Chapter 28 Nineteen years old
Nineteen years old
Kath
On the final night of my stay, I’m out of the shower and applying my make-up in front of the mirror when Austin and Seb arrive. Seb gives a wolf whistle and I blush.
“You’re going to give someone a heart attack in that top, Kath,” Austin tells me as I twirl.
I think I hear him tack on “maybe Sam” but when I glance at him in confusion he just looks away.
The group of us are getting ready to go out to a party. They’ve just had their last training session, and it’s one of the only nights of the year when they’re all willing to let loose. It’s going to be funny. I haven’t seen drunk Sam in a while, if ever really, and I can’t wait.
It’s hot outside, even though it’s 8 p.m., and the Florida humidity is something else. This was the only top I felt cool enough in. It’s not my fault that it’s backless.
Sam does a double take as he walks in, eyes flicking up and down my outfit. I think I see him take a hard swallow, but I turn back to the mirror to finish putting on some mascara. I refuse to analyse his expression and torture myself more than I already do when it comes to this boy.
Sam empties his backpack onto the bed with a flourish. A box of paracetamol, two bottles of water and a huge pack of KitKats tumble onto the pillow.
“Big night planned?” Seb asks as Sam places the water bottles by the bed alongside the packs of paracetamol.
“Nope,” he grins. “But I know what Kath’s like and I didn’t want to risk it.”
They laugh as I glare at him. “That’s not true,” I tell him. “You only had to carry me home from one party.”
“I think I gave you piggybacks home from more than one party.” He smirks at me. “And I’m sure I heard something about an excess of blue WKD when I visited you in Exeter.”
I let out a growl of frustration before turning back to finish my mascara. I will not let him rile me.
“I’m ready.” I drop my mascara back into the make-up bag and run my fingers through my hair one last time.
“Give me a minute,” says Sam, rummaging around for a fresh T-shirt. “Some of us have been on a supply run.”
“Nope. It’s the pirate’s code, if you fall behind you get left behind!” I wink at him as I brush past Austin and Seb. “Let’s go, guys.”
“It’s more of a guideline!” Sam shouts after us as we leave the room.
“No offence, but you guys are weird,” Seb tells me as we slowly make our way down the corridor.
“Nah, we’ve just spent half our lives together and know exactly how to wind each other up.” We pause by the stairwell for Sam, who half-jogs down the corridor to catch up. He looks good, messy blond hair, plain white T-shirt. But I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of telling him that.
When we arrive at the house, the party’s already rammed.
It seems like all the athletes are planning on a big night out at the end of the season.
Within minutes of arriving, we’re engulfed by the swimming team.
We make a circuit of the room as Austin introduces me to course mates, the diving team, some swimming girls.
After a whirlwind of introductions I extract myself and push my way outside to join Sam, who’s chatting with AJ in the garden, nursing a beer.
“Having fun?” I tuck myself into his side, under the arm he stretches out for me. “Still on your first beer there, Champ?”
“Just savouring the moment.”
“You look nice, Kath.” AJ winks, and I think I feel Sam almost imperceptibly stiffen beside me.
“Back at you,” I tell him, and he does look good. He has a tight T-shirt on, and like all the other swimming guys, he’s huge.
“Want to play beer pong with me?” he asks. “Some of the track guys think they can take us on, and we need to maintain the superiority of swimmers over the other athletes.”
“Yeah, I love beer pong.” I quickly down the rest of my drink and walk over to the table to join him.
“You do?” Sam trails behind us. “Since when?”
“Since I started university,” I tell him over my shoulder. “You don’t know everything about me, Fletcher. I’ve still got some mystery.”
“Well, I’m playing, too,” he says.
“Really? Sam. I love you, but your hand-eye coordination is atrocious. Remember that time we had to play tennis at school?”
“I wasn’t that bad,” he protests, and I turn to AJ.
“He hit himself with the racquet more times than he managed to hit the ball. Halfway through, his racquet broke. Out of second-hand embarrassment, I think.”
Sam scowls but continues to follow us.
“I have a team, guys,” AJ calls to three of the track runners, who immediately make their way over.
I line up for the first shot and sink it immediately.
“Fuck, Kath, you’re good at this.” AJ gives me a high five.
“All those years of netball.”
Their player misses their next shot. AJ misses one. Then the third one on their team lands it.
“Fuck’s sake,” says Sam, downing the drink whilst the others cheer, before dropping the cup.
He shakes out his arms and eyes the table. Biting his lip, he lines up the shot and throws it perfectly. I gape at him.
“Want to take that comment back about my coordination, KitKat?”
“Nope. For all I know, that was just a lucky shot.”
I take him in as he stands there looking at me smugly, and my whole body heats in response. I can’t deny it. I still find Sam hot. And his new confidence doesn’t hurt matters. He seems to have really come out of his shell in America.
“Me next.” As I step forwards his hand trails across my bare back, and I suppress a shiver.
Twenty minutes later, Sam and I are on fire. AJ bowed out after drinking four more cups, but the pair of us managed to fend off three other teams. As Sam makes the final shot of the game, Austin whoops, and claps him on the shoulder.
“Stop terrorising the athletes. Let’s go play another game. They’re just about to start one inside.”
“You go,” I tell Sam. “I’m just going to enjoy the temperature out here for a bit longer. That house feels like a sauna.”
I sit on the low wall in the garden and pull out my phone, firing off some texts to Claire and Tom about my trip, before getting up to go back inside.
But just as I walk through the door something catches my eye and I freeze.
A petite girl in heels is plastered to Sam’s front.
She reaches up to ruffle his hair, and he laughs in response.
I wait for him to push her away… but he doesn’t.
My hands clench. Not just my hands… Something in my chest clenches too. So hard that it hurts.
I see Austin in the corner and he follows my gaze, before frowning at Sam. Fuck.
Sam and I agreed to be just friends after that summer. To leave the past in the past. In fact, I was the one who proposed it. So why do I still think about what could’ve been? What’s wrong with me?
I walk back outside and pretend to be busy on my phone. But with the time difference, all my friends are asleep. Now that I’ve replied to the texts from earlier today, there’s nothing left for me to do except stew in my thoughts.
I hear footsteps on the tiles behind me and turn to see Austin.
“You OK?” he asks, hands in his pockets as he leans against the wall.
“I’m grand.” But I know that my voice doesn’t sound right.
I don’t trust myself to say anything else, so instead, I tip my head back and look up at the night sky. There’s a crescent moon, and it looks annoyingly beautiful.
“Look. It’s not really my place, and I don’t fully know what’s going on, because Sam doesn’t talk about it. But I know that he’d never do anything intentionally to upset you,” Austin says after a few moments of silence.
“Like allowing other girls to hang all over him?” I say caustically, before catching myself.
“God. Sorry, that came out wrong,” I sigh.
“I don’t mean to sound so bitter. It’s just complicated.
Sometimes the lines of our friendship feel blurry, even though we’re apart, and I forget that he’s not mine.
My best friend, my person, my…” I trail off and take a breath.
“Anyway, then I get annoyed with myself. Because we’re just friends.
Nothing more. I don’t have a right to be upset. ” I pause. “Sorry, that was a speech.”
Austin just nods. “Life’s messy. You can’t help who you love.”
I still don’t trust my voice not to wobble and he must sense it, because he moves closer and puts an arm over my shoulder.
“I don’t love Sam,” I tell Austin when I can speak again. “Not in that way.”
As Austin raises his eyebrows at me, I feel my stomach flip.
Liar.
“There you are, Kath,” I hear Sam’s voice behind us. Crap. Did he just hear our conversation? Did I say anything damning?
“I’ve been looking for you. Are you OK?” He walks over to us. He looks stiff, and his shoulders are tight. He looks between me and Austin, noting the arm over my shoulder.
“Yeah, still enjoying the cooler temperature out here.”
“Do you want to leave?” he asks. “I don’t mind if you do. Just let me know when you want to go, and I can grab our stuff.”
“No, let’s stay.” I stand up from the wall. “It’s your last night with everyone here. I think I’ve cooled down enough to go inside.”
As we walk back in, Austin nudges my shoulder in what feels an awful lot like solidarity, and I brace myself to smile through the next few hours.