Chapter 25 #2
His features soften and he takes my hand, pulling it away from the table.
“You should know that your mother loved you endlessly. Every time she left you, she cried and I’m positive you are the only thing that woman ever shed tears over.
It would break her every time you’d beg her to stay.
She would call, sometimes in the middle of the night, and you’d be asleep, but she would have me sit in your room just so she could hear you breathing through the phone.
She had been contemplating retiring, but her love and commitment to her country compelled her.
She was trying to make the world a safer place for you.
I think that’s the only way she was able to leave when her heart was always here with you. ”
Tears fall down my cheeks and I squeeze his hand.
“I never felt like I was enough to make her stay.”
He frowns. “That’s my fault. I didn’t tell you enough.
I was an orphan growing up in foster homes or on the streets, sleeping under bridges.
Your mother was raised by parents who had also been Mossad.
Neither of us had the easiest or most typical upbringing or chosen professions.
Then we had this perfect little girl, and everything shifted.
You must understand, all we can do in this life is our best. We make choices and live with the outcomes.
And sometimes, we get it wrong. I did, and I’m sorry, Raven.
” His eyes bleed into mine. “Your mother was made to lead a certain life. And that is not a reflection on us or how much we loved her or how much she loved us.”
I blow out a breath. A knot I hadn’t realized was residing in my gut loosens, making me feel lighter.
I knew she loved me. But I was a little girl, and I didn’t understand anything beyond my mommy leaving me, even when I asked her to stay.
I wish I had told my father this years ago, but I’ve kept so much inside myself for so long.
A secretive girl growing up in a secretive world.
Burying myself under forced optimism and smiles.
Relying on the sun to always be there. Even if it was hidden.
It wasn’t until Luca broke my heart and I went to The Conservatory that much of my insecurities and fears and doubts resurfaced. In the form of heartache. In the form of anxiety. In the form of unresolved feelings about my mother.
You can’t fix what’s broken if you don’t try. But now… today… between this morning with Luca and now with my father… something in my soul feels nourished.
“Do you regret leaving that life behind?” I ask after my contemplative moment.
He shakes his head, releasing my hand and leaning back in his chair, crossing his legs at the knee.
“No. I understood your mother’s convictions, but I was never the same after I was shot.
I love my native country and I’m proud that I served them, but having you and moving to the States and working for the Fritz family has been my life’s joy.
I’ve gotten to watch you grow up and become the woman you are now. ”
Setting down my coffee, I wipe my face with my napkin, breathing out a shuddered breath. “Thank you for telling me.”
“It’s something I should have done a long time ago. Now you need to eat.”
I roll my eyes but pick up my fork all the same. For a few minutes, we’re quiet. Me eating, him sipping tea. Both of us lost in our reverie. “Luca called me this morning.”
“He what?” I nearly choke on the bite of eggs I was swallowing.
He gives me one of his rare grins, clearly amused by my reaction. “Yes. He and I have already chatted a few times since you returned home. But this morning, he wanted me to know that he still loves you and is working toward a second chance. He wanted to make sure I had no objections with this.”
I’m about to throw up all over this table. “That’s what he said?”
“Well.” He chuckles. “He said other things as well. Made me promises he swore he’d never break.”
Christ, Luca. “Did he ask you for my hand in marriage too?” I mutter sardonically, but my eyes bug out at my father’s expression. “Dad, I was kidding. Tell me he didn’t.”
“No. He didn’t. But he made it clear to me that him pursuing you wasn’t a short-term game.”
I fall back in my chair, my hands covering my face. I don’t know how I feel about this. About Luca calling my father, almost as if he’s asking permission. “Did you know Luca lives in the same building I do?”
He laughs now and my hands fall to my lap.
Sitting back in his chair, he brings his teacup up to his lips, taking a small sip while giving me a “don’t be ridiculous” look.
“Of course I knew. I know where every Fritz family member is, practically at all times, and that extends to their loved ones and significant others. I have trackers on their phones and depending on the situation, on their person as well.”
I shake my head. “Why didn’t you say something to me?”
He raises an eyebrow. “I made it clear I wasn’t happy with you moving into his building. But I had spoken with him prior to that, and I knew what he was up to. Besides, would you not have moved there if I had?”
I don’t know. That’s what’s bothering me. I’d like to say I wouldn’t have, but I don’t know.
“Darling girl, you’re exactly like your mother. Headstrong. Stubborn. You were always one to do what you wanted regardless of what I said or any rules I set.”
“Those months he and I were together, you never said anything until you realized how deep we were in.”
“Are you asking why I never put my fatherly foot down or why I didn’t kill the young lad when he hurt you?”
I giggle a little, shoveling more food into my mouth because it is delicious, and I do need to eat before I go to Symphony Hall later. “Maybe. Yeah.”
He sighs, getting up and refilling my coffee for me and placing his cup in his sink. He stands there for a moment, staring out the kitchen window. “My answer is simple. And it’s still true now. It’s because I knew he loved you more than he loved himself.”
* * *
My father’s words this morning haven’t left me all day.
His story about my mother. He told me he knew the moment he saw me brokenhearted that he had an inkling of what Luca had done for me and then Luca confirmed it when my father flew him back to Minnesota.
My father was grateful for what Luca did.
Not that I was hurt, but that he had put me ahead of himself and was sending me to London. It wasn’t easy to hear. Any of it.
This entire day has had me in a bit of a haze, which is why when I arrive at my door, I nearly smash straight into Luca, who is setting a large bag down.
He looks up, seemingly as surprised to see me here as I am to see him.
A point he proves when his hands fly up in the air, his expression adorably contrite.
“I’m not stalking you. I figured you’d be out, and I just got home from a B’s game.
With Brecken, Carter, and Kaplan.” He laughs, running a hand through his chestnut hair that’s just a touch too long on top as it flops back down onto his forehead.
“Okay, so now that you know I wasn’t with any women tonight and that I’m not stalking you, here.
” He lifts the bag and hands it to me. “It’s your exercise stuff—washed because it would be gross to bring them back to you the way you left them—and new sneakers.
Your old ones were just that and they were never going to fully dry. ”
“You washed my exercise clothes and bought me new sneakers?” A warm, fluttery feeling fills my chest. A heavy, sweet ache that seeps deep into my bones.
“Yes…” he says slowly, tilting his head. “I can’t tell from your expression if you’re pissed or not.”
“Not.”
Relief washes over him and he tucks his hands in his pockets all the while staring at me in a way that tells me he’s doing that, so he won’t be tempted to touch me. I smile.
“What’s that smile all about?”
“You. This.”
Now he’s smiling too. “You’re a runner.”
I shrug. “Some asshole spent a summer dragging me out in the wee hours of the morning. Kind of stuck with me.”
“I’d tell you that I don’t like you running that early, but clearly you can handle yourself.”
I giggle, falling against the wall beside my door. “You called my father this morning.” I’m trying for indignant and failing miserably.
He matches my pose on the other side of my door. “I did. Did he tell you what we spoke about?”
I nod. “Some of it.”
“Good. I told you I was trying for patience, but that doesn’t mean I’m not constructing a battle plan.”
“I think you might already be winning.”
“Yeah?” Now that smile lights up his face, his green eyes sparkling.
“Yeah, but don’t get ahead of yourself. One battle doesn’t win a war.”
“I already told you. All’s fair in true love.”
We stare at each other in the dimly lit hallway, energy crackling between us like kindling waiting for a match.
“Will you play for me?”
“Now?” I ask incredulously.
He rubs at his mouth. “I meant sometime. I know you had practice today and are likely tired.”
Except I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want this to be it for tonight. I’m confused and conflicted, and my head and heart are a mess. But I know that for sure. I don’t want him to go. Which is why he needs to.
“It’ll bother my neighbors if I play now.”
“The walls in this building are nearly soundproof.”
I shake my head. “How much money are you losing by having me live here?”
“Little Bird, money is meaningless without having people to spend it on and share it with. I love that you live here. I love that I know you’re somewhere pretty and clean and safe.”
I laugh lightly, my hand propping on my hip. “You’re crazy.”
“For you.” He straightens, his hands still in his pockets as he rocks back and forth on his heels, looking so boyish and handsome and sexy I could die. “Good night, Raven.”
“Good night, Luca.”
My heart thunders. We’ve done this exact same dance before.
He leans in and presses his lips to the corner of my mouth, and I wonder if he’s having the same thought I am.
Without another word, he’s gone, strolling down the hall, and I unlock my door.
But right before I go inside, I glance over my shoulder and find him staring at me, his expression so thick with burning intensity, my breath lodges in my lungs.
He winks, blowing me a kiss.
It’ll be different than last time . That’s what that looks says. And no way in hell am I giving up now. That’s his promise as he steps onto the elevator and I go into my apartment, my bag of clothes and shoes he brought me in my hand. My heart trapped somewhere on the floors between us.