Chapter 18 #3
I suck in a ragged breath, so tired of being angry and hurt, it’s just fucking annoying at this point.
I can think about unicorns and kittens and goddamn rainbows till I’m blue in the face, but that doesn’t take away the urge I have to kiss this man senseless, kick him in the nuts, and then toss his ass over this balcony.
I think I’ve officially hit the unhinged stage of this gig and I want no part of it.
His hand somehow dives into my hair, and I have no clue how he got this close to me again. I think it was while I was planning his public death.
He spins me around, dragging me to him, so close, my eyes have no choice but to see his.
“Because I can’t stop thinking about you.
Because hearing Rina and Grace talk about your womanizing conductor who is making a play for you when you’re only meant for me has turned me into a living, breathing, green-eyed monster.
Just the thought of it, of him touching you, tasting you, moving inside of you has me so insane I can’t think straight.
You make it impossible for me to think straight.
I’m so panicked and jealous right now, I’m two seconds away from going all Anakin Skywalker and killing everyone.
You are mine and yet you’re not and it’s absolutely killing me. ”
I shove him off, glaring at him with every muscle in my face.
“I am not yours. For the last four years, you haven’t existed to me.
My dad doesn’t talk about you with me. Your family doesn’t talk about you with me.
I was in London, on a whole other continent and yet you still tried to worm your way in.
Newsflash, asshole, you should continue to screw your way through Boston because you won’t screw your way through me. ”
“That’s where you’re wrong.” In the next second, his hand is on my arm and he’s dragging me over to the elevator on my right, slamming me against the cold metal doors.
Getting right up in my face, he growls, “You might say that, but your body tells me something else. You fucking want me, Raven Fairchild. As much as I want you. I make you crazy the same as you do for me. We’re it for each other.
Soul mates. Star-crossed lovers. You’re just scared.
But newsflash,” he says, throwing my word back at me, “so am I. I need you so much I’m utterly deranged with the idea that because I hurt you the way I did you’ll never give me another chance. ”
His hands hit the metal on either side of my head, his body pressing into me without touching.
The heat of him, a blazing inferno that caresses against me, is extraordinary.
It’s acting like a defibrillator on my heart, jolting me with electricity as if to remind me I’m only alive when I’m with him.
He looms over me, that electrical undercurrent crackling between us.
He’s still not touching me, tiny millimeters separating us from catastrophe. My insides are rioting. Begging for more. Begging for him to stop.
“If you believe that, then why are you out here?”
His nose meets mine, followed by his forehead, our eyes locked, but that’s it. He doesn’t try for anything else. “I already told you. I can’t stay away. I might not have existed to you, but you’re the only one who’s existed to me.”
“Stop. Just shut up. I can’t take this anymore.”
“Hear me out.”
“No.”
“I’ve lived and breathed and died on your every move for four years.
Tell me how to stop wanting you so much.
Tell me how to go back inside and leave you alone when I’m ready to tear the world apart to make you mine again.
I can’t do it, Raven. I don’t know how. I listened and I tried all weekend, but the second I see you, I fail.
Over and over again, I fail.” His thumb drags along my jaw, across my lips, down my throat, his hot breath panting against my cheek.
“I can’t breathe without you, baby. You’re my oxygen and I’m suffocating. ”
My breath hitches, my throat closing up on me as my heart explodes in my chest. He’s raw. Primal. And it scares me. How quickly my body alters to give itself over to him. How stuck on him it’s always been. With every encounter, part of me slips. My walls crumble and I won’t… I won’t do it.
My hands plant into his chest and I pry him back. “Try getting your heart broken. Does the trick every time.”
He blinks at me, righting his body, all the color draining from his face. He opens his mouth to say something, when Grace and Carter exit the suite. My eyes lock with Grace’s, who frowns instantly.
“Luca, Landon is looking for you, brother,” Carter clips out, his tone almost reprimanding.
Luca’s gaze grabs mine, a visual growl, he’s ready to pounce again, only to stop himself. Unhinged, it’s as if he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He grunts something I can’t make out under his breath, and without another word, he spins around and storms back to the booth.
I swallow hard, my hand on my chest, trying to slow my thundering heart. Fuck, that man is so intense, my fingernails are vibrating, and my stupid panties are soaked. Traitorous vagina. How long will this continue before my hair starts falling out in clumps and I have a nervous breakdown?
“Do you need a ride home?” Grace asks gently. “We have early cases tomorrow and are heading out.”
“That would be great, thanks.”
I’d take a ride home with Hannibal Lecter if it got me out of here right now.