Chapter 49 That Was Practically a Love Declaration
That Was Practically a Love Declaration
Connor
I’m early. I couldn’t help it. The moment I woke up this morning, I was buzzing with energy.
I couldn’t wait another second to be in Maisie’s presence again.
I’m glad we’ve been texting and that our friendship seems to be intact, but I’ll be damned if we go another car ride without actually talking about what this thing is between us.
And what I want it to be, for that matter.
“Connor!” Maisie greets me as she swings open the house’s heavy front door. I can’t tell if she’s worried or excited. Maybe a little of both. Honestly, same, so I get it.
She shuffles to grab the bags at her feet, and as I move to help her, I see Lauren standing behind her with her arms crossed, smirking. She mouths “good luck” to me over Maize’s bent shoulder. I let out an involuntary snort. I wonder what Maisie’s told her.
“Weren’t planning to leave without saying goodbye, were you?” Mr. Thatcher appears at Maisie’s other side.
She drops the bags and blushes. “No?” she says super convincingly.
“Madeline, darling, our girl is leaving!” he calls out to Maisie’s mom, who comes through a set of swinging double doors on the opposite side of the expansive foyer. She’s moving quickly, clearly not wanting to miss her daughter’s departure, but is doing everything in her power not to seem rushed.
They both crowd her in a bruising hug, and it feels like someone stuck a needle in my heart.
I ease out a deep breath. I’m happy for how much they love her, but it never gets easier seeing a family that hasn’t been ripped to shreds.
I finish gathering her bags by the time they release her from the hug and turn to head toward the car—then Mr. Thatcher says, “Get my girl home safe.”
I turn, meeting his steely gaze, and nod, saying, “Maisie is always safe with me, sir.”
He nods his head once in return, and this time, as I turn to go, Maisie is right by my side, a smile curling at her lips.
“What?” I say, bumping into her playfully.
“Nothing. That was just practically a love declaration from my father.”
A full laugh escapes me. “What do you mean?”
She bumps me back with her shoulder. I’m happy to see the easy physical affection has not dissipated from a few days apart. “I meannnn,” she emphasizes, “that my dad likes you—and that makes me happy.” She tacks the last part on like it’s no big deal.
While I’ve been working on my feelings regarding my own father and the lack of needing his approval, I’m happy to hear Maisie’s dad likes me.
Makes the plans I have for our future all the easier.
Not that I would let something like parent disapproval stop me from loving Maisie. A hurricane couldn’t stop my love.
Love.
I’ve known I’ve loved her for a while now, but the clearness of the thought causes me to trip a step.
“You okay?” she asks, brows furrowing slightly in concern.
“All good,” I say.
I love you, is what I think.
I know without a shadow of a doubt she isn’t ready to hear that yet. We’ll start with how she felt about the other night first.
Once everything is loaded and we’re settled into our seats, I hand her the car’s auxiliary cord, and her smile beams. Car DJ, her favorite. I watch as her eyes find the snacks and drinks in the cup holders.
“Cool Ranch Doritos and root beer?” Her smile somehow doubles in size, eyebrows high on her forehead.
“Only the best for my Queen,” I say, dipping my gaze in deference.
Her laugh sounds through the space like chimes in the wind, and I’m struck once again by how beautiful she is. Not just physically, but her soul. Her spirit. Her light.
I quietly sigh, reaching for my seat belt. She’s everything.
Backing out of the driveway, I look over my shoulder, hand behind her headrest, and I catch her watching me out of the corner of my eye.
“What?” I ask. “Do I have something on my face?” That wrings another laugh from her, which I tuck into my heart for safekeeping.
“No, I was just, um, admiring the view,” she says.
“What view?” I ask, incredulous.
“Haven’t you ever read a smutty book? This is like a woman’s crack.”
I nearly slam on the brakes but force myself to keep going until we’re facing forward.
As I drive out of her neighborhood, sun blasting through the windshield, I chance a quick peek over at her, only to find she’s biting her lip. I tuck my chin in a smile and reach over to take her hand, dragging our joined hands up to place a kiss on her knuckles.
“Maize,” I say, my voice hoarse.
“Mmm?” she responds.
“I think we should talk about the other night…” I swallow, ready to lay myself bare, when she interrupts.
“I’m not ready for a relationship,” she blurts. “I don’t know if that’s what you were hoping for or not…” She trails off.
It was. It is. But now that she has stated her piece, I scramble for what to say.
“I want…” I pause. “I want whatever you have to give me, Maize. I can’t lie to you, though, and say that it wouldn’t be torturous not to be able to kiss you.
To go back to being just friends after everything.
” I blow out a breath. “But I mean it. I won’t lose you, so if that means being only friends, then that’s what we’ll do. ”
She’s quiet. I would worry she fell asleep on me again if I couldn’t feel her rapid pulse through our joined hands. Or maybe that’s my own heart. Hard to tell.
Thankfully, she puts me out of my misery and starts to speak. “I—” She shifts nervously and gently picks at her leggings. “I can’t lose you as a friend.”
My heart plummets out of my chest and hits the car floor. I blink a little too quickly but remain focused on the road and wait for what she might say next.
When nothing comes, I decide to push, just a little. “You felt it too, right? How amazing we were together?” I wait a beat, wishing I could close my eyes as I say, “Can be together?”
“I’ve never felt how I felt the other night in the hotel,” she says in a whisper, like she’s ashamed at the admission. I squeeze her hand, letting her know I’m here. She can tell me anything. “And I don’t want to stop doing what we did…but Connor—”
“So don’t. Let me show you all the ways I care about you. Physically, sure, but also so much more. All the ways we can be together.” I didn’t mean to interrupt her, but I want her to hear it. Need her to know this is more than sex for me.
She starts biting at her cuticle and says through her teeth, “What Karsen and I had…I thought it was love. I spent two whole years with him and found out I never really knew him. Well, he never really knew me. I was a means to an end for him. And I stayed with him. What does that say about me? He didn’t treat me with respect.
He didn’t listen to what I wanted. It was always about him.
It took him literally trying to force me to pleasure him for me to do something about it, and then—”
So he did do something to her. Fuck.
“—and then hearing what he said about me?”
Rage burns through my body at hearing he tried to force himself on her, and I hate that I ever had to tell her what that dick said. Tears well in her eyes and my chest constricts, but I don’t dare interrupt her this time.
“I know you’re different, believe me, I do.
” She wipes away the tears, and I squeeze her hand again, feeling helpless to comfort her the way she needs while driving.
“But I’m rubbed raw. I don’t trust myself, my choices.
I feel like damaged goods. I don’t want to hurt you, Connor, but I don’t know when or if I’ll be ready for a relationship, and I can’t lose you as a friend. ”
It’s the second time she’s said it. I know the feeling. I can’t lose her either. I wish I could punch Karsen all over again for what he did to her—for how he has fucked with her head—but I take a calming breath. Once again, she doesn’t need my anger right now.
I roll around what she’s said in my head.
It sounds like she wants to explore physically, even after what Karsen did, but she’s scared to commit to anything more and can’t guarantee that would ever change.
I’m a relationship guy and I’m all in with Maisie, so what she’s offering feels akin to being strapped into a torture machine—but I also am honored to be her safe place to land after going through something like that. I want to be that for her.
“I’m sorry he hurt you. I wish I could take away that pain, but I know it’s something you need to work through in your own time.
” Wow. Therapy must really be sinking in.
“But know, just because you think something doesn’t make it true.
You aren’t damaged goods. You didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were.
And it is never okay for anyone to force anything.
“You deserve the world, Maize. The whole fucking world. And I’ll be here, holding your hand, whether you’re ready to explore or not.
And if that means physically for now, means you want more of what we did the other night without any expectations attached, then I promise you won’t lose me as a friend.
You’re safe with me.” And I mean it. I’d wait forever for her.
For her to see her worth. I’ll endeavor to show her every day.
Even though I’m still focused on the road, I can see her eyeing me with wary hope.
“Promise?” she warbles.
“Pinky promise,” I say, and I bring our hands to my lips once again. This time, kissing only her pinky.