16. Ethan
16
ETHAN
I ’m pulling my lab coat on as I approach the nurse’s station to get started on morning rounds.
As I stop at the desk for my morning briefing, Ally steps out of a patient’s room. Our eyes lock and I watch as hers widen in response.
Her back straightens, and she freezes. It feels like the world has stopped spinning, but I remind myself that isn’t the case, and there are too many people around here to be openly staring at one another. I clear my throat and turn away, letting her go her way while I go mine.
I work from one patient to the next, checking everyone over, giving updates, and ordering tests. All the while, I’m having to work around her. When I step out of a room, she’s in the hallway. When I walk into a room, she’s already inside and excuses herself to get away. She’s everywhere. She’s all I can see and all I can think about, yet the one thing I cannot touch. After only a couple of hours of this, I’m losing my mind. I rush to Noah’s office, not even bothering to knock.
He’s sitting behind his desk, talking on the phone when I barge in. He looks up in confusion, then shakes his head and goes back to the call. I pace in front of him for a couple of minutes until he finally hangs up.
“Alright, what’s going on? What is this?” he asks, motioning to my pacing.
“I fucked up,” I tell him.
“What happened?”
I stop and turn to face him. “You remember yesterday when that infant patient coded?”
He nods.
“Well, I went back to my office all kinds of fucked up. I have a bottle in my desk, and I had a few drinks to take the edge off.”
He nods. “Alright.”
“Ally came into my office to apologize for calling me in there, and, well…”
“No,” he says, smirking.
“One thing led to another, and we ended up….”
He laughs and stands. “It’s about damn time.” He laughs and claps his hand once in excitement. “That’s what you’ve needed to take the edge off.”
“Are you insane?” I ask him. “I fucked a student nurse in my office while I was still on the clock. It’s a huge mistake that could cost me my job if anyone finds out.”
He shrugs. “So, don’t tell anyone. You know your secret is safe with me.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t plan on telling anyone, but what if she does? You know how easy it would be for her to paint me as the bad guy? What if she tells people I forced myself on her? What if she says I used my power to manipulate her into doing something she didn’t want to do?”
He holds up his hand. “Alright, alright. Calm down,” he says. “Talk to her. I mean, hopefully, she enjoyed it just as much as you did. She might be just as worried that you’ll tell someone and get her into trouble. You need to make sure you’re on the same page.”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess we do need to talk,” I reply, not bringing up the fact that Ally was a virgin. I know that will only bring up a whole new level of excitement for him. It brings up a whole new level of excitement for me, but that’s the last thing I need to be thinking about. I have to get this straightened out, not create a bigger mess.
“So…” he says, lifting his brows and letting them fall.
“What?”
He lifts his brows again and grins. “Huh?”
“What the fuck is that?”
He rolls his eyes now. “How was it?”
“Oh.” I chuckle. “It was…” Suddenly all I can think about is kissing her, touching her, and pushing my way inside her where I felt her heat and her tightness.
“Well?”
I snap out of my daze. “It was…” I take a deep breath, letting it out all at once. “It was great. Amazing. I can’t stop thinking about it.”
He grins wide now, nodding his head. “See? I told you. Now that you got your first out of the way, your life will get much easier, my friend.”
I stand up. “Yeah, let’s hope so, because I’d hate for it to become more difficult.” I leave his office and return to mine. I have lunch in there today, not wanting to see her or anyone else. It’s not until after noon that I’m in the same place as her again.
I’m at the nurse’s station, filling out a form when she exits a room and walks around the desk to sit behind the computer. She’s clicking the keys, not paying me any attention. Only moving my eyes, I glance around to make sure we’re alone. When I’m sure we are, I say quietly, “We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do,” she replies, not taking her eyes from the computer screen.
“My office, after your shift.”
She nods once, and I take my form and walk away.
The afternoon seems to go from moving quickly to dragging by. When I forget about her, things move quickly. When she sneaks back into my mind, time drags. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m anxious about this talk or if it’s because the monster inside of me is dying to see her again. I tell myself to keep that beast contained, that I have to be stronger than him.
I’ve just finished up for the day when there’s a knock on my door. “Come in,” I call out, closing my laptop. I look up as she steps in. She offers me a tight smile before closing the door behind her.
“Please, have a seat,” I say, motioning toward the chair across from me.
She nods and takes a deep breath—I can tell by the way her top grows tighter around her chest. She lets the breath go as she sits down, crossing her legs.
“Thank you for meeting with me. After yesterday… well, it was obvious that we needed to have a talk.”
She nods and wets her lips. “It’s not a problem. I wanted to talk to you as well, I just wasn’t sure how to go about it.”
My brows lift. “Yes, we seem to be in unfamiliar territory.” I clench my jaw as I try and force myself to say the words. “I want to apologize for what happened yesterday. That obviously wasn’t very professional, and I can’t apologize for it enough. What happened with us… it was great, and I enjoyed every minute of it, but it was a mistake that could cost us both our jobs. I just want to make sure you understand how serious this is, and why we have to stay quiet about it.”
“I realize that. I’m worried because I have to complete this to get the credits I need to graduate. If I get kicked out of the program, I’m screwed. It’s too late to find another place to do this externship. Now only will I not graduate on time, but that also eats into my wallet because I’ll have to spend money I don’t have to take this class again.”
I hold up my hand, hoping to calm her worries. “You’re not getting kicked out of the program. I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone,” I assure her. “We’ll carry on like this never happened. We’ll move on. I’ll go back to work as usual, and you can stay with the program. Does that sound good?”
She nods.
“There is one thing that I think we’ll need to get a handle on though.”
“What’s that?”
I take a deep breath. “This may just be one-sided, but…” I rub my jaw. “I lost my wife six years ago, and since then, I haven’t been the same. I haven’t grieved the way one should. I’ve buried myself in work and avoided friendships and relationships of any kind. You’re the first person I’ve been attracted to. I feel like you have a spell on me, and that’s what caused what happened yesterday. You understand, don’t you?”
She wets her lips and her cheeks burn hotter. Fuck, if that doesn’t turn me on. “I do. To be honest, I understand a little too well.” She uncrosses her legs, scoots her ass to the edge of her seat, and then crosses them the other way. “I’ve dated plenty over the years. I went out with boys in high school. I’ve dated several guys in college, and I’ve even been in a couple of semi-serious relationships. I know I have an unhealthy relationship with men in general because of the way I was brought up, and because of that, I’ve never been attracted to anyone before. I’ve seen guys that I thought were handsome, and I’ve felt drawn to some because of mutual interests or something, but I’ve never felt a true attraction. The kind of invisible force that feels like it’s pulling me toward someone. Until I met you. You have that same spell on me, Ethan. So, I understand the internal fight of giving yourself something you want deep down while struggling with the right and wrong of it.”
My cock twitches, and my stomach tightens with need. “If I had known you were a…” I skip saying that word. “I would’ve?—”
“What? Not done it?” she asks.
A puff of air leaves my lips. “I’d like to say that, but I don’t know for sure. That would mean that I’m a good man, and I’m not sure that I am. What I was going to say is that I would’ve done more to make sure you were more comfortable, that you got what you needed and enjoyed yourself.”
I notice her thighs flex like she’s squeezing them together to dull the ache this conversation causes between her legs. “I enjoyed myself,” she assures me, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly.
My heart starts to race and a smile of my own forms. “Good.”
She nods and drags her tongue across her bottom lip. “Did you? Enjoy yourself, I mean?”
My heart is pounding so hard that I can hear it in my ears. “I did.” I push my chair back and stand, feeling too anxious to stay still any longer. “If things were different…”
She stands. “I understand.”
I walk around my desk and look down at her. “Well, thank you for stopping by. I’m glad we had this talk, that we can put this behind us.”
“Is it really though?” Her brows knit together.
“Behind us?”
She nods, looking up at me. “All we agreed on is that nobody can find out about what happened.”
“We also agreed that we both enjoyed ourselves,” I point out, unsure why.
She smiles. “We didn’t agree to never do it again.”
“Oh yeah. I guess we should set some boundaries to keep us from getting that close again. Don’t you think?”
She shrugs her shoulder. “What did you have in mind?”
Now on the same side of my desk as her, I lean against the top. I stretch my legs out before me, crossing my ankles as I wrap my fingers around the edge of my desk, keeping my arms at my sides. “Well, I guess we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be alone with one another like this. That goes for my office and any other area of the hospital such as the supply room or patient rooms.”
“What about the elevator?”
“Oh, nothing like that could happen in the elevator. There are cameras in there.”
“There aren’t cameras in the supply room?”
I shake my head. “No, not yet anyway.”
“I don’t know how I feel about this.” She crosses her arms.
“What?”
Her eyes narrow as she looks at me. “I know I should be jumping to have all these rules put in place. I should be relieved that we’ve agreed to keep things quiet because that means I can finish my externship, but the only thing I can think about right now is how good it felt when you kissed me. And that makes me wonder why in the hell either of us want to stop that?”
Fuck…
I don’t know what comes over me, but one minute I’m making up rules to keep us apart and the next, I’m pulling her against me as our mouths crash together.
She wraps her arms around my neck and our tongues dive into the other’s mouth. My body comes alive, and that’s when I know this is going to take a whole lot more than just staying away from one another.
I’m always going to be looking for her, looking for a reason to be close to her. And it’s going to be even harder to resist when she’s doing the same.
Part of me wishes she’d turn and run. The other part is considering tying her up so she can’t ever walk away. Only time will tell which side wins.