Chapter 2
2
DAISY
I n the bathroom, I stare at myself in the mirror. My breathing hitches as I think over the conversation I just had with my stepfather with that fucking metronome clicking in the background. He must have known that, even now, Doctor Stoke uses them in his sessions with the younger patients to ‘ calm them’ and ‘help them with anxiety’. Ever since my first sessions with him at The Heath, when I hear something that even reminds me of that incessant noise, my heart rate ratchets up, I break into a cold sweat, and my knees feel like they’re going to give out. I’m not sure how John could know that, but he didn’t have it in his office to put me at ease, that’s for sure.
But something did come out of that meeting that I didn’t expect. I might hate John – I do hate John – but he’s giving me a chance not to be taken back to The Heath. I can go to university in person ... as a real student.
I just need to follow the rules ... and live with some boys. The Heath had both male and female residents, plus many of the blanks were men. That aspect probably won’t be much different. I can do it .
‘I can do this,’ I whisper to the woman staring back at me.
I look so different in real clothes instead of the light gray scrubs we all wore at The Heath, with the sunglasses on my head that I found on the table in the airport lounge while I was waiting to board John’s jet, and the light makeup I applied on the plane that one of the nicer receptionists showed me how to do properly the morning I was told I was coming here.
I can do this. I can be out here and have a life. I just have to keep my head down and do what John wants for a while.
I wash my hands with cold water, and I make the harsh breaths recede. I clench my fists to stop my fingers wriggling, the only remnant of the full-arm movements I couldn’t control as a child.
You can do this.
With a final glance at myself, I leave the bathroom and go looking for Jack. I don’t think he’s very happy that dear old dad has made him responsible for me.
As I think the words, said stepbrother comes out of nowhere, and I find myself pushed up roughly against the wall under the grandiose staircase where no one can see. I wince at the impact and let out a small cry as he jabs me in the chest with his finger, an echo of his father’s movements in the office a few moments ago, I realize, oddly proud of myself for noticing something I normally wouldn’t.
Also oddly, his close proximity doesn’t upset me. I can’t remember the last time someone touched me, and I didn’t feel the urge to balk, run, hit them, or do all three. I don’t do any of those things, of course. I keep the impulses under wraps these days. But this ... I like the smell of him, I realize. Sandalwood. Leather. I don’t know why it calms me, but it does, and it’s a veritable balm after the flight, the funeral, the meeting with John – basically the past few days since I learned my world would be upturned. I find myself leaning toward him a little, trying to get closer.
‘You’re going to regret leaving that clinic,’ he snarls at me.
Hmm. Jack seems angry, but the rest of him is so calming that I don’t focus on that.
I look into his eyes for five seconds. No more. And then I stare at the spot between his eyebrows. He has very little idea of what The Heath is; if he was aware, he’d never say something so stupid.
‘I doubt that,’ I say softly.
I’m almost glad he doesn’t know. I always liked him more than Andrew when we were kids. Andrew could be cruel, and not just to me. Jack would stand with me at school when some of the other kids called me names. I think he even threw a couple of punches for me, though, at the time, I hadn’t realized it. He might have gotten in a bit of trouble for me before I was taken to England. too. I didn’t understand that until a few years later when I’d mulled over it probably a thousand times. He’d tried to help me then. I think I’d hate it if he knew the specifics about The Heath, but I’m not sure why.
He takes a step back with a sneer, and I immediately miss the warmth of his body, the smell of him.
That’s new.
‘We’ll see, Marguerite,’ he hisses.
‘It’s Daisy now, actually,’ I tell him.
I decided on the plane that I’d like a fresh start and that a new name would be a good idea. Daisy makes sense. It’s what my real name means in French and it’s what my mom called me when I was little.
When I meant something to her.
Without warning, I find tears filling my eyes, and I rapidly blink them back. I’ll cry when I’m alone, I promise myself. But not here in this house and not in front of any of the Novelles.
‘Daisy?’ he spits, not seeming to notice my glassy eyes, thankfully. ‘Whatever. Come on.’
He pushes away from me and turns, walking quickly to the front door and tearing it open. As I walk by, I notice my duffel bag by the entrance, and I pick it up. This is all my luggage. Everything I own is in this one bag.
I follow Jack out to a sleek, black Jag. I don’t know enough to discern the model. He throws open the boot ... trunk and motions for me to put my bag inside, almost catching my fingers as he snaps it back down.
I scowl at him, letting my real feelings out for a moment and I notice it takes him aback. I see it in his face. I scoff at him inwardly. He probably thought, as many of the blanks and even some of the doctors at The Heath did, that ‘a lack of tonal inflection is indicative of no emotional response’ ... at least in patients like me . But nothing could be further from the truth. I feel everything a person can feel, the full range of emotions. Knowing why I feel the way I do and then expressing them at the right time is just difficult and, frankly, more trouble than it’s worth.
He opens his door, and I’m a little amused when he simply gets in on his side and starts the engine. No more chivalrous door-holding and helping me in and out of cars, I guess.
I get in and immediately strap myself in, glad I have as we peel out of the open gate at what I would consider break-neck speeds. I white-knuckle the handle on the door and grit my teeth, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he’s making me afraid.
The blanks, mostly the night ones, loved it when we were scared. They pretended differently, but those of us who were seasoned patients all knew never to show the power-hungry cunts our fear if we could possibly help it.
I glance over at Jack. He’s driving at a more normal speed now and no longer throwing the car around every corner. Maybe he’s calmed down. I return my hands to my lap and sit up straighter.
‘How many live in your fraternity house?’ I ask him.
He lets out a long breath. ‘About thirty.’
‘So about seven in each year?’
He glances at me. ‘Yeah. Sort of. There are ten spaces for the pledges this year. Then, nine sophomores, nine juniors, and three seniors.’
Thirty-one. I frown, wondering if the numbers being so skewed is weird. ‘Only three seniors?’
He’s silent for a moment. ‘Yeah. Some ... stuff happened and they ... got expelled last year when we were all juniors. It worked out. Since there are so few of us, we just decided to take the whole top floor for ourselves this year.’
I open my mouth to ask why all the other seniors in the frat got ejected from the school when he frowns and gives me a quick look that I can’t discern.
‘You didn’t used to talk so much.’
I let out a breath as I look out the window. ‘No, I guess not.’
‘What changed?’
My mind flits around what my life has been like these past few years, the countless hours of practice, the sessions designed to give me all the skills that I lacked, and I look out of the window instead of at Jack. I’d rather not delve too deeply into all that stuff. It’s in the past now and I want it to stay that way.
‘Grew up, I guess,’ I murmur noncommittally.
I don’t want to talk anymore, so I let the silence stretch on. Instead, I watch the trees go by and put on the shades again when the sunlight begins to grate on me. It’s normal to wear sunglasses, so no one will think anything of it, but the truth is I’ve always preferred cloudy days.
After a few minutes of forest and backroads, we get to the town of Richmond, which has a town center with some stores around a square and a statue of some guy on a horse in the middle of the green beside a bandstand. Looks like there’s a café too, and I wonder if I’ll be allowed to roam around. Regardless, I pay close attention to the journey a bit more now, so I can find my way back if I get the chance later.
We turn off the main road and go through a neighborhood, and I make a mental note of the street names before we get to a street called Richmond Way. This must be where the university buildings begin.
‘When do classes start?’ I ask, seeing banners about what appears to be mandatory fun for the new students this week.
I don’t even know what day it is, I realize, thinking back to the day before. Stoke was in his office, so it must have been a weekday, and I struggle to remember what I had for lunch. Ah, yes. I frown as I recall the egg and cress sandwich on brown bread.
Yuk.
It must have been Tuesday yesterday.
‘Tomorrow,’ he replies.
We pass some houses with various Greek letters on them and turn down another road, a long driveway that’s lined with high oak trees.
‘Your house isn’t with the others?’ I murmur.
‘Kappa Iota Pi is a breed apart,’ he smirks.
I resist the urge to wrinkle my nose at how much the arrogant remark makes him sound like John.
We pull up to a large stone house with a well-tended lawn and white shutters beside all the windows. It’s massive. Beautiful in a cold, New England, old-money sort of way. Though I suppose The Heath didn’t look much different, at least from the outside.
I shiver as I look up at it, hearing Jack open the back and take my bag out. I think he’s going to take it in for me, but instead, he chucks it at my feet.
‘I’m not your servant, Daisy . Carry your own shit.’
I pick it up and heft it over my shoulder. Jack appears to be angry again, but I can’t pinpoint what I’ve done. Perhaps it’ll come to me when I inevitably think about these interactions later.
I follow him to the front door, raising my sunglasses onto my forehead.
He produces a keycard and swipes it over a pad on the gray stone wall. The door unlocks, and I follow him inside, stamping down my trepidation. It can’t be worse than The Heath, I tell myself, and I survived that for almost a decade.
Inside is dark and I squint, trying to adjust as I hear Jack walking away from me quickly, further into the house. A sixth sense honed over ten years in a place where a bully was just as likely to be a fellow resident as a staff member has me swallowing hard, not liking this at all.
I hear a switch being flicked. Light and sound assail my senses, making me flinch and draw the sunglasses back over my eyes.
I finally see that the foyer is full of guys, members of the fraternity, I guess. They’re all staring at me and talking amongst themselves, openly perusing my face and body as they talk. A couple of them whistle loudly and I cringe at the sounds.
‘Hey, Shade, I don’t want to alarm the seniors, but one of the pledges has a pussy!’
‘I think you’re in the wrong house, honey!’
‘I thought you said she was retarded. She doesn’t look like it. ’
‘Look at those tits and that ass! She bunking with all three of you?’
‘She can stay with me tonight!’
‘Can we do a lottery to decide who gets to fuck her every night?’
‘She ain’t the frat bike, Eddy!’
‘I can make her want it.’
‘Would you like that, baby?’
I take an uncertain step back as the comments, remarks, and voices charge my defenses. More high-pitched whistles make me cower, and when one of them with a wide, leering grin on his face reaches out to finger the lapel of my blazer, I find my back flat against the door, my hands balling into fists at my sides as I prepare for unwanted touches.
‘Ok, that’s enough!’ I hear Jack lazily call out.
The hand recedes, and I just stop myself from looking at my stepbrother in relief. He probably told them to do this. He’ll remember enough about me to know that shit like this is torture for me.
‘Hey, baby, why don’t you come sit on my lap?’
I look for the source of the voice and find myself staring at the table where Jack is now sitting with two others. The many frat brothers who gave me such a delightful welcome are largely dispersing already. Guess they have better things to do than throw lewd comments and gawk at Jack’s sister.
Good.
I walk to the table calmly, pretending I’m not freaking out, and cast my eyes over the guys sitting with my stepbrother. These must be the other two seniors saved from last year’s cull. It was the dark-haired one who asked me to sit on his knee. He’s wearing a black Oxford with the top three buttons undone and a black blazer over it with some dark jeans. Black geometric tattoos creep up the side of his neck, and I can’t help but follow the lines of them, letting out a small sigh as my mind begins to relax a little. I take in his aristocratic features and his slightly square jaw. His nose is the only thing that isn’t perfect. It’s slightly twisted as if it’s been broken before.
He moves back, making space between him and the table as if he really thinks I’m going to plant myself on his lap. He takes a sip of his drink as he peruses me like a curiosity.
I tilt my head and look down my nose at him as I give my best impression of Ms. Tremaine, the woman they brought in to teach me etiquette, I suppose at John’s behest, as none of my much luckier peers at The Heath were ever subjected to her and her knuckle-rapping tendencies.
‘No, thank you,’ I tell him, looking him over with practiced disdain. ‘I’d rather not.’
He seems to choke on his drink for a moment, and I ignore the spluttering as I take in the table as a whole.
‘I’m Daisy,’ I say, sort of wishing I hadn’t chosen such a silly, childish moniker now.
The name ‘Marguerite’ is stronger, but it’s too late. I’m committed.
I look more closely at the dark-haired guy in front of me whose eyes are now narrowed at me.
‘And you are?’
‘Eric Blake, but we just call him Blake,’ Jack supplies when he doesn’t deign to respond.
He gestures with his head to senior number three. He’s massive, I realize. Built like a brick shithouse, as Douglas would say. He’s got muscles on muscles. His cheekbones are high and his lips, full. I find myself wanting to bite mine as I stare at his.
‘Maverick Shaw. Mav.’
Mav.
‘That must take some real upkeep,’ I mutter as my eyes rove over him .
Then, He-Man stands up, and I see that not only is he muscly as hell, but he’s tall, too. He towers over me, and I blink up at him, my mouth opening on a small gasp.
‘Are we really expected to have this bitch living here with us all year?’ he asks, his lip curling as he looks at Jack.
Jack snorts. ‘So says the honorable Doctor John Novelle.’
‘This is bullshit, Shade.’
Shade?
My amused eyes find Jack’s. He pretends not to notice.
‘Look,’ I say. ‘I don’t want to be here either.’ Lie. I definitely want to be at Richmond. ‘But John told me I have to live at this house. If you have somewhere else I can go, I’ll gladly go and he probably won’t know the difference. Otherwise, can you tell me where my room is, please? It’s been a long day, and I’m off by about five hours.’
I notice Mav staring.
‘Time difference,’ I elaborate in case he’s confused. ‘It’s five hours until October.’
He squints. ‘What happens in October?’
‘Clocks change.’ I purse my lips. ‘But one country does it before the other, so in October there’s seven days where it’s four hours, and then in March a week where it’s six hours.’
Mav glances at the others. ‘Right.’
The silence is palpable, and I frown a little. I did something, said something.
Jack, no, Shade shakes his head a little and lets out a breath. The moment is forgotten.
‘You know my father. He’ll find out if we put her elsewhere, and he’ll come down on us like a ton of bricks, which we don’t need this year. It won’t be for long.’
He says the last part almost to himself.
Mav and Blake nod, both staring at me, I think in confusion, but I can’t be sure.
‘Fourth floor, Daisy . ’
‘Up there with us?’ Mav mutters. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘Thanks, Shade .’
But as I say his nickname aloud, I decide that it does actually suit him, and that I’ll use it so long as he calls me ‘Daisy’ in return.
I don’t say anything else as I turn and walk back to the door, grabbing the bag I dropped and making my way up the stairs without a backward look. I try to forget about the guys at the table, the frat bros who think I’m, at best, a piece of meat to salivate over and, at worst, a retard they can treat however they want.
I’m neither, but the truth is I don’t actually know what I am. Now that I’m free of The Heath, I suppose it’s time to find out.
Blake
‘You can’t put her up there with us,’ I say as I watch her walk away and try not to stare at that juicy ass she’s got swaying all over the place. ‘What if she overhears something she shouldn’t? Fuck. We barely have time for our own shit. How are we supposed to find the extra to deal with her? We’re on a timeline!’
‘We’ll just have to be careful and share the load,’ Shade replies. ‘Maybe we can make watching her part of pledge duties during hazing. That’ll give us a few weeks to fix this, but that’s the best I can think of. My father already threatened the lab if I don’t play nice. Let’s just keep him off our backs, okay?’
I roll my eyes. Fucking John Novelle. He’ll keep his claws in all of us forever if we let him.
‘Fuck,’ I mutter.
Shade glances around, and his expression shutters. ‘It’s not like we can put her in Gen Pop now. Jesus, Blake. What the fuck were you guys thinking with the welcome committee?’
I bristle. ‘I was thinking you said give her a greeting she’d remember, so we told everyone about the retard bitch without a dick who’s coming to live with us and how much she’d love them to say hi when she got here.’
I give him a look and his jaw clenches.
‘The stuff they said was on them,’ I continue. ‘We didn’t tell them to mention anything specific, and, anyway, I thought we didn’t want her here.’
‘We don’t,’ Shade mutters, ‘but I also don’t want my little sister, who just got out of an institution, fucked by some frat assholes because I didn’t make sure they knew her body was off-limits.’
I put my elbows on the table and steeple my fingers as I look at him. ‘C’mon, Shade, I saw the way you were watching her. You don’t think of her as your little sister ,’ I snort, ‘and if you do, your family is more fucked up than I realized.’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he practically snarls, and I see Mav stifle a grin across the table.
‘So, she legit just got out of a psych ward today?’ Mav asks, taking a sip of his beer.
‘Yesterday.’ Shade sits back. ‘It’s not a psych ward, just a clinic. A nice one in England that my father put her in when she was thirteen to keep her safe.’
‘What he put her in there for?’
He hesitates, and I know at once he’s not going to give us the full story. Good thing I’ll be able to dredge it up on my own.
‘She’s autistic.’ He opens a beer. ‘She was different when she was a kid, though. She seems pretty normal now compared to how she was then. Would hardly talk, would freak out if she was touched, wouldn’t even show her mom affection. She’d scream and fight, have episodes where she would get upset when there was too much going on around her.’ He glances over at the stairs thoughtfully. ‘She seems like she’s better than she was, but I saw that same look in her eye today that I used to see back then. When the lights turned on and she saw everyone around her, she was very close to an episode.’
‘An episode ? Jesus, Shade! What the fuck does that mean? Is this bitch going to slit our throats in our beds or something? Do I need to lock my door at night?’
Shade clears his throat and glances away.
My eyes narrow. Yeah, there’s definitely more to this than he’s saying.
‘She just gets upset. Yells. Screams. Throws shit. Lashes out.’ He shrugs. ‘A tantrum, basically.’
‘Like a little kid?’ I snort. ‘I’d have thought your dad woulda had someone beat it out of her if she was that bad.’
Shade chuckles. ‘Not really my father’s style. You know that. Anyway, I think we can make her lose it, preferably publicly. If we can, John will have her carted back to the clinic before you can say, ‘get that bitch out of here’. Then, we can keep to the plan without anyone being the wiser.’
I laugh at his idea. ‘I take it back. Maybe it’s not your family that’s fucked up. Maybe it’s you.’
Shade snorts. ‘No more than you guys.’
He frowns, looking pensive. ‘We still have those cams up in the spare room?’
‘You mean your sister’s room?’ I smirk at the look he gives me. ‘Yeah.’
‘Do they work?’
‘So you can spy on her, you sick fuck?’ I laugh. ‘Yeah, they work.’
Shade gets to his feet with a roll of his eyes. ‘Not like that. And we aren’t related. She’s my step.’ He clears his throat. ‘ Not that I think of her ... like that. I don’t. But my father wants eyes on her.’
I laugh again. ‘Dude, whatever. I’ll make sure they’re updated and working along with the others in the house. We can use the system to keep an eye on the pledges at the same time.’
Mav grins. ‘We can really fuck with ’em if we can see everything they do.’
I smirk back. ‘Her, too.’
‘Oh,’ Shade grimaces. ‘I forgot. One of you is going to have to make sure she gets to her classes tomorrow.’
‘Fuck. What?’ Mav exclaims. ‘We have to babysit the crazy girl, too? Come on! What are you doing?’
‘I have an early class, and then I have to figure out her allowance.’ His lip curls in evident disgust. ‘My father’s orders.’
I scoff. ‘Don’t give that money-hungry bitch anything. No, wait,’ I laugh. ‘You should make it a really tiny number. Like two bucks a week.’
That draws a chuckle out of Shade. ‘Bro, that’s hilarious.’
‘Okay. How long do we need to follow her around?’ Mav asks, scrolling through his phone.
‘It’s just for a couple days. I’ll get the pledges to do it after that.’
Mav lets out a sigh. ‘Fine. It looks like I can take her with me tomorrow, but I want first dibs on the pledge slaves.’
‘Okay, you can choose first. Anyway,’ he sighs. ‘I gotta go see Laurie.’
‘She still all over you?’
Shade runs a hand through his hair and closes his eyes for a second. ‘Wish I’d never fucked that girl. I knew she was the type to suck your dick and think it means marriage. She won’t leave me the hell alone. I hoped a summer of ignoring her would have been a wake-up call that I’m not interested, but she won’t take the hint.’
I snort. ‘I can think of worse things than Laurie deepthroating my cock.’
Shade tilts his head. ‘She is pretty good at it.’
He goes to leave but turns back. ‘No one mentions the fact that we have a girl here outside the frat, okay? She doesn’t live here. Any questions about her, we don’t know her. Make sure everyone understands that frat business is frat business, especially the pledges.’
‘Sure thing.’ I grab my laptop and give the guys a look. ‘I’m going to see if the cams are working. Maybe I’ll see your sister’s tits.’
Shade lets out a weary noise and goes out the door, slamming it hard behind him, and we both snigger.
‘Wanna see?’ I ask Mav, and he nods.
‘Hell yeah, I do.’
‘Okay, but only upstairs. I don’t want any of the pledges to know Big Brother is watching.’
‘What about her?’ he smirks.
‘Her, too.’