Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
“What’s an andopoppy again?” Kai asked while we were getting ready for bed the night before his procedure.
I tried not to laugh at his pronunciation, though this was no laughing matter. When we’d met with the doctor previously, she’d suggested a battery of tests to try to determine the cause of Kai’s tummy trouble. Blood tests, an upper GI endoscopy, and a biopsy.
She’d mentioned the possibility of Kai having celiac disease and had recommended having Kai go gluten-free as a precaution. It had been a lot to take in. But for the first time, it was nice to have a clear path forward. And the new diet did seem to be helping.
“It’s an endoscopy,” I said, smoothing his hair away from his face. Rosie grunted in her sleep from the foot of the bed. “And it’s a special test. It will help the doctors figure out what’s going on, so you can get to feeling better.”
I didn’t want to go into too much detail. I didn’t want to freak Kai out about the idea that they’d sedate him and then feed a camera down his throat. I was trying not to freak out about it. About what it might mean—the results, the prognosis. I had to be strong and calm for him.
“But they have to put me to sleep?” Kai asked.
“They do,” I said. “And then you’ll wake up, and they’ll be able to tell us what they discovered.”
His face crumpled, and he looked as if he were going to start crying. “Mummy,” he whispered. “I’m scared.”
“I know, baby.” I pulled him in close, kissing the top of his head. I wished I could take away his pain, his worries. “But I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I promise. And Daddy is thinking about you.”
We’d talked to Craig earlier in the day, and I could see the concern in his eyes. He’d even offered to fly to LA to be with us, but I’d told him it wasn’t necessary. Though I’d promised to send frequent updates.
“And Jasper too?” Kai asked.
I followed Kai’s gaze to the doorway, where Jasper was leaning against the doorframe.
Jasper often came over for dinner and stayed until bedtime.
After Kai was asleep, Jasper and I would catch up on the day, cuddle, make love.
It all felt so normal, so domestic. Apart from the fact that Jasper would sneak out late at night or early in the morning before Kai woke.
That was the only part that sucked, and I was over it. I could tell Jasper was too, even if he didn’t say it. It made me love him all the more—for his patience, for his willingness to go at my pace.
“And me too,” Jasper said, stepping into the room. “If…” He paused, glancing at me. “That’s okay with your mom.”
“I—” I wasn’t even sure what to say. I still wasn’t used to having support, especially not when it came to Kai’s health. For all these years, even before the divorce, I’d been on my own in that department. But now, Jasper was here, and he’d consistently shown up for my son.
He’d researched gluten-free foods and cooked some recipes with Kai that Alexis had sent me. Her eldest daughter, Sophia, had a gluten allergy, though she didn’t have celiac disease. But they’d been navigating a gluten-free diet for years and were full of great tips.
I so appreciated their support. And I was grateful that Jasper had taken my concerns about Kai’s health seriously, even going so far as to make the appointment with one of the best doctors in the area. Jasper had advocated for Kai. A child who wasn’t his son, wasn’t even related to him.
He loved Kai. Kai adored Jasper. And that terrified me.
I should’ve been happy about it, and I was. But I was also scared at how attached Kai had become to Jasper in such a short time. And Rosie.
But I also knew that I had to be brave—for my son. For the future of this relationship. I had to trust Jasper, and he’d given me every reason to believe he’d be there for us.
“And Jasper,” I finally said, adding, “when he can.”
Jasper frowned, and I was hit with a pang of guilt.
I didn’t want Jasper to think I doubted him or how much he cared for my son.
I just… I worried about the future. About how devastated Kai would be if things didn’t work out.
And while I hoped that wouldn’t be the case, I often questioned how our relationship would be possible, considering our jobs.
“It’s late. Why don’t you try to get some sleep?” I said to Kai.
“Can Jasper stay and keep telling me his story?” Kai asked, peering up at me. “Please, Mum?”
Jasper said nothing. Instead, he inclined his head, deferring to me.
“Okay,” I said, giving Kai one last cuddle. I stood and tucked him in. “Ten minutes,” I said to Jasper on my way out. “That’s it.”
He mock-saluted me. “Got it.”
I tried not to roll my eyes, even as I bit back a smile.
I padded out to the living room and grabbed my phone from the counter. I had a few new messages.
Alexis: Sending all the positive vibes for Kai’s endoscopy.
Zara: Call me anytime, babes. Sending you and Kai all my love. Xx
Mom: I love you, Halle. You and Kai. I’m here for you.
Sloan: I hope Kai’s procedure goes well tomorrow. I’ll be thinking about him.
I’d debated telling Sloan about the endoscopy, but she was my friend, and I knew she’d want to know. That said, I didn’t want her to worry about it affecting my work, even if my focus was shot.
I tidied up the living room, trying to keep myself distracted. Because if I thought too hard about tomorrow, I’d never get any sleep.
Jasper finally joined me, closing the door to Kai’s room softly. “He was tired.” Jasper came over to me, wrapping his arms around me. “You okay?”
I shook my head, at a loss for words. But he didn’t push; he simply continued to hold me.
“I think I should go with you tomorrow,” he said.
“I wish you could,” I said, pulling back. “But we both know you can’t.”
“Sure I can,” he said, leading me over to the couch. “I’m the boss, right?” he joked, parroting back my own words.
I sank down next to him, still holding his hand. “I appreciate your offering—more than you could know. But I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Because you don’t want me there?”
“Of course I want you there.” I placed my hand over his. It scared me how much I wanted him there—at my side, lending his support. “But the company needs you. Sloan’s out on maternity leave. I’m going to be off for Kai’s procedure. Someone has to stay to hold down the fort.”
“It’s one day,” he said. “I don’t think everything will fall apart without us. At least, it shouldn’t. If that’s the case, then the company has even bigger problems.”
“It’s more than that, and you know it.” It was our secret relationship. It was the perception. It was everything.
He sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. “If our relationship weren’t a secret, this wouldn’t even be up for debate.”
“You don’t know that. I mean, look at Sloan and Jackson and what they had to do to take leave for the new baby. Yes, they’re executives, which gives them more power. But it’s also more limiting in some ways because so few other people in the company are at that level.”
“I should be able to take off one day.”
“I’m not saying you shouldn’t or can’t. I’m just saying…not for this. I’ll be okay.”
“Maybe I won’t.” He jabbed his chest with his thumb. “Maybe I offered because I need to be there. For you and Kai. But also, for me.”
Oh. I should’ve considered how he might be feeling about this. I’d been so wrapped up in my own thoughts and concerns that I hadn’t realized how this might be impacting Jasper as well.
“Jasper.” I cupped his cheek, in awe of this tenderhearted man. Jasper had confided in me about his anxiety in the past, and I could only imagine how much he was struggling with this. I kicked myself for not realizing it sooner.
Somehow, everyone had it wrong about Jasper. And I was grateful that he’d let me see the real him. A man who was gentle and passionate and nurturing. A man who stood by me in life’s difficult moments and loved me through them.
If there was one thing Jasper had taught me, it was to ground myself in the present. And I knew that mindfulness and physical touch helped him when he was feeling anxious.
I stood, tugging on his hand. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” he asked, standing.
“To bed.” I pulled him toward my room. “Stay with me tonight. I don’t want to be alone tonight, and I don’t think you do either.”
He followed me to my room, and we undressed each other slowly, taking our time.
There was nothing rushed or hurried about our movements as we explored each other, acting as if it were the first time.
In some ways, it felt like a revelation.
A new discovery. Because the more time I spent with Jasper, the harder I fell.
“All right, Mom,” the hospital admin said, “we have some paperwork for you.”
“Sure,” I said. “Whatever you need.”
Kai was sitting on the hospital bed watching TV while I spoke with the nurses and staff. We reviewed his health history and my insurance info, along with all the other basic stuff like the risks and outcomes. It was daunting, but I was trying to remain positive and calm for Kai.
“Just sign here,” she said, and I did. “And then your estimated co-pay is $250. Of course, the doctors and anesthesiologists might bill your insurance separately, and then you’ll have to pay that as well.”
“Right,” I said, handing her my credit card. “Thanks.”
I was grateful my portion was only $250. If I hadn’t had such good health insurance, I’d be paying a heck of a lot more. It wasn’t something I took for granted.
She handed my card back to me. “One of the nurses will be in soon to place his IV. Until then, hit the call button if you need anything.”
I thanked her then joined Kai on the bed, holding him close.
He cuddled the stuffed dog Jasper had given him during his birthday weekend, and we waited.
Jasper texted every so often to check in, and he and Kai sent funny memes back and forth.
Jasper might not be here, but his presence and love were very much felt by Kai and me.