23. Charlie
23
It was a false alarm, I just knew it, but I followed Mom into the emergency room at the hospital. Following my thirty-eight-week checkup the doctor told me I was in labor and to go to the hospital, but I had no pain. Labor was supposed to be wretchedly painful and unbearable, but the small ache in my lower back was the only minor annoyance I had.
“This is such a waste of time. I have so many things to get done at the apartment still,” I grumbled as I trudged behind my mother who’d only done this once before so she blindly trusted the doctors. Of course, I’d never done it before, but it didn’t even feel like labor.
“You are moody today, Charlotte,” Mom chided. If Dad were in here he’d be telling her to be nice. I’d been moody for two days with lower back pain and I’d hardly slept. When I asked Mom to come to San Francisco for a few days to help me because my back hurt so badly, I never expected she’d stay until I delivered, but Dad insisted. Now he was parking the car while I was being checked in.
“Of course I’m moody. I have to put the crib together still, organize all the baby supplies, and make sure I have everything I need. I don’t even have my bag.”
Mom walked up to the counter and a pretty nurse smiled at her. “What can I do for the two of you today?” The nurse’s warm complexion and blonde hair were mismatched, but not horribly so. I found myself too grumpy to even speak, so I stood with one hand on my stomach which was hard as a rock, and the other on my lower back which needed a good soak in a hot tub. I couldn’t wait to give birth and enjoy the hot tub in my building.
“This is my daughter Charlotte Martinez. Dr. Gibbons sent her over. She’s in labor.” Mom was altogether too cheery for this event. Besides the fact that I most definitely was not in labor. The doctor had clearly gotten it wrong.
The nurse looked up at me skeptically and puckered her lips. “Alright, Ms. Martinez, let me look you up in the computer and…” She typed something and then said, “Aha, yes. Dr. Gibbons has already sent the order for admittance. We’ll get you a wheelchair and take you up to maternity in a few minutes. Go ahead and have a seat.”
I saw the look in her eye. She didn’t believe I was in labor either. Most women were screaming and cussing at their partners or anyone who would listen. I had a mild sardonic expression and the attitude to match it as I followed Mom to the waiting area where we sat down.
“You know I have to be at work early tomorrow for taping. They want those cooking segments to be perfect, and now I’m going to be exhausted. They won’t let me leave this place for hours now.” Slumping into the seat, I felt immediate relief from the back pain. I let my eyes shut and sighed away some of the frustration. This pregnancy had put a toll on my happy-go-lucky personality, and today more than others I was having a difficult time staying positive.
“If the doctor says it’s baby time, then we’re not leaving.” Mom could be stubborn when she wanted to be but so could I. I learned it from her anyway.
A few minutes later, Dad walked in with the car keys in hand and an exasperated expression. Clearly he agreed with me too, that something wasn’t quite right. His experience with labor and delivery was chaotic and intense. I’d heard the story at least thirty times over the few months. He was probably confused that I wasn’t crying or shouting.
“Car is parked… Where is the doctor? Why aren’t we in a room yet?” Dad sat beside me, perched on the edge of the seat and looking around frantically. Sweat beaded on his forehead. While San Fran was much cooler than El Paso, especially in May, so the perspiration told me it was stress-induced. He took his handkerchief out of his pocket and mopped his forehead.
“I’m fine, Dad. I’m not even in pain. This isn’t labor. They have it wrong,” I grumbled again and again, but no one listened to me. Not even when they hooked me up to monitors and forced me to stay in bed in the labor room when all I wanted to do was pee.
Mom sat across the room doing a crossword puzzle she brought along. Dad paced at the foot of the bed asking me every two minutes if I needed anything. I wanted to go home to get work done but I was trapped. I lay on my side staring at my phone. I had already called Mr. Lewis, who was quite literally the best boss ever, to let him know I’d be later in the morning than I thought. I had to explain the whole thing and even he believed I wouldn’t be in for the shoot. No one understood that I wasn’t in labor.
“Sure you don’t want something, honey? I know they said you can’t eat but I’ll go find you some fish tacos if you want.” Dad crouched at my bedside and played the part of the doting father yet again and it made me smile. The idea of him smuggling contraband into this hospital to make me smile warmed my heart.
“Thanks, Daddy, but you can just buy me tacos when we’re on the way home later. You don’t have to waste the gas.” As it was, fuel was over five dollars a gallon and their rental car was already costing them fifty dollars a day.
“I want you to be comfortable.” He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes, and I realized how lucky I was.
In this moment I would have liked the man who got me pregnant to be here to support me. It would have been nice if Lex hadn’t turned out to be everything people said he was, but I’d made my choice. I was in this alone now, and while my heart wasn’t quite healed, and I still felt hurt by it all, I was moving on. Having my dad here meant the world to me.
“I’m comfortable. I just want to go home. This feels like a waste of time and money.” I locked my phone and set it to the side. He stayed there by me, crouching next to my bed, for a while longer.
“Have you thought of any names? You haven’t said much to me about that.”
Since moving to San Francisco, I hadn’t been as in touch with them. Dad flew with me to the northern California city for the audition and they gave me the job on the spot, then three weeks to relocate. Amy had been overjoyed but still hadn’t managed to make the trip to visit yet. I accepted the offer thinking I’d continue to pursue writing jobs, but I ended up loving it so much, I stopped looking for something else.
When Mr. Lewis explained the maternity leave policy and how the studio had an in-house daycare for my post-pregnancy days, I was ecstatic. It was such a shift from working for Mr. James at the Register, and so many more benefits. It felt like I hit the jackpot and healed part of my heart following such an awful experience in Florida.
“I have,” I told him, though I hadn’t even told Mom yet. Not having learned the sex of the baby yet, I’d kept everything to myself. And with moving to California so late in the pregnancy and right in the middle of the holidays, I didn’t even have a baby shower. Lucky for me, Mom and Dad had purchased everything I needed. I still had to pay them back for that.
“When do we get to hear them?” His smile was mirrored on my face. I knew what he was doing, trying to distract me from what was going on so I wouldn’t be so irritable. It was one thing I loved about him, one thing he was really good at.
“Well, whenever I’m actually in labor and this kid comes out of me, you’ll get to meet him or her and learn the name.” I patted his hand and he shook his head and stood up.
“You are torturing this old man’s heart, Charlie. My grandson or granddaughter will become the center of my world and I can’t even know their name yet?” His tone was overly dramatic and made me chuckle. Mom looked up at him over the rim of her bifocals and clicked her tongue.
“Charlie is in labor. This is no time for joking around.” Mom’s puzzle book lowered to her lap and I rolled my eyes at her.
I was about to complain again when a nurse walked in with a pair of gloves in hand and a smile on her face. “How’s Momma doing?” she asked as she walked up to my bed. The contraptions they had me hooked to were so uncomfortable, and the machine kept spitting out paper with a line graph scrawled on it, but I was mostly just bored.
“I’m fine. Can I go home now?” I asked. I didn’t even feel like moving. I just laid there and stared at her as she approached, stretching the gloves onto her hands. My dad backed away to give her space and she stopped near my bed and started to lower the head so I was lying more flat.
“I’m not sure about that, but we can see how labor is progressing and if you’re ready for some pain meds.”
I grunted and closed my eyes. “I’m not in pain.”
“Well, that’s okay. A lot of moms have little to no pain until they reach four centimeters or so. That’s when we will know for sure if you can have pain meds. Any time before that and your labor could stop progressing and we send you home.” She patted my knee and I huffed out a sigh.
“I’m telling you, nothing is happening. I’m not in any pain and I just want to go home.” I rolled to my back and let the nurse check my cervix and it was the most uncomfortable thing in the world. As her hand was buried up inside me, she raised an eyebrow in confusion and looked right into my eyes.
“Are you sure you’re not in any pain at all?” She pulled her hand back and folded the blankets across my legs again, but all I could do was shrug.
“My back hurts pretty badly but it’s been hurting for two days.” I watched as she turned to the thick swath of paper the machine was ejecting as she peeled her gloves off and tossed them in the trash by my bed.
“Honey, you’re nine centimeters. We need to call the doc; it’s time to get this bed set up. You can start pushing any time now.”
“What?” I asked sitting up. The spike of pain in my back was so intense I whimpered and laid back down. “I’m going to push?” My mind was a whirl of activity. Mom stood up and put her puzzle book down, smiling the entire way.
“I told you,” she said as the nurse maneuvered around my bed and used the call button to get more help to join her.
“But I’m not in pain…” My feeble protest was met with no response as the nurses flooded the room. I watched the space transform into a medical fortress. They wheeled a bassinet with a heat lamp into the room, then escorted Dad out, after a dozen forehead kisses. And in less than ten minutes Dr. Gibbons was in the room seated on a stool at the foot of my bed, which was only half together anymore.
“It’s baby time, Charlie.” She tied a mask on her face and then slid a pair of gloves on her hands and I looked at Mom, suddenly scared.
“You’ve got this, baby. I’m here… Now, when the doctor says, you’re going to push like you’ve never pushed before. We get to meet your baby tonight.”
I trembled and nodded, biting my lip as I focused on my doctor’s face. Suddenly I wanted Lex here. His words of encouragement, his calming presence, the way he knew how to take charge and own a room. I wanted him and everything about him, and I had to do this alone. It was all my fault.
I missed him. I didn’t want this anymore. I wanted my family, the way it should be.