11. Charlie
11
Istood next to Mr. James’s desk as he pointed out photo after photo of Lex with other women in public, none of which indicated he was doing anything sexually with them. They were harmless photos of him dining with women, save for a few where women were seen going into his home, taken with a telephoto lens near the edge of the property. Most of them were so grainy the women couldn’t even be identified, but Lex had told me they were images of him with his patients.
The only photo that could have been so damning to change my opinion of him was a particularly saucy photo of him kissing a dark-haired woman wearing a form-fitting black dress. His hands were on her curves, and he was invested in the moment. I knew it was me, a photo taken from behind, but because I was a nobody in the grand scheme of things, the tabloids opted to dramatize things and report this as more lascivious behavior on his part. I was thankful. I didn’t want my name dragged through this particular mud.
“I worked really hard on this draft,” I said, planting my hands on my hips. I didn’t know what Mr. James thought I was going to produce for this article. If I published the trash he wanted me to say about Lex, I’d never get another date with him. “He’s an upstanding guy. Those pictures are all just coincidences. The tabloids are lying about him.”
“Are they? Or are you just not brazen enough to write the gritty stuff.” He stood, towering over his desk and glaring at me. “Where do you actually see your future, Martinez? Because from where I’m standing, I see you wasting away in traffic reports and weather. You’ll never get the good stories if you don’t take risks.”
I took the lecture, but I had to bite my tongue a number of times to choke it down. Mr. James was rude and mean, and he wanted me to be something I wasn’t ever going to be. I didn’t have to be in love with Lex to admit that what was being force-fed by the media was wrong, and I refused to write that drivel.
However, ever since that condom broke two weeks ago, I’d been on edge and thinking about my future even more. He might not be able to control my journalistic moves much longer, but he was speaking directly to what my future would look like, and his opinion in this business was respected—heralded even. I had to please him or when I did branch out and try to get a job elsewhere, I’d end up with nothing. James would see to that.
“Yes, sir,” I told him when he finally ended his rant and then I went straight to my desk to hide. Thankfully Amy wasn’t around at the moment, so I had a second to clear my head and calm myself.
I had a few options, none of them being ideal. I could ditch the story on Lex entirely, but my weekly jaunts paid for by the Register, would end. Lex would be on the hook for all the flights. I didn’t think he would mind one bit, but I would have felt bad. I didn’t want him to think for a second that I was using him for those perks. He had money, but it wasn’t mine to spend.
The other option was to convince Lex to let me publish harder-hitting stuff. I knew the bits about his upbringing and his parents would be gritty enough to please my boss. But Lex was so closed off about it, like he’d hidden those things so deeply in his past that just thinking about them brought him pain. I remembered the look on his face when I picked up the picture of his parents.
I was stressed, though not to the point of breaking. I hated feeling this way because it made me a bit grumpy, and I wasn’t the grumpy type. My eternally sunny demeanor wasn’t a put-on either. I genuinely looked for the positive in every circumstance, but this job made me feel perpetually negative. It was changing who I was. If I could just nail this exposé and get my name out there, I’d have a shot at a job somewhere else.
Before I knew what I was doing, the phone was in my hand and Lex was on the other end of the line. We’d gotten into a habit of calling each other daily, sometimes twice a day, and for two weeks in a row now, Lex had flown me to Miami to spend the weekend with him. Things were heating up, and I felt confident enough in what we had to ask him a huge favor. One which I hoped he wouldn’t refuse.
“Hey, baby, I just got done with a patient. What’s up?” Lex sounded pleased to hear me. I was so relieved to hear the sound of his voice too. After lectures by Mr. James, Lex’s smooth baritone always made me smile.
“Ugh, just a frustrating meeting with the boss.” I sighed and reminded myself that this too would pass.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Anything I can help with?” That was my man, always eager to help me. I loved that about him. He’d stop at nothing to make me smile.
“Honestly, yes. You know how much I need this story about you to help boost my career and I hate taking advantage of your name, but I need your help desperately.” I clenched my jaw as I waited for his response. Amy walked past but seeing I was on my phone she kept walking.
“Anything for you, Charlie. What is it?”
The punch was coming and I hoped it didn’t make him grumpy with me. He had this sullen and moody side about him that sprang up when I brought up certain topics, his parents being one of them. But I had no choice. It was this, or paint him as a sex-obsessed womanizer, and he just wasn’t one.
“The boss hates the draft. He’ll run it because we have no time for me to rewrite anything, but he wants something grittier for next week. I have four days to submit.” I closed my eyes against the fear I felt and just blurted it out. “Can I write about your parents? Your childhood?” Lex probably had a good reason for not wanting the story written. For all I knew, his parents were still living and followed him in the media. Maybe he was trying to save them the embarrassment or preserve any thread of relationship they still had.
“Absolutely not.” His attitude turned on a dime, from happy to angry in the blink of an eye. “I told you that topic is off the record. You gave me your word.”
I sighed and opened my eyes, letting my head droop. “I know it’s just…”
“You know how I feel about that, Charlie. I’m hurt you’d even ask.” He did sound hurt. He sounded like I’d sliced him through the heart with a knife. I felt awful for asking him, but I didn’t know what else to do. I had to write something gritty, or I was going to miss a huge opportunity.
“I’m sorry, Lex. You’re right. I deeply apologize.” There was no room for explanation or pleading. I was in the wrong. “I’ll see you this weekend?”
“Yeah, you will. I gotta go. Goodbye.” He hung up without waiting for me to say goodbye which hurt me, but I couldn’t blame him. I had to respect that he was in the right and I was the one who’d done the wrong thing.
I put my phone down on my desk and prepared to sulk as I tried to think through what to do next, but Amy was there instantly. It was as if she’d been waiting for me to hang up just to talk to me.
“That bad?” She slipped into my cubicle and sat on the corner of my desk as I looked up at her.
“I’d like to say no, but…”
“But the story isn’t panning out right? Because you got involved with him and now you can’t write the trash that James wants.” Amy hit the nail on the head and all I could do was shrug.
“I hurt the man I love, Ames. I don’t know what to do.” The words came out without thinking and made me smile. I loved him. That’s why I hated myself right now. Not because I didn’t have the story I wanted; not because I might fail and never get a letter of recommendation from Mr. James. No, I hated myself for one reason.
I loved Alexander Hartman and I wanted to be with him. My heart was so tender and I felt guilty.
“Wow…so did you tell him this? Hartman, I mean…that you love him?” Amy read my thoughts and suddenly I knew it didn’t matter if James never approved my stories or gave me a recommendation again. Love was the important thing, and I had it. For Lex.
“I am going to,” I told her, nodding. The smile that stretched my lips was genuine this time, not fake, not a forced reminder to be positive. “I’m going to.” I didn’t think anything could get me down the rest of the day now. Lex was too special to me to throw under the bus. Even if my career tanked, I’d have him—I hoped. I’d hurt the man I loved and it meant a genuine apology now. I could do that. I just hoped he’d forgive me.