Chapter Twelve #2
Anger flashed from his gut to his head in an instant, catching him by surprise.
That anyone would be so cruel as to make her think she was unworthy to be a lady caused a strong protective instinct to rise hard up his back.
“I reject your apology. You have no reason whatsoever to be apologetic. If anyone deserves an apology, it is you, from your family.” He bit down on his next words, about to utter a curse that was not for a lady’s ears.
Her gaze snapped to his in shock. “My family? But they are the ones that pointed out my shortcomings so that I may improve. It is entirely my fault that I have not been able to make progress.” She gave him a self-deprecating smile.
“Though I do admit that since my classmates are telling me I’m perfect the way I am, I did not work too hard on improving over the last two years. ”
“Then you must classify me with your classmates. I see no area that needs improvement.”
Her brows lowered. “But you’re so—”
He held up his hand. “I know. I’m so formal and stuffy. But that’s why I need you to stay the way you are. It would be remiss of me to allow my children to become just like me. Please, do not make any improvements.”
Her bright-blue gaze softened. “Truly?”
His anger almost boiled over at seeing tears in her eyes, but he kept it in check—barely. “Yes.”
Ellie jumped up, knocking her chair over as she grasped his face and gave him a resounding kiss. “Thank you. You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” She let go and stood, clasping her hands to her chest. “Today has been the most marvelous day of my life.”
He sat enthralled by the pure joy that seemed to emanate from her. It was, no doubt, simply the sun’s rays coming from behind her, but he felt it inside him, as if she shed her warmth through him.
She reached out to him. “Come, stand with me while I view your beautiful estate.”
He rose without thinking, taking her hand as she led him to the end of the glassed-in terrace to look at the gardens, forests, and fields. Only then did her words register. “It is our estate now.”
She squeezed his hand without looking at him.
But he looked at her, trying to decide how he could be most worthy of her.
Did she have a refined, aquiline nose? No, it actually turned up a bit at the end.
Were her ears quite small? No, actually, they seemed larger than his own.
Was she beautiful? Yes. Uniquely beautiful to look at and warmly beautiful to be with.
If it hadn’t been for his brother, Anthony, he would never have met her.
That was a sobering thought. Though Anthony had arranged the marriage because he owed Darius a favor, it appeared to have been overpaid.
Ellie’s fascination with the view didn’t last long. She let go of his hand and faced the rest of the room. “I must have my friends here. They will love this place. I’m so glad I asked Mrs. Torbett to have all the rooms on this floor prepared.”
So that was why the furniture covers had been removed, and the staff had been about. “I thought you were only having three friends visit, plus my brother and his wife.”
She strode into the center of the room, her partially open dress reminding him he still had a number of buttons to close. “Well, yes, after St. Nicholas Day, but I’m sure many people will wish to stay the night of the masquerade ball, maybe even the weekend.”
His brief glimpse at contentment vanished in an instant. “I do not believe a Twelfth Night Ball necessary.”
She turned at that. “Of course it is. It is the culmination of the season and will set the New Year off on the right foot.”
And what if it started on the wrong foot, with him unable to attend? It was far too much of a risk. “No. I am opposed to it.”
Her brow furrowed. “But why? Oh, will it be too much expense for our coffers? I do admit I did not—”
“No. You need never worry about that.”
“Then why, Darius?”
Because if a black mood comes upon me, I won’t be here—or worse, it may come upon me that night. Long ago he’d given up trying to figure out why they came. But he couldn’t admit that. “This staff has never prepared for a ball. It will be too much.” The excuse sounded weak even to his ears.
Ellie, though, gave his words consideration. “You’re right, of course, that it would be new for the staff and there would be more needed. I will consult with Mrs. Torbett and tell her to be honest. It might be that a much smaller scale would be more appropriate.”
He opened his mouth, but she held up her hand.
“I shall gather all the information necessary and then discuss my findings with you.”
Confident that he could help Mrs. Torbett come up with a sufficient excuse, he nodded. After all, his housekeeper knew exactly where he went on his “trips.” “That is acceptable.”
She started toward him then halted. A blush filled her cheeks, and she changed her direction, stopping before the settee and bending over.
Though she was discreet, it was obvious she’d picked up the stained cravat and hid it in the folds of her dress.
“I think I will return to my room and rest before I prepare for tonight’s activity with the children.
” She glanced at the sky, which had become more clouds than sun.
“I just hope it’s a clear night. Peter is so looking forward to seeing Draco.
” With that, she strode toward the door and quickly left.
She seemed to take all the light from the room as she exited, for the sky turned completely gray and portended rain.
He felt as if the universe was mimicking his actions, to dampen Ellie’s excitement over the ball like he had.
It was as if he was the very monster he called himself in his darkest of moods.
Now his simple gift seemed highly inadequate for showing how grateful he was that she had married him. He should allow the ball…for her. But how could he?