Chapter 12
Shay-Lee
“H ave you thought about setting up boundaries?” Blaire suggested.
“Boundaries?” I snorted the word while putting the book I was holding back on its shelf, then turned to face my therapist. “Just now, you made me regret all the money I’ve spent here for the last few years,” I said sarcastically, my eyes locked on the strip of silver that stood out against the rest of her black hair.
“If you’re responding with sarcasm, it means I’ve hit the spot, Shay-Lee.” Crossing her legs, she pointed at the couch in front of her. “How about you sit back down, and we’ll start talking?”
Pursing my lips, I picked up a different book from her shelf. “We’ve been talking for almost an hour.” I quickly flipped through it, not caring to look inside, then put it back in place.
“We did talk. We talked about how much you hated my clothes. In fact—” She paused, and I looked to see her checking her watch. “—you spent forty minutes talking about why I shouldn’t wear cold colors and only five minutes talking about Diesel.” She offered me a kind smile. “Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to discuss whatever you’re comfortable with, but for the last few meetings, it seems as if you’re avoiding what’s truly bothering you.”
The sincerity in her green eyes made me uncomfortable because she was right. Ever since Camilo returned to my life, I felt like I was taking a few steps back in each of my meetings with Blaire. Instead of speaking on the important stuff, I wasted time. I was also being a little bit mean, which made it even more clear I was trying to distract us from the point.
“Fine,” I sighed, then sat on the couch that faced her. “What was that crap you said earlier… that I should set up boundaries?” I used air quotes on that last word.
“Why do you dismiss the idea?”
Looking aside, I pursed my lips, trying to think why this comment sounded so absurd. “Because Camilo and I have no boundaries. When we’re together, it’s like there’s no end. You know?” A thought occurred to me, and I swirled my fingers in the air. “It’s like taming a wildfire. You simply can’t. All you can do is stand by and watch it burn out.”
The sounds of her pen tapping her notebook mixed with the clock ticking on the wall filled the room until she spoke. “So you think Diesel is threatening to burn you?”
“You got me all wrong.” I turned my head so now I was looking her straight in the eyes. “Camilo isn’t the fire. I am. He’s simply the fuel I run on.”
“That’s an interesting analysis, Shay-Lee.” She looked down at her notebook, then back to me. “So you’re afraid you’ll lose control?”
My God , was she annoying today.
“No.” I huffed. “Because I won’t. I can’t stand seeing his face.” Not to mention his dick . “He’s rude and arrogant, and he thinks he can jump back into my life by using our sexual chemistry as if he didn’t betray me.” Realizing I was clenching my fists, I relaxed my hands and took a breath to calm down.
“So you admit you’re still attracted to him? ”
I glared at her. “Of course I’m still attracted to him. Have you listened to a word I said?”
Not pulling back because of the hostility in my voice, Blaire continued. “Are you troubled by it? By feeling sexual urges?”
The reason she brought it up was all those sessions we had in which I confessed to her what sex made me feel. Guilt. Shame. Disgust. Because of the things my father had done to me, sex carried nothing if not negative emotions. I was a victim of sexual abuse whether I liked it or not, and it was why, after Camilo left, I sort of just wanted to give up on sex altogether. That was until the asshole came back.
“I’m not troubled because my dick gets hard.” I twisted my lips, trying to think it through. “I’m annoyed that it’s with him.”
“And why’s that?”
Putting my hand on the couch armrest, I dug my finger into the leather. “Because he left me. Shouldn’t my body understand it, too?” A sad laugh broke past my lips. “I mean, why can’t I be attracted to Jordan, who’s actually been here with me?”
I dared to look back at Blaire, only to find her smiling at me. “We can’t choose the way our body reacts to people, Shay-Lee. And while we don’t have to act on it, we can definitely talk about it. If anything, I think it’s completely natural you’re still feeling desire toward Diesel.”
Desire ? What I felt for Camilo wasn’t desire but madness. His scent alone was enough to send me into turmoil, not to mention his beautiful eyes and smile… I wanted to drown in his proximity so badly it hurt, and I was simply unable to stop thinking about him. But on top of that all-consuming lust, there was too much pain.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” I dug my finger deeper into the couch, my nail scratching the surface.
“Because you’re hurt?”
I huffed. “Obviously.”
“So why don’t you say that to him the next time you meet?”
I lifted my gaze to meet her. “ Huh ? ”
She smiled. “The next time you meet Camilo—I mean Diesel.” Knowing I hated when people used his name, she corrected herself. “Tell him what you just told me, but try to keep your cool so you can explain to him how much he has hurt you in a moderate way.”
A moderate way .
I pressed my lips together into a slight frown. “Any chance you and Soren spoke before this?”
She chuckled. “You know I don’t talk with anyone about what’s going on in our meetings.”
“And what if I told you I killed someone?” I challenged her with a raised brow.
She locked eyes with me. “Not even then.”
We held each other’s stare for a while longer before I broke it. “What’s even the point?” I sank deeper into the couch, feeling a bit cold. “I moved on with my life. He’s no longer relevant.”
Blaire kept quiet for too long, so annoyed, I glanced up. Once our eyes met, she tilted her head, her expression serious.
“Isn’t he?”
While Blaire often made sense, there were days like today when she didn’t. On top of all, wasn’t she being unprofessional by telling me to go back to my ex? Only she didn’t say that and instead suggested I talk with Camilo. Rolling my eyes, I huffed some air. As if . This was the motherfucker who broke into my house to jerk off on my bed. Being reasonable with such a depraved beast was pointless, not to mention every second by his side was a risk to my fragile sanity.
While Blaire’s house underwent renovations, her clinic had temporarily moved to a medical center downtown. Because there weren’t any parking spots on the first floor when I arrived here, I had to park on the third one. Not only did this parking lot stink, but it also gave me the creeps. Hating being alone in dark places, I increased my steps while holding my bag closer to my chest.
I thought I heard a noise, but too scared to look back, I continued walking when someone touched my back. Screaming my heart out, I jumped so high I probably broke a world record. I was ready to dart for my car when someone spoke, and I recognized Camilo’s voice immediately.
“Jesus Christ, Shay-Lee, it’s me.” He tried calming me down, but my heart was beating so hard I could hardly hear him over the pounding in my ears.
With wide eyes, I stared at him, and my breath caught with the fear that still ran through my blood.
“Are you insane?” I screamed, my shout echoing around us while he laughed.
“Sorry.” He rubbed the back of his head. “I didn’t think you’d be this scared—”
“You didn’t think grabbing me in the middle of a dark parking lot would scare me?” I snapped, then turned around and began walking toward my car.
“All I did was touch your back.”
“Fuck off.”
“Seriously.”
Reaching my car, I spun to face him. He was so close I nearly bumped into him. “What the fuck are you even doing here?” I snarled.
“Haven’t you heard of the expression ‘strike while the iron is hot’?” He flashed me a toothy grin, and I saw red.
“Get away from me.” I pushed at his chest, but he grabbed my wrists and walked me backward until I was bucked against the car.
“Why so violent?” he pouted.
“I will kill you,” I hissed, trying to fight his hold only to fail. Pushing him away was like attempting to move a mountain.
Camilo pretended to frown. “Come on, Llorón. You can’t seriously want to kill me, do you?”
“Sure I do. But first, I wish to castrate you.” I tried kicking his nuts again, but the bastard learned from the last time and avoided the hit .
“Aren’t you feisty today?” he chuckled while gripping me harder.
Biting the inside of my cheek, I tried my best not to lash out. “You’re following me to my therapist now? Are you for real?”
He tilted his head, his dark eyes drinking me in. “So that’s what this place is? And here I thought she was your girlfriend.”
“Don’t joke.”
“I’m being dead serious.” He grinned. “I mean, you’re already dating one pussy. What’s another one?”
“I’m going to murder you.” I tried making a fist, but he slipped his fingers between mine, forcing us to hold hands instead.
“Please, we both know you can’t live without me.” He then leaned closer until I could smell the sweet cherries scent on his lips. “How about this… If you answer my next question, I’ll let you go.”
With his face an inch from mine, his eyes studied me carefully. My throat dried under his stare, and so I nodded. Angling his head, he moved his lips to my ear, and my hair stood on end while I shivered with anticipation of what he’d ask me.
“How hard did you come watching me work my dick just for you?” he whispered in a low pitch that made me question my principles because right then, I wanted to climb him like a tree.
Biting my lip, I hushed the moan that threatened to escape me at the filthiness of his words that brought back last night. I came so fucking hard, and that wasn’t even the end of it. After I calmed down, I jerked off to his video again in the bathroom and another time this morning, right before I deleted it.
I turned my head so our lips nearly touched. “I’ll leave it to your imagination,” I purred with a teasing grin.
Camilo did as he promised and let go of my wrist, only to move his hand to my neck. My whole body burned under his touch, and I held my breath.
“That’s a bit risky, Llorón.” He caressed his thumb over my jugular. “Because you know how dirty my mind is.” He ducked his head down until his lips grazed my neck. “It’s fucking filthy, sweetheart,” he whispered, then kissed me softly, his touch sending bolts of arousal down my spine before he parted his lips and sucked on my skin. It felt so damn good, and I closed my eyes, wishing him to continue, when instead, he dragged his teeth up until he reached my ear. And despite my knees going weak, I wasn’t about to stand there like a pathetic sucker. With him off guard, I sent my hand between us and grabbed his balls over his pants.
He hissed with surprise.
Squeezing him tighter, I smiled. “I see you’re already working that dirty mind of yours. Tell me, Diesel , am I naked right now?”
“Naked and underneath me.”
Loving his answer, I cupped his dick harder, feeling it growing with excitement.
“Am I crying your name?”
“Screaming it.”
His words went straight to my cock, and turned on, I bit my lip. I could easily visualize this scenario: him fucking me raw on my back, his monstrous dick drilling in and out of me until I could do nothing but scream his name. We’d probably be covered with sweat and cum, which he’d lick off my body—
“Look at you,” he chuckled, his deep voice snapping me back. “Did my poor kitten get himself all worked up?” Moving his hand from my neck, he cupped my flaming cheeks and grinned. “If you ask nicely, I’ll get on my knees for you, right here, and suck your dick in the middle of this parking lot. All you need is to say—” He leaned closer until his lips brushed mine. “—please suck my dick, Camilo.”
Heat rushed to my face, and I swallowed hard.
Camilo didn’t miss my reaction. But he didn’t mock me, instead looking me in the eyes. His stare bored into my soul the same way it always did, and it reminded me of all that we had. It wasn’t just sex but a whole world we created for ourselves. Our little broken heaven. A heaven he turned into hell the day he left me.
“Why do you keep fighting this, Shay-Lee?”
“ Why ?” I hissed while feeling all the cracks in my broken heart. “ Because you left.” None of this would have happened if not for him deciding to leave me at my fucking worst.
“Llorón—”
Not wanting to hear what he had to say, I grabbed his balls harder, but he didn’t flinch and instead smiled. “Yeah, that feels good, but can you scratch me a bit more to the left?”
My eyes widened, and I let go of him at once before pushing him away.
“Fuck you,” I yelled and took out my car keys.
“Gladly,” he snorted while pulling a pack of gum from his pocket.
“I hope you choke on those and die,” I hissed.
“Whatever,” he laughed and began walking to his bike that was parked behind my car.
Eager to get out of there before he could, I climbed inside my car, completely ignoring Camilo’s laughter as I got behind the wheel.
Turning on the engine, I didn’t bother checking the mirrors as the parking lot was empty and hit the gas. Only my car was set in Reverse instead of Drive, and it jerked backward, hitting something. The loud thump, followed by a bundle of curses, left no room for mistake, and my heart stopped. Frozen, I sat with my hands clenching the steering wheel, too terrified to move a muscle. “Shit, shit, shit,” I hissed, snapping out of my shock and quickly getting out of my car.
“Fucking shit, you were serious about the killing part,” Camilo grunted from the ground as he rubbed his head.
“What were you doing behind my car?” I snapped, panicked.
“I don’t know,” he hissed, rubbing his head. “Existing?”
“Fuck!” I crouched by his side, my heart racing like crazy with fear I’d hurt him. “It was a mistake,” I muttered while running my hands over him to check he was fine. “The car was in reverse and—You’re bleeding,” I gasped after he rubbed the back of his head and his hand came back bloody .
“I’ll call 911.” I pulled out my phone and was about to dial when Camilo covered the screen with his other hand and made me stop.
“Don’t.” He slowly got back up. “It’s all good.” Wiping his blood over his shirt, he then stretched his back. “Fuck, you really struck me hard, you bastard.”
My stomach turned, and I felt sick. “C-Camilo, I’m sorry. Let me take you to the hospital.” I gripped the fabric of his shirt with shaking fingers.
Camilo stopped, his eyes darting to my hand that was on him before he looked at me, one brow raised. Maybe he got a concussion and he was going into shock?
“What is it?” I urged him to speak because the longer he kept quiet, the more worried I became.
“Nothing,” he finally spoke. “I really don’t need to go to the hospital.” He checked himself out. “But a shower would be nice. I’m all dirty now.”
Nodding, I dropped my hand from his body.
“Let me drive you to your place. It’s too dangerous for you to ride your bike with a head injury.”
And while my logic said driving Camilo to his home was a mistake, my heart didn’t care. I’d just run him over with my car. My muscles were shaking, and my breath was still caught in my throat. I was sweating my ass off with fear, even though he was clearly okay and stood on two feet right before me. It didn’t matter. I was still terrified he was hurt and I just couldn’t see it yet.
Therefore, without caring about the consequences of having no boundaries between us, I made him get inside my car and drove us to his place.