Chapter 24 Witness X
Witness X
Never Lose Your Cool
Kids at school used to say they were scared of their fathers when they roared in their faces for doing something wrong. I was the opposite. My dad never, ever shouted at me. Showing anger would be showing weakness.
He was most frightening when he was quiet and calm. When he stared at you with those dark gray eyes and said nothing, because you knew what was coming. You always knew.
“Always be calm, even in the face of intense stress, and don’t ever raise your voice. You must never surrender to anger, as it demonstrates a lack of control and allows others to think they’ve got the upper hand.”
Respond, don’t react.
It was in the first wave of the coronavirus lockdown that things started to go sideways, and I was reminded of Rule #6.
I had seen flashes of the darker side of my husband previously, but had ignored them, pushed those moments aside in the hope they would go away, much as I did when I was a little girl around my dad.
The state-forced imprisonment within my own home with this person—my husband—meant I had no choice but to face that malevolence every single day.
But just as I’d been taught, I never lost my cool. Even though, on occasions, I allowed him to think I did, because that’s what he needed to believe.
My husband only knows the version of me I’ve allowed him to see. The one I’ve created. It bears no resemblance to who I actually am. He doesn’t know what’s coming.
I had been looking for my escape for a while, and almost had it before that night.
It’s funny, really, because before Anton died, I was the absolute happiest I’d been for a very long time.
In fact, I’m going to say it’s the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.
The seven months before he was killed were the only time I’ve felt real, proper love.
Ironically, that’s why it didn’t go to plan. Why I made mistakes.
For the first time in my life, I’d stopped following the rules. Now Anton is dead, and I’m counting on Jack Millman to keep everyone in this sordid story safe.