Chapter 5
five
. . .
REAGAN
In my lap, my phone rang, pulling me from the memory of my final face-to-face conversation with Lainey.
That final hug.
The last time I heard her say she loved me.
Watching as she skipped down the porch, loaded her bags into the waiting car, and waved as they pulled away.
If I had known what would happen, I never would’ve let her leave.
Because though the readout on my iPhone screen showed an unknown number, the area code was one I recognized to be from Idaho, and I knew.
I knew I wasn’t going to like whatever the person on the other end of the line had to say.
The thought almost had me letting the call go to voicemail, but there was no prolonging the inevitable.
Sooner or later, I would have to face this.
With shaky fingers, I slid the bar across to answer, and my voice was barely above a whisper when I said, “Hello?”
A deep, stern male voice asked, “Is this Reagan Lindsey?”
“Yes, this is she,” I replied, tone shaky.
“My name is Lane Lawless, and I’m the sheriff here in Dusk Valley, Idaho. I…this is going to be difficult to hear, but we’ve located the body of a woman. Her driver’s license identifies her as Lainey Lindsey. We were able to locate your number as her emergency contact.”
We’ve located the body.
The last fucking words I ever wanted to hear.
Not, we’ve located your sister and she’s okay.
Not, we’ve located your sister and she’s in the hospital undergoing treatment.
We’ve located the body.
Four words like gunshots to my heart.
“Oh, goddesses, my sister,” I managed to gasp through the panic choking me.
“I am so sorry,” he offered lamely.
I didn’t thank him for his condolences, only said, “What do you need from me now?”
“If possible, we’d like you to come out here and give us a visual ID, then we can proceed with the autopsy.”
That pulled me up short.
“What do you mean, autopsy?”
I assumed she’d taken things a little too far while on a hike and died doing what she loved.
Even if her final message to me had been strange, I never anticipated this.
An autopsy? That shit was serious.
“We have reason to believe your sister’s death was…not accidental.”
“She was m-mur—” I couldn’t make myself spit out the word.
“We suspect foul play.” A diplomatic response, but it said enough.
The world warped around me, my perspective shifting, like I was detached from my body and viewing this whole thing as some unaffected bystander. Like my brain was doing what it could to protect me from the agony it knew was coming.
Still, I appreciated this sheriff’s no-nonsense approach to delivering the news of my sister’s death.
I didn’t need to be coddled right now.
After our parents died, I’d been doted on enough, been spoken to so gently and tip-toed around like I would break at any second.
In the end, that had been what nearly broke me.
That and the survivor’s guilt.
And now I’d have to go through it all again.
I was the only one left.
Fuck.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Your best bet is to fly into Salt Lake, catch a connection to Boise, and—”
“And drive down. Yeah, I know. I’ve been there before.”
Back on that night, which now seemed like the beginning of the end.
When Lainey had met the creep who refused to leave her alone.
And I’d met the man I’d never been able to forget.
“Great,” he said. “Then we’ll see you soon.”
“Is this a good number to reach you at?”
“Yeah, this is my personal cell.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I’ll be in touch.”
I hung up before he could utter another word.
I breathed out slowly, impending tears prickling my nose.
My vision blurred, and a sob wrenched free from my throat as I dropped my phone onto the couch next to me.
My sister was gone.
My twin was dead.
Someone had taken her from me, left me completely alone in this world.
Pain like nothing I had ever experienced before arced through my chest, doubling me over. Curling myself into the smallest ball I could manage, I shattered.
The waves of grief crashed and crashed and crashed, pulling me under over and over, leaving me gasping for air. Every time I thought I was coming out on the other side, like the surface was within reach, the realization that the worst was yet to come dragged me down again.
Goddesses, how the fuck was I supposed to get on a plane across the country knowing at the end of it, I’d have to look into my sister’s dead face? How could I make myself go there knowing I would see her but never be able to speak to her again?
How was I supposed to handle this alone? Lainey had always been my rock. Through every moment since birth, I had walked this world knowing even if I had nothing else, I had her.
And now, that one constant had been ripped away from me.
A few hiccups escaped as I calmed at last, wiping the tears off my face and rising to blow my nose, my body creaky from disuse. I’d finally come out on the other side of the flu only to be punched in the gut again.
Desperate to not be alone, there was only one person I could call right now. I picked up my phone and dialed before I could fully think it through.
He answered on the second ring.
“Hey, stranger.”
“Tr-oy,” I croaked, my voice cracking his name in half. Damnit, I thought I’d gotten myself composed enough for this.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
We weren’t together anymore, but I didn’t admonish him for using the pet name.
My ex having delusions about our reconciliation was the least of my worries.
Though I tried to get the words out, nothing escaped but another sob.
“I’m on my way.”
Forgetting he couldn’t see me, I nodded then hung up.
That was the thing about Troy: he was so good at anticipating my needs or understanding my moods, yet so horrible at dealing with them.
He’d come because I called, but he wouldn’t know what to say.
And in truth, there wasn’t anything he could say, no magic combination of words in any language that would make this pain go away.
Besides, I didn’t need reassurances or empty platitudes tonight. I didn’t need someone to serve as a sounding board while I talked my feelings out.
I only needed to be held. That he could handle without difficulty—even if inviting him back in had the potential to be a slippery slope.
I knew he’d be confused that I called, that I was sending mixed signals, but I wasn’t exactly in my right mind.
Troy lived in Knoxville, about an hour north of our small town near Tennessee’s borders with Georgia and North Carolina. He didn’t bother to knock when he arrived, only came inside, found me in the fetal position on the couch, wrapped me in his arms, and held me as I once again fell apart.
Sometime later, I’d managed to collect myself enough to put some distance between us, though he kept a tight grip on my hand. Anchoring me.
“What happened?” he asked softly.
“Lainey is dead.”
The words were flat, but they still struck Troy like a punch. He reared back, blinking rapidly, mouth gaping.
“What?” he asked dumbly.
I shot him a pleading look. “Please don’t make me repeat it,” I whispered.
Swallowing hard, he nodded. “Start from the beginning.”
I told him everything. The client in Idaho.
How I’d been supposed to go but had been too sick, so Lainey had gone in my place.
How I hadn’t heard from her since Tuesday—two days ago—which was entirely unlike her.
How I’d made the call to report her missing this morning, hoping like hell my gut instinct had been wrong.
“And now,” I said through my tears. “I have to go out there and fucking identify her body.”
Troy gathered me to his chest and rocked me as I once again lost myself to gasping sobs.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
I was already shaking my head before he’d fully asked the question. “No. I need to do this on my own.”
There was, of course, more to it than that. Troy and I weren’t together, and this relapse into my old habits didn’t change that.
Still, when the day neared its end, and I was so emotionally and physically exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open…I didn’t ask him to leave.
I let him carry me to bed, let him crawl in behind me, the big spoon to my little. Fell into a fitful, nightmare-laden sleep wrapped in his arms.