Chapter 7 #2
Well, shit. Talk about peer pressure. This was beginning to feel like an ambush. I needed to shut down this conversation before it went any further.
I peered over my shoulder. Currently, Halle was occupied with Kai. They were playing a game with my niece, Brooklyn, as well as my nephew, Jude, his wife, and their son Ezra.
Halle looked so open and carefree. And yet with me, she’d put up a wall, and I had no idea how to break it down or if I even could. But every time she ruffled Kai’s hair or smiled, I wanted to try.
I wanted to be the person Halle came to with her problems. The person she trusted to let herself fall apart. To come undone.
She’d let me be that for her once—briefly. And it was something I’d never taken for granted. Something I would’ve given anything to have again.
There has to be a way.
She met my gaze, held it briefly, then glanced away all too soon. I watched her out of the corner of my eye, gratified by the way her porcelain skin bloomed with color. My head instantly went to the last time I’d made her blush like that.
Before I could let my mind travel too far down that path, Pierce’s voice popped into my head. His words from our conversation the other day, rebuking me. Don’t do it.
“You hate the idea,” Kendall said, looking downcast. It snapped me back to the present, making me realize that I hadn’t spoken and they were all staring at me.
I didn’t hate the bachelorx auction—in theory. But I also wasn’t interested in participating.
That said, I could tell that Kendall had put a lot of effort into the event, so I tried to choose my words carefully, settling on the most diplomatic response. I found myself doing that a lot lately—tempering my statement, concealing my true thoughts. It was fucking exhausting.
“This is a bit out of the norm for the Huxley Family Foundation,” I said, wondering if Sloan knew about this.
I would’ve asked her, but she was resting in one of the cabins. Her doctor had threatened to put her on bed rest, but Sloan had promised to take even better care of herself. And being on the water had always put her at ease.
“Which is why it’s so great,” Nate said. “We’ve been doing the same thing for years. It’s time to shake things up.”
A bachelorx auction would certainly do that. I wondered who had approved the idea in the first place. In the past, I’d served as the family’s liaison to the steering committee responsible for the annual event. Right now, it felt as if they were driving the foundation into a ditch.
“I appreciate ingenuity, but it feels…” I didn’t know how to say it without just coming out and telling Kendall that a bachelorx auction, despite trying to be more inclusive, would always feel outdated and cheap.
I closed my mouth before I could voice that thought. In the past, I wouldn’t have held back. But now…now, I was the CEO. I was the public face of our brand, and I had to be diplomatic and brand-focused at all times.
Like how you slept with your sister’s chief of staff?
I resisted the urge to cover my face with my hands and groan.
I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I had to stop thinking about her. I knew that. Halle was forbidden. Off-limits.
And you just love to push the limits, don’t you? Gran’s voice rang through my head.
Her voice was loving, almost teasing in tone.
Because even when Gran had been exasperated with me—and rightly so—she’d always loved and embraced me just as I was.
Where many had seen an unruly kid and a troublemaker, Gran had helped me find outlets for my energy, anger, and grief. I missed her. Her and Pops.
I rubbed the back of my neck, knowing this had to stop. I had to stop.
Pierce had told me it was a bad idea. I knew it was a bad idea.
Nate clapped a hand on my shoulder, startling me from my thoughts. “I thought you’d jump at the chance to participate,” he said. “All those eligible women—”
“And men,” Knox piped in.
“People,” Astrid corrected.
I glared at them. All of them.
“Practically begging for you to sleep with them,” Nate finished.
Too bad there was only one woman I wanted, and she was unavailable.
Last summer with Halle had been a one-off. And yet, it had felt like the beginning of something. At least to me.
“Oh no, no, no,” Kendall rushed to respond. “That’s not what this is. There’s no—” Her cheeks pinkened. “We make it very clear that it’s a date only. No…”
“Sexual favors involved,” Emerson added, laughing.
I would’ve been amused by Kendall’s obvious discomfort, but I was too busy trying to finagle my way out of the event.
“You’ve been so uptight lately,” Nate said, ribbing me.
Of course I’m uptight, I wanted to bite out. I was still adjusting to my new role as CEO. The pressure. The expectations. I was barely sleeping, just trying to stay on top of it all. I had so much to learn. So much to oversee.
And then there was the situation with Halle. I was trying to maintain my distance, but she was fucking everywhere. At the office. In the helicopter. On Knox’s yacht.
Then why’d you ask her to come to your penthouse to help with art?
“Are you participating?” I asked Nate in an attempt to stall. Though I suspected I already knew the answer.
Nate draped his arm around his wife, looking inordinately pleased with himself as his wedding band glinted in the sunlight. “I’m not a bachelor.”
I wanted to punch the smug grin off his face. God, I’m tired.
It was probably a good thing Nate wasn’t participating. Because if he had been on the auction block, I could only imagine how high the bidding would’ve gone. But he was married now and, therefore, exempt from this ridiculous fundraiser. Lucky bastard.
He pressed a kiss to Emerson’s temple, and she smiled up at him in response.
They were so sickeningly in love. I was happy for them, truly.
But it felt as if everyone was moving on with their lives.
Getting married. Having children. While I was the odd man out, pining after a woman I could never have.
“Holden Hansley is participating.” Kendall beamed, and Astrid started coughing.
“You okay?” Emerson asked her.
“Yeah!” Astrid chirped. “Yep!” Astrid held up a hand, and her face was beet red. “Sorry. Went down the wrong pipe.”
“Dad recruited a few of the players from the Hawks,” Emerson explained, as if I didn’t know who Holden Hansley was.
Everyone knew who Holden Hansley was. He’d recently been traded to the Hollywood Hawks, and he was a fucking legend on the ice. I couldn’t wait to see him lead our team to a long-overdue Stanley Cup win.
“And several of the Leatherbacks volunteered,” Knox said, referring to players from the pro soccer team he owned.
“Or got voluntold.” I coughed the words into my hand, letting out an “oomph” when Knox elbowed me.
I wanted to help the family foundation, of course I did.
I was passionate about its mission to provide low-cost or free temporary housing to those in need.
Donating money was great, and I could admit that a bachelorx auction would likely generate a shit-ton of money. But did I really need to participate?
I didn’t mind being in the public eye. But no fucking way did I want to stand on a stage and have someone value my worth. Or worse still…find me lacking.
I examined my family. For years, they’d given me shit for my playboy reputation, and now they were asking me to what? Lean into it?
“Graham would never agree to something like this,” I said to no one in particular.
And not only because it would sully the Huxley brand.
My older brother was too serious and brooding.
He absolutely detested small talk. Just thinking of him squirming onstage and during the auction and then suffering through the date had me smiling.
But Graham wasn’t here. I was still trying to wrap my head around that fact. Not just that he was married, but that he’d left. The country. His position at the company. Me.
I kept waiting for him to change his mind. But the longer he was gone, the more my new reality sank in. He wasn’t coming back.
“Maybe not,” Knox said, his warm gaze meeting my own. “But you’re not Graham.”
“No, but I am the CEO, and I have to be more careful about how I’m perceived.”
And even if I wasn’t my brother, I was still trying to fill his shoes. An impossible task.
I missed my brother more than I ever dared to admit. Now that I’d taken over his role, I held an even greater appreciation for him and all that he’d done for the company.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be CEO. I just had never envisioned myself in this role. And the suddenness with which it had all happened was still a lot to wrap my head around.
“Pierce?”
“Sounds like an excellent idea if you ask me.” He gave me a knowing look. Another warning from our conversation the other day. His message was clear: forget about the employee and go out with someone else.
Conversation turned to other matters, and I drifted over to the railing. I stared out at the water, enjoying the feel of fresh air on my skin. Kendall joined me, placing her hand on my arm. Her diamond ring sparkled in the fading sunlight, and I glanced up to find her wearing a sheepish expression.
“I’m sorry if it felt like I put you on the spot by mentioning the auction in front of everyone.”
“It’s fine.” I twisted my hands on the railing, appreciating her concern.
I didn’t want to make her feel bad. Especially not when she was putting in so much work to make the event a success.
“I honestly thought you’d be happy to do it.” She removed her hand, resting her elbows on the railing.
I sighed. “I’m probably overthinking it, ever mindful of my new role and the responsibility that comes with representing the family brand.”
She nodded, her expression thoughtful. “I’m sure it’s been a lot to take on. How are you doing?”
I’m an anxious, exhausted ball of stress. But yeah, I’m just peachy.
“I’m—” I was tempted to tell her the truth. To blurt it all out. But I knew that wasn’t what she wanted. That wasn’t what anyone wanted. So, I smiled my charming smile and said, “I’m great.”
Kendall evaluated me, and for a minute, I thought she’d push the matter, but she dropped it. “We’d love to have you participate, but only if it’s something you’re comfortable with. Just…think about it.”
I didn’t need to think about it. Kendall was family, and this was for a good cause. Everyone else thought it was a great idea. I was the only one who had a problem with it.
Because of Halle.
Which was ridiculous, really. Halle might have moved to LA, but she’d made it clear that nothing would happen between us.
Pierce had reaffirmed how foolish such a decision would be.
And with my only recently taking over as CEO and Sloan going on maternity leave in the next few months, I would need Halle’s help.
Auctioning myself off to the highest bidder might force me to go on a date, spend time with a woman who wasn’t her. Because now, more than ever, I needed to maintain my distance from Halle.
So, despite my reservations, I said, “Thanks for asking me to participate. Of course I’ll help.”
Kendall tilted her head. “Only if you’re sure.”
“I’m sure,” I said, trying to project a certainty I didn’t feel. Lately, I wasn’t sure of anything.