2. Ethan
2
ETHAN
I ’m sitting at my desk when there’s a quick knock on my door. My head pops up but before I can call out, the door opens, and Noah sticks his head in.
“Lunch?” He quirks a brow.
“Yeah, sure.” I toss my pen on my desk, roll my chair back, and stand. I take off my lab coat and hang it on the coat rack in the corner. Then, I grab my jacket and turn for the door, pulling it on as I go.
“What are you in the mood for today?” Noah asks as we head for the elevator.
“Doesn’t matter to me.” I reach out and push the button. The doors open, and we step in.
“Pizza?”
“No.” I wrinkle my nose.
“Hot dog?”
I frown at him.
He chuckles. “That deli at the end of the block?”
“Yeah, that’ll work. I have too much work to do to go too far.”
He nods, crossing his arms as he leans against the railing in the small space. “What’d you end up doing last night?”
“I just stayed in. Ordered dinner, took a shower, and went to bed early.”
He looks at me like I’m an alien. “That’s it?”
I roll my eyes. “I did some research on local pool companies. I’m thinking about getting a heater. Seems stupid to have a pool you can only use a few months a year.”
He laughs and shakes his head.
“What?” I ask as the doors open.
“Nothing,” he says, stepping out.
“Then why were you laughing?”
Outside, he turns to face me. “I wasn’t laughing because something was funny. I was laughing because that’s just fucking sad.”
I frown.
“You know what I did last night?”
“You mean, who you did?”
He rolls his eyes. “You’re in the prime of your life. You’re a successful doctor with more money than you know what to do with. You’re young. … Well, you’re not old,” he corrects. “You could spend every night with a different woman. But here you are, staying home and doing research on local pool companies?”
I take a deep breath and push myself forward, catching up and matching his pace. “Why is it so hard to believe that I don’t want to spend every night in a loud club, getting hammered, and fucking every woman who catches my attention?”
“It’s not hard to believe; It’s just hard to accept.”
I shake my head in annoyance, turning to watch the line of traffic speed down the street.
In the heart of the city, everything is moving fast now that it’s lunchtime. Everyone who works in the area is walking or riding a bike down the sidewalk, opting to stay local rather than fight with traffic to get food.
“You’re my best friend, man. It’s hard to see you struggle like this.”
I turn my attention back to him as we walk. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He gives me a look that says I know what he’s talking about. “How long’s it been, five years?”
“Six.” I look straight ahead. “Six years.”
“Six years,” he repeats. “Man, I know it messed you up, but six years is a long time. And you’re not even trying to move on.”
“I am,” I argue.
“You’re not. You’re floating through life. You’ve turned into a robot who only cares about work.”
“Oh, you’re one to talk,” I throw back.
“Hey, I’m not saying that I’m not married to my work. But I also have a personal life. I go out, do things, see people. I live. You’re just surviving.”
We make it to the deli and walk inside, standing at the end of the line to place our order.
He doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and something tells me it has to do with my body language.
My back is straight, and my shoulders are squared. My jaw is tense with stress and my brows are furrowed in annoyance. I don’t have to tell him that I don’t want to have this conversation.
“Hey, did you see the new round of externs that came in this week?”
I’m so happy for the change of subject that I nod and say, “Yeah, I met one today.”
“Yeah?” He raises his brow. “Which one?”
“Ally, I believe her name was.”
“Which one is she? The tall one with the dark hair and the long legs?”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“You guess so?”
“Now that I think of it, she did seem rather tall. And she had dark hair.”
He scoffs. “Oh, my God,” he breathes as he moves his hands up to cover his face. He massages his temples before letting his hands drop back in place. “I don’t know how your dick hasn’t shriveled up and fallen off. You don’t even notice a good-looking woman anymore?”
I frown at him. “Of course I do, and yeah, she was beautiful, I guess. She’s just too young for me to look at like that.”
“Bullshit,” he says around a cough, causing everyone in line to turn and look at us.
“Face the front and mind your business,” I tell the teenage kid who’s standing in line with an older man I assume is his father. When he turns, I look over at Noah. “What was that?”
“I called bullshit.” He shrugs. “No man in the history of men has ever not looked at a woman because she was too young for them. They didn’t look because she was ugly, or fat, or because the man in question is gay, but never because she’s too young. She’s an adult, and that’s all that matters.”
Sometimes I wonder why I still hang out with Noah. We are vastly different, and we rarely agree. I guess it’s because we’ve been friends too long to let it go now.
He’s the only one I have left in my life who will give it to me straight. Everyone else wants to sugarcoat it or tell me what they think I want to hear.
“If you ask me, she’s exactly what you need.”
“Excuse me?”
He nods. “Seriously. Just think about having those long legs wrapped around your hips as you?—”
I cut him off, smacking his chest with the back of my hand. “Seriously, kid. What did I tell you?” I glare down at the teenager again.
He turns back around just as we all step forward with the line.
Noah chuckles, thinking the nosy kid is funny. “So, you going to give it a go?”
“Give what a go?”
“Hooking up with this Ally.” He says it like I’m a dumbass for not following along.
“Of course not!” My tone of voice is drenched with annoyance. “I’m old enough to be her father.”
He grins and nods. “Not father .” He points at me. “Daddy is more like it.”
The kid in front of us starts to turn again, but I say, “Don’t even think about it,” and he freezes and remains facing forward. I lean toward Noah. “This isn’t the time or place for this conversation.”
“Why? Because just hearing us talk about screwing the gorgeous nurse with long legs makes this shithead pop a boner?” He laughs. “It’s not like it’s his first.”
This time, the kid’s dad overhears us and glares at us before putting his hand on his son’s shoulder and pushing him forward. Now, there’s a small gap between us as they place their order.
I look over at Noah and can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips as we chuckle quietly. I pinch the bridge of my nose to get myself under control. “I can’t take you anywhere.”
That just makes him laugh harder. At nearly forty years old, he’s still a giant child who lives to make everyone uncomfortable.
The father and son in front of us get their food and move on, leaving us to step up and order.
When we’re given our food, we take it to a table in the far corner of the sandwich shop so we’re out of earshot.
He must have gotten whatever it was out of his system because the rest of our lunch is one that any adults would have. We mostly talk about work, drama going on with the staff, and what the rest of the day entails.
When we get back to the hospital, we go our separate ways.
I step into my office and take off my jacket, pulling my lab coat back on. I flop into my chair, leaning back to relax for the few minutes I have left of my lunch break.
My elbow is resting on the arm of my chair, and my hand is rubbing at my eyes as I get back into work mode. When my hand falls away, my eyes land on the framed photo on my desk.
The picture was taken the day I married the love of my life.
Her dark hair is swept up into a fancy updo hidden beneath her lace veil. Her white dress is striking against her olive skin. Her green eyes are looking directly into the camera and her smile is wide, showing her perfect, bright-white teeth as her head is thrown back in laughter as we dance.
Amelia was the love of my life. Four years, three months, and sixteen days was all I was allowed to have with her.
That’s not nearly enough time when you’re talking about your soulmate.
It’s been six years since she passed, and Noah is right. I haven’t moved on. I haven’t been interested in moving on.
Her clothes still hang in our closet. Her beauty products still line the vanity in the bathroom. Her favorite coffee cup still sits next to the coffeepot, and her vitamins are still on the windowsill, above the sink in the kitchen.
Everything is how she left it. I haven’t let another woman into our house.
I haven’t let another woman into my life in any way.
I can see where Noah is coming from. If the roles were reversed, I’d be worried about him, too. But this is my life, and I say how I live it.
If I want to spend it alone because I’ll never meet anyone who can compare to her, that’s what I’ll do.
He is right about one thing though: A man’s needs don’t go away just because his wife died.
He wasn’t wrong about that nurse today, either. I told him I wasn’t interested, but I was. There was something about her that I haven’t seen in anyone else. It wasn’t physical—although she is very attractive.
The moment I walked into the supply closet and overheard their conversation, I watched the blood rush to her cheeks. I noticed every time she dragged her tongue across her lips and every time she had to swallow over her need.
I didn’t need Noah to point out her body.
She was nearly six feet tall, I bet. She’s thin but has curves, and her legs are impossibly long. I know I shouldn’t, but I imagine how they’d feel wrapped around me.
My head falls back against my chair and my eyes close as my imagination takes over.
Suddenly, I find myself back in that supply closet, only this time, I’m alone with her.
I have her in my sights and she retreats as I approach her, pressing her back against the shelving to keep as much space between us as possible. I stalk forward, taking one deliberate step after another until I’m directly in front of her.
Our eyes are locked, and I can see the way her chest rises and falls. Her top tightens and stretches across her chest, and I can see her nipples pebble beneath the fabric. I lean in and she freezes, unsure of what I’m going to do.
I wonder what she’ll let me do.
I place the tip of my nose at her jaw, slowly running it up to her ear. I breathe her in, letting the scent of her soap and shampoo take over my senses. Her skin is soft and warm, and the natural smell of her body is divine.
I pull back, meeting her gaze once again. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since I met you.”
“Thinking about what?” She looks up at me from beneath her dark lashes before biting her lower lip. Her cheeks turn pink, and that’s when I realize that there isn’t just one thing about her that I’m attracted to.
I’m attracted to everything.
The way she looks, the sound of her voice, her smell, her age, her innocence.
“This,” I reply, wrapping my hand around her throat and crashing my mouth against hers.
Her tongue dives into my mouth, and her hands move to my chest. As we kiss, they travel up until they’re wrapped around my neck. She lifts her leg, bending it at the knee and hooking it over my hip. My hand roams up her thigh to her ass, squeezing.
That’s when I pick her up against me so that both her legs are wrapped around me. My cock comes alive, growing hard. I rock my hips forward, grinding against her. She whimpers, a moan slipping from between her lips that’s silenced by my mouth.
I need this so fucking badly that I can’t think straight.
All I know is that it’s been six long years since I’ve felt a woman’s touch, and now, my body yearns for it more than ever.
My beeper goes off, pulling me from my thoughts. “Shit.” I shake my head clear and pull the pager from my pocket, finding a code white. I push away from my desk and run from the room.