Chapter 20
I was glad Liam found what I had to say amusing. I was still reeling from him fucking me out of my mind for the second time, and he was laughing at my attempt to explain that I wanted a man that was like him but not him. I knew I couldn’t have him due to my family’s meddling, and I never let myself forget it, especially after the conversation I’d had with Bishop earlier today.
“I know you love me, Lee. I mean…romantically. I’m trying not to get too attached to you, but every day, you make it harder and harder. You have to stop being so perfect.”
“You do know I’m in love with you, right? I’m not just saying that shit because it sounds cute, Divine. You asked if I was seeing someone, and I didn’t really want to answer your question at the time. In short, yeah, I fuck around from time to time, but they’re temporary. That’s all any of the women who come into my stratosphere could ever be to me since I met you. Why would I want someone else knowing that I have the baddest right in front of me every day, and she’s fucking off limits?
“You’re it for me, Divine. Why would I settle for someone else? Anybody I end up with who’s not you would just be a placeholder and a substitute, because the minute you give me a sign that we’re on the same page, I’m yours. I feel like you’ve given me an inch. Now, I’m ready to take a mile. I don’t care how long it takes or who I’m with. Shit, if I’m being honest, I was yours from the moment I bought those maxi pads.”
“Liam, you always say shit like that,” I said, slightly blushing as I rolled my eyes.
“I’m not just saying shit, Divine. I mean it.”
His seriousness made my chest hurt. Did he really mean that? Like really, really?
I tore off a piece of my wrap and popped it in my mouth. I had no idea what was happening tonight. I did not feel blindsided by what he said, but I was thrown off by how serious Liam was this time.
I was still suspended in the air on the cloud that he’d sent me on as I had my second orgasm. Good dick was possibly clouding my judgment, but if I was being honest, I knew Liam had feelings for me, and not just that friendly love that I liked to think we had for each other. I was well aware of that. This was different, though.
Knowing that he was so willing to cross the line made me feel different. He’d mentioned that I was off limits, but was that his final answer? The fear of things changing between us outweighed my curiosity. Still, I wanted to know.
“You said I was off limits, but the minute I give you a sign, that’s going to change? What are you saying exactly?”
“I don’t really know how to handle this shit, but I’ll do everything in my power to make you as happy as you make me by just being you, Divine. Nothing will change for the bad. Like Lil’ Wayne said, ‘I don’t really know how to handle this shit, but tonight it’s moonlight and candles and shit, with you baby, with you baby,’” he sang the last part as he tweaked my nose, making me giggle again.
“Liam, be serious.”
“I’m serious as a heart attack, Cookie. Let’s fall in love—not how other people think we should do it but how we want to do it. I’ll be your strength. You be my strength. You nurture. I protect. We don’t have to worry about what anyone else thinks about it as long as we are on the same page.”
“I think there are a few people that would have something to say about that.”
“Fuck that, D. All that matters is what we have to say. You’re so fucking beautiful, and I want you so much that I’m considering saying fuck this job, baby. I just want you. When you’re done being hard and strong, I’ll love you while you regenerate. I’ll be that place where you can be soft, not vulnerable, not weak, but soft. You can be a girl. You can be a woman. Let me be the one to take on the world while you refuel.I already do that for you.”
“You know we're just having fun. I’m not putting you in danger like that.”
“What danger? You think you’re not worth all the smoke and whatever else they come with?”
“You said you had to decide if I was worth the risk.”
“You’re worth everything. I’ll risk my life just to have you by my side. I told you if I decided that you were worth the risk there’s not a man breathing who can keep me off you, not even a Reign.”
“You’re saying that now, but who wants to take that kind of risk. You’re too important to me, Liam. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You won’t. Let me talk to them.”
“Can we just enjoy each other without outside interference for now? I don’t want them in our business.”
“Don’t run from me, Divine.”
“I’m not. I’m just not ready for what’s coming next. We might not even have to worry about any of it after today.”
“What happened?” he asked, narrowing his eyes. “Are you ready to talk about it?”
“I’m enjoying the moment, Lee. I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Yeah, I would hate to cancel out my hard work.” He grinned.
“Exactly. Let me just enjoy this for now. I can feel that everything is about to change.”
“Change how, Cookie?” he asked.
“For one, I guess you won’t have to babysit me much longer.”
“Divine, it’s literally my job. You saying I need to be looking for another job?” he quizzed.
“I’m not sure about that part, but you know what I mean. Thank you for being here to help me scratch my itch while I was going through this funk, but things are changing. It seems that I might have to start pulling my weight in the Dark Reign Dynasty.”
“What does that mean, Divine?” he asked, unable to hide the scowl growing on his face. “Don’t tell me you’re pushing my black ass the fuck back in the friend zone.”
“We both knew this was temporary,” I mumbled, picking at the spinach sticking out of my wrap to avoid looking at him. Something told me I would break down if I looked into his eyes.
“Divine, don’t do this. What’s wrong? Talk to me,” he urged.
“I have to. Bishop wants me to meet some guy to nudge things in our favor for some merger they’re trying to organize.”
“What do you mean he wants you to meet some guy?”
“Apparently, he’s interested in me.”
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Divine? What happened to me talking to them?”
“I think it’s too late,” I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat.
He sighed. “It’s only too late if you agree to it.”
“Well, it’s at least not the right time. It’s just temporary, Lee. I have to at least play nice. That’s what he said.”
“And you wanna do this?” he questioned.
“I mean, I don’t think it would hurt.”
“OK. Cool,” he said, sliding his body from under mine abruptly and causing my head to drop on the bed.
“Liam!” I called out as he crossed the room in a flash.
He ignored me as he started to pick his clothes up from the floor.
“Liam, wait.”
“Divine, don’t. I’m good, OK?”
“You’re not,” I said, moving in his direction.
He held his hand up to stop me.
“Trust me. I am.” He snapped.
I stopped in my tracks because what else was I supposed to do? Liam’s phone started ringing for probably the third time. I watched frozen in place as he tore it out of the pocket of his jeans and answered on speaker.
“Yeah!” he barked.
I felt bad because I knew he was taking his anger toward me out on the unsuspecting caller.
“Don’t hang up, Tank. It’s your mama.”
“Didn’t I fucking tell you if she needed something, she better call me her damn self?”
“She’s gone, son. I’m sorry. She’s gone.”
The phone fell from Liam’s hand in a clatter. Rushing over to him, I threw my arms around him just as he plopped down on the bed. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around him. He took in a deep, ragged breath as he continued to stare at his phone like it was a foreign object.
“Hello,” the caller said. “Liam, you there?”
He didn’t speak, and neither did I. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept my arms around him. For several minutes we just sat there. Him staring at the floor and me with my arms around his waist. Then suddenly, he shoved my arms down and jumped up.
“I gotta go!”
“Liam, wait.”
I stood as he snatched his shirt over his head and picked up his phone.
“I’m out, D. I need to go home. I’ll have Syre send someone else over.”
“Liam, wait. Let me go with you,” I said, following him out of my bedroom.
“Nah. Stay here. Seems like we need some space anyway. I probably should be looking for a new job since I’m done babysitting as you called it.”
“Don’t act like that, Liam.”
“How you want me to act, Ms. Gold? That shit we were doing was temporary, right? Be cool, love. As you can see, I have enough shit on my plate right now. I can’t be worried about what you do with your free time,” he said, snatching my front door open.
“Liam, wait,” I said as a single tear streamed down my face. There was no use in me saying it again as the door slammed behind him.
My heart shattered in a million pieces. It wasn’t only breaking for me but for Liam. Not only had I hurt him, but he’d lost his mother. As much as I wanted to be there for him, I realized I was probably the last person he wanted to see right now. I cried as I rushed over and picked up my phone. I wanted to tell Liam that I loved him and couldn’t imagine my life without him. After three calls went straight to voicemail, I knew he had turned off his phone. Instead of trying his number a fourth time, I called Syre.
“He already called me, D. You good for a minute? I’m sending somebody over as soon as possible.”
“I’m good. I just feel so bad for him. I tried to call, but he’s not answering.”
“I know you can relate to his pain, Divine. Just give the man some space.”
I hung up the phone without responding. I knew Syre meant well, but he had no idea what was going on. I felt like everything was bad right now. The only person in the world that truly got me had just walked out the door with bigger issues than me being afraid to accept that we were in love.
I fell into bed, knowing the only thing I could do was try to be there for Liam. That was if he even let me do that at this point. He said he was going home, and it was crazy that I didn’t even know where the hell that was. How could I be there for him when I didn’t even know where to go?
Me:
Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.
My heart shattered seeing my message to Liam turn green. Did he block my number? Had I just lost the best thing that ever happened to me? Something told me things would never be the same.
To be continued…