12. Mai （16）
Twenty-two years ago
Mai sat nervously, staring up at the tiny stage, clutching her guitar as she waited for her turn to audition for Ford’s band.
She tugged on her newly dyed and straightened black hair. Her mum had cried when Mai walked out of the bathroom after using a box dye, but she still helped her clean up her hairline and straighten it.
Her eyes watered a little from the violet contact lenses she put in that morning, determined she would never wear her thick glasses again, and she blinked constantly, unused to the mass of eyeliner and heavy mascara.
When she looked in the mirror, she hadn’t recognised herself. She now looked like the girls who hung around with the band, rather than the little blonde girl who got ignored.
She found that when you were short with blonde, curly hair, people assumed that you were younger than your actual age and dismissed you, thinking you were a child.
Now with her new look, she’d already heard some whispered comments while she queued up next to the community centre stage to audition that she looked like an ‘angry chick’. She would take it, as it was better than being dismissed as a little kid.
She had been coming to the community centre a couple of times a week since she was thirteen, watching the boys practise together and, over the years, get better and better.
Ford usually played guitar and sang, but a month ago, a sign had gone up on the noticeboard.
They wanted someone else on lead guitar.
She was always on the periphery of the crowd of kids that the boys hung around with. They never spoke to her, but she listened in on plenty of conversations, and she’d heard them say it was time to get more serious with the music.
They couldn’t do that if Ford was trying to be the frontman and lead guitarist.
So here she was, sixteen years old, and clutching an electric guitar she played as if she were born with one in her hands. She had practised until it was as natural to her as breathing.
She wanted this so badly.
She wanted to be part of this band.
She wanted Ford to notice her.
“Next up, we have Sie,” Ford announced in a voice that sent shivers down her spine.
Walking onto the stage, she displayed a confidence, almost arrogance, that she didn’t feel. She didn’t bother to speak into the microphone to introduce herself or explain why they should choose her.
All of the boys had, talking with voices that hadn’t quite settled into their adult baritones. To her, it didn’t matter what they said; they were only here to play.
Some were okay on guitar, but none were as good as her. Watching their swagger, though, they all clearly thought they could be Rock Gods.
She was here to show them that they didn’t need another God for their band.
They needed a Goddess.
Staring straight into the audience of three, plus the handful of boys who had already auditioned, she lifted her eyebrow arrogantly and curled her lip.
She was Sie Harrington. Rock Goddess. And she was here to show them what playing like a girl actually meant.
She played like her life depended on it. Her style wasn’t showy, and even at the height of her fame, she never developed any flamboyance, but she was a weapon on her guitar.
Lost in the music, she didn’t realise that everyone in the room had stopped talking and silence had fallen where, through every other audition, there had been murmurs.
When Mai finished, she nodded and walked off stage, trying not to be aware of Ford’s eyes following her. Sie Harrington wouldn’t blush when a cute boy looked at her.
And Ford was cute.
He had a tall, lanky build with wide shoulders, and at sixteen, he looked a little bit like a baby giraffe, but it was clear he would grow into his frame.
His hair was tousled and styled with enough hair gel that it didn’t move, even when he turned his head quickly.
His grey eyes pierced her as if this was the first time he had ever seen her.
Maybe it was the first time he had ever noticed her, but she had been aware of him from the first time she laid eyes on him.
She had always played acoustic guitar; she loved music and had written a million songs. But the Christmas after she first watched Ford and the boys rehearsing, she asked for an electric guitar.
She wanted him to pay attention to her, and if he wasn’t going to notice that she was a girl—which he definitely didn’t—then she wanted him to view her as an equal.
Mai sat in her seat, staring straight ahead, ignoring the three band members as the other boys auditioned. They weren’t as good as her, although that was no guarantee; maybe they didn’t want a girl in the band.
“Thanks, everyone, for coming.” Ford was always the frontman and spoke for the band. Even as a gangly sixteen-year-old kid, he was charismatic. “We’re going to have a chat and make a decision, so meet us back here in an hour.”
The five other guys glared at her as they all strutted out. Mai ignored their mutters and the daggers they shot at her and followed them outside, sitting on a wall, relaxing in the sun while she waited for the decision to be made.
When it was time to go back in, it was clear from the way the other boys stood with their backs to her that they'd decided to unite in their hatred. Rolling her eyes, she took a chair behind the idiots.
Ford swaggered onto the stage with Scotty and Joel.
“Thanks, guys. You’ve all played brilliantly, and we’ve struggled with the final decision. At the moment, it’s between Ryan and Sie. Thanks to the rest of you.”
There was murmuring, and she saw a couple of the boys patting Ryan on his back.
The same Ryan who, in six years’ time, would take her spot in Midnight Thunder, and in twenty-two years’ time, she would revive from a drug overdose—and he wouldn’t have a clue that she was the girl who had once taken ‘his spot’.
“We’d like to do a few songs with each of you. See how you gel with the band.” Ford nodded to the other two.
Scotty took his position at the drums, and Joel grabbed his bass guitar.
“Ryan, we’ll get you up first,” Ford said into the microphone he stood behind.
Mai sighed. Of course they would. They were bound to pick a boy over her.
But she didn’t let her disappointment show. She sat cooly, channelling her unfazed inner Rock Goddess.
Ryan swaggered up to the stage, throwing her a smug look designed to show that he was meant to be there and she had no chance. They picked a song that they all knew, and Scotty counted them in with his drumsticks.
Mai watched critically.
Ryan was good, but he didn’t gel with the band. He tried to overpower them rather than elevating them as a whole. Adding extra riffs where the song didn’t need them, showing off his skills on the guitar—which Mai would admit were great—instead of ensuring that, as a group, they sounded their best.
She noticed Ford getting a little frustrated as he went to sing a couple of times and couldn’t, because Ryan was still playing an unnecessary riff.
They did four songs together, with the band obviously hoping Ryan would work it out, but he didn’t.
It was very clear he was on the stage for one thing only. Himself.
“Thanks, Ryan. That was great,” Ford said, and Mai could hear the lie in his voice when he complimented the other boy.
Ryan strutted off the stage, throwing her a smug grin which she completely ignored. Instead, she picked up her guitar and walked up to join the band.
“We’ll do the same four songs so we can compare,” Ford told her.
Mai nodded and didn’t say anything, merely plugged her guitar in, taking her position. Scotty counted them in, and they were off.
It felt so easy to play with them. She instinctively knew when to give it a little more and when to back off and let the other members of the band shine.
Looking out to the audience of one, she saw Ryan’s face grow more and more sour the longer they played. She allowed herself to smile then.
He wasn’t so smug anymore.
When they finished, she knew the position should be hers.
Taking her guitar off, she walked back to the uncomfortable plastic chairs and took a seat, watching the three boys on stage whisper to each other.
Ryan’s glare burned into the back of her head, but she didn’t turn around. She didn’t let him know that he affected her in any way.
It wasn’t long before Ford stepped away from the other two and spoke. “Thanks, both of you. You’re incredible guitar players.”
Mai heard Ryan fidgeting in his seat, but she didn’t move. She was an ice queen. Even if she wasn’t chosen, she wouldn’t let them see her upset.
“We’ve come to the decision that Sie is the best fit for Midnight Thunder,” Ford announced, his grey eyes on Mai, then he turned to face the other boy. “Ryan, you’re a fantastic player. I’m sure you’ll find a band easily.”
“Fuck.” Ryan jumped to his feet. “You’ve picked tits over me?!” His voice was incredulous.
Mai stared at the angry boy and lifted an eyebrow. She didn’t say anything. If she’d been herself, she would have blushed and dropped her eyes.
Sie Harrington didn’t blush and drop her eyes.
She was a Rock Goddess.
She gave him the finger without even cracking a smile.
Ryan swore some more and slammed out of the hall. When he left, she turned back to the band and allowed the corner of her lips to twitch upwards.
“It must be his time of the month.” She gestured over her shoulder to the door that the boy stormed through.
Ford, Joel and Scotty stared at her in silence for a long moment. Her heart pounded as she wondered if she'd ruined things before they started.
But she kept her face a mask, her eyes locked on Ford as he gazed back at her in shock.
Mai was beginning to feel uncomfortable when a grin finally tugged at the corner of Ford’s mouth, and he began to laugh, the other two soon joining in.