Chapter 42 My Queen
My Queen
Maisie
My skin itches, and I shift uncomfortably in the car seat. The seat belt is suffocating, and the world is spinning by too quickly. Is it hot in here? I reach for the air on instinct and blast it. It’s freezing outside. Connor looks at me with furrowed brows but doesn’t protest.
Why did he have to text me? Karsen. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Hasn’t he done enough damage?
I was on cloud nine after everything that happened last night.
Connor, his words, his lips on mine, the pleasure he elicited from my body.
I had known I wanted him, but it was exhilarating experiencing the evidence of him truly wanting me.
He called me beautiful. He made me feel safe and cherished and desired in a way I’ve never experienced.
And now…now, I’m reminded that I’m broken.
I lost myself with Karsen, and I don’t know if I can get her back. Connor deserves better. I stare down at my phone again, his text mocking me from the screen.
Karsen: I know you said we’re done, but you know you’re never really done with me.
Your mom invited me for Thanksgiving and I can’t turn down Madeline’s pumpkin pie ;) Plus I miss our old hookup spot in the basement.
Nothing quite like having my cock sucked in front of a wood-burning fireplace. See you soon, babe.
It was like hot iron had been pressed to my gut, branding me in shame and defeat. The world around me fell away, and my hands shook as another text came in.
Mom: By the way sweetie, I invited Karsen for Thanksgiving tomorrow. I know you’ve had some disagreements, but this is a time to be with loved ones. Drive safe! XOXO
Can she truly not understand?
A tear pulls at the corner of my eye, and I am helpless to stop it from running down my cheek and plopping unceremoniously onto my phone. Thankfully, I didn’t have time to put makeup on in our rush out of the hotel or I’d truly be making a mess.
I feel something warm on my left hand. Connor.
He’s being his usual sweet self. As much as I want to tell him exactly what is going on and let him fix it, I can’t.
I yank my hand away, and the absence of his comfort is like plunging into a cold pool.
Ice drips through my veins, holding my heart in a vise.
My breathing shallows, but somehow I’m not going into a full-blown panic attack.
Connor speaks up. “Maize, I don’t know what’s going on, and I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to, but I’m here. Whatever you need. I promise.” He deserves so much more. I should tell him, but I can’t think past this feeling right now.
My tears fall in earnest as I let out a sound not dissimilar to a dying animal.
I tuck myself into a ball on my side, as tight as I can go, and slam my eyes shut.
I focus on my breathing, the way Connor taught me.
I can hear his breathing deepen beside me.
I’m still focusing on my breath when, slowly, my head calms, and the next thing I know, the world fades away as sleep claims me.
I wake to the sound of muted squeals. Sitting up faster than is probably smart, I take in my surroundings. Home. We’re at my parents’ house. Lauren is running for my side of the car. She knocks on my window with a gloved hand. “Open up!” Her voice is muffled through the glass.
I look over at Connor, who gives me a too-tentative smile. All of our car time. It’s gone. I don’t know what to say to him, so all I say is, “Thanks for the ride.”
“Anytime, Betty,” he responds, but there is a hollowness to his tone.
Before I can think to say anything more, Lauren rips open the door and pulls me into a crushing hug.
The chill from the wind whips at me, and I shiver even in her embrace.
As I make my way out of the car, it still feels a little like I’m wading through mud, everything harder at the moment.
Connor is already around back, trunk popped, bags waiting on the ground.
When I round the car to meet him, he’s holding my coat out for me, ready to help me into it. The ache in my chest is back. I step into the coat, my arms sliding through awkwardly. As soon as I’m settled, he takes a pointed step back, giving me space. I would too if I were him.
Lauren grabs my hand. “Let’s get inside, it’s freezing out here!” she says. “Thanks for giving her a ride, Connor! I, personally, really appreciate it. Seeing as I haven’t seen MaiMai in nearly five months now!”
“MaiMai?” he says, and I catch a glimpse of a genuine smile from him.
“Don’t make fun,” I say with a half-hearted groan. “It’s what she’s called me since we were little.”
“I wouldn’t dare make fun. It’s cute. And who am I to judge, my Queen?” he says with an eyebrow waggle.
He’s being goofy. Maybe everything is okay? Maybe last night was just a hook-up for him and he’s fine going back to being friends. I’ll explain my silence next time we talk, and everything will go back to normal. Probably for the best. I don’t have anything more to offer. So why does it sting?
“My QUEEN?!” Lauren says on a gasp. “I’ll need to hear all about how that nickname came about.”
The three of us share a soft laugh, and then Connor’s eyes lock onto mine.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Maisie,” he says.
“Happy Thanksgiving, Connor. See you in a few days?”
“See you then.” He tips his head.
Lauren guides me toward the front door as Connor settles back into the driver’s seat. He gives one last wave through the windshield, and then he’s gone.
“He’s cute,” Lauren says from beside me.
“I know,” is all I can manage to say in reply. I loop my arm fully through hers, and we head inside.