Chapter 6
W ith my lips pressed into Raven’s neck, I shift her on my lap, holding her tighter against my chest while listening to her laugh at whatever nonsense Oliver is talking about.
My heart has been thrashing in my chest all day.
My nerves on edge. I got the green light today to go back to Minnesota in a week.
One week to figure out what we’re going to do.
We haven’t talked about it. About any of it.
I’ve told her I want her forever. And I mean it.
I never would have imagined such a thing being possible, but she’s it for me.
I don’t care that she’s too young. I don’t care that I have three years left of my residency.
I don’t care about anything other than her.
In two months, I’ve gone from needing no one to needing her.
To making declarations and saying vows.
“What’s the hardest cello piece to play?” my brother Oliver asks, responding to whatever Raven had said prior to that.
“ Prokofiev's Sinfonia Concertante, Op.125. It’s very fast to play. In particular the second movement is exceedingly challenging. There are virtually no resting points throughout the entire piece. I actually played it as my audition for The Conservatory.”
“Ballsy,” Kaplan states, impressed. “I like it. Obviously, it worked for you since you got in and start soon.”
Raven stiffens in my arms, and I pull back from her neck, wondering at that. All she does is offer a jerky nod and now my eyebrows are pinched in. What on earth does that mean?
Raven goes for my beer, and I smack her hand away. “Too young.”
She gives me an elbow jab to the flank and takes a sip anyway.
“You two are disgustingly adorable,” Carter declares, sliding his glass of bourbon across the table back and forth between his hands like it’s a hockey puck.
“Thank you, little brother.” I grin at him. “How are things going with that Alanna chick again?”
He flips me off. “When I’m as old as you are, maybe I’ll be ready to settle down.”
“And maybe I’ll marry you now that I’m ordained,” Oliver quips, finishing off his drink and signaling for another round for all of us. “I’m awesome at it.”
Carter lets out a snort, emptying the rest of his glass down his throat before handing the empty to the waitress. “Round of shots?”
“No,” Landon and Rina growl, while Kaplan, Oliver, and I all say yes.
“Seven shots of tequila, please,” he says to the waitress, who stares into Carter’s brown eyes like he’s the second coming of Christ. She fumbles over her words, nearly drops her tray filled with empty glasses and then scurries away.
“Seven shots?” I question.
Kaplan rolls his eyes at me. “Like you didn’t drink when you were eighteen?”
“She’s too young.”
Raven shifts so she’s sitting sideways on my lap, giving me a glare that would make a lesser man’s balls shrivel up. As it is, mine give a little scared squeak. “Last I checked, you’re not my father.”
“No, but I’ll happily punish you later for breaking the law. A spanking will definitely be in order.”
“And now I’ll happily take that shot whereas before I wasn’t planning on it.”
“Ew!” Rina pretends to gag. “Gross. I’ve had to hear enough about your sex lives over the years, but I don’t need the details of your kink.”
“Just like how Carter and I didn’t want to witness you getting picked up in a bar on New Year’s by some guy you didn’t even get the name of. Clearly, we don’t always get what we want.”
Rina gives Oliver a cheeky grin. “You saw him. Mister Sexy Voice was so hot.”
“Mister Sexy Voice?” Raven laughs.
Rina winks. “That wasn’t the only thing sexy about him. I’ll tell you more about him when you’re not being smothered by my brother.”
“Can we not?” That’s Landon, and it’s the first thing he’s said all night. Not atypical for my miserable twin at all, but I feel like he’s quieter than usual.
A small nudge to his arm and his eyes finally drag away from the table he’s been staring at up to meet mine.
I give him a what’s up look. He returns with it’s nothing .
I come back with bullshit, dude, just tell me .
He sighs. Then I get the look. The look that says, I didn’t want to bring it up, but you’re as fucked as a man can get and still be able to walk .
Now it’s my turn to frown.
I nod. I am.
What are you going to do?
I respond with, Fuck if I know.
But honestly, I don’t see why Raven and I can’t make this work.
She’ll be in London, and I’ll be in Minnesota, and we’ll just figure it out as we go.
Both of us will be busy and we’ll talk and see each other whenever we can.
Hell, I have access to a private jet. I can fly in for occasional weekends or whatever and we’ll see each other on her breaks, even if her first one isn’t until Christmas.
I made her promises just last night in front of Oliver and Rina and freaking God, for that matter, and I intend to keep them.
Feeling a bit more satisfied with that, I relax, holding my woman against me.
We all do our round of shots, and the night continues. All of us having fun, especially Raven, who hasn’t stopped smiling or laughing. She’s adorable like this and her smile is infectious. My dark-haired beauty with the soul of an angel.
She has no idea all that she’s done for me.
I got to this island in pain, depressed beyond words or actions, and she showed me the sun. Reminded me that giving up is never an option. That fighting for what you want and love is essential.
I plant a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll meet you outside. I’m just going to hit the bathroom first.”
“Sure.” I get another kiss and a naughty wink, and then she follows alongside Rina, the two of them talking about Rina’s job as an emergency room nurse in Boston and how she’s anxious to switch to the ICU.
Entering the bathroom, I do my business, wash my hands, and by the time I make it outside, the parking lot is near empty and they’re not standing by my car.
I scan around, searching for Raven and Rina, since I drove them both, but come up short.
A pang of unease hits my gut as I walk toward the side of the building.
I don’t like them out here alone and I’ll kill my brothers for leaving them if they did.
“You’re not seriously considering that, are you?” Oliver asks, his voice even, but I catch an undercurrent of something all the same.
“It’s just London,” Raven retorts, sounding a touch defensive. “Just a school.”
“But it’s not just a school. It’s the best music conservatory in the world,” Rina replies. “You told me when you got in that it’s been your lifelong dream to go there. That less than one percent of applicants get in and you not only got in but got a full scholarship.”
“I know.” Now Raven sounds sad. “But dreams can change, right? I mean, there are music schools all over the world. All over the country. And honestly, do I even need to attend college to be a musician? My dream is still my dream. It just… looks different now.”
What the hell is she saying? She’s thinking of not going to London?
“Raven, I know you love Luca and I know he loves you, but isn’t there another way? Can’t you try a long-distance relationship? See how that goes?”
“I’d be in London. He’d be in Minnesota. It’s a six-hour time difference and a world apart. We would never see each other, and I doubt we’d be able to talk much either with what our schedules would be like and the demands of our work.”
My hands hit my hips, my breathing ragged because what she’s saying is like a sucker punch straight to the gut.
All hope I had been feeling plummets to the asphalt.
She’s right. I work eighty-plus hours a week.
My hours are all over the place. And she’d be in London.
A different country on a different continent.
We’d both be miserable.
“We knew the situation when this started,” she continues.
“Neither of us expected this. I didn’t think he’d…
well… I never imagined Luca would feel the same way back.
That I’d fall this hard. It seems crazy, I know, but that’s what love is.
It’s crazy. It’s following your instincts and your gut.
” She blows out a heavy breath. “If you have any suggestions, I’m listening.
Believe me, I’ve thought about little else for the last month. ”
“I… I don’t know,” Oliver admits. “I’ve never seen Luca like this before. With anyone. He’s crazy about you and I want you both to be together. But… shit, Raven. I don’t know.”
I fall against the side of the building as I listen to her. Hear her words. My face in my hands, my chest pinching so tight it’s difficult to breathe.
“He’s got three years left on his residency and he has to be in Minnesota for that,” Raven says.
“I get that. Nothing says I can’t play cello and be with him.
I just can’t play cello for The Conservatory and be with him.
Honestly, I don’t know what else to do if we want to be together and make it work.
You know how long-distance relationships go. They never last.”
Scrubbing my hands up and down my face, I feel sick. Dizzy.
“Raven, have you even talked with him about this?” Rina presses. “Maybe he has another idea?”
“All I’ve heard him say is that he doesn’t want to lose me.
That he wants me for forever. You were both there last night.
You know what we said to each other. The promises we made.
This is me doing that. Keeping those promises.
It’s a sacrifice. I know it is. A huge one and my heart hurts over it.
But what else am I supposed to do? I love him and I want to be with him. ”
I should have never suggested that stupid idea. It seemed so right at the time. I looked at her and I thought, yeah, shit, she’s forever. She’s my one. So why not make it quasi-official? But now look what I’ve done. Raven is talking about giving up on London. Her fucking dream .
For me.