Chapter 28
Adrian
Adrian: What trouble have you been causing today?
Me: Only the good kind…
Adrian: The best kind of trouble always is.
I’m sinking into the sofa, the worn fabric familiar under my fingers, as Keith and I watch some sports replay on TV.
The commentators’ voices fill the space, but I’m barely paying attention.
We’ve both been working hard, so there’s been some movement in the practice.
Keith mentioned some big changes at the clinic, and I promised to check them out.
The practice opening is still a while off, but I want to see it, to feel like I have a direction.
But do I? Doubt has taken root in my chest from the way I momentarily froze with Amelia’s mom.
If it wasn’t for Amelia’s sobs, would I have moved?
The way I saw my father in her. The way I failed.
How can I keep being a doctor when I don’t even trust myself anymore?
“Are you listening?” Keith’s voice cuts through the noise in my head.
I turn to look at him. His face is lined with concern, his eyebrows drawn tightly together. “Sorry,” I mutter, rubbing my temples. “What did you say?”
He leans forward. “I said, where are you? You’ve been a million miles away. What’s going on?”
I hesitate, my stomach heavy with rocks. Admitting the words out loud will make them real. Keith’s been nothing but supportive since I got here, believing in me when I barely believed in myself. What if telling him this changes everything? What if he realizes he made a mistake hiring me?
“I just… I don’t know if I should keep being a doctor.”
Keith’s expression shifts immediately, his body turning fully toward me. The game is forgotten. “What do you mean? Why not?”
I swallow hard, my fingers gripping my thighs. “With Amelia’s mom…” I shake my head as the memory hits me like a fist to the chest. “I froze. I saw my dad. It was like watching it happen all over again. Me, standing there for a second. Helpless.”
Keith’s jaw tightens. “That wasn’t your fault.”
“Maybe. But what happens when I’m at work and someone comes in thinking they’re having a heart attack?
What if I freeze again? What if I can’t move?
How am I supposed to do this job when I don’t even trust myself?
” The confession burns my throat. “It’s happened multiple times now.
Every time, I just get stuck in my own head. ”
Keith leans closer, his voice steady. “First of all, you couldn’t have saved your dad.
He died instantly. There was nothing you could’ve done.
You know that, deep down. But you won’t let it go because it’s you.
If it were someone else, if it were a patient coming to you with this, you’d tell them to stop blaming themselves. ”
I look away, digesting Keith’s words. I know he’s right. I went to medical school, so I know how sudden cardiac arrest works. But there’s still this voice asking why I didn’t do more.
“And second,” he continues, “with Amelia’s mom, from what I heard, you saved her life.”
“I didn’t save her life. I freaked out. I checked her over, saw she was breathing faintly, and tried to keep her alert until the paramedics came. That’s it. That’s all I did. Anyone could have done the same thing.”
“That’s all you did?” Keith scoffs. “That’s exactly what you were supposed to do in a home without access to equipment. And you did it. You helped her.”
I shake my head, but Keith doesn’t let up.
“Listen to me. This town needs a doctor like you. Someone who actually gives a damn. You’re sitting here, contemplating throwing away your whole career because of a moment of doubt.
That alone shows how much you care,” he says, raking a hand through his hair.
“And let’s be real, you’re letting those big-city hospital guys get into your head.
They didn’t like the outcome, so they put the blame on you.
But we both know that’s not how medicine works. You can’t save everyone. No one can.”
My chest tightens from his words. The thing is, I want to believe him. I want to accept that doing my best is enough. But every time I close my eyes, I see my dad, Amelia’s mom, patients who might need me to be better than my best. “But I should be able to.”
Keith shakes his head. “That’s not fair. Not to yourself. Not to the people who need you. You did everything you could. And you have the experience, the skills… hell, the heart for this job. You think I’d ask you to work for me if I thought you weren’t good enough? Come on, give me some credit.”
I look at him and feel a little better. Keith doesn’t do empty reassurances. If he says something, he means it.
“And don’t think you have to do this because of your dad, or because we’ve known each other forever. This practice? It’s my life. I wouldn’t bring you into it if I didn’t believe in you.”
The lump in my throat grows. I don’t know what to say. Maybe there’s nothing to say yet. But for the first time in a long time, the doubt inside me isn’t quite as loud.
Keith’s voice is low as he leans forward, his elbows resting on his knees. “I believe in you. You just need to believe in yourself and heal from the past. Remember, this town is your future.”
His words land heavily, pressing against the doubts I’ve been wrestling with.
Keith shifts, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Also, there’s a beautiful young lady who’s taken quite a shine to you. That’s another good reason to stay.”
I glance at him, but he just stares as if I’m the one being ridiculous. “You know…” he continues, “that was something that drew me to this town. I came here with your dad because my car broke down. I met Sage. I fell in love. And now? I’m still here. This place became my home.”
I watch his eyes soften, lost in memories, and for a moment, I see the love he still carries for her, even after all these years.
“I’m not saying you need to figure it all out right now,” he adds. “But don’t give up on your job, on love, on starting over. You’re so young. You have so much ahead of you. Don’t let what other people think weigh you down.”
I let out a slow breath, rubbing a hand over my face. I know he’s right. I shouldn’t care what people think, but because I’ve run from one failure to the next, I can’t help but feel maybe they’re right to judge. “It’s just… so hard. I feel like I always have to prove myself.”
“No, you don’t. The biggest hurdle’s behind you: the hospital’s dismissal. And as for Amelia. That had nothing to do with them. You and Amelia? It’s nobody’s business. You’ll be old news soon enough. Just ignore it and live your lives.”
“Yeah,” I admit. “I miss her.”
Keith nods knowingly. “She’s with her family. She has to be. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be there for her too.”
“I wish I could help, take some of the weight off her shoulders.”
Keith leans back, studying me. “Then tell her that. Let her know she’s not alone. Offer your help, your support. That’s what she needs.”
I stare down at my hands. “I hope that’s enough.”
“You two are alike, you know. Stubborn as hell. You both carry too much, convinced you have to do it all on your own. But having someone to lean on… that’s exactly what she needs right now. And maybe, deep down, it’s what you need too.”
I rub the back of my neck, thinking. “She’s dealing with so much—her mom being sick, not getting the promotion—I don’t want to be just another person who needs her.”
“You’re not. You’re offering her something she might not even realize she needs. Someone to be there for her,” he says. “Just start there.”
Keith had twenty-five years of a good, solid marriage. He knows what he’s talking about. And if he’s giving me advice, maybe I should be listening.
“Once my practice is finished,” he says, “you won’t be in that hospital much longer. So try to enjoy it while you can. Ignore the noise, take in the experience, and when it’s time, you’ll leave it behind. This town will love you, just wait.”
I shake my head and get up to refill my drink. “I don’t know what’s in your drink tonight, but maybe you need something stronger.”
“I’m just glad you’re here. It’s been nice not being in this space alone with my thoughts.
Sometimes they’re hard to sit with. Grief is a strange thing; it makes you want to hold on and let go at the same time.
But having someone around, someone to cook with, talk to…
it makes it easier. And I’ll always appreciate that.
When you do move out, I’ll miss the company, but I’ll be okay. Sage taught me that much.”
I push past the tightness in my throat. “I was lonely too, before coming here. After losing my dad. Before realizing I had only a handful of real friends. You know, the doctor friends I thought I had? Only one checks in. The rest? Not even a text.”
“It’s different here. And you’re not alone.”
I nod. Maybe I really do have a place here. Maybe, I finally belong.