Chapter 13
“N ight shift, oh night shift, I hate you, you suck,” Rina sings as she scoops a large dollop of ice cream from her to-go cup from the cafeteria and plops it into her mouth.
“Patient die?”
The only thing Rina ever eats on a night shift is an ice cream sundae and only ever when a patient codes or dies.
“No,” she marbles through her bite. “We pulled him through, but just barely and it’s still rocky. It’s going to be a long night with him, and I have a feeling come four am, he’s going to try this on me again.”
I grimace. This is why I like delivering babies.
Not that we don’t have our share of heartache and when we do, it’s far more devastating than anything—we’re talking either a new mom or a new baby—but still, our joy is infectious.
It’s why Rina is here, standing outside the nursery looking in at all the adorable new life.
“I’m here,” Margot pants, briskly walking down the hall. “God, Drew was all up my ass with a patient tonight. Is it a full moon?” She blinks at Rina. “Shit. A sundae. Did they make it?”
“Barely,” I answer for Rina who has her mouth full. I take a bite of my protein bar which is nowhere near as delicious as Rina’s sundae appears to be.
“You know what’s not so fun?” Margot questions rhetorically, I’m assuming since she goes on to answer her own question. “The fact that the hospital doesn’t serve cocktails. I mean, think of how many people who come here could really use a drink.”
I laugh before I can stop it. “That oddly makes some sense.”
“Right? Then we could get Halle and Aria here too. It would be great instead of depressing.”
“Except we all have to go back to work and that is definitely not something any of us can do after a cocktail.”
Margot stares contemplatively at Rina for a moment. “I suppose that’s true and that’s why you go for the sundaes instead.”
Rina points her spoon at her. “You got it, kid.”
“Fine. But we need another girls’ night out.
Last night doesn’t count because the guys were all there.
This being engaged to Drew stuff is a lot to take in.
I’m not good at it and he’s all, let’s plan our wedding .
” She mocks his deep voice. “Ugh. Doesn’t he comprehend I’m damaged goods and damaged goods people cannot be rushed into things like marriage?
” She blinks at me. “Shit. Sorry. Is this rude to talk about?”
I wave her away. “No, it’s nice to hear. Not the damaged goods part, obviously. Drew is an amazing man and I’m so happy for the two of you. He’s nothing like Tony. Drew would carry you barefoot over broken glass whereas Tony would have used me as his shoes if that makes any sense.”
“It kind of does,” Rina agrees, playing with the remains of her now soupy sundae. “But speaking of broken glass, I heard about your Carrie Underwood move.”
“From Carter or Oliver?”
“Yes,” she replies with a grin.
“God, those boys gossip, don’t they?”
“You’re deflecting.”
“Wait? What is this?” Margot asks, her head ping-ponging back and forth between Rina and me.
I lean against the wall, staring into the nursery through the large glass window, shrugging like it’s no big deal.
Then I think better of it and look over my shoulder, making sure we’re alone.
Janet isn’t here tonight, thank God, but Dylan is, and that man will be all over it if he hears what I did.
I turn back to the babies.
“Carter helped me get the rest of my stuff from my now former apartment, which sadly wasn’t a whole lot. Life of a resident, I guess. Anyway, I decided to go all Carrie Underwood on Tony’s ridiculous assortment of beauty products and broke a bunch of bottles in the bathroom.”
Margot cackles out a laugh. “Epic. I love it. Have you heard from him since?”
“Yes. He texted to say he was very sorry I had to see the place like that, and it was only like that because he misses me so much.” I pause here to flagrantly roll my eyes.
Twisting to put my back against the wall, I prop my foot up into it.
“He blathered on about how he wished I had messaged him first to let him know I was coming by. I didn’t reply.
The apartment looked like a frat house complete with empty bottles and condom wrappers. ”
Both ladies scrunch up their noses in disgust. I’m with them on that.
If I was rocking any sort of heartbreak from Tony’s betrayal, seeing the apartment yesterday zapped any residual love or affection right out of me.
Now I’m just appalled and remorseful and sick.
Just thinking about Tony makes my skin itch and my stomach roll, ready to hurl.
“Well now you can get jiggy with someone else. That guy last night obviously didn’t do it for you.
How about Carter?” Margot suggests, and I choke to death right here in the hall, hacking and coughing, the bite of protein bar I had been chewing now lodged in the back of my throat. “Jesus, you okay?”
“Do you need us to Heimlich you or something?” Rina questions.
“Crap. You totally do.” Without waiting for my reply, she springs into action.
You know, because I can’t speak since I’m choking like a damn fool, hand on my throat and everything right here in the middle of the hospital.
She rushes to my side and thrusts me forward while slamming the butt of her hand repeatedly into my back between my shoulder blades like you would a choking infant.
Not quite the Heimlich, but it has the intended effect.
The piece dislodges from my throat, and I gasp for air.
“Better now?”
I give her a weak thumbs up as I manage to finally swallow the sticky bite down the right pipe.
Wow, that was a super cool and classy move.
“Thank you.”
“Any time,” Rina answers with a frown. “But for real, one fucking code a night, Grace. There are only so many sundaes I can eat.”
Heat crawls up my skin that has nothing to do with my near-death experience just now. I just hope the true reason for my choking and subsequent blushing isn’t noticeable, or they’ll never let me deny anything. I don’t even know where that came from.
I mean, not entirely anyway.
“So now that you’re not dying, you never answered me about boning Carter.”
Is the woman trying to kill me?
“Carter is my attending,” I explain to Margot because it’s true and it’s simple and it’s easy. I wipe at a few tears from my eyes and straighten myself back up, resuming my position against the wall. “Nothing is happening there.” Also true.
Though yesterday was all moments. A series of them, one after the other.
But I don’t know how to read them or him for that matter.
It’s all so confusing. One second, I think there is some heat, a spark between us only to have it snuffed out just as quickly.
Every time anything has been flirted with; he runs in the opposite direction.
He couldn’t get off me fast enough last night and the look in his eyes when he realized our position told me everything.
Horror.
He was horrified, and that’s the last thing I ever want to see on a man’s face when he’s on top of me, pinning me down. Even when I teased him when we were in the bathroom, I could see there was no intent or interest to him.
It’s just as well. Awesome really.
I live with him and I’m raw and sore from my breakup and the last thing I need is to jump into bed with another man. Especially a man as complicated as Carter Fritz. I need time for me. I need time to heal and get myself and my life back on track.
“Come on. The best way to get over someone is to get under them, and Carter is wicked hot. Plus, you know, he’s not a serial killer or a random dude you have to vet before you spread.”
“You’re making the ice cream in my stomach curdle.”
Margot waves Rina away.
I shake my head at Margot. “Work is my focus and nothing else.” It’s the safest way to be.
“Dick complicates things I don’t need complicating,” I continue when neither of them feels the need to say anything, but exchange looks that say a whole lot.
“I’m not in a place where I’m ready for anything with anyone, let alone someone like Carter. ”
“Why does it have to be something?” Margot persists. “Why can’t it just be fun?”
“Because I’ve never done that before. I have no idea if my stupid heart would be in on the casual fun my vagina needs or go and catch feelings like she’s apt to do.”
“Just because you’ve never done it before doesn’t mean you can’t. Dick can be just dick with the right guy. Especially if you know the score from the start.”
“Can you stop saying the word dick when referencing my brother?”
“Sorry,” Margot apologizes. “But isn’t that what we’re talking about here? Her getting jiggy with her hottie attending?”
“Well, yeah. Kind of, I guess.” Rina pretends to shove her spoon down her throat, making a gagging sound as she does. “But it’s against hospital policy for her to do that. And, you know, he’s my fucking brother and Oliver’s brother.”
“Whatever.” Margot waves her away, turning her focus back to me like she’s ready to get down to business. “If Carter weren’t your attending, Oliver’s brother, and you weren’t recently out of a nasty relationship, he’d be perfect for you.”
I laugh at Margot and Rina grins, shaking her head, staring in at one of the babies who is starting to cry just as a nurse comes over and picks him up to soothe him.
“Oh, you mean if he weren’t Carter, and she weren’t Grace, they’d be perfect?” Rina smarts.
“Carter doesn’t see me that way,” I protest. “I don’t see him that way either and it’s how it should be.”
Only, that feels like a lie. At least the second half of that does. Because I’ve always had a small thing for Carter. I wasn’t lying when I said all the girls used to swoon over the hot pitcher because we did. Myself included though I would have never admitted to that as Oliver’s BFF.