Chapter 24 #2
“I get that, but it’s not just about your mom.
Will we ever go out on a date in public?
Will Kai ever think we’re more than friends?
Will we ever live together? Spend holidays together?
Take a vacation together? Do you even want those things?
” My chest was heaving by the end of it, and it felt as if someone were digging around in there with a knife.
“Of course I want those things. Of course I want a life with you, but this is about so much more than us. This decision doesn’t just impact me. If I lose my job, it impacts my parents, my son, my future. I can’t give up everything I built for a man.”
Her words were a punch to the gut. A reality check I hadn’t expected.
She opened her mouth as if to walk back her admission, but it was too late. So that was how she really felt. Unfortunately, I couldn’t unhear that painful jab, as much as I might want to.
Her eyes glittered with unshed tears. “Jasper…”
“Silly me,” I scoffed, feeling like a fool. “I thought we were building a life together.”
Jackson opened the door, Evie in his arms. “Jasper. Good to see you.” We hugged, and then he stepped aside. “Come in.”
It was Saturday. The day after my date with the winner from the bachelorx auction. The day after my fight with Halle. And I was a mess. But the sight of my youngest niece made everything seem a little better.
“May I?” I held out my arms for Evie.
He placed her in my arms. “Remember to—”
“Support her head. Yes.” I laughed, peering down at the precious little bundle in my arms. “Your daddy loves you very much. But dating is going to be no fun.”
“Do not utter that word in front of my daughter,” Jackson said in a stern tone.
“What? Dating?” I taunted.
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Okay. Time’s up.”
I laughed, gently spinning away. “Nice try. She’s mine for now.”
He continued to grumble as I followed him into the kitchen, where Sloan was standing at the stove. I’d visited their house a number of times since they’d had the baby, but I’d never been hit with such a pang of longing as I was now.
The smell of a home-cooked meal filled the air. The sound of Evie gurgling made me ache for a home. Family. Halle and Kai. Because that’s what they were to me—my family.
“You okay?” Sloan asked.
“Yeah. Yeah.” I tried to clear away those thoughts. “How are you?”
“Good. Sleeping a little more, which is nice. Evie’s been smiling more too.”
I peered down at my niece. “Have you?” I rubbed my finger along her downy-soft cheek. “Have you been smiling, sweet girl? Are you going to smile for your uncle J?”
“Dinner’s almost ready,” Sloan said.
“You didn’t have to cook for me,” I said, giving my niece my finger to play with. No smile yet, but I couldn’t wait to see one.
“I know, but I wanted to. It’s relaxing.”
She turned off the stove, and we carried the dishes over to the table to eat family-style. By that point, Evie had fallen asleep, and I followed Sloan to the nursery. I gently set Evie in her crib, in awe of this new life my sister had created.
“She’s precious,” I said, peering down at Evie’s button nose, her lashes fanning out over her cheeks.
Sloan smiled, hand resting on the railing. “She really is.” She turned to me. “I’ve never asked, but do you want children?”
My thoughts immediately went to Kai, and I tried not to get choked up. I kept my attention on Evie, nodding.
“How’s it going with Halle?” Sloan asked.
I froze. “Halle?”
“My chief of staff? The temporary SVP?” Sloan joked. “Ring any bells?”
“Right.” I laughed, though it sounded forced. “Halle, yes.” Sloan was asking how it was going professionally. “It’s going well.”
Personally, it was a bit of a shitshow at the moment.
I hadn’t spoken to Halle since our argument yesterday. I’d spent the rest of the afternoon working from home. I knew I’d pushed too hard, but I was also sick of hiding how I felt about her.
I hoped it was a fight, but deep down, I worried it was the end.
I wasn’t sure where we stood or even where we went from here.
Not after Halle had made it clear that she wasn’t ready—might never be ready—to tell my family about us.
I didn’t know how to assuage her fears. I didn’t know what more I could do to show her that I was here for her and Kai.
Sometimes it felt as if no matter what I did, it would never be enough.
I thought about Halle and how she’d been touring houses. Planning a future for herself and Kai—without me. It felt as if someone had shoved a dagger between my ribs.
Sloan placed her hand on my shoulder. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. Of course.”
“I’m sure the past four months without Graham and me haven’t been easy on you, but I’m proud of you.”
“Thanks.” I rubbed the back of my neck. Sloan’s praise was a relief, and I knew she wouldn’t have said it unless she’d meant it.
“And I hope that having Halle by your side helped.”
“I, uh—” I swallowed hard, eager to change topics. “It did.”
We joined Jackson at the table, plating the food. He served my sister first before checking the video monitor resting on the table. I tried not to laugh because I understood what it was like to love a child. To worry about a child. To worry about Kai.
I accepted one of the dishes from Jackson. “This looks amazing. Thank you.”
“Absolutely,” Sloan said. “So…how was your date?”
My knife grated against the plate, and I cringed. “Date?”
“From the charity auction?” she asked.
“Oh, right.” I laughed, though there was an edge to it. So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours, I’d almost forgotten all about my date with the woman from the charity auction. “It was fine.”
“Any potential for something…more?”
I shoved a bite of food into my mouth and shook my head.
“Why not?” Sloan asked.
“Hayati,” Jackson chided. “Let the man enjoy his dinner in peace.”
“Yes. Thank you, Jackson.” I took a sip of my wine and gave my sister a pointed look.
“For all we know,” Jackson said, “Jasper might have his eye on someone else.” When he met my gaze, I tried not to squirm in my chair.
I cleared my throat, trying not to sweat. Jesus. The man was a damn Navy SEAL. Former Navy SEAL, but still. I certainly felt like I was being interrogated. I needed to change the subject—and fast.
“Think you’ll make it to the Leatherbacks game?” I asked.
“We’re hoping to,” Sloan said.
We talked about the Leatherbacks’ season, and I updated them on what had been going on at the company. After we’d cleared the dishes, I’d offered to help clean up, but Jackson insisted on doing it.
“I thought I was coming over to help,” I teased Sloan. “You’re the new parents, and you’re feeding me. Taking care of everything.”
“We’re just happy to spend time with you. And we’re fortunate enough that we can hire help when we need it. Having a night nurse has been a godsend.”
My sister had a supportive partner and a night nurse. Who had been there for Halle when Kai woke up in the night? Who had she been able to rely on the past few years since her divorce? Herself.
She’d rebuilt her life. She’d supported herself and Kai. Raised Kai practically on her own. And was now financially responsible for her dad’s care. There was no one else.
I knew what that was like—to have people relying on you. I had my family, the company, all our employees. But it wasn’t all on me. I had support, resources, options.
Even if I was removed from my position as CEO by the board, I’d still have more than enough money to live on.
When my family or I needed something, there was no question that we could afford it.
But Halle was juggling…so much. All on her own.
And she had been for a while now. I could imagine the pressure she felt from all of it.
And while I wished she’d let me help her, I respected her desire to do it on her own. Her independence and self-reliance. I’d never had to worry that I wouldn’t have the money or the care I’d need for myself or my loved ones. And it was something she had to consider every day.
“Jasper?” Sloan asked, and I realized she’d been speaking.
“Sorry.” I shook my head as if to clear it. “What was that?”
“You seem distracted tonight. Something’s clearly bothering you.”
I lifted a shoulder, hoping it came off as nonchalant.
“Come on, Jas.” She gripped my shoulder, giving it a shake. “Talk to me.”
I debated brushing off her concern, but I found myself wanting to talk about it.
About Halle. I wouldn’t use her name, of course.
Especially not now, when I didn’t even know where we stood.
But I had to hold out hope that Halle would come around to the idea of telling my family.
And that maybe this would lay the groundwork for eventually having that conversation with Sloan.
“I was seeing someone, and now…” I took a deep breath. “Now, I’m not sure where we stand.”
She lit up. “You were?” I nodded, but then her expression sobered. “I’m sorry to hear that,” Sloan said. “Sounds like it was serious.”
“It was. Is.” I wasn’t sure, but I didn’t like the idea of talking about my relationship with Halle in the past tense.
I downed the rest of my glass of wine before pouring another.
For not the first time, I wondered how Sloan would react if she knew about my relationship with Halle. Would she feel betrayed? Or would she support our relationship when it came to the board?
Sloan cared about Halle. They were close friends. And I hated the idea of coming between them. I didn’t want my relationship with Halle to affect her relationship with my sister or Halle’s role in the company.
“I didn’t even realize you were dating anyone, let alone that it was that serious. You’re not going to pull a Graham on me and suddenly announce that you’re married, right?”
I knew Sloan was teasing, but the idea of marriage to Halle was appealing. Continuing to keep our relationship a secret was not.
“Jasper?” Sloan’s tone was weighted. “Seriously?”
“You know I enjoy a party too much to elope.” I was teasing, mostly.
She laughed. “True. But…well, do you see the potential for that with this woman?”
I scrubbed a hand over my face, groaning. I wasn’t even sure that was what Halle wanted. Let alone if it was in the cards for us, especially not after yesterday.
“Okay. I’m getting the sense that you don’t want to talk about it,” Sloan said. “But if you change your mind, I’m here.”
I gave her hand a squeeze, appreciating her support. “Thank you.”
“Of course.” She squeezed my hand back, giving me a smile.
Evie cried but then resettled.
“Hey.” She glanced over her shoulder. “Can we talk about work?”
I laughed. “Of course.” I leaned in, lowering my voice. “Why are you being so secretive?”
“Because as much as I’ve loved being home with Evie, I am ready to get back to the office next week. Also, I know I haven’t been as plugged in at the office lately, but it seems like the past few months have gone well,” Sloan said.
I nodded. “They have. Things have run smoothly.”
“That’s a relief.” She leaned forward. “What would you think about bringing Halle on permanently as SVP?”
I didn’t have to even consider it. “I can’t think of a person more qualified or deserving of the position than Halle. She’s worked her ass off these past four months, and she’s exceeded all expectations for the role.”
“I’m not surprised. The potential has always been there, and now it’s finally her time to shine.”
I nodded. “I couldn’t agree more.”
I’d promised not to let my feelings for her affect her position with the company, and regardless of what happened between the two of us, she would make a great SVP. She deserved the position, and the company could benefit from her experience. I just didn’t know what this would mean for us.