Chapter 17 #2
“Motherfucker.” I shoot out of my chair and pace around the room.
Staring out the huge windows into the glowing Boston skyline and then back, practically collapsing onto my seat.
My limbs restless, my muscles jittery. “That’s not why I let her go.
She’s more than enough. She’s everything.
I did what I did for her…” I swallow hard.
“She thinks I abandoned her and then played with her. No wonder she hates me so much.”
“You’re gonna have to fight. And even then, she’s not going to give in,” Rina declares, breaking what feels like a tense silence after my confession.
“Tell me how to do that because obviously everything I’ve done so far is wrong.”
She exchanges glances with every other woman here and then shrugs.
“But you’re here,” I protest. “You’re women.
This is what you do. You problem solve and figure shit out and understand the delicately fine art of balancing feelings and emotions.
” Nothing. Frustrated, I fall back in my chair.
“Come on. I’m desperate. I broke her heart.
I know this. But… it’s all that other stuff.
Rina Bina, Gracie Lou Freebush, you’ve both known Raven all her life.
Rina, you’re closest to her. There has to be something I can do to fix this.
To let her know I’m genuine with this. That I didn’t understand all the ways I was hurting her. ”
“Patience,” Elle suggests, tucking some of her long blond hair back behind her ears.
“You’re gonna have to be patient, Luca. She’s been through a lot.
And let me tell you, as someone who has been through a lot, it leaves scars.
You can’t charm her the way you charm everyone and everything else.
She knows you too well and doesn’t want that from you.
You’re going to have to show and not tell. She deserves that from you and more.”
“Exactly.” Grace points at Elle while vigorously nodding. “Figure out what she wants from you first—”
“Nothing. She wants nothing from me.”
“Right now, she doesn’t,” Rina maintains, angling her wineglass at me while she makes her point.
“She’s mad. But more than that, she’s scared.
She fell for you, Luca, and you broke her heart.
She doesn’t want to try again, knowing you could potentially hurt her worse this time.
Understandable, especially after everything she’s already been through. ”
“Yes,” Amelia jumps in, sitting up a little straighter, and now we’re starting to get somewhere.
“She’s scared. I get her hurt, Luca. More than just what happened that night on the Vineyard.
I mean, that was pretty terrible. You had a pretend wedding where you told her you loved her and wanted her forever and then broke up with her a few nights later. ”
“Thanks, Amelia,” I grouse, squeezing the back of my neck. “I clearly needed that reminder.”
She sighs, picking up the bowl of popcorn and setting it on her lap. “Sorry, and I know why you did it. But overcoming a fear like that takes time. Believe me, it does. Trust must be earned. And right now, she doesn’t trust you or your motives.”
“Yes. Does she even know your motives?” Grace questions. “Have you told her? Does she know you haven’t even touched anyone else in four years?”
I blink at that, watching the lines of bourbon run down the edge of the glass.
“No. I tried to tell her, but any time I started to or told her we needed to talk, she shut me down. I could tell she wasn’t ready.
That or she truly doesn’t want to hear it.
Maybe she doesn’t care about my excuses or reasons because she dealt with the aftermath of my actions regardless.
My plan was to insert myself back into her life slowly, but I should have known better.
Raven and I never did slow, and we never did anything the smart or conventional way. This past week proves that.”
“Then that’s how you need to play this,” Rina announces. “The unconventional way. You can’t change the past and you can’t take away the pain she’s been feeling. What’s done is done, and now all you can do is work with what you’ve got.”
“Which is nothing,” Landon states, and I point a finger at him while looking at my sister, because bingo. I got nothing.
“No,” Grace challenges. “You have plenty. She might say she doesn’t want anything to do with you, but she still let you give her a ride to dinner after her performance.
She let you in her bedroom. She went and looked at the apartment in your building.
She may say she doesn’t want anything from you, but she’s behaving otherwise. ”
“True,” Elle agrees. “I think she’s conflicted more than anything else and conflicted is not nothing. It’s a starting point.”
“A starting point.” I test the words on my tongue. “Not much of one, but I guess it’s something?”
“Remember, from there you only have one place to go,” Carter offers.
“Where’s that? To the curb?”
Carter snickers, his hand absently running over Grace’s belly. “She already kicked your ass there today. I’m talking about up.”
I polish off my drink, setting my glass down on the table and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand as I think. “I have no idea what to do.”
“Do you love her?”
I laugh at Oliver, giving him an “I wouldn’t be here like a sorry sap of pathetic man if I didn’t” look.
“Then be patient, like Elle said. Give her time to adjust to this new life. To the notion that you’re going to be a part of it since she’s basically already part of our family.
Keep showing up. Let her know you’re not going anywhere.
Keep your dick in your pants. Prove to her you want her for more than just sex.
That you’re the man she’s meant for. Do whatever you can to earn her trust back.
Eventually, she’ll realize you’re not going to hurt her, and she’ll give you a second chance. ”
“Agreed,” Landon says, shifting Elle so she’s closer to his chest on his lap.
“Definitely,” Grace states, a gummy worm hanging out of her mouth. “What Oliver said.”
Everyone nods in agreement.
“Dick in my pants and be patient. Show her I’m not going anywhere and earn her trust. Right. Got it.”
Only the patience and the dick in my pants part is not something I’ve ever been able to do with Raven.
We’re seductive fire and reckless passion.
We’re temptation wrapped in weakness. She’s the pretty lie I told myself I’d win back and I’m the dirty secret she wishes she could forget.
But from the moment I saw her that night four years ago, I knew I’d never be the same again.
That one moment forever altered me, changed my genetic makeup.
There is no going back now.
Raven Fairchild is my endgame.
But patience? Dick in my pants? How the hell am I going to do that when every time I go near her, we ignite?