Chapter 2
The Bronx, New York City
4 years old
HER HAND WAS COLD AGAINST mine, sending unsettling chills down my body. I didn’t know where we were going, but we were rushing; running. I stumbled over my feet, trying to keep up, but her grip on me was like steel.
It was early in the morning and people were rushing to work. I asked her once why she didn’t have a job, but I got slapped for not minding my business. The street was busy and I was so small, all I could see was knees and shoes. Grey suit trousers, black skirts, tights.
When I looked up, through the small space between people’s heads, a snowflake fell on my nose.
We stopped abruptly and I bumped into her legs.
“Watch where you’re going,” She hissed.
“Sorry, mamma.” I looked up at a big brown-stone building. We were no longer on the main street, but an alley. “Where are–”
A sharp strike against my cheek silenced me.
“What did I say about asking questions?”
I always asked too many questions.
She shook me so hard I bit my tongue. “Tell me. What did I say?”
“Don’t ask questions,” I mumbled with tears in my eyes.
“That’s right.” Pulling away, she reached into her pocket and pulled out a pack of smokes. After struggling to flick the lighter on in the wind, a cloud formed around her face. “Now, listen. I got something I need to do. You’re going to stay here.”
I frowned. She never left me alone. She took me everywhere – bars, other people’s houses, the salon.
Something was wrong. I could feel it.
I knew not to ask questions but I couldn’t stop myself. “When will you come back?”
She was silent for a long time, only puffing on her cigarette. “I don’t know.”
“Will you come back before dark?”
I hated the dark.
When her cigarette finished, she lit another one. Her hands shook and twitched more than usual as I watched her bloodshot eyes. “I don’t know.”
“B– But… Mamma…”
“I have to go now.”
“Don’t leave me, mamma! Please!” Tears fell down my face. I didn’t know what was happening. She never left me alone.
When she leaned down, I thought it was to hit me.
Instead, I felt her arms surround me, warming me from the harsh winter. Mamma never hugged me. “I’ll come back for you, mia cara . I promise. Just wait for me.”
One kiss on my cheek.
Then she pulled away.
“Mamma…” My chest shook with sobs.
“I’ll be back soon!” She shouted back at me, running down the street in her mink coat, high-heel boots, and a cigarette in her mouth. “Just wait!”
I did.
Until my hands were numb from the cold and the snow fell harder.
Until an old lady came out of the brown building and tried to get me inside.
Until I told her what mamma said and she waited with me a long time.
Until it was dark and the stone steps of the building were covered in snow.
I waited.
12 years old
My eyes slowly opened. It was still dark, and dead silent, meaning everyone was asleep. Slowly reaching under my pillow, I opened my secret phone to check the time. We weren’t allowed personal items here, and I didn’t have any money, but I’d managed to steal this off someone last year.
It was just after midnight. Taking a deep breath, I gathered the courage to pull the covers off my head. Slowly, I peeked at the bed under my own, just like the fourteen other bunks in the hall. But… it was empty.
My breathing was uneven. My fingers trembled on my cell.
My fear of the dark had gotten better since being moved into the big hall. Knowing I was around twenty-nine other girls brought me comfort, allowing me to sleep normally.
However, I was still scared of the dark. I never even got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. No matter how bad I needed it. I held until the sun was poking through the windows and I knew it was safe to climb out of bed and sprint down the halls of the orphanage.
But I was more scared of losing her.
Unease filled me and I was moving before I could think. I didn’t stop to put on shoes after I climbed down; I sneaked out of the room and quickly tip-toed down the dark halls only illuminated by the moonlight coming through the windows.
A creak coming from the end of another hallway iced my blood. But I followed the noise, knowing exactly who it was.
She heard me before she saw me.
She froze, her back facing me as I silently ran to her.
“Where are you going?” I whispered into the dark.
Maria didn’t answer. Nor did she face me.
We met in this very same orphanage three years ago when she first got transferred here from foster care. I’d been here for almost a decade already; waiting. But all Maria wanted to do was run; away from this life, this place she called hell.
The only good thing about this shithole is you, Natalia. You’re my soul sister.
“You were going to leave without saying goodbye ?”
Maria turned to me so fast I jumped. Her hands grabbed me by the shoulders. “Come with me.” There was something feral in her eyes that told me exactly how she felt; like a wild animal caged. “We can both leave this place.”
I slowly shook my head. “You know I can’t do that…”
“ Yes. Yes, you can.” Tension lined her words.
“I can’t, Em…”
“Natalia–”
“I need to wait for my mamma.”
“ Natalia. ”
“She’s coming back for me, Em. I know she is.”
Maria pulled away, covering her face with her hands. “She’s not coming back, Natalia. No one is. God! Why can’t you see it? We have no one except each other. No one else cares!”
I felt my eyes burn.
Maria never raised her voice.
When she looked at me again, the moonlight hit her eyes and I caught how glossy they were. Maria never cried either; she never argued or threw a tantrum. She never gave others the satisfaction of knowing she was hurt. She never showed she cared; unless she was with me…
She lowered her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
I sniffed. “No, it’s okay. You said what you thought.”
“I need to go.” She began walking away, towards the fire exit of the building.
“Em–”
“See you around, Nat.”
I ran after her and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her close. “Please… Don’t leave . ”
She made no move to walk away, but none to stay either.
“You’re my best friend.” I pushed my face into her hoodie, searching for the comfort it usually brought me. “And this may be the last time I’m ever going to see you again.”
Maria turned to face me. “That’s not true–”
By now, tears were running down my cheeks. “You’re leaving. And I’m never going to see you again.”
She squeezed her eyes shut, but that didn’t stop our tears.
My voice was a cold, harsh truth in the dark. “Why does everyone always leave me behind?”
No answer came.
Maria never had anyone. Not even in the beginning. She knew this was just the card she’d been dealt in life. No background. No family. No ties.
But me? I had a parent. A home. Toys. Clothes. My own room. I had a family before this place. I had a life I could barely remember before this orphanage. I had a mother.
“Why didn’t they want me? Why didn’t they take me with them?” My voice broke.
Maria hugged me tight, reminding me she was my only real family. The only sister I’d ever need. The only true love I had ever felt.
“Come with me.” She begged me, her tears soaking my pink pajama shirt.
“I can’t. Just…” My whisper was like nails on chalkboard. “ Stay .”
“ I can’t. ”
Only two words were enough to rip my heart in two.
“Please stay. I need you. You’re my sister.” I dug my fingers into her hoodie. Silently begging her to not leave me behind. I wasn’t ready to give it up yet.
Silence. It cut into me, snuffing out any hope, and leaving me waiting for her final answer.
“Okay.”
“ Thank you .” I cried harder.
“I’ll never leave you, Natalia . I promise .”
My hands held her so tight, I was convinced she’d break.
Maria’s hand cupped the back of my head. “We’re twin flames, remember? We need each other to keep our fire.”