Chapter 23 Elias
ELIAS
I don’t dare say it out loud because I don’t want to jinx the hospital—but it is a slow night.
I’ve had a few scheduled surgeries. Nothing too extreme or life-threatening, which is odd to say considering I’m a brain surgeon.
The surgeries were low-risk and I’m happy with every outcome.
I’m not wanting the night to be busy. I want everyone to stay safe and I’m ready to go home to my girl.
All days should end like this one.
I check my phone to see if Olivia has messaged me. She hasn’t, which I find a little odd.
“Don’t frown. You’ll get wrinkles.” Nurse Jackie pokes the middle of my forehead. “And what do you have to be sad about?”
“I’m not sad.” I scoff, tucking my phone in my pocket.
“Olivia hasn’t messaged me back. That’s all.
It isn’t like her. She’s probably unloading the groceries.
She bought so much food.” I’m sure it’s obnoxious as I show Jackie the image of the cart with a big grin, acting like Olivia won a million dollars.
I can’t help it. Everything this woman does makes me happier than thought I’d ever be.
Jackie rolls her eyes with a small smile.
“You are so in love it’s sickening.” Her desk phone rings, signaling an incoming patient, and I stay quiet, not wanting to interrupt.
“Warrick,” she answers, and the happiness in her face changes in an instant.
“Got it.” She slams the phone down. “Good thing you’re here.
We have a multiple-vehicle accident coming in.
One in critical condition, possible TBI. ”
“How far out?” I ask, knowing time is essential when it comes to brain injuries.
“Two minutes,” Jackie states.
“Got it.” I’m rushing to the entrance of the emergency room when the elevator doors open and Winston hurries to my side.
“Any word? What do you know?” he asks both of us, snapping on a pair of gloves.
“Possible TBI. I know other ambulances are on the way too. MVA.”
“Damn. Your movie night is put on pause.”
“She’ll understand.” I take out my phone and use talk to text.
“Hey, Olivia. I have a car accident coming in. I’m not sure how long I’ll be.
I’m sorry, sweetheart. I might be a little late, but we will have our movie night.
Don’t wait up for me. I’ll be there as soon as I can.
And don’t eat all that food without me.”
I tuck the phone back into my pocket, the sirens blaring and getting closer.
“I got this one,” I say, running to the ambulance when it pulls up. “What do we have?”
Jane, the paramedic, jumps from the driver’s side. “Female. Twenties. Possible TBI. Pupils were equal and reactive at the scene. Losing a lot of blood, though. There’s a shard of glass in her thigh, femoral bleed. Possible broken arm and internal injuries.”
Damn. I might need Winston on this too.
The back doors open and Jane jerks the gurney, her partner helping her bring the patient down. Blood stains the gurney beneath the woman. Red hair is fanned out, bonded together with blood. Glass shines from her scalp.
My entire world tilts. My stomach turns. Tears form in my eyes as I stare down at the love of my life.
“Olivia,” I croak, taking her limp hand in mine. “What happened!” I roar, running alongside the gurney as we hurry into the emergency room.
“Elias!” Winston shouts from my side. “What’s going on?”
“It’s Olivia! Olivia is the TBI!” I turn my focus to Jane, a tear falling down my cheek. “What the fuck happened? What happened to her!” I demand.
Nurse Jackie gasps when she sees Olivia. “Trauma Bay Four. I’ll call the OR. Get it cleared for immediate surgery.”
My hands tremble, and I forget that I’m a surgeon for a moment. I’m just a loved one. I’m someone who’s scared. My heart is racing. I can’t breathe. Her blood drenches my hands. Her shirt is ruined. Her eyes are closed.
I bend down, pushing her hair out of her face, careful not to touch any glass that’s cutting into her skin.
“Olivia? Olivia, can you hear me? Oh god, baby. Oh my god, what happened? I need you to wake up for me, okay? I need you to come back. We have plans. We have plans,” I chant, more to myself than to her.
I’m grabbed by my shoulders and turned around to find a devastated Winston staring back at me. His eyes are red too, and panic has paled his face, but his jaw is set firm. “You’re too close to this. Call in another neurosurgeon.”
“Fuck you. You’re close to this too! Call another general surgeon. I’m the best there fucking is. No one else is operating on her brain.”
“Then get your shit together!” he roars, the nurses in the room busying themselves with getting Olivia stable to transport to the OR.
I take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I know he’s right. I have to be better. I have to be the best right now. Her best chance of survival is me.
“Wait!” Jane bursts into the trauma bay. “She could be pregnant. We found a pregnancy test in her car. The impact must have caused all of the groceries to scatter.”
“You sure you’re okay?” Winston asks, his voice hoarse.
“The woman I plan on spending the rest of my life with is injured and possibly pregnant.” I check her pupils to see if they’re still reactive.
“No. I’m not okay.” The left pupil is blown.
“We have to get her to surgery immediately. Lift pupil is fixed and dilated. We might have to operate at the same time. Having your brother here would be great. We could use a trauma surgeon right now.”
Winston shakes his head. “The amount of time it would take to get him here, it might be too late. We have to go now. There’s no time to waste.” He fixes me with a look. “You’re sure? You’re sure you can do this? Because if you—”
“If I what?” I snarl viciously, with the intent to maim and fucking kill if he says one more fucking word.
“If I kill her? You do your job and make sure she doesn’t bleed out from the glass in her leg, and I’ll worry about her brain.
And someone call her mother!” I shout as we run out of the trauma bay to the OR.
“I’m on it.” Jackie runs to her desk. “I’m positive her mother is her emergency contact.”
Everything blurs as we move at what feels like the speed of light. The floors blur, becoming a white sea of ink. Coworkers and patients fade. The fluorescents are brighter, casting down on us like the heavens, reminding me of our mortality.
It’s hard to focus when my entire life is hanging on by a thread.
Even scrubbing in is difficult. I’m on autopilot, watching through the glass as the OR team prepares Olivia for surgery. I scrub to my elbows, my mind in shock, trying to remember who I am and what I do every single day.
I take a deep breath and center myself. I can do this. Her life is in my hands. I’m the best one here to save her.
We have plans.
And I intend for us to follow through with them.
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. Nothing could take my consciousness away. Not when I’m sitting in a chair beside Olivia’s bed, a tube down her throat to help her breathe, her head wrapped in gauze, her eyes shut, her leg and arm in a cast.
She’s so strong.
She should have died from these injuries. She lost so much blood. I remember Winston shouting for supplies as blood dripped off the table and onto the floor.
I lean forward, trying to forget the red ocean of the floor, the rapid pace of her heartbeat, the way we had to defibrillate her heart once to bring her back.
I’ve never been more terrified. This was my horror movie, and I never want to replay it.
I want to forget. Pressing my palms against my eyes, I suck in a few deep breaths, but it isn’t enough to calm me.
The tears fall; I can’t stop them. I grip her hand, pressing it against my cheek, knowing she won’t wake up for a few hours or even a few days.
But I can’t help wanting to see her big green eyes now.
I beg, “Please, Livie. Please, wake up. Please, please, please.” I kiss her knuckles. “Please. I need you here. I can’t…” I take a deep breath. “I don’t know how to be here without you. You’ve changed my entire world and how I view it. There’s beauty now instead of darkness. That’s because of you.”
I stand, leaning over her bed, and drag my knuckles down her cheek.
“Please, wake up for me. I love you. I love you so much.” I’m getting impatient, even though I know she can’t wake up.
It’s too soon. The doctor inside me knows that, but the man who loves her?
I’m finding it very difficult to remember the facts when my entire heart is clinging to life.
“How’s she doing?” Olivia’s mom, Marie, comes into the room, sniffling and holding two cups of coffee.
“There’s no change. It’s still early. If she doesn’t wake up after a few days, that’s when I’ll worry.”
Marie nods, handing me a cup of coffee. “I’m glad it was you who operated on her. She was in the best hands.” She drags a chair over to sit next to me. “She’s strong. She’ll be okay.” She pats my shoulder, then gives it a squeeze.
“I know. You’re right. I just…planned for this night to go so differently. We had this entire weekend planned before my own surgery and—” I pull out the ring I’ve had in my pocket all day.
Marie gasps, her watery eyes looking up at me, then at the ring, then me again. “You were going to propose?”
“Yeah. I know it’s soon, but I know. In my soul, I know. I love her so much. She’s meant to be mine as I’m meant to be hers.”
“I know. I’ve never seen her happier.” She takes the ring from me, smiling, a mixture of happiness and sadness. “It’s gorgeous.”
“It was my mom’s.” It’s a beautiful marquise diamond, two carats, sitting in a vintage setting surrounded by emeralds, the same color as Olivia’s eyes.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence. This ring was always meant for Olivia. My ex-wife didn’t even wear this ring, and that should have been a glaring warning for me. My heart and soul didn’t want to give the ring up then, but I blamed it on not wanting it to get lost or damaged.
“She’ll say yes,” Marie says, handing me the ring back. “I know it.”
“I hope so.”
A knock at the door interrupts us. “I’m sorry to interrupt.” Dr. Washington steps into the room, her lips in a thin line. “I am so sorry to hear about Olivia’s accident. How is she?”
“She’s stable,” I answer, giving Olivia’s hand another squeeze. “She’s strong, but that’s not why you’re here, is it?” The heavy sigh can’t be kept within me as I turn around to face my colleague. “Is it my father?”
“I’m afraid so. His status has changed. We have to do the surgery now.”
“What?” I sneer with a shake of my head. “No. Absolutely not. Olivia needs me. Something could happen. She might need another operation. I need to be here.”
“You don’t,” Winston says as he walks in. “I’ve let Dr. Kennedy know of the situation. She already has Olivia’s patient chart. You are removed as Olivia’s doctor, as of now.”
I step forward, balling my fists at my sides to stop myself from punching Winston.
He’s being my friend and my superior. “You can’t do that,” I whisper, though I know he’s right.
Dr. Kennedy is the next best neurosurgeon besides me.
I wouldn’t pick anyone else to take over Olivia’s care.
“Come on, Winston. Please. She needs me here. I need…” I take a deep breath, pressing my hand against my heart. “I need to be here.”
His stern face softens. “I know, Elias. I know you’re afraid, but Olivia’s mom is here too.
She will be here, so Olivia isn’t alone.
Dr. Kennedy will be checking in on her every thirty minutes.
I’ve had Nurse Jackie removed from the charge station to help care for Olivia as well.
Your dad’s numbers are not good. He took a turn for the worse, earlier than we thought he would.
It’s now, Elias. You have to do the surgery now, or your father won’t survive the weekend. ”
My groan turns into a shout as I press my palms against my eyes again. “Fine. Fine, yes, okay. I know you’re right, but it doesn’t stop the panic. Winston, if this was Dove, you wouldn’t want to leave her side.”
I move back to Olivia’s side, sitting on the edge of the bed. She’s so still. I miss her so much. I miss all the life that bursts out of her. Her soul is energy and optimism; happiness radiates out of her eyes, and it invigorates me. She brought me back from the edge of pure despair.
“I’ll be here with her,” Marie says, just loud enough for me to hear. “And Amber and Victoria are on their way too. She won’t be alone.”
“You two will be in the same room. In a private suite,” Winston states. “You’ll be with her. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Okay.” Another tear manages to fall free and I wipe it away. “Okay.” I try to sound stronger, with more resolve, but my voice shakes. I’m unsteady. Anything could happen while I’m in surgery, and it terrifies me.
I haven’t been this afraid since I was thirteen years old. I haven’t cared about anyone or anything since, not really. Even my ex-wife didn’t pull this much emotion out of me.
Bending down, I kiss Olivia’s forehead, my eyes darting over her face, taking in the way she’s still so beautiful even after going through so much stress. Her freckles seem paler, waiting for her to come back to life to prove how vibrant they can really be.
“I love you. I’ll be back, okay? My dad took a turn for the worse, and he needs my liver now.
I’ll be right back. You won’t be alone. Your mom is here.
Your friends are coming and I’ll be back soon, okay?
” I press my forehead against hers, needing to feel her, needing to be as close as possible without hurting her.
“Come back to me and let me love you forever.” My hands are shaking, and my heart is thrumming.
My skin feels tight with every beat my heart makes as it slams against my chest.
Not wanting to leave without kissing her hand, I bring her beautiful, soft, slightly cool-to-the-touch knuckles to my mouth. I hope one day soon, this ring finger will show she is taken. All I need her to do is live.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
Walking away from Olivia and out of the room is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.
And I never want to do it again.