Chapter 9
Shay-Lee
“H e just keeps following me around, showing up at my work, texting me. It’s unhinged, and last week, I fell for it.” I sighed, then rubbed my nape while thinking back on that dinner. It was amusing until it wasn’t, and I’d lost control over my emotions. It was nothing if not humiliating to let Camilo see this vulnerable side of me again. “I agreed to go to dinner with him just so he’d stop this nonsense, and you know—” Turning around to face Soren, I stopped when I noticed he was busy handing Cyrus his teddy bear. “You weren’t even listening,” I complained, then moved to sit on the edge of the bed Soren was half lying on with Cyrus by his side.
It had been a month since he’d gotten shot, and because he was doing well, Soren was released from the hospital two weeks ago. Although, for now, he’d have to stay at home to rest. He wasn’t happy, already eager to go back to work. Of course, Ash was having none of it and nearly took off Soren’s head when he tried to suggest bringing some of his work home.
“Of course I was listening,” he said over Cyrus babbling. The baby was still unable to talk, but as of recently, he’d learned a few words. Da-da was one of them. “You said Diesel was wooing you.”
“ Wooing ?” I raised one brow at him before I pretended to gag. “You clearly haven’t listened.” Closing my eyes, I slumped down, my back sinking into the comfy mattress. Fuck . Coming here straight after work, I was so tired that I might just fall asleep.
“He texts you, buys you gifts—”
“Cat food is not a gift,” I cut in, but Soren went on.
“Takes you out for dinner. I’d call it wooing.”
“Have you forgotten I’m engaged?”
Soren snorted. “For some reason, I don’t see Diesel as the type to care.”
Moving to sit, I turned and gave him a harsh look. “Why does it sound like you’re cheering for Diesel?”
Soren answered me with a soft smile before he picked up Cyrus to sit in his lap. Now with the toddler in his arms, he spoke. “I’m cheering for you to be happy, Shay-Lee.”
I huffed and crossed my arms. “And I am. Or at least, I was until Camilo popped out of nowhere to shit all over my perfectly good life.”
Soren side-eyed me so hard it was fucking brutal.
“What?” I frowned at the judgment on his face.
“Are you actually happy, though?”
“Of course I am.” I swallowed hard. “I have my job, Jordan…”
“Haven’t you said you’re struggling to be intimate with him?”
I had, but it wasn’t because of Jordan but because of me. I guess sex didn’t interest me anymore. Besides, the only partner I’d ever truly enjoyed sex with was Camilo. He was the first person to show me what sex should feel like, what intimacy could be. Before him, I either got high or wasted in order to get through the whole thing without wanting to die. Since I now avoided drugs and only sometimes drank, it was harder to get into the mood, which meant Jordan and I weren’t the most sexually active partners. We did have sex once in a while, mostly because of how guilty I felt over it. Jordan never forced me, and neither did he ever complain, but I knew he wished we had more sex. It’s only natural, considering we’re both in our twenties . I actually told him he could sleep with others if he wanted to, but being the good man that he was, he obviously refused, telling me he didn’t care about sex as long as he had me.
“Can we even talk about sex when he’s here?” I asked while waving my finger at Cyrus, who, for some reason, sucked on his teddy bear’s leg.
I guess he didn’t get Soren’s brain.
Soren chuckled while taking the puppet from his baby and putting it aside. “Don’t be ridiculous; he’s nine months old. He doesn’t understand what we’re saying.”
“Whatever.” I huffed. “You know I don’t know shit about babies.” I sat back down when he chuckled.
“Instead of changing the subject, why don’t you tell me about the dinner you two had.”
I shrugged. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“So Diesel didn’t try to tell you why he’d left?”
“I don’t care why he left,” I said, feeling my body tense with my lie.
“You know, he might have had a good reason.” Soren sighed, and I turned to see him rubbing his jaw. “I mean, who knows what he went through during those months he spent in jail? It might have affected him mentally, and he needed time.”
My brows pulled into a deep frown, and I stood up, walking toward the floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked their backyard, which was basically the shore, then stopped. Focusing on the ocean, I took a moment to consider Soren’s words. Knowing Camilo the way I did, I knew being in jail didn’t break him. He was unbreakable, right?
“Truth is, I don’t care why he left. He left, and that’s it.” I bit on my bottom lip as an awful feeling took over me. Resentment . Anger over being neglected and betrayed by the one I loved the most. “I’m a selfish man, so even if he left in search of a cure for cancer, I couldn’t give a shit. He should have stayed here with me , but he didn’t. That’s why I’ll never forgive him.”
“You’re not selfish, Shay-Lee, just hurt. And while you have every right to be, please remember that there’s no weakness in forgiveness.”
And while Soren made sense, as he often did, he had missed the point. I wasn’t just mad at Camilo—I hated him. I hated him so much I felt it bubbling inside me. This fire that reignited within my soul threatened to burn me alive, and I couldn’t stand it. He had no right to break into my life just when I started to believe the lie I had told myself for years, that I was happy and everything was fine. Because the truth was, nothing was fine. Ever since he’d left, I had a hole ripped in my chest. I managed to distract myself from this pain, but now, when he was here, almost in arm’s reach, I could no longer do that. I could no longer live through my days, acting like the past didn’t haunt every part of me.
Not long after Soren and I talked, Ash came back home with June. They went to the farmer’s market and did some grocery shopping for dinner, which they offered me to stay for. Knowing that Miles, Andrei, Jessie, and Levi were also about to join made passing on the invitation easier. I didn’t hate them as I once had. More importantly, they no longer hated me , but it was still awkward being around their group. Surprisingly, Jordan felt the same way, and I say surprisingly because he used to be close friends with Levi and Jessie.
Entering the driveway of the Beverly Hills mansion we were renting until our new house was ready, I drove while checking my mirror. I had no idea why, but I was half expecting Camilo to appear out of nowhere. Maybe it was because I hadn’t heard a word from him since our dinner on Saturday? He had been dead silent since, and as it was already Wednesday, I suspected he was planning something.
I parked my car next to the gorgeous Aston Martin I’d bought Jordan for his last birthday, then got out. The cold evening air hit my skin, and I closed my eyes and took a deep inhale. I loved the fresh smell of cut grass that the breeze carried with it. That was why, in our new house, which would be in Bel Air, I made sure the property would spread over miles of green lawns with lots of trees, plants, and gardens. I had no idea why this sudden love for nature struck me, but it did. Who knew, maybe I’d take on gardening once we moved in.
The delicious scent of food enveloped me the second I entered our house, making me walk straight to our kitchen, where I found Jordan. Standing by the stove, he was stirring something while singing along with some song. Jordan actually had a beautiful voice, which I only found out about after we moved in together, and I caught him singing in the shower.
He had yet to notice me, so enjoying this simple moment, I leaned my shoulder against the wall and continued watching him when a forgotten memory from years ago struck me.
“What the hell is that smell?” Camilo frowned after he walked into the tiny-ass kitchen of our rented apartment. Since I was currently broke, Camilo paid for the place, and we couldn’t afford more. Yet, despite what I feared in the beginning, this little home had grown on me, as it was full of him .
Looking at the burning shit glued to the frying pan, I frowned. “It was supposed to be a tofu omelet.”
Camilo stood behind me, his hands on my hips as he peeked over my shoulder at the mess. “Did I cheat on you in your dream again, and this is your way of killing me?”
I turned my head to look back at him. “Fuck off. I was trying to be nice.”
“By poisoning me?” He smirked, and I was suddenly dumbstruck by how handsome he was.
I huffed. “And if you cheat on me again, I will kill you.”
He laughed. “It was a dream, Shay-Lee.”
“I don’t care.” I pouted when he wrapped his arms from behind me.
“Fine. Then I won’t do it again. ”
My body filled with so much warmth at his touch, making me feel unbelievably protected.
The scent of burning goo made me look back at the frying pan. “Shit!” I turned off the stove, my stomach rolling with disappointment. “I just wanted to do something nice for you for a change, and I fucked it up.”
Camilo swung my body so I’d face him, then pulled me into a hug. “What are you talking about?” He breathed me in at the same time his hands held me close.
“Nothing… I just feel like I’m a burden.”
“Stop being an idiot.” His arms tightened around me as I kept my hands on his lower back, slowly caressing his scar that I loved so fucking much. “I love taking care of you. Besides, you’re taking care of me just as much.”
“You’re lying,” I muttered, my cheek smeared against his strong chest.
“Didn’t you give me a wonderful back massage last night?”
I nodded.
“You also helped me with my math the other day.”
“Well, that’s ’cause you’re stupid.”
He laughed, and I loved how rich and full of life his voice was.
“Point is, you’re never a burden, Shay-Lee.” He kissed the top of my head. “If anything, being with you is a privilege I still can’t believe a sucker like me deserves.”
My heart fluttered, and I closed my eyes, allowing myself to enjoy his comfort for just a little longer. His hugs always felt like a dream, and I cherished them, treasured every second until I had to wake up—
“Oh, you’re here,” Jordan said, his voice snapping me back into the present.
A wave of disappointment washed through me once I blinked my eyes, and it was no longer the ghost of Camilo standing before me but Jordan. He smiled at me, and the kindness in his eyes burdened me with guilt.
“I am,” I said, then forced myself to smile over my shameful thoughts .
“How long have you been standing here?” He moved closer and placed his hands on my waist.
“For a while.” I wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “I wanted to hear you hit that verse perfectly.” Smiling, I leaned in to kiss him.
Jordan’s fingers slipped underneath my shirt before he pulled me closer at the same time he deepened the kiss. His lips were soft and warm, his tongue greedy as he licked into my mouth. He was a good kisser, although not as rough as I wished he were.
“What are you cooking?” I asked with my lips still hovering over his.
“I made you eggplant parmesan. It’s my mom’s recipe.”
“Aww, that’s so sweet. How’s Serena doing, by the way?”
Jordan let go of me before he went back to the stove. “She’s doing great. I talked to her earlier. She’s excited we’ll come visit on her birthday.”
Jordan’s mom recently got married to a cardiologist named Charles, whom she met in New York. Jordan had always been close to his mom, so while he was happy she found love, he missed her terribly. It was kinda cute seeing how much he loved her.
I loved my mom, too. A lot . Yet, I was the one who killed her.
Coming to peek at what he was stirring, I hugged him from behind. “I’m starving,” I hummed, licking my lips at the sight of the rich sauce cooking in the pot. It smelled delicious.
He glanced at me, his lips stretching up. “So go wash up. It should be ready by the time you’re done.”
“Okay.” I kissed his cheek and turned to go when he spoke.
“By the way, the designers sent us the plans for the open kitchen you wanted. I placed the papers on the bed along with the other package you received.”
I frowned. “What package?”
Jordan shrugged. “Don’t know, didn’t open it.”
Maybe it was the fabric samples Vito had promised to send me from Milan? Now eager to find out, I practically ran to our bedroom. Never one to be patient, I moved our house plans aside and went straight for a medium-sized black box that awaited me on the bed. I eyed the silver ribbon that wrapped it with suspicion. This was too fancy to be mere fabric samples, wasn’t it? Grabbing it with two hands, I shook it. It was a silly habit of mine that I’d never gotten rid of. Placing the box back down, I began unwrapping it. Annoyance trickled at me the entire time, and once I took off the lid and was met with thin silk paper, my breath caught in my chest. Biting my lip, I traced my fingers over the silky paper, my heart rate increasing until it was the only thing I could hear. Then, without lingering anymore, I moved it aside to reveal a set of lingerie, almost identical to the set he once bought me. Only this time, it was in black, not white. My cheeks flamed hot as my entire body tingled with forgotten desires. I reached my hand forward yet hesitated before taking the lingerie out.
With shaking fingers, I pulled out the garter belt and quickly pressed it to my chest. With my eyes closed, I could almost sense Camilo’s presence behind me as he eagerly waited for me to try it on for him. His hands stroked me up and down, his breath at the back of my neck, and his dark eyes drank me in, head to toe, as if I was the single most valuable thing he’d ever seen. All of these feelings and more— just from a set of lingerie. But it wasn’t just my heart that responded unconditionally but my dick, which hardened in my pants and grew stiffer by the second.
I opened my eyes and looked back inside the box. Among the other pieces of lace was also a note. Putting the garter belt aside, I picked it up.
Another slutty little thing to hang in your closet.
Nero.
My heart stopped, and I reread the words written in his handwriting again and again until I could almost hear him whispering them in my ear. Somehow, his voice was still so vivid in my memory. The way he sounded when he woke up, rough and raspy. The low pitch of his gravelly drawl while soaked in deep pleasure and the softness of his voice as he whispered words of love to me. A shiver ran down my spine, and by now, my cock was so hard that precum soaked through the fabric of my boxer briefs. And yet, at the same time this gift struck my body with undeniable passion, it also reminded me of my hate that burned deeper than my lust.
I shouldn’t fall into Camilo’s trap this easily. After all, he was trying to win me over, and fuck me if I’d let it happen. Ripping his note in two, I threw it aside before I tossed the garter belt back inside the box and was ready to wrap it back up when an idea occurred to me. I paused momentarily to consider if I should go this far when I realized I’d crossed far worse lines before. With a smirk, I stripped out of my clothes, not bothering to toss them into the laundry, before I began putting on this sexy little outfit Camilo had so thoughtfully bought me.
You wanted to play games. I’ll show you games.