Chapter 15
W hat the hell did I just allow to happen? Staring at the locked door, I listen for Luca, hoping he’ll just go. Slink away, never to return. Men like Luca are all arrogance. All obnoxiously sexy ego.
I have to imagine getting tossed out on his ass is a new one for him and that has me biting back a smile. Even if my insides are tumbling around like a dryer.
Some movement on the other side and then a thud on my door.
His fist? His forehead? I have no clue. But my heart—the horrid traitor—leaps in my chest. Despite all that, I truly, genuinely hate the man.
How it’s possible to want someone and hate them at the same time is beyond me, but there you have it.
He doesn’t say anything as his footsteps echo in the hall and my absurd disappointment has me staggering into the door. My forehead and palms slump against it as my eyes shut. God, my heart hurts so much right now. The bastard stole my panties and I let him. Again.
Dammit, how do I still not have any self-control with him? I need to make it so I never see him again.
“I seriously need to move out.”
“You’re planning to move out? To where?”
I yelp, startling back a step. “I heard you walk away.”
“I did and then I came back. I was debating attempting to talk to you through the door. You know, since you can’t kick my ass through wood.”
“Go away,” I practically beg. “Please, Luca. If you ever cared for me as you claim you did, just leave me alone.”
His voice softens. “I can’t, baby. I have so much to explain to you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to hear it.
” And truly, I don’t. Maybe that’s childish of me, but I like to think of it more as self-preservation.
I can’t do this with him. I can’t go through it again.
I barely survived round one and already round two is throwing me into a tailspin.
I’m anxious and edgy and not myself. I’m having trouble sleeping.
I freaking tossed and turned all night, thoughts of him consuming and borderline obsessive.
I don’t want to be that Raven again.
The one he made love him, only to ruin and leave.
“Raven—”
“I mean it, Luca. I have nothing to say to you. I don’t know what you’re trying to do with me, and I don’t care. I want no part of it. No part of you.”
I hear him suck in a rush of air and I know that hurt him. I can practically feel his torment seep through the door, and it stabs at me. I’m not trying to hurt him. Not really anyway. This isn’t out of spite. I’m not after a sick form of vengeance.
I just need him to stop.
He clears his throat. “I own a building in Boston. Actually, I own a couple, but this one was an old hotel that I had renovated into apartments. It’s nice. Very nice and as fate would have it, I was notified the other day that a tenant moved out.”
“I can’t afford nice and most definitely not very nice. And likely not in Boston either.”
“You can. It’s small. A one-bedroom with no view.”
I shake my head, falling back against the door and pounding my fist against the wood. “I still can’t—”
“You can, Raven. Whatever your budget is, you can afford this place. It’s furnished too. Did I mention that? It’s furnished, so you won’t have to buy furniture. Oh, and it includes utilities.”
Luca. Dammit. “How do you know all this? Don’t you have a management company or something running this for you?
” For every apartment I’ve looked at, those are the people I’ve dealt with.
Rarely the owner. And this is Luca Abbot-Fritz we’re talking about.
He probably has a management company for his management company.
A warm chuckle vibrates the door and I know he’s right there on the other side.
Pressed against the wood, the same as I am.
“Yes. I do. But I know about this because the manager of the building told me we should have pictures taken of the unit so we can rent it out. But now I don’t have to do that since you’re moving in. ”
“Where is it?”
“Close to the green line, so you can hop right on the T to get to Symphony Hall. It’s also only a ten-dollar Uber from there.”
I should say no. I need to say no. This is Luca we’re talking about and living in his building isn’t smart for me.
But I also know it’s my best option if I do want to move out.
I’ve been casually looking online and unless I want roommates or to live in a crappier than crap neighborhood and apartment, I can’t afford anything my father won’t pitch a fit about.
My eyes clench as I begrudgingly mumble, “When can I see it?”
I can practically hear the smile in his voice as he says, “How about later in the week? Uh. Thursday or Friday? That should give us enough time to have it cleaned and ready for viewing.”
“Thursday. This Friday I have rehearsals all day.”
“Thursday at five-thirty. I’ll text you the address.”
“You don’t have my number.”
He laughs. “You have very little faith in my stalking abilities.”
I ignore that. “I want to meet with the management company. Not you. Have them text me the address.”
“Sure. Whatever you say.”
Now I’m smiling, my palms flat on the door. “You can go now.”
“Good night, my beautiful Little Bird.”
I don’t respond, but I don’t have to. I can hear him walking away and I blow out a sigh.
Of relief or something else, I’m not analyzing it.
Pushing off the door, I pick up my shorts from the floor, but instead of putting on new panties, I slip them back on, going commando only to catch my reflection in the glass of the window.
Swollen lips. Hair in total disarray. Skin flushed. I lift my tank top and discover two hickeys, one on the bottom side of each breast. Hickeys? That son of a bitch knew what he was doing marking me up.
Lowering my shirt, I slink back across my room and fall onto my bed. I had a plan when I took the position with the symphony. Maybe a mindset is a better way to think of it.
I wasn’t going to let him in. Let him play me or with me.
I wasn’t going to be hurt or relive past memories or even demand an explanation.
But in the few encounters I’ve already had with him, I’ve done both. I let him play with me and I relived our past. Well, some of it.
I have to remind myself that this is Luca Fritz and he’s not a normal man.
He has no clue what no sounds like. He’s been indulged his entire life and I’ll be damned if I give him what he wants now.
I’m not his toy. I am not his plaything.
Not anymore and never again. The man does this.
Goes through women. Dates them for a week or two or three and once they fall in love, he’s gone, onto the next.
I gave him my heart and he used it like a soccer ball.
Toying with it before kicking it away.
With any luck, after tonight I won’t have to see him again.
Even if I move into that building he owns, it’s not like I’ll see him there.
I can visit Octavia when he’s not around.
I mean, the man is a neurosurgeon. He works crazy long hours, and other than Sundays, he doesn’t come here often. So… easy to work around.
That orgasm was my closure and I refuse to feel cheap or guilty about taking what I wanted. I’m a strong, independent woman. A world-renowned cellist. I decide my path—no one else.
Puffing out a breath, I remove the elastic from my damp hair and run my fingers through the strands, trying to work out the knots, when there’s a knock on my door. I bolt upright, my hair flying every which way as I glare at the hunk of wood.
“Go away, Luca. You’ll have to play with your own dick if you want to get off tonight. Or better yet, go find someone else who will do it for you.”
“Is that why you flashed your boobs out the window?”
My eyes turn into giant saucers at the voice. A voice that does not belong to Luca.
Crap.
Stumbling out of bed, I fling the door open and turn a thousand shades of red. “You saw my boobs?” Oops. Well, that’s… awkward. And slightly embarrassing.
“Well, you were holding your shirt up with the blinds open,” Kaplan explains with a small, impish grin. “If it helps, it took me a second to realize what I was seeing and once I did, I threw up in my mouth and looked away. I’m now officially scarred for life.”
I snort out a self-deprecating laugh, rolling my eyes at both of us. Stepping back, I wave him in, watching as the tall, hulking man enters my room, taking it in the way Luca did, only completely different from how Luca did.
“That’s a lie. I have fantastic tits.”
He turns and grins. “You do, but they belong to my brother, and judging by the look of you and your lovely greeting to me, he had a taste of them just before I arrived. That and you’re practically a teenager.”
I glare at him, cocking an unamused eyebrow for both the teenager comment and for saying I belong to his brother. He laughs but groans, taking in my outfit, and then proceeds to shut his eyes tightly.
“You have to change. Now.” He waves a blind hand in the direction of my dresser and closet. “You’re nearly naked. I’ll turn around.”
He does just that and I head for my dresser, removing my pajamas and throwing on a bra, panties, a thermal black shirt, and the first pair of jeans my hands touch.
“I’m decent,” I tell him as I run a brush through my hair. “Happy now?”
He gives me a quick once-over. “Much better. Now I can think without feeling like a pervert.”
“You are a pervert.”
“Not with you, I’m not.” He gives me a wounded frown. “Retract your claws, kitten, I come in peace.”
I set the brush down and cross the room, leaning my head on his arm since he’s so damn tall I can’t quite reach his shoulder. “I know and thank you. For everything. I still can’t believe you’re doing all this for me.”
His hand meets the back of his head, making his inked biceps pop, straining against his shirt as a crooked smile curls up his handsomely boyish face. If he were any other man...
“What are big brothers for?”
“You’re not my big brother.”
“No. But I’m the closest thing to it and I take my role as protector seriously.”
He does, which is something I still don’t quite understand.
Kaplan’s never supplied a real explanation for all he does for me, but I’m grateful for it all the same.
Four years ago, when Luca hurt me, Kaplan stepped in.
But not in the way you’d think a man would.
He called me relentlessly until I answered and then he listened for over an hour as I yelled and cried and cursed his ear off.
Then he called me the next day and the next and since then. He’s become exactly as he said, a big brother type. A protector. A sounding board and a friend, I guess, though he’s thirteen years older than me.
“I tried calling you earlier, but you didn’t pick up. Did you get my email?”
“Sorry, I didn’t have my phone with me when I went in to see your mom. And yes, I did get it. Thank you. I already replied and have an interview set up for next Wednesday morning.”
“Perfect. Maybe we can have lunch after so I can hear how it all went. What about the other thing?”
“The person I spoke with told me it would likely be between Thanksgiving and Christmas sometime. I told her I could make anything work. I nearly peed my pants when she told me who she was.”
Kaplan chuckles, playing with the chain of a necklace that’s sitting on top of my dresser. “I told you she was going to call.”
I sit back down on the edge of my bed, crossing my legs at the knee and leaning back on my hands. “It’s one thing to know. It’s another to experience. I’m nervous about that. The thing at the hospital I can handle, but this…”
“Relax. They’ll love you. You have no reason to be nervous about anything.
” He crosses the room and drops a kiss on the top of my head.
“I’m out of here. Time for dinner with the family.
Wanna come?” He bounces his eyebrows up and down at me.
Octavia and Dr. Fritz extended the same invitation to me, and I declined.
Mainly because I didn’t want to see Luca, but now I saw Luca and left him with an epic case of blue balls.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel good.
I should say no.
I shouldn’t agree to spend an evening sitting across a large table from him. Even if the idea of getting under his skin a bit is a temptation almost too good to deny.
It’s playing with fire. A fire I shouldn’t tempt or coax. A fire that—
“Come on.” He grabs my arm, hauling me up and off the bed, dragging me toward the door. “It’s one dinner. You’ll sit beside me and ignore him. It’ll drive him wild.”
I laugh, trying to jerk out of his grip. “I’m not wearing shoes! Besides, I don’t want to see him, Kaplan.”
“Again, you mean. You don’t want to see him again .”
“Shut it.” I shove him off me. “I’m not going. I need to take care of myself and seeing him is bad for my health.”
“Fine. I get it. But I still say you should hear him out. He has a lot to tell you, Raven.”
I flip him off and he holds up his hands in surrender.
“I’ll let it go for now. Text me after your meeting is done next Wednesday and we’ll try for lunch.”
Kaplan leaves and I go back to my bed, falling on it once more with a defeated sag and an exhausted sigh.
I could go to Kaplan for a place to live, but he’s already done so much for me.
Too much for me. I can’t tack on yet another thing.
I want to be independent. As much as I can be and well, Luca owes me.
Men.
Just freaking men.
Or more likely freaking Fritz men.
So far nothing is going according to plan with that. I need to get myself back on track. Before it’s too late.