Chapter 23
Shay-Lee
L ying in bed after we showered together, I closed my eyes and cuddled in Camilo’s embrace while he softly caressed my back. I should probably get up and leave soon, but being here with him, under the warm blanket and the ocean breeze coming from the open windows, felt too damn good.
Just thinking back on what we did less than an hour ago made my hair stand on end, and unable to control myself, I tilted my head aside and planted a kiss on his chest.
“I missed you,” I confessed while brushing my hand over his abs. “I missed you so much the past five years.” I said five and not four because my longing started the day I woke up from my coma and he wasn’t by my side.
Camilo nudged me closer before kissing the top of my head. “I missed you even more.” He then moved his hand to my head. Pushing a strand of hair aside, he stroked my scar. “Is this from back then?”
I nodded. “It is, but we don’t need to talk about it now.”
I felt too good at the moment to allow the past to come in and ruin it for me .
“Okay.” He rested his head against me.
Comfortable silence fell between us, and I wished we could have just fallen asleep this way when a thought occurred to me.
“I’ll break up with him once we’re back home,” I said, thinking how it was only fair.
“Yeah?”
I half rose up to look at him. “Yeah.” A small smile spread on my lips while I eyed my name that he’d branded on his chest, right where his heart was. “I want to be able to fall asleep with you without a worry on my mind.”
His relaxed expression turned into a smile, and he grabbed my hips before pulling me down into a bear hug. Wrapped in his strong arms, I felt at home, and I savored this feeling of safety I’d lacked for so long. It was then that his phone buzzed and interrupted my little piece of heaven.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
He hugged me tighter. “Nah.”
Pushing him away, I glanced around at where the ringing sound was coming from when I noticed his suitcases standing in the corner of the room.
“Why are your suitcases there?” I pointed at them, my brows drawing close when I saw his duffle bag placed on top, like he was packing to… leave ?
The deep sigh that left Camilo a moment later didn’t put me at ease, and I quickly pulled away from him.
“Camilo?”
Sitting up on the bed, he moved a hand over his jaw. “I need to fly back to LA.”
“What?” My heart dropped because we had three more days in this resort.
“Something came up, and I had to book a new flight for the morning,” he explained, giving me nothing.
What the fuck did he mean by that?
“What came up? ”
“Work.”
Not liking his short answers, I frowned at him. “What work?”
Tearing his eyes away from me, he grunted. “It doesn’t matter—”
“Fuck yes, it matters!” I snapped.
“Dion found out I’m out of the country, and he told me to come back, okay?”
Did he just say… Dion ?
With my heart beating so fast I could hear it in my ears, I tried calming down my thoughts so I’d be able to understand what he was saying. “Why the fuck would he care you’re here? I thought you said you’re no longer working for him.”
Camilo hissed a low fuck before he scratched his chin. “I sort of still am…”
“Speak louder.”
“Fuck,” he grunted and got up from bed, quickly grabbing his boxers from the floor and putting them on. “I’m still working for him, okay?”
My eyes opened wide, and betrayed, I got up, not giving a shit I was naked. “So earlier today, you lied.” I stomped toward him. “You told me you were done working for that scum, but you were lying.”
“I didn’t lie.” He looked aside. “I’m almost done with him.”
“Almost?” I grabbed his jaw and forced him to look me in the eyes. If he was lying, the least he could do was do it to my face. “You’re either working for him or you’re not.”
The longer he stayed quiet, the more anxious I became, and in seconds, this entire evening was colored in a whole new shade.
“You’re a fucking liar, Camilo.” I punched his chest and was ready to hit him again when he grabbed my wrist.
“Calm down!”
I released myself from his hold and stepped back because he had no right to touch me. Nor did he have the right to lie to me, but mostly, he had no right to leave me. Again . And while I knew getting pissed at him over a lie after I’d just cheated on Jordan was rich, I didn’t give a shit. I thought we had something special and that he was ready to atone for the past, but he clearly wasn’t.
Looking at him, I knew that I could either stay here and confront him on the subject, which would probably lead to nothing, or leave, which would also change nothing. Nothing I did ever made any difference when it came to him. Because clearly, Camilo was still a stubborn asshole who kept tons of stuff from me.
“I hate you, Camilo Goméz,” I said once I found my voice.
“Llorón.” He whispered my name softly while attempting to touch me again when I shrugged him off.
“I fucking hate you!” I shouted, then turned around and began gathering my clothes from the floor. My ring fell out of my pants pocket as I picked them up, and my stomach rolled as I reached for it. I was such a fool for coming here tonight with the naive thought of a fresh start. Of course we couldn’t have one. We couldn’t move forward because he was still working for that hideous man, doing God only knew what and tossing his life into the fucking garbage.
“Fuck, just hold on and listen to me.” He grabbed my arm when I was already out the door.
I turned to look at him, my eyes furious.
“I have one last job to do for him, and then I’m free. I swear to God, Shay-Lee.” His face twisted with pain, and I could see the sorrow in his dark eyes, and while my heart ached for him like it always did, now I didn’t care. I was simply too furious.
“Llorón, please.”
My eyes locked on his hand that still held me before I took a deep breath.
“Just go back to California.” I shrugged out of his hold. “Leave like you did before. See if I give a fuck.”
I sat on the cold sand, my knees close to my chest as I waited for him to pick up. The ringing sounds of my phone mixed with the waves, and I was about to hang up, thinking he might not be available, when he finally answered.
“Shay-Lee, isn’t it the middle of the night there? Is everything okay?”
I half smiled at his worry, because it was so Soren to bombard me with questions the second he picked up.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” I said and hugged my knees a bit tighter. “I just felt like calling.”
He let out a deep sigh. “At three in the morning?”
I snorted because I guess the timing was telling.
“I slept with Camilo,” I admitted, then gave Soren a moment to process my out-of-the-blue announcement.
“That’s okay, Shay-Lee.”
“How can you say that?” I asked while rubbing the bridge of my nose. “I cheated, and I don’t even feel guilty over it—”
“But you do,” he cut in. “Or you wouldn’t have called me.” There was no judgment in his voice, just… care. “Guilt is merely the result of an act and a proof of conscience, darling. It’s also a distraction from the more important question, which is why you slept with him.”
“Because I wanted to…” I said. The moment I decided to leave my room and go see Camilo, there wasn’t a thing I wanted more.
“And do you regret doing it?”
Pressing my lips together, I looked down at the sand while trying to think of an answer. “I didn’t at first, but now… I think I do.” Until I saw those suitcases, there wasn’t a piece of me that regretted my decision. It was only after I learned Camilo had lied that I did. So my regret had nothing to do with the fact I’d cheated but because of my anger.
Tears gathered in the back of my throat, and I tried swallowing them. “I-I’m so selfish, Soren. So fucking selfish.”
“You have every right to be.”
“That’s bullshit.” My voice cracked, and I began crying. Embarrassed, I tried stifling my sobs, which was no use as my tears continued flowing down my cheeks.
“Do you want me to come there?” he asked, and somehow, I found it funny.
“Stop joking,” I said between sniffing.
“When have I ever made a joke?”
“You can’t come here. You’ve just been shot.”
“It happened weeks ago, and I feel good already.”
I pouted. “It takes two long fucking flights.”
“Nothing a good book or three couldn’t help me get through.”
That made me laugh, only it came out awkward and snotty, but at least it made me stop crying. Now, wiping away my tears, I looked up at the sky. My eyes burned, but it helped me ease my breath.
“You don’t need to come here.” I cleaned my nose. “I’m okay. I mean it.”
“I’m happy to hear that, but I just want you to know that I’m always here for you, and no matter what, you’re not alone, Shay-Lee. I know it might feel otherwise at times, but please believe me that I’m here.”
Soren had always told me that, and while there were moments I felt lonely , thanks to him, I truly wasn’t alone—not anymore.
“Sometimes I wish you were my dad instead of him,” I said, not sure why. When Soren stayed silent for a moment, I could almost imagine his expression. He’d probably have a crease between his pinched brows before he pursed his lips.
“We can’t change the past, Shay-Lee.”
“I know, I know… But just think about how different I could have been.”
“I think you’re astonishing as you are, and there isn’t a thing I’d change in you. Just look at how much you’ve accomplished in the past few years.”
I snorted because I’d literally just fucked it all up.
“But I cheated.”
“So? ”
“So?” I laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Of course I am.”
“But it’s wrong.”
“It is, but we all make mistakes, and we all cross lines that shouldn’t be crossed. The question is, for what reason? If love made you go to Diesel, perhaps it’s not the wrong decision.”
Wrong decision . That was another thing.
“But it’s not just that…” I gathered a bit of sand in my palm and slowly let it slip between my fingers, my eyes watching the grains falling and creating a small pile. “I’m just so scared of making more mistakes, Soren.”
He stayed silent for a moment, and I felt anxious that I might have said something wrong when he finally spoke.
“Have I ever told you how scared I was about having children?”
Since he never had, I stopped playing with the sand and straightened up. “No. You didn’t.”
“Well, I was terrified.” He chuckled. “I always assumed that I’d be a terrible parent, given what happened to me, and for many years, I denied that possibility. Not only from myself but from Ashton, too.” He took a small pause as if saying that hurt him. “The last few months before June came, I was sure I’d ruin everything, and the thought scared me to death. But no matter how much I doubted myself, her coming into this world was inevitable, and you know what? She and Cyrus are the greatest gifts I’ve ever embraced, and being a father is a privilege I never thought a selfish man such as myself deserved. But I did deserve it, Shay-Lee. But not just me. Ashton, too. We deserved to be happy with our children, no matter how much my fears told me otherwise for years.”
Now I felt like crying again, not because of sadness but because of how melting his words were. “You’ll make me cry again, asshole.”
“Crying is okay, too,” he chuckled but then sorted himself back together. “But please think about what I just told you, okay? Because despite what you’ve been through, you deserve to be happy. May the consequences be damned. ”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You are so shameless, Soren.”
“Hardly. I’m simply a realist.”
“Well, whatever you are, I fucking miss you, and we’re going to our favorite restaurant when I’m back.” There was this small bistro that offered great wine that we visited at least once a week.
“Deal.”
“Tell Ash I said hello and that Jessie still hasn’t broken any limbs.”
Soren laughed and promised to do that before hanging up. And while I hadn’t exactly told him about everything that happened with Camilo, I did share enough to make me feel better. Now, ready to go back to my room, I got up. But before I left, I stopped to glance at the ocean. It was a night exactly like this, with the moon and stars shining in the dark sky, when Camilo asked me to marry him. I moved my hand to my neck and closed my eyes, remembering how he put his mother’s chain around it while telling me I was the only family he needed. Despite my rage, the idea of belonging to him still burned through my core. I couldn’t recall the last week before my attack, including the attack itself, but thankfully, that night I did remember, and I’d cherish it forever, even if our promise to marry each other back then would never come true.