14. Ethan
14
ETHAN
S he’s so perfect.
Her creamy skin is soft and sweet. Her auburn hair is as smooth as silk but strong as a rope when I wind it around my fist to pull her head back. Her lips are soft and strong, and her blue eyes burn right through me when I make contact with them.
The smell of her perfume is seductive, and it feels like she’s put a spell on me because any time I look at her, all I can think about is making her mine. It doesn’t matter if she’s too young for me.
It doesn’t matter if I’m her boss, or that a scandal like this could cost me my job. Nothing matters but getting to know her from the inside out.
I’ve been trying to resist her pull, but all my fight is gone the minute she offers me her companionship. When she asks what I want, the only answer I can come up with is her. I expected her to push me away when I kissed her, but she didn’t. Instead of pushing me away, she pulls me closer. She deepens our kiss, and I’m gone. I’m no longer in control—not that I ever was—not fully, anyway.
We like to think of ourselves as civilized, but the truth is, we’re all just animals. Sure, we might live in houses and run a successful society, but it all boils down to the circle of life. We’re born, we grow and learn, we find a mate that makes us weak in the knees, and we spend all our time wanting to procreate. I can say that a man my age shouldn't be interested in a woman as young as she is, but when it’s stripped down to the basics, it makes sense. We’re not the only species that the male chooses a much younger female. It’s basic instinct. A younger woman means better chances of reproducing. Even though I don’t want children, it’s programmed into my DNA.
It’s been years since I’ve allowed myself to even think about sex, let alone have sex with a woman who isn’t my wife. The second I push into Ally, I’m overwhelmed by the intensity. She’s hot and so fucking tight that my eyes roll to the back of my head. I rest my forehead on her shoulder as I work to get a grip on myself. If I let go, I could come without moving a muscle. But I know the guilt I’ll feel later, and it will be there whether I fuck her for the next twelve hours or if I only spend a few minutes inside her. I might as well enjoy it as long as I can.
I have to ease myself into it, allowing us time to adjust before really going at it. My hips move slowly and with short strokes for the first several minutes. The longer I’m inside her, the longer my strokes become, and the more speed I pick up. It’s been too long. I’m off my game. Usually, I’ve made my partner come undone at least once or twice before entering them, but it has been years.
I tangle my fingers into the hair at the base of her neck and pull her mouth to mine, kissing her with the same intensity and speed as I’m fucking her. She digs her nails into my back and bows into me. Her breath is labored, whimpers and moans laced throughout. While keeping my left hand in her hair, I move my right hand to her lower back, holding her against me and keeping her in place as my hips take on a life of their own. I find a steady rhythm that causes her pussy to convulse around me, and that’s what pushes me over the edge. I lose myself in her, riding out my orgasm as it washes through me, strong and hard and fast. I bury myself as deep as I can go, letting every drop spill into her until my hips slow to a stop.
I’m weak, breathless, and dripping with sweat as I relax against her. She clings to me, just as weak, but she doesn’t speak while we take a moment to regain our composure. Then, I lift my head from her shoulder and take a step back. My eyes move to my cock, watching as I pull out of her. That’s when I see the blood.
It’s like someone poured a bucket of water over me. Every bit of stress and anxiety I just worked off is back tenfold. “What the fuck?” I mutter as I pull out of her. My eyes leap up to her face. “Did I hurt you?” I ask, confused. I know I haven’t had sex in a while, but I know I didn’t go at it that hard.
She closes her legs and slides off my desk as she crosses her arms over her chest to hide from me. She tucks her chin to her chest as she looks at me from beneath her lashes like an insecure girl. “I mean, it hurt at first, but I’m okay now.”
“At first?” I repeat, trying to get a handle on what she’s telling me. I look away from her, down at my dick, and back at her. “You were a…” The words fall from my lips.
Her brows lift and instead of confirming my question, she jumps into action, grabbing her clothes and pulling them on.
Panicked, I do the same. “Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?” I ask, pulling up my pants and boxers.
“I didn’t come in here thinking this would happen.”
“You could’ve said something before our goddamn clothes came off,” I throw back.
Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open. “Are you seriously blaming me?” she asks, pointing at her chest. “You’re the one who kissed me.”
“That’s because I didn’t know you were a virgin. I never would have…” I grab my shirt and pull it over my head. I have no idea what I would’ve done if I had known. Part of me likes to believe that I’m a good guy, that I would’ve stopped this and not let it happen. But a monster inside of me dwells in the darkness, and he doesn’t give a shit if I just ripped away her innocence. He’s reveling in the blood I took and is more than ready to do it again. “You should have told me.”
“When? After we first met? Hi, my name is Ally, and I’m a twenty-four-year-old virgin,” she mocks. “Great idea.” She pulls her top on. “Or do you mean that I should have told you when I came in here like I knew this was going to happen? Should I have told you when you had your tongue jammed down my throat?”
“How about when I started taking your clothes off? That would’ve worked.”
I see the anger fall from her face. “I wanted to. I just…” She shrugs. “I liked having your hands on my body.”
My cock throbs back to life, but that only angers me more. I shake my head and turn for the door, walking away from her as quickly as possible before I can fuck up any more tonight. I rush from my office, jerking the door closed behind me. It closes a little too loudly, echoing down the hall I escape down. Luckily, I’m the only office in this area, so it doesn’t draw any unwanted attention as I make my getaway. I keep my head down, not wanting to catch anyone’s attention and cause them to spark a conversation. I need out of here as soon as possible. I fucked up. I fucked up big time.
I pass several people as I head for the exit, but thanks to my quick pace and the ability to keep my head down, everyone gets the hint and leaves me alone. The moment I step out into the cool, night air, I take a large, deep breath, feeling immensely better. It’s been a while since I’ve had a panic attack, but I know when it starts to come on, and I’m lucky it hasn’t hit yet. I don’t give myself much time to think about it, knowing that acknowledging it will only cause it to take hold that much stronger. Once I catch my breath, I push on, moving toward my car in the parking garage.
Evening traffic always sucks in the city. It makes my drive home longer than it should be, but it doesn’t give my mind much time to wander because I’m too focused on avoiding accidents and trying to get out of the clusterfuck I’ve found myself in. Several miles outside of the city, the traffic thins out, and I find my thoughts returning to her. I fucked the student nurse in my office. The student nurse who is only working at the hospital to get hands-on experience for credits to graduate. The student nurse who is half my age. And she’s a virgin. Well, she was. I took her virginity. What am I supposed to do with that? How in the hell could I not have noticed?
It has been a very long time since I’ve had sex. I would have been just as overwhelmed had I had sex with any other woman. Did I notice how tight she was? Of course, I did. I just chalked it up to going so long without. My dick has known nothing but my hand for six years. It was an honest mistake. I hate it for her though. I’ve never believed that sex should wait until marriage, but I’ve always felt that virginity is something special to be given to the right person. I am not the right person for Ally. Not the fucked up, grumpy doctor who everyone avoids.
The worst part is that I didn’t know to try and make it special for her. I treated her like a whore. I don’t even know if she got off because I was too wrapped up in myself. That hits me like a punch to the gut. I robbed her of something special and didn’t even leave her with a good memory of the whole thing. I wouldn’t blame her for being pissed. Hell, I wouldn’t blame her if she took this to the dean of medicine and got me fired. I hope she does. It’s what I deserve.
I pull into my driveway, hitting the button on my visor to open the garage door. I hit the button again to close it behind me, then kill the engine and climb out. The garage door opens to the kitchen, so I stop inside and grab a bottle of bourbon. I take off the cap of the half-full bottle and toss it into the trashcan on my way up to my bedroom.
I set the bottle on my dresser as I enter my room, moving through to the closet. There, I kick off my shoes and strip out of my clothes to take a shower. I make sure to grab the bottle before moving into the bathroom. I take a long pull as I reach into the shower, turning on the water. I push my boxers down my hips and kick them to the side before stepping in.
The small space is already filled with steam, and the water is so hot that it makes my skin red when I step inside. It’s what I need, though. I need to be punished for what I did. I need to be cleaned of my sins, even though I know they go much deeper than any shower I could take. I sit on the built-in bench and look down, finding the blood on my dick has dried. Is it possible to be disgusted and turned on at the same time? I feel the panic that tells me to wash away the evidence, but I also get hard when I think about how I’m the only one to have ever been inside her.
I take another long drink and let my head fall back against the wall. My eyes close, and I’m instantly transported back to my office, only this time, I’m watching things from afar. I watch the monster in me get released by the bottle that stays hidden in my desk. I watch him stalk his prey. He comes alive again inside of me now as I watch him remove her clothes, revealing perfect, soft, creamy skin. I think back to touching her and kissing her, and I wrap my hand around my throbbing cock. I remember the way her body convulsed around mine. Her gasping moan plays over and over in my head, causing my hand to move a little faster. Fucking her didn’t get her out of my system; it caused her to dig her claws in deeper. I’m not a healed man who’s moving on from a mistake, I’m a fucking monster who’s already planning to bury myself in her again and again until this spell is broken.
“I liked having your hands on my body.” A moan slips from my lips. If she liked my hands on her body, I can show her so many more things. Like her riding my face and coming on my tongue.
My orgasm builds, and I keep going. I keep reliving that time in my office, I keep pushing for more, wanting more, and taking more. It might have been a mistake, but I wouldn’t take it back no matter how much the civilized man inside of me wants to. It’s about time I gave myself to the beast who dwells in the darkness. He’s been overpowering me for years now. It’s time I admit it.