. Not when his insides were rotten.
Except he’d brought his valet because he thought of the man as a friend rather than a servant. How rotten could he be?
She changed for bed and slipped under the blankets, exhausted but nowhere close to sleep with her mind whirling the way it was.
She found herself holding her breath so she could listen to the sounds coming from the room next to hers. Was he in bed looking up at the ceiling the way she was? Was he thinking of her? Of her eyes?
She laughed and rolled to her side facing the wall that separated them. It was possible he wasn’t even in his room. He might have returned to the tavern below and found company with one of the women.
That thought caused a sharp tug in her chest. She wasn’t jealous. She couldn’t be.
She wouldn’t be.
Tomorrow she would raise an invincible wall between them where she would be safe from spending another night like this one.
*
After eating breakfastalone, Julian met up with Miss Bantham at the carriage. He helped her in and she thanked him coolly. Before the carriage had left the village, she pulled a book from her bag and began reading.
From his seat across from her he couldn’t make out the title on the spine. When he squinted, he noticed there was no title in sight. He entertained himself by trying to guess what she was reading.
A tome on archaeology? Perhaps she could read it aloud to help him prepare for the excavation. Or maybe it was a gothic novel complete with a grisly murder. Was she contemplating acting out such a thing and researching ways to dispose of his body?
Perhaps a tale of romance. Did she imagine herself as the fair maiden and he the dashing knight? Maybe she thought to offer her virtue in gratitude for him saving her from the barbarians?
That would not happen. Not only because there were no barbarians to be saved from. But there would be no surrendering of virtues for any reason. Not hers. Not to him.
Though he was a man, and the thought roused a recently neglected part of his anatomy causing him to shift uncomfortably in his seat. He noticed she also shifted uneasily. He continued to watch as she flipped page after page.
She was lovely. In the morning light coming through the window, she had a glow about her. Actually, as he examined more closely it wasn’t a glow.
She seemed to be glistening with a sheen of sweat on her brow. Then her skin began to take on a sickly greenish hue and she swallowed often.
He was about to ask if she was unwell, when she rapped on the roof to stop the carriage and tumbled out the door to be sick on the side of the road.
He jumped down to offer assistance, but she waved him away as she retched once more. Having spent more than one night drinking with his friends, he was accustomed to standing by as someone cast up their accounts on the street. Though he’d never been in such a situation with a lady.
He held out his handkerchief and she snatched it from him as if he were responsible for her condition.
“Was something off with your breakfast?”
“No,” she snapped, her voice rough. “I feel better. Let’s just be on our way.”
“Are you sure you don’t wish to take a bit of air?”
“I don’t need air,” she assured him.
He thought to make a joke about how she did need air, but at her glare, he kept it to himself and helped her back inside the carriage. She placed her hand over her stomach as she settled and Julian recalled seeing Hale’s wife do the same thing when she’d been carrying their daughter.
“Oh,” Julian said out loud without meaning to.
Her eyes narrowed.
“What?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were… Not that it’s any of my business.” Except that he was traveling alone with an unmarried, pregnant woman. Was this a trap?
He looked toward the door considering jumping out himself.
“What didn’t you realize?” she asked.
“That you were in a family way.” He nodded toward her lap where her hand still rested on her stomach.
“A family—?” she all but screeched. “Why ever would you assume such a thing?” She put her hand up to stay his answer and shook her head. “Never mind. It is morning and I am ill.”
“And you placed your hand on your stomach,” he added, but regretted it instantly.
“Do you not put your hand on your stomach after you’ve been ill? If for no other reason than to simply reassure yourself, it is still with you?”
He chuckled and nodded. “Very well. I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions.”
“I can assure you I am not sick for that reason. It would be quite impossible. Not that it is any of your business, as you already said.”
He tilted his head to the side.
“If it’s not that, and it wasn’t a bad breakfast, do you have an illness? Perhaps we should find another inn so you can rest. Or a doctor.”
“No. It isn’t an illness. It’s…”
She took a breath and closed her eyes as if she would rather do anything else but continue this conversation. He simply waited for her to explain.
“I get sick when I read in a moving carriage.” She spoke rather quickly. He barely caught the words, and then thought perhaps that was her intention. But hear them he did, which only left more questions to be asked.
“Then why would you attempt to read in a moving carriage.”
She huffed another breath and rubbed her forehead.
“Because I didn’t want to have to carry on a conversation with you today.”
Every bit of information he managed to drag out of her just led him to more questions that required more information.
“Let me see if I understand. You actually prefer to make yourself sick rather than speak to me?” He felt the gnawing feeling of unease in his chest. Just as he had all the times his father listed out the many reasons Julian was hopeless.
Anger flared.
Had he not spent a restless night in his bed, staring up at the ceiling while thinking of her? The fullness of her lips pulled up in a smile. He wondered if the curves of her body would match up to his since she was taller than most women.
Her openness and humor. Her intelligent conversation and flirty quips.
To find out she despised him to this level made him want to lash out so she wouldn’t know how badly it hurt him.
“I don’t want to like you,” she admitted without looking at him. “And I fear spending another day talking with you will put me that much closer to doing so.”
For whatever reason, her twisted explanation made him feel better, though repeating it in his head didn’t help him find a particular compliment in her words.
“Perhaps if you could tell me why you don’t want to like me, we could come up with a solution,” he suggested.
“Perhaps we could just travel in silence today.”
“Very well.” He pressed his lips together but watched her as she squirmed on the opposite bench. After stealing glances at him a few times she let out a sigh and spoke.
“Do you have to keep looking at me like that?”
“How am I looking at you?”
“Just…” She waved her hand in the direction of his face. “Looking. With your eyes.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle at her disgruntled pout.
“Pardon me, for looking with my eyes. Do you want me to sit here in silence with my eyes closed? Maybe that would solve the problem—not that I know what the problem is exactly because you haven’t really said.”
“Nor will I, because I’m beginning to understand how ridiculous it sounds.”
She rubbed her forehead in what he could tell was utter embarrassment.
He realized then he was standing at a crossroad with this woman.
He could either push her and risk her retreating completely, or he could let it go and never know why she disliked him so much.
Neither option felt appealing. As with most things, he leaned on his charm to guide him.
“I have a proposition for you,” he said and watched as she peeked from behind her hand. She was a curious one, which would work in his favor. Or at least he hoped.
“Since I do not suffer the same affliction as you when reading in a moving carriage, perhaps I could read your book aloud. It would serve to entertain us both and I daresay won’t do anything to change your feelings toward liking me or not.”
And yes, his offer might have had something to do with his curiosity in discovering what she was reading.
“You would grant me such a kindness, after I was so horribly rude to you?”
“Of course.”
“You see, this is the exact thing I feared. How can I not like you when you are being so generous?”
“I feel as though I should apologize, but I’m not quite sure what I’d be apologizing for. So sorry to not be a boar, maybe? Apologies for being utterly magnificent?”
She scowled, but unlike before, this gesture was utterly playful in nature.
“Yes, perhaps magnificent is rather grand,” he allowed.
“I don’t understand you,” she said with a frustrated wave of her hand. “That is, I thought I did, but perhaps I’ve been wrong all this time.” She seemed utterly perplexed, but he had no idea how to assist.
All this time?How long ago had it been that he’d been charged and found guilty of whatever crime she’d assigned to him?
“I am quite pleased to hear that,” he answered before planning to speak. “Not so much that you were wrong. It would be ill-mannered of me to mention that. But to hear you are befuddled by me. Because I surely don’t understand you in the least.”
To his surprise she laughed and handed over the volume with only the slightest hesitation.
He was holding a gothic novel by Ann Radcliffe. Another surprise.
“We should start at the beginning, so you don’t miss anything,” she suggested.
“Very well.”
He smiled as he opened it to the first page of the book and shook his head as another thread of her enigmatic behavior was revealed.
He definitely did not understand her, but he was so very interested in learning more.