Chapter 21 – Regina #2
I pull back just enough to look at his face because he’s gone silent again, and his eyes are wet. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry before. Didn’t even think he was capable of it. He’s still not quite there, the tears aren’t spilling over, but he’s closer than I’ve ever seen him.
“I love you,” I say again. “You know that, right? I love you.”
His eyes widen slightly. Not enough for the concept to be completely foreign to him, but enough to know he didn’t expect me to say the words out loud, at least not yet.
That makes two of us.
After Kyle, I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to say those words again and mean them. I wasn’t even sure I knew what they meant, because I didn’t. I knew what it was to pour myself out to someone and get nothing in return, to break apart piece by piece and call it love.
But I didn’t really know. Not until these wolves fit those broken pieces back together bit by bit and showed me they could form a different picture.
One where I’m safe and cherished and loved in a way that has nothing to do with my magic or how many pieces I can break off myself and still function.
Killian opens his mouth, but I kiss him before he can respond.
It’s not gentle. There’s nothing gentle about what we’re both feeling right now. His hands come up to grip my arms, and for a moment I think he’s going to push me away again.
He doesn’t.
He pulls me closer instead, kissing me back with a hunger that probably should scare me, all things considered, but it doesn’t. It feels too right, his mouth hot against mine. His fingers dig into my shoulders hard enough to bruise, but I don’t care. I want proof that this moment happened.
“We should stop,” he says against my lips. “This definitely isn’t safe for you.”
“No.” I climb into his lap, straddling him on the cold slate tiles, feeling the heat of his body even through our clothes. “I need you, Killian. I need to feel you.”
His hands find my hips and grip hard. For a moment he just holds me there, his forehead pressed against mine, both of us breathing hard.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do.” I kiss him again. Softer this time. “I trust you.”
Something breaks in him. I feel it through the bond, a wall crumbling. His mouth finds mine again and this time there’s no hesitation or holding back.
His hands slide under my shirt, palms rough against my skin. I’m already pulling at his clothes, desperate to feel him, to have nothing between us. The cold air hits my bare shoulders and I shiver, but Killian’s hands are warm, trailing fire everywhere they touch.
He lifts me like I weigh nothing, repositioning us so my back is against the slope of the roof. The slate is cold against my spine and his body above me is hot.
“Still okay?” His voice is rough with holding back.
“Yes. Please.”
He strips me efficiently. Jeans, underwear, pushed down and discarded somewhere on the tiles. His own clothes follow. And then he’s pressed against me, the full length of his body covering mine, and I can feel how much he wants this.
How much we both need it.
His mouth finds my neck, and he showers me with kisses down to my collarbone, the curve of my breast. I arch into his touch, fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him closer.
“Killian—”
“I know.” He’s moving lower now, kissing a path down my stomach.
When his mouth finds me, I nearly come off the roof entirely. His tongue is hot and skilled and he knows exactly what I like, knows how to make me come unglued with nothing but his mouth. I’m gasping, writhing, my hands groping for purchase on the smooth slate tiles.
“Please,” I manage. “I want you to—”
He knows what I want. He always knows.
He moves back up my body, positioning himself at my entrance. Our eyes meet. In the starlight, his are completely blue again, clear and present.
Killian. Not the monster, only my mate.
He pushes in slowly, giving me time to adjust and giving himself time to maintain control. I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him deeper, refusing to let him take it too slow just because he thinks I’m fragile.
“Regina…”
“I’m fine,” I whisper. “Just feel me. I’m right here.”
He starts to move. Slow at first, then faster as the rhythm takes over. I match him thrust for thrust, my hips rising to meet his, my nails dragging down his back. The bond between us is wide open now. I can feel everything he’s feeling.
The pleasure, the fear, and more than anything, the desperate love that’s been eating him alive.
And he can feel me.
How much I want him.
How completely I trust him, even now, even knowing what’s spreading through his veins.
Halfway through, he freezes.
His whole body goes rigid. His eyes squeeze shut and I feel him fighting something through the bond, a surge of darkness that terrifies him.
“Killian?”
“I can’t…” His voice is strangled. “I’ll hurt you.”
“Look at me.” I cup his face in my hands, forcing him to meet my eyes. “Look at me. I’m right here, I see you, and I’m not afraid. You’re not going to hurt me.”
He grimaces. “You don’t know that.”
“Yes. I. Do.” I kiss him, a soft and grounding brush of my lips on his. “Feel me through the bond. Feel what I feel and you’ll know I’m not scared. I’m with you. I love you. Now move.”
He takes a shuddering breath, and then he starts moving again.
This time there’s no hesitation or fear. The two of us are tangled together on a cold roof under a darkening sky, holding onto each other like we’re the only real things left in the world.
I feel that familiar pressure building, coiling tighter and tighter. Killian’s thrusts are getting faster. His hand finds the place where we’re joined, fingers working my clit in tight circles that make me buck harder against him.
“Come for me,” he growls against my ear. “Let me feel you, beautiful…”
I shatter.
The orgasm crashes through me, pulling a cry from my throat that probably carries all the way to the mansion. Killian’s thrusts grow faster. I feel his knot pressing against me with each one, the familiar stretch that never quite comes to fruition, and then—
Oh.
Oh, fuck.
His knot slips into me, finally, and we both freeze. His body goes still and rigid above mine and I see the genuine fear in his eyes as he looks down at me. “Did I—?”
Did he hurt me?
It does hurt in a way I wasn’t expecting. Not the burning, panic-inducing pain I would expect from taking a knot without planning it, but a dull, deep ache that just borders on too much without ever crossing the threshold.
And the heat of him inside me, combined with the afterglow of my recent orgasm, helps me relax enough to take him, the ache already giving way to something that’s actually…
Pleasant.
I press my lips to his again, letting the kiss be my answer as I weave my fingers into his hair. He shudders as they travel down his neck, my nails raking over the sensitive flesh as I arch my body into his and draw him deeper.
“F-fuck,” I breathe against his ear. “That’s a tight fit.”
“You have no idea,” he groans, another shudder running through his powerful frame.
I can feel how much effort it’s taking him to resist, so I wrap my legs around him and arch into him again, making it clear he doesn’t have to.
He lets out a slew of creative curses and buries his face in my throat as he follows me over the edge.
I come again just from the feeling of his knot, and his come pulsing into me, filling me more than I ever imagined possible.
We lie there in the aftermath, tangled together, both of us breathing hard.
Me adjusting to this new sensation of being perfectly knotted by my alpha, and definitely not hating it, unexpected as this development was for both of us.
Killian realizing he finally gave in to what we both want and it didn’t go disastrously, he didn’t lose control.
The slate tiles are digging into my back, but I don’t care.
The pain has completely faded, and now Killian’s knot is just pressing against the exact right spot as his pulse throbs inside me, triggering little aftershocks of pleasure.
“Fuck,” I breathe. “That was something.”
“Oh, yeah,” he murmurs against my throat, still holding me like he’s afraid the world will come apart if he lets go. “Definitely something.”
“Come home,” I say, stroking my fingers through his hair once more while we’re still locked together. “Please.”
He’s quiet for a long moment. Then he nods, his forehead pressing against mine.
“Okay. But uh, it’s going to take a while for us to untie.”
Heat rushes into my cheeks. “How long is a while?”
“Ten minutes, maybe fifteen.”
I blow a breath out slow, rustling the dark strands that have fallen into my face. “This is different from the knotting toy.”
He scoffs. “In more than one way, I’d hope.”
“Are you really bragging about your dick size right now?” I ask wryly, smiling up at him.
“I mean, I’m still an alpha. Even if I am becoming a monster.”
“You’re not a monster,” I mutter, nipping at his bottom lip. “And you’re not going to become one.”
It’s a promise.
I don’t know how I’m going to keep it yet, but I will.