Chapter 11
The week is not getting any better. In fact, Kara is wondering how it can get any worse after Ray’s insane revelation that someone is stalking her shadow. She barely slept that night, double-checking all the locks on every door and window, feeling eyes on her.
Glancing out her window, trying to see someone looking at her from the darkness.
Unnerving . Thanks for fucking with my mind, Ray.
Then, this morning, Derrick calls her into his office.
“I saw you on the local news yesterday,” Derrick says as his opener when she sits down across from him. He gives her a wry smile. “High profile clients can be such a nightmare. The money is what makes them worth it when they have you on retainer.”
Ah, Kara senses an awkward conversation coming. It’s already dicey, working for Derrick and also having a client outside of his sphere of business. Derrick had been fine with it, so long as it didn’t interfere with her operations for him…but…
“The media certainly has a flair for trying to get comments from Dieter, unfortunately. They all want to know if he’s involved with Paxton Brooker’s... legal problems .” Kara swallows thickly, trying not to remember his pale green eyes on her lips before he left her there on the sidewalk.
It had made her feel a strange coil of arousal and disgust in herself, all at once. You can’t move from Nick to Dieter, you simply can’t . That would just prove that Nick was right all along.
“He’s going to take up a lot more of your time soon, you know.” Derrick’s mouth flickers with a weak smile, watery in nature. He sighs, a long, heaving sound. Derrick folds his hand in front of him neatly, another serious, not-so-good sign of what’s to come. Kara shifts in her seat. What is he gearing up for?
“Look. You’re a hard worker. A go-getter. I value the time and effort you’ve put into my firm. But right now, you’re being pulled in two directions, Kara. It’s not good for business. Dietrich Bittinger’s account is a heavy lift; it’s why men like him often have multiple lawyers on retainer.”
Her stomach sinks. So. It’s come to this finally.
“You’re firing me?” Kara’s voice comes out much smaller than she expected it would, lost and sad. The version of herself from nearly two years ago had been so thrilled, so proud to have landed a job at Benson’s law firm.
He shifts in his cushioned desk chair, looking distinctly uncomfortable for so plush a seat. “I’m not firing you; I’m giving you a choice. You can either be an associate here with my clients or you can work for Dietrich Bittinger. You can’t have both; you can’t scale with the work I have for you here. And, before you say anything, I understand the opportunity he represents. It isn’t often that someone is given a chance to work with a client of his caliber. I’m not going to hold it against you.”
It's hard to meet his gaze. It feels like rejection, even though she knows that it isn’t. It’s hard to not take it personally. “Are you saying I should choose Dieter?”
“I’m saying I already know who you chose, Kara.” There’s a dry little smile on Derrick’s mouth.
God, he’s right. The money is okay at Derrick’s firm, but it’s nothing compared to what she’s getting from Dieter. But how long will that last? “…but what about us consulting on the Paxton Brooker case? What about-”
“Worry about your client. The Dark Mirage case has been transitioned from my firm already; it doesn’t matter to me anymore, aside from the fact that I hope they find the bastards committing the crimes in Paxton Brooker’s creepy warehouses. And who killed X.” He pauses for a moment before finishing with. “I do wish the best for you. And if you want to come back in the future, I’d welcome you with open arms.”
Feeling shell-shocked, Kara bids him farewell and goes to her desk in a daze.
She just lost her job.
Her phone rings as she’s packing up her desk. Numb, Kara picks it up, answering with her clipped, professional tone.
A female voice replies. “Hello, Kara.”
Dammit, this day is going to shit, isn’t it? A shiver of horror walks its way down Kara’s spine. “How did you get this number?”
She can practically hear Claire smiling on the other end. “Oh, I have my ways of snooping around. I hope you don’t mind. You don’t, do you?”
Oh, that’s a loaded effing question, lady. Kara stares blankly at one of the cubes in the office, unsure of how to respond. It almost sounded like a thinly veiled threat, but she’s never been good at reading women and their more subversive actions. “Yes. I mean. It’s fine. Totally fine.” It’s not, really freaking not. “Did you need representation…or something?” What a stupid question, the woman is engaged to the partner of a big law firm. “A referral? How can I help?”
That charming, yet practiced laugh sounds out on the other end of the phone. “Nothing quite so official. I actually wanted to get to know you a bit better, seeing as you’re a new addition to my…social circle, as it were.”
This day keeps getting better and better. This is the last thing Kara could even think of happening to her. “ Um , today isn’t…”
“I won’t take up too much of your time. Let’s go shopping. We’ll stay close to the office.”
“I don’t shop,” Kara replies quickly as she starts packing things into a box that the secretary up front gave her to use. “Sorry about that. I’m so underwater with things right now-”
I just lost my job , spins in her mind.
Claire’s voice suddenly changes in tone, making the hair stand up on Kara’s neck. “Kara, I must speak with you. I won’t do it over the phone and you certainly don’t want me coming to your office for this conversation. Do you understand me?”
Well, that’s a big one-eighty. Oh, God. This is it, isn’t it? This can’t be good. She knows something and she wants to confront me about it. Bile rises in Kara’s throat and for a minute, she thinks she’s going to vomit on the desk that she’s trying to clear off.
In an effort to dissuade the other woman from bringing up something chaotic, Kara says sweetly, “I can’t imagine it’s that serious, Claire. Listen, we can talk later, but right now I have work-”
“I’m not finished,” Claire says tightly. “I need to talk to you about Nicky. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Oh, God. Please no. It is about what I think it’s about.
Holding on to the thin threads of her sanity, Kara manages to keep her voice steady. “What about Nick?”
A snort. “Oh, please. Don’t play me for a fool, Kara. You know .”
Fuck.
Kara supposes she can suffer through it. She always figured this dreadful day would come, once she found out he had a fiancée this entire time. All without telling Kara. This is karma coming back to bite her in the ass. “Fine. I’ll meet you downstairs in ten minutes.” It’s clear to her that Claire already looked up where the Benson law firm office resided in the city.
“Great!” Claire’s voice is chipper and excited, causing Kara to frown into space at the odd switch. “I’ll see you soon.”
After the line goes dead, Kara hangs her head for a moment before thudding her forehead onto the desk. She relishes the momentary pain because she knows things are only about to get worse. Time for you to reap what you sow, love.
Nick, why did you have to tangle me up in your horrible web?
Kara finds herself walking into handbag stores that she would never in a million years enter for herself, but it seems that Claire has no qualms dropping thousands like no one’s business. Some of the fine leather purses in the stores are so plain, so unassuming, no labels on them whatsoever, costing over ten grand.
That speaks of old money to Kara; the sort of people that buy things that are so expensive that they don’t even care that no one sees a brand name. The ultra rich aren’t flashy.
Claire walks and talks, her voice never rising into anything hysterical, for which Kara is grateful. She’d imagined that the other woman would give her an ugly verbal thrashing the moment that she met her outside her office building, but instead, Claire had simply greeted her with a slight, cool smile. No teeth.
“He’s been off since I arrived in town again,” Claire complains, meeting Kara’s gaze head on with an uncomfortable intensity. Her blue eyes are sharp, icy. “He’s never off, not quite like this. You cannot begin to appreciate how hard it was for me to get him to admit what it was about.”
Kara leans forward and blurts out in surprise, “He told you?” Her face must be red. Holy crap, she’s going to strangle Nick if she ever sees him again. He’d probably enjoy that though, so maybe she shouldn’t…
Lifting one shoulder in an elegant, so-so shrug, Claire replies, “He’s a good liar, I’ll give him that. I usually never trust a word out of his mouth, but the more he backs up, the more defensive he gets…well, that’s how you know you’re getting closer to the truth. Or some version of it.”
This is absolutely not the conversation that Kara imagined they would be having. Where is the screaming? Where are the insults? The hair pulling? Where is the knock-down, drag-out? Isn’t that how this is supposed to go? She feels guilty enough about the situation, Claire deserves to get at least one slap in…
“Look,” Claire says as she browses a few bland leather purses that don’t excite Kara in the slightest. “You and I are not going to be best friends. I’m sure you understand why?”
Kara stares at her in shock. What is going on here? “I honestly don’t know where this conversation is going, Claire. What is it that you want? I’m not seeing him anymore, I’m not going to, he’s yours . He lied to me. I didn’t know he had a fiancée and I’m so-”
Claire rolls her eyes, shushing Kara with a few hand gestures. “Don’t get all worked up. I’m not insulting you; I’m starting cold facts. Here’s the punchline, which I think is what you seem to want to get to pretty quickly. Nicky is out of sorts.”
Heart leaping weakly, Kara tries not to let her momentary vulnerability show on her features. She misses how he makes her feel. The danger, the adrenaline. Biting her lip, she says thickly, “Again. Why should I care?”
“Because you’re the reason for it,” Claire says with exasperation, bright blue eyes piercing. “I love him, but I’m not in love with him . He and I cannot have any intimacy for reasons you are well aware of. I need you to go back to him and get him out of this funk he’s in. It’s depressing and I’m sick of it.”
Kara’s jaw drops straight to the floor. Did I hear her correctly? Did she literally say what I think she just said? Is this woman crazy? “So…before I say anything, are you still marrying him?”
The reply is short. “Of course. Our family ties require it.”
It doesn’t take much thought on Kara’s end. “Then my answer is no.”
Icy eyes flash with disbelief. “No?! What do you mean no?”
Kara looks around awkwardly, knowing they’ve caught the attention of the sales reps in the store. Has this woman lost her mind? She drops her voice into a forced whisper. “No, as in I won’t be with him again. I don’t want to be with an engaged man. Do I need to spell it out? Christ!”
To her everlasting credit, Claire seems completely flabbergasted by this. She’s staring at Kara as if she’s grown another head. “Why ever not? Do you not want him anymore? He’s not bad to look at, what’s the problem?”
Flushing scarlet, Kara turns away and hunches her shoulders, trying to not think of his startling eyes and his stone cut features, the strength of his body. All clear in her mind. Growling in frustration, Kara storms out of the store, saying, “That’s…not the point, Claire!”
“Hey!” Claire calls after her, cursing under her breath. She has one last purse to buy before she leaves and this is putting a cramp in her style.
Fuming, and embarrassed, Kara sits down on a lonely bench outside the shop. She sits and waits, trying to get her mind back together. Nick’s fiancée literally asked her to take him back. Who in their right mind does that?!
It hurts. It still hurts to think about him. How he’d lied. How he always made her feel .
Minutes later, Claire sits down next to her, holding her bags. They sit in relative silence until Claire sighs audibly. “I just want him to be happy, you know. Is that so bad? He and I aren’t…we were never meant to have a normal marriage. That’s not how it works in families like ours.”
“Why can’t he just be happy with you?” Kara mutters with vexation, even though it feels like a knife wound, saying the words. She doesn’t want him to be happy with someone else; she never wanted that. Kara wanted Nick to be happy with her and her alone. Look how well that turned out.
Claire exhales. “He’s not…it’s just not possible. He was damaged long before I ever got to him. It’s not reversible .”
The words are ominous, like the depths of the ocean, holding creatures from the unknown. Meaning is hidden in the darkness, hard to see. Kara shifts a bit and pins Claire with a look, her natural curiosity about Nick pressing her forward. “What happened to him? Something happened, I know it did. A guy isn’t just…like that…I mean… maybe …”
Normal guys don’t get off on the things he gets off to. Then again, normal women don’t get off on it either, so what does that say about Kara?
A tired expression crosses Claire’s pristine face. Her shoulders sag and she once more gives Kara a half-shrug. “I don’t even know. He won’t tell me. Any time I’ve ever pressed the matter, he just gets awful . Which means it’s bad .”
“I can imagine,” Kara says numbly, wondering even more what Nick is hiding. “He is quite awful, most of the time.”
Claire laughs a little, but it sounds off. Sad, even. “Will you think about what I said? I didn’t mean to insult you by telling you to sleep with a man set to be married. You’re not…not a bad sort of girl. He finds…completion in you. Acceptance, maybe?”
How can this woman not see the severity of what she’s asking her to do? All Kara can think of is how her father repeatedly hurt her mother with infidelities…the idea of it disgusts her.
“Claire, no. I told you, I don’t feel right about it. Besides…I was likely using him for my own messed up reasons. I have a shit past…and…” It feels awful, to say it aloud. Like admitting to a failure. “He fit the profile of what I felt I deserved.”
Cruel like my father, distant like him, too.
The other woman goes silent for a minute, looking upset. Thinking through Kara’s refusal again, most likely. “Just. Give it a thought. He and I don’t believe in committing to each other-”
Scowling, Kara says dryly, “Gee, I thought marriage was about committing?”
“We’re in an open relationship. I have other men in my life, if you’re worried that I’m left in the cold alone here.” Claire pins Kara with a stern look. “Just think about it. See him . Ask him out to lunch. You don’t even have to touch him if you don’t want to. You don’t need to sacrifice your morals for that, right? He likes you, even if you don’t think he does.”
Persistent, isn’t she? It doesn’t feel right. None of it. The idea of being in some strange, twisted triangle with Claire and Nick makes her feel wrong. Dirty, even. Despite that, there’s a voice inside whispering that it wouldn’t hurt to just see him again…
Standing up sharply, Kara pulls herself together, trying to keep a tight rein on her wild emotions. “I have a lot to think about. That’s not an acceptance though, Claire. I really don’t want to have this conversation again.”
The other woman nods her understanding, looking slightly hopeful.
“And Kara? You should ask Bittinger. About what happened to Nick,” Claire calls after her. “I think he’s the only one who actually knows .”
Somehow, that sheds an even more ominous light on the situation.