3. Taelyn
EARLIER THE SAME DAY…
“Hey, Mama, you want to have lunch with me?”
I walked into the theater where my mama sat in a recliner watching her favorite show. She would binge Will & Grace repeatedly like she had never seen it before. It was a great show. I found out when I binged with her one time.
She looked away from the television. A bright smile accompanied the sparkle in her eyes.
“Hey, Pretty Lady. Yes, come sit with me and keep me company.”
Her referring to me as “Pretty Lady” told me that she didn’t recognize me as her daughter right now. I was always “Pretty Lady” or “Girl” when she didn’t recognize me as her Taelyn. It bothered me at first, but now I was used to it. Pretty Lady, Girl, or Taelyn, I would always be the daughter of Tae Zoie Smith.
I brought the tray of food that I prepared in and set her plate on the table that was attached to the recliner before I sat down with my own food.
“I made your favorite, grilled chicken B.L.T. You like those, right? With some home fries?”
She looked at the plate with high cheeks.
“Oh, that sounds so good, Pretty Lady. I should introduce you to my baby girl, Taelyn. She’s only twenty, but she makes the best grilled chicken B.L.T that you’ve ever tasted.”
Interesting. Today, I’m twenty years old.
“I would love to meet her. I’m sure I could take a cooking lesson or two from her.”
You would think that it would be weird to have someone talk to you about you, but it was the complete opposite. I loved to hear how my mama saw me in her eyes. I was a stranger to her in those moments, so it led me to believe that was how she spoke of me to others. She picked up her sandwich and took a bite. My body froze awaiting her critique.
“Oh, wow! This is good.” She leaned sideways toward me. “This is almost better than my baby Taelyn’s. No one will ever be better, though. My baby girl is perfect.”
My mama thinks I’m perfect. Even before all of this dementia stuff, my mama always made me feel like I could do absolutely no wrong. Remember, you’re perfect just the way that you are. That had been her mantra for me since I was a little girl. I’d seen videos of me when I was as young as four repeating the mantra after her.
“I know your daughter loves that you think that about her. I know it makes me feel good to hear it. Did you teach her how to cook?” I took a bite of my sandwich. I do make an outstanding grilled chicken B.L.T.
She gave me a cheeky smile. “I taught all my babies everything I know. I got four of them, Lamont, Tana, Neziah, and Taelyn. My two youngest babies, Neziah and Taelyn, are twins.” She turned to face me. With high cheeks, she asked, “Do you have any babies?”
“Not yet. Hopefully, one day sooner than later. Right now, I have enough nieces, nephews, and cousins to give me a lot of practice.”
I honestly thought I would be married by this age, but woe is me. I wanted to have my first child around this time or at least in my thirtieth year of life. God made it more and more clear that it was God’s plan, not mine. My mama’s hand on my thigh pulled me out of my thoughts. Her eyes were soft when mine met hers.
“What God has for you is for you, baby. Remember that.”
Her words in any mindset comforted me. We sat there, ate, and watched her show while we laughed and had trivial conversation. Well after we finished, Mont came into the theater.
“My beautiful mama, are you in here?”
Mont came into our view. Our mama stood up.
“Mont, why are you so loud? Come here, boy.”
He walked into her awaiting arms. She kissed all over his face, then cupped it.
“You look just like your daddy, boy. Let me introduce you to someone. This my pretty girl. She comes here all the time to sit with me and watch my shows. Pretty Girl, this is my son, Mont.”
Mont’s eyes were sympathetic because our mama had yet to ever completely not know who him or Tana were. I sometimes blamed myself for that. I went away to college and stayed away until a few years ago when her condition started to take a turn for the worst. Our mom had more memories with Mont, Tana, and Neziah. My twin stayed local for college, so he always popped in and out. I took my ass to Texas and barely came home. My family used to joke, saying that I had that Khialee gene of staying away.
“What’s up, Pretty Girl? Mama, she looks just like Taelyn, don’t she?”
He always did that every time she introduced me to him. It was like he tried to make her see that it was me. It was nice of him but unnecessary. I liked just being the pretty girl sometimes.
Our mama turned her attention to me. Her hand went to her chin like it always did. She pondered as she looked at me with a tilted head.
“You know what, Son? She does. She must be kin to us. Pretty Girl, what’s your name?”
“My name is Lyn Smith.”
Her face lit up! “Your name is just like my baby’s name. You can’t be her daughter because my Taelyn is only twenty. I don’t understand.”
She was getting agitated. Like clockwork, Daddy came into the theater. He had a sixth sense when it came to his wife. He always told us that when you were with the one God made for you, you could felt them in your spirit.
“Tae Bae, what’s going on in here?”
My daddy’s voice soothed our mama every time. Her body turned, and her eyes widened.
“Baby, look! Pretty Girl looks just like Taelyn, and her name is Lyn. When is my baby girl coming home from school?”
My daddy wrapped his arm around my mama.
“She does look like her. She’s very beautiful.” He kissed her on her forehead. “Tell you what. How about we go call Taelyn to check on her? You know she’s down in Texas with those cowboys and shit.”
“Not the cowboys! Let me call my baby before I see her riding one of those boys on a horse backward.”
The gasp then laugh that left my mouth filled the room. Tae didn’t care what she said in any mind. My daddy and Mont didn’t find the statement funny at all. The thought of their beloved baby girl possibly having a man deep inside of her was unnerving for them. My parents left the theater.
“It’s almost time for your therapy. I came to take you.” Mont’s voice broke through the silence. “I wanted to make sure you knew where the office was.”
Before I could curse his ass out, my cell phone rang. My heart melted and broke at the same time when I saw it was my mama calling.
“Hey, Mama.”
“Hey, Baby Tae! I miss you, little girl. When you coming home to see me?”
I took a breath to prevent my voice from cracking.
“Soon, Mama! Your birthday is coming up. You know I can’t miss the birthday of my favorite Finer Woman.”
“You damn right you can’t. Baby Tae, there is this pretty girl that comes to visit me all the time, and she looks just like you. She can make a mean grilled chicken B.L.T. It’s not as good as yours, though, because yours is perfect.” She giggled into the phone.
I sucked my teeth. “Mama, now you know that no one can be as beautiful as me. I get it from my mama!”
“Lil girl, you know I know that. Trell, Pretty Girl still here? I want her to talk to my baby girl.”
After my father told her no, she gave a low but audible aw.
“Next time Pretty Girl is here, I’m going to call you.”
“Okay, Mama! I’m about to run to class. I’m late. I love you, Mama.”
There was a moment of silence.
“I love you, too, Baby Tae. Be good, learn something, and leave those cowboys alone.”
“I will, Mama. I promise I won’t let them cowboys get me.”
She made kissing noises into the phone before she told me bye. I disconnected the call then dropped my face into the palms of my hands.
“Welp, I guess the things that I have to talk to my new therapist about are mounting up like a Jenga tower.”
BACK IN THE THERAPIST’S OFFICE…
“Now, God, why would You let me have a fine therapist like that? You know you’re not right.”
If fine ass Dr. McMasters was to walk in here right now, he would surely write me a prescription for something if he caught me talking to myself. He had degrees, certificates, and awards all over his walls and on the shelves that aligned the wall.
Let’s check the credentials since he’s such a leader in the field. There were four frames on the wall that displayed degrees all from Old Dominion University in Virginia. I wonder if that’s where his sexy ass is from. He had a bachelor’s in psychology, master’s in clinical Mental Health Counseling & Psychology, and a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology. Damn, do I know anyone this intelligent?
“See anything interesting, Miss Taelyn?”
I almost jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice. When the hell did he come in here? I spun around and gazed at this beauty of a man. Dr. McMaster had the freshest lineup that I’d ever seen. His beard was the thing that made you lose your mind and make bad decisions. His collared business shirt did not hide the tattoos that littered his thick neck. I wonder how tatted he really is.
I cleared my throat. “Oh, I was just making sure that you were qualified to treat my apparently fucked up mind. Very impressive credentials.”
If I could just be the glasses that sat on his face.
“I appreciate that. How about we sit down to talk about this mind of yours. Is that alright with you?” He stretched his hand toward the sofa. “Please have a seat.”
When I got near the couch, I stopped. “Surprised you don’t want me to lay down.”
“If that’s what you’re feeling, then go for what you feel. The couch has been disinfected, and from personal experience, it is quite comfortable.” He sat in his seat comfortably, then crossed one leg over the other. Just sexy.
“I think I’ll sit upright for this first session. I don’t know you like that yet.” I gave him a cutesy smile before I sat down.
He didn’t say anything right away, but his eyes were on me. There was a second of awkward silence before he spoke.
“Tell me why you’re here, Taelyn. I want to know why you’re here, not why they told you to come. Do you understand what I want?”
I gaped at him for a moment as I took in his request. With a hiked brow, I responded. “I’m here because coming here is the only way that I can go back to work. Here I am, so if you could sign off as soon as possible, it would be great.”
He jotted something down in his notebook before he looked back at me. “Yes, at Christianson Enterprises. You like what you do there?”
After I confirmed that I did, he asked me how many missions I’d been involved with. His question caught me off guard.
“Missions? I’m not sure I know what you mean.”
His head was down as he wrote in his notebook. Without looking up, he said, “You don’t have to be coy. I’m also an employee of Christianson Enterprises, who has multiple missions under my belt.”
I choked on my own spit. He jumped up, rushed to a small refrigerator that was on one of the counters, and pulled out a water. Once he put it in my hand, I opened it and tried to gulp it down, but he told me to drink it slowly. Once I got myself together, he went back to his seat with a snicker. He sat there silently and gazed at me.
“You alright now?”
“Ye-yes, I’m fine. You work for Christianson Enterprises? Like you work, work for the organization?”
His head tilted up and down. “Yes, Taelyn. I work, work for the organization. I want you to feel safe to speak freely here. There is nothing that you can tell me that will shock me. If you have any questions for me, I will answer them as well.”
“I can ask you personal questions, and you’ll answer them?”
He took a moment to answer me. “How about this. For every question that I answer honestly, which will be all of them, you have to honestly answer one for me. Is that a deal?”
I wanted to hear more about him so badly that I didn’t think that was a bad deal.
“Deal. I go first? During my quick scan of your office, I didn’t see any family photos. Are you married, in a relationship, or have children?”
“I’m a widower. No, I am not in a relationship, nor do I have any children. Now, it’s my turn. Why did your last relationship end?”
I shifted in my seat because he asked a question that I was sure he knew the answer to. I’ll play this little game.
“My ex-boyfriend was jealous because of my placement in the organization and his lack thereof, so he kidnapped me and shot me twice. He’s in hell now.” I paused to allow the words to settle in the air. “My condolences on the loss of your wife. May I ask the cause of her death?”
He sat stoically without blinking his eyes. After a deep breath, he answered. “She was the unfortunate casualty of gang violence during a gas station robbery. They robbed the store and killed everyone in it. Five other people lost their lives with my wife.”
My hand went to my chest. Oh my God! I couldn’t imagine that kind of pain.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
“No worries. All involved were probably the welcoming committee for your ex in hell. Next question. How has the kidnapping affected your life?” He held his finger up before I could respond. “Honest answer, Taelyn.”
The uncomfortable question. I huffed before I answered. “I have nightmares sometimes. Well, that’s only if I can sleep. I question all of my decisions twice before I question it a final time to decide to decide. Does that make sense?”
After he nodded confirmation of understanding, I continued with my personal question.
“How has the death of your wife affected you? When did it happen?”
“That’s two questions, Miss Taelyn, so you owe me two answers,” he said with a smirk. “My wife was taken from me twelve years ago. Naturally, immediately after it happened, I went through all of the stages of grief. I even added rage in there. It took me years to realize that the counselor needed a counselor and a lot of God. I was closed off to love until these recent past few years. Now, for my two questions.
“Are your nightmares directly about the event or your feelings about the event? Also, has the actions of your ex closed you off to loving or accepting love?”
His question was more difficult than I thought when I couldn’t immediately answer. Were my nightmares about the event or my feelings about the event?
“Um, I guess a little of both. When it happened, I was completely terrified, but I knew that I couldn’t let Kevin see that. I wasn’t worried about the other little boys that he had with him because I knew they could be swayed to realize how bad they fucked up. They didn’t know me, but Kevin did. He knew how to tear me down physically and mentally.
“The physical beating healed. The mental and emotional not so much, you know? While I was with him, he played into every insecurity I had. In hindsight, it all could have possibly been avoided if I stopped fucking with him as soon as I felt something was off.” My words stopped when Dr. McMasters lifted his hand.
“I don’t mean to interrupt you, but I need you to know now that this was not your fault. Did you make decisions that could have been better? Yes. Did you tell a fuck nigga to kidnap and try to break you? No. I will not allow you to put that on you. Do you understand?”
There was something so damn sexy about when he asked me if I understood something. It gave the dominant demeanor that I just now realized I liked. After I told him that I understood, he restated the second question.
“Honestly, no. His actions haven’t closed me off to love because I never loved him. I just know to be more cautious about who I have around me. I want love badly.”
I didn’t mean to add the “badly” onto the end of that statement. The last thing that I wanted to do was appear desperate. I was so happy that his head was down as he jotted in his notebook.
“I have my next question for you. Do you think what happened to me makes me incapable of doing my job with the organization?”
“I don’t think that it makes you incapable. However, I do think you need to address the post-traumatic stress or PTSD that is a result of what you went through. PTSD can affect your behavior, thoughts, and decisions. When you are in a life-or-death situation where the lives of others are dependent upon your ability to make sound decisions, you don’t want your condition to affect that.”
He was right. I knew that but it didn’t make it any easier to hear it.
“So, you really think I have PTSD?”
With a warm smile, he nodded. “I do, Taelyn. It is nothing that we can’t work through together and get you to the point where I can sign off on you going back to work. I want you to be the best you when you step back in that position as I know your family does.”
I felt better about being here to get the help that I needed regardless of how much it annoyed me. Dr. McMasters sexiness helped the situation as well. His fine ass was encouraging to my restoration.
“Girl, this man is fine! I think I have some issues that I need him to see about.”
My good friend, Blair, looked at Dr. McMasters’s practice’s website and went to his page. If I thought he was sexy in his business casual attire, his full business attire made me want to print the picture out and put it on my wall for masturbation inspiration.
“I told you that man was fine.”
Blair and I attended the University of Houston together where I received my Master’s in Cybersecurity, and she received a Master’s in Global Retailing. Her job as a retail consultant kept her busy and traveling. I wouldn’t say that Blair was my best friend, but I was hers according to her. I learned a long time ago that how someone saw you in their life did not validate how you saw them. Blair was a very close and dear friend but not my best friend. I wasn’t a very friendly person in high school and had no real friends because of people’s envy or ulterior motives around becoming my friend. College was the first time I entertained making friends since no one knew about my family’s wealth.
In undergrad, most knew my family had money, but so did many others. My senior year was when they realized that my family may have been more on the wealthy side when Smith Hall was built as a graduation present to me. It was a state-of-the-art dorm that was specifically for the College of Science students. In the lobby of the building, there was a plaque in my honor. I had a few friends in undergrad, but I still kept them at arm’s length with the exception of my line sisters.
While in undergrad, I became a Zeta as my mother’s legacy. I only had three line sisters (LS), and we talked weekly to make sure that we kept up with each other’s lives. Once a year, we did an LS weekend getaway that each of us took turns planning.
“Well, I’m proud that you finally decided to get some help. I mean, you had to be pushed into a corner, but I know you. If you truly didn’t want the help, your ass would have still said fuck them.” Blair jumped up from her seat on my bed. “Let’s go out and celebrate! Club Lit, here we come!”
I tittered. “I swear every time you come here, you want to go there.”
“Um, duh! It’s the nicest club in the damn city, hell state. Plus, you are co-owner. Do you really want to go anywhere else? I mean, we can. It’s your celebration.”
She gave me that look that told me she knew I wouldn’t go anywhere else but Club Lit.
“Girl, come on! Let’s go shake our asses!” I hadn’t gone out and just had fun in over two years. It was time.
We didn’t casually stroll into Club Lit until almost midnight. I didn’t want to sit in a Boss Suite since it was just Blair and I, so I opted for an upper VIP section. My outfit gave “come hither,” but my attitude gave “don’t touch.” It was a special skill that I had with balancing the two.
“Aye, we got Baby Tae in the house tonight! Long time no see, baby girl! This one’s for you.”
The DJ mixed the music to T.I.’s “Bring Em Out.” Welp, I guess staying lowkey tonight is now out of the question. Fuck it. Might as well live it up! I threw my hands up, turned around, and let my clappers clap as I took it down low to the beat. Bitches out here knew they couldn’t see my thick ass, and that was just the way I liked it.
I didn’t have to request a drink because all the bartenders knew what I drank. I texted the staff to let them know what to bring Blair when they brought mine to me. Blair and I had a drink in our hand, one hand on our knee, a bent back, and a shaking ass. It was up from here.
“Baby Tae, you’ve been requested in Boss Suite four.” One of the bartenders interrupted my fun time.
Everyone called me Baby Tae since my mother was known as TaeBae. My head quickly tilted to look up at the suites. All of them had the shades lowered, so I couldn’t see into them. Fuck!
“Is my brother and cousins up there?”
My twin went back to New York last week. I missed him already. If any of them were up there, Blair and I would leave immediately.
“No, it’s not them. The dude who asked is fine as hell. He’s with Mega and dem.”
I didn’t personally know Mega, but I knew of him. I was on the mission to recover his wife some time ago. I wondered who wanted me up there. I leaned over to Blair to let her know that we were going up to the suites. I didn’t need to get an access code or escort since I had my own. The second I walked into the suite and laid my eyes on fine ass Dr. McMasters in all his glory, I had to tighten my legs a little.
Gone was the business casual look. This man had on a pair of dark denim jeans, a Polo-style collared shirt, and a fly ass pair of Js. When he smiled and his bottom diamond-encrusted, fanged grills showed, I almost passed the hell out. I thought he was sexy with the glasses. Without the glasses, this man looked like he belonged in my virginity.
He stood from his seat then smoothly walked over to me. It looked like his ass was gliding across the floor. His cologne infused the air around me. I was convinced that the name of the cologne was The Sweat of Jesus. You couldn’t make me believe when Jesus was out there on those Jerusalem streets working hard that his sweat didn’t smell of blessings, promise, and covenant.
“What’s up, Miss Taelyn?”