Chapter 27 Telepathic Pseudo-Sister Senses
Telepathic Pseudo - Sister Senses
Maisie
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I be so stupid?
Connor looked stricken when I first arrived, like my presence offended him.
Just because he offered me tea doesn’t mean he wanted to see or talk to me.
He was doing his job. And then, of all people, Veronica walked in.
He called her “V.” They acted so familiar with one another.
Which hurts. But why should it hurt? He and I have only ever been friends, and it appears he’s more with her.
He’s obviously been avoiding me for a reason. Is she that reason? Has she asked him not to hang out with me? If so, I have to say, that’s a little controlling for how new their relationship is. Or what if it isn’t new at all? Has he been dating her this whole time, and I’ve just never known?
Before I can spiral even further, my phone rings. My heart flutters, thinking it might be Connor, but when I look and see it’s Lauren, I pretend I’m not disappointed and answer with a chipper, “Hi, love!”
“MaiMai, my telepathic pseudo-sister senses were tingling for some reason. You doin’ okay?”
“Me? Yeah! I mean…okay is a relative term, but yeah!”
Silence greets me, and I can tell she sees right through me even though she can’t actually see me at all.
I heave a sigh. “Okay, no, I’m not okay.” My head hangs. It feels like I’m always the messed-up one, and she has to run and fix me. Failure. The word strikes through me unbidden again.
“Wanna talk about it?” she inquires gently.
“Are you sure you don’t have something better to do on your Sunday afternoon? You really want to hear about my problems?” I ask.
“Maize.” Uh-oh; she has her serious voice on.
“You’re the sister I never had. You mean more to me than I know how to put into words.
I always love talking to you, whether you’re happy or sad or something in between.
We can talk for hours or say nothing as we go about our days.
Don’t doubt my love for you; it’s not conditional. Please. You know me better than that.”
My head hangs even lower. I do know that.
I think sometimes the relationships in my life feel transactional.
Karsen always expected something from me.
Even with Mom and Dad…sometimes I worry what would happen if I flunked out of college or decided to stop diving.
Would they still love me? Would they be ashamed?
I’m already freaking out about how Mom handled the news of my breakup with Karsen.
Will we have anything to talk about now that I’m not dating him?
Would Angie still like me if I weren’t her wingwoman or if we weren’t forced together by being roommates?
Even my teammates—if I were to get injured and couldn’t compete, would they forget all about me?
Would anyone even check on me? Connor would.
Would he, though? Not if Veronica has anything to say about it.
I groan, frustrated with myself. I’m catastrophizing. But it’s hard not to when I’m reeling in embarrassment.
Lauren has always and will always be a constant source of love for me.
She’s proved it time and time again. I can trust her, open up to her about anything, and I feel shitty I made her doubt that I know how much she loves me.
Especially since making sure the important people in her life know how much she loves them has been a big deal to her since losing her dad.
My mind swirls back to the first-ever panic attack I had.
I was eleven. We were at a family reunion, and some third cousin twice-removed was laughing and pointing at me because I had mud on my butt from falling on the playground.
My throat closed up, and it was hard to breathe.
Lauren took my hand and swept me into the bathroom as fast as she could.
She held me from behind as we sat on the bathroom floor, telling me I was going to be okay.
I had to be okay. We both cried after. It was really scary for both of us.
Uncle Richard had just died the year before from a heart attack.
Neither of us knew what was happening to me, but we were both beyond relieved when it was over.
It was a few years later before the next one happened.
That time, I looked it up on the internet and finally had a word for what was happening.
I swallow. “I’m so sorry, LoLo. Of course I know that. I’m just having a bad day and apparently decided pushing you away was easier than trying to talk through my shit. I’d love your advice if you have time to listen.”
“Good, hit me with it,” she says, and I can hear her settling into her couch on the other end of the line, my pushing her away already forgiven.
“Well, first of all, Karsen and I broke up…” I let that news sink in and hear a gasp on her end.
“Woohoo! Good fucking riddance!” she yells gleefully in response. “Then what?” she says, encouraging me to continue. Guess she doesn’t need any more information than that.
“Well, there’s this guy, Connor. We’ve been friends since the second week of school. He’s sweet, kind, and on the swim team. We watch Marvel movies together and were even going to dress up together for Halloween next weekend, but…”
“‘Were’?” she asks, concerned. “What happened?”
I laugh bitterly. “That’s the thing. I have no clue. Last weekend, I failed a dive, and Mom and Dad showed up, and Dad was giving me a hard time, and…”
“They showed up without telling you?” she asks.
“Yeah, and I told Mom about the breakup, and she didn’t accept it, and then they both left, but the damage was already done. It triggered a panic attack. Angie got me home, and Connor came after and did everything right, LoLo. Like how you used to be for me.”
“I wish I could be with you for each one you have, but I’m happy to hear someone kind was with you to help you through this one.”
“Me too,” I say, and the urge to cry is suddenly very strong, but I sniff and hold it in.
“Anyway, that night, I tried making plans with him, and he totally blew me off. Told me he had a date and didn’t want to commit to hanging with me.”
“He what? That doesn’t sound right,” she adds.
“I know. Then, he hasn’t texted me back all week, so I went into the coffee shop he works at, but then…the girl I’m pretty sure he’s dating came into the shop, and I just kind of…ran out.”
She chuckles softly as she asks, “What do you mean you ran out?”
“I mean, I literally ran out of the campus coffee shop. Didn’t even wait for my tea, just up and left.” My cheeks burn as I relive it.
“Well, that sounds a little dramatic of you, if I’m being honest, but don’t worry; it’s not unfixable.
” She has her problem-solving voice on now—steady and authoritative.
“I say give him some time. Maybe something is going on in his life that you’re not aware of.
Something that made it hard for him to see you in so much pain during your panic attack.
You know, like it was for me that first time. ” Her voice drops to a sadder register.
“I miss Uncle Richard,” I say.
“Me too, every day,” she says, and I can tell she has her grief smile on. “But anyway, just wait for him to reach out to you. He will when he’s ready. He knows you’ve been trying to contact him. I say give him space.”
My shoulders fall, but I know she’s right. “Okay,” I say. “I’ll give him space.”
“And in the meantime, make plans with Angie for Halloween so you’re not waiting around to see what he’ll do,” she adds.
Now I really sigh. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sure she’ll happily dress up with me.”
“That’s the spirit! You’ll be okay, MaiMai. I know interpersonal stuff can be hard, but you’re the best. Anyone who knows you knows that. He won’t be able to stay away for long.”
I smile at her words. She really does always know what to say. “Thanks, LoLo. I think I’ll try to see if I can catch up with Angie now, actually. Talk with you later?”
“Sounds like a plan! I’m only a phoneeee call awayyyy,” she sings out, imitating that one song from the musical Annie.
The first genuine smile I’ve had in a week pulls at my cheeks. Lauren is the best. I’m so lucky to have her.
“I love you, LoLo.”
“Back atcha. Always.”
We hang up, and I feel way better than when the conversation started. I take a deep breath. The sun is shining, the breeze is perfect, and I have so much to be thankful for. I take my time walking through campus as I go to find Angie.