33. Charlie
33
This day had been such a yo-yo. I’d been back and forth on what I felt or what to think, and when I got on this boat thinking I was going to be in a fight just to maintain custody of my son, I had an edge about me. Lex had systematically disarmed me while peeling back the layers of my pain; all while managing to not make me feel like any of this was my fault. Though I understood it was.
“I don’t understand. I thought you were upset with me? I thought…” I pressed gently on Lex’s chest and he backed away, though he did stay on his knees in front of me. Hearing him confess that he was going to propose that night broke me so completely I couldn’t stop crying now.
“Anger is just a mask we put on to cover other emotions. I was hurt. I was scared. I was insecure, and I didn’t understand. But when I began to understand then I began to realize you never meant to hurt me. Not even with that article you wrote.” He used his thumbs to wipe away my tears but they kept coming. I didn’t know how to turn them off. It was a mixture of sadness over what had happened and joy that he was acting so differently than I thought he would.
“You have to realize I never meant to hurt you. I was confused and hurting myself, and I did what I thought I had to do to save my job but it was too late, and?—”
Lex’s lips covered mine in a deep kiss and I whimpered as I accepted it. Nothing felt certain to me except the reality of his touch. That alone anchored me to the present, but when he pulled away my mind started racing again. Too much time had passed; we’d been separated for so long. What if it wasn’t the same? What if he didn’t want me the same way? What if this was just a physical attraction but the deeper things were actually gone?
This time I held a finger to his lips and made him pause. He continued to push away my tears and curl strands of hair around my ears. I needed a moment to think but the overwhelming intrusive thoughts kept coming. What if he wasn’t sure about me, but in his desperation to make this all make sense, he was just relying on the desire he had for me to bridge that gap? How could I just jump back into this? Sure he hadn’t cheated on me—I believed that now—but did I believe he was actually willing to overlook all of the things I’d done? Just take me back without blinking?
“We have so much to talk about, Lex. Maybe we should go slower.” I didn’t specifically mean no sex, but I did mean we had conversations that had to happen.
“We will go at whatever pace you need, Charlie. I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed his forehead to mine and sighed. Then his hands slid down over my arms and lower, coming to rest on my hips. My eyes roamed over his chest and down to his crotch where a distinct bulge revealed his desire for me. It matched the moisture I felt pooling at my core.
I said nothing because I didn’t know what to say. But Lex seemed to know exactly what to say.
“I can’t wait to meet him. From what you say, he sounds perfect.”
My heart warmed as he brought up our little boy, though I still felt apprehensive. This was all so sudden and even though I didn’t mind change, sudden change was always jarring or even traumatic. I wanted this transition to be smoother than the last one. If, that is, we actually decided we had something to transition to.
“He is. He’s so smart and funny. He has a temper like his daddy though.”
Lex pulled my body closer to the edge of the chair and ground his pelvis into mine. “God, I am a father. You have made me the happiest man alive, Charlie.” He kissed me again and I realized he was actually happy. That this wasn’t just an act for my benefit. Lex loved the idea of having a child. His words that night when the condom broke came back to me and it made me cry harder, but this time I draped my arms around his neck and pulled him in.
He had told me we would have a little family and we would work it out, and back then I believed him enough that it put my heart at ease, so I let it put my heart at ease again and I gave in to him. Lex peppered kisses along my jawline, and I arched into his touch. I craved more. So, when his fingers started to work on my slacks, I didn’t protest. Instead, I leaned back and let him do as he pleased.
When my pants were unbuttoned, he stood, offering me a hand. I joined him, and he again placed both hands on my hips. He kissed me again and nipped at my lower lip as he backed me across the deck toward the cabins. Inside the first bedroom, he used his foot to shut the door and stripped off his jacket and shirt as we continued to move toward the bed. This is the room where it all happened the first time, where he took me so spectacularly I was willing to risk my heart even if he was a player—which he turned out not to be.
Soft lips landed on my neck as his hands worked deftly at removing my slacks. Then, cool air hit my thighs as they were yanked down my legs and discarded with my underwear and shoes. My sex throbbed in anticipation, and I moaned low in my throat as his fingers started to explore my folds.
“God, you look so good.” His voice was raspy with want as he pressed two fingers inside me, curling them slowly but surely hitting that sweet spot that made me see stars. I moaned louder this time and threw my head back, giving him better access. “I’ve missed this, Charlie.”
“Me too.” I didn’t know what else to say in that moment. My mind was a jumble of lust and longing and desire as his thumb found its mark, circling my clit. I scooted back on the bed, spreading my legs. “I want you right now.”
His jeans fell to the floor, revealing how hard he was for me. His cock was throbbing as he knelt between my legs. “God, Charlie,” he breathed huskily.
The way he looked at me, like he really never stopped loving me, melted my heart. I struggled with my shirt and pulled it off as his hands tracked up my sides to my bra. He unhooked it and helped me out of it, and we were naked. The boat rocked softly on the water, and he lowered himself over me, settling between my legs. His mouth placed soft kisses over my shoulders and chest. When he found my nipples he sucked them and teased them one at a time to a hard peak.
“I want to taste you,” he whispered against my ear and I nodded. My body was on fire for him, craving whatever pleasure he could give me. He backed across the bed until his knees rested on the floor and his face was buried between my thighs.
He parted my folds with his index finger and slowly slid it inside me, finding my clit with ease. I moaned as he did that in tandem with his tongue. Slow and languid laps sent waves of sensation over my skin. He traced my slit with his tongue and then dipped inside just a bit before pulling back out again. He repeated this motion, driving me crazy. My toes curled in anticipation as my hips arched to meet his tongue—I needed more because his tongue and finger weren’t enough.
“Lex, I need…” I trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence because I needed everything all at once.
“God, I want to do this every day for the rest of my life.” His words vibrated through his chest and into my core. He dipped his tongue inside and devoured me, rubbing his tongue against my walls. He then moved back to my clit and swirled his tongue around and around before sucking on it hard enough to make my toes curl more.
I pulled his head into my core harder and ran my fingers through his hair, guiding him to where it felt the best.
“Yes, there, right there,” I moaned in pleasure. My back arched off the bed as a wave of need washed over me. “Oh God, Lex,” I whimpered, my eyes squeezed tightly shut, as he continued sucking and teasing with his tongue, alternating it with his fingers. He added another finger inside of me as he lapped at my clit and I felt myself go over the edge.
“Lex, I’m going to…Lex!” My body tensed and clenched around his fingers then began to twitch and jolt. My stomach tightened and spasmed and I had to grit my teeth.
He didn’t stop until I had come down from my orgasmic high and then he crawled up the bed to claim my mouth in a searing kiss while still pumping his fingers inside my slick center. The new sensation sent jolts of electricity down my spine and I gripped onto his biceps to keep myself grounded.
“Condom,” I managed to gasp out between breaths. He pulled back long enough to reach in the drawer and rip the package open. His eyes twinkled with mischief and lust as he sheathed himself in the latex then captured my mouth again. Now I tasted myself on his tongue, but the kiss was still just as hungry and incredible.
I wrapped my legs around his hips, and he positioned himself at my entrance, then thrust forward, bottoming out deep inside me. My walls tensed around him as he moved in and out, setting a slow and steady pace. With one hand on his chest, I met his gaze as our bodies moved as one. He brought his other hand up to cradle my cheek, brushing stray hairs away from my face.
“You feel so good,” he breathed against my lips before kissing me again. “I love you, Charlie.”
Lex picked up the pace as our moans filled the room. I could feel it building again as he angled his hips differently, hitting my hidden spot. His body brushed against my sensitive swollen clit too, only furthering the stimulation. I dug my nails into his back as our sweat-slicked skin slid across each other. It was exquisite and powerful, moving me to tears the instant my second orgasm struck me.
“Lex, I…” I trailed off again, but it didn’t matter because he seemed to know what I wanted. “Oh, God,” I screamed as my core contracted around him as he thrust erratically into me. All I could do was hold on and let him have his way. My body rolled with the waves and my orgasm washed over me like the tide itself. And then his thrusts slowed, and he leaned down and kissed me. His lips lingered on mine for a few minutes, his stubble scratching my chin. I’d never felt more whole in my life.
We both collapsed into a sensual heap, panting and spent for the moment. I buried my head in his neck, breathing in his scent and trying to catch my breath. We lay there for minutes before he pulled out and disposed of the condom. He then joined me on the bed again and held me. He picked the strands of hair off my hot neck and kissed me, then covered our bodies with a blanket.
Lex didn’t say anything and that was okay. It was peaceful for the moment. I knew when he did speak, we’d have a lot to discuss. What I did know was that he thought there was a future for us, which made us both in agreement. And that made me happy.
But there were lingering questions I had for him, like how we would maintain a long-distance relationship when I had moved to the opposite side of the country. Years ago, I’d have happily given up my job at the Register to be with him, but this position I currently held was important to me. I didn’t want to give it up. And how would we do long-distance parenting? There were still so many unanswered questions that I didn’t really see any good solutions for.
He better have a really good plan. If not, this would be the hardest thing I’d ever have to do.