Epilogue
EPILOGUE
FIVE YEARS LATER
“ M ommy ready now, Dada,” my four-year-old daughter Kate says as she runs into the dining room that’s now my home office.
I turn in my chair to face her, smiling when I see her in her white dress. Her dark hair is half up, held in place with a big bow. The rest of her hair is hanging down in soft baby curls that form perfect ringlets. “You look pretty,” I tell her, smiling.
She grins and spins in a circle. “Look at my dress,” she says as it fans out around her.
I laugh.
“That’s why we had to buy the pretty ruffled underwear covers,” Ally says, walking into the room with Kori.
She’s wearing the same dress and hair bow, but she’s nowhere near as happy. Kate loves everything girly and often plays dress-up to pretend she’s a princess. Kori’s not into it as much. She doesn’t care what she wears as long as it’s comfortable, and judging by her frown, the dress isn’t comfortable.
“What’s the matter, Peanut?”
She pulls her hand away from Ally and crosses her arms. “This dress is stuffy and itchy.”
“Is not!” Kate argues, still spinning.
“Is so!” Kori yells back, stomping her foot.
Kate gets dizzy and bumps into the corner of the bookshelf. It’s not hard, but it’s enough to knock her over and cause a few decor items to fall.
“That’s why you’re not supposed to spin like that, remember?” Ally says, moving over to help Kate stand. “Are you okay?”
Kate, while girly, is also a nutball. She just grins and nods. “I do it again!”
“No! No more,” Ally says, straightening her dress and fixing her hair.
I glance over at Kori to find her stripping off her dress. I start to chuckle, drawing Ally’s attention.
“Kori, no!”
Kori runs from the room.
Ally looks a little overwhelmed, so I stand. “You take Kate and head out to the car. I’ll get Kori and meet you there in a few.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” I lean in and kiss my wife. “See you soon, Princess.” I turn from the room, walking down the hallway to the room that used to be my office but is now Kori’s room. I scan the room, and she’s nowhere to be found, but her dad knows where she likes to hide. I move toward the closet and open the double doors. “I wonder where my little peanut went,” I say as I walk toward the back. “I know she has to be in here somewhere.” I bend down and reach through the hanging clothes, pushing them in opposite directions. “Got ya,” I say, grabbing her ankle and tickling her bare foot.
She giggles and kicks and tries to wiggle away, but I pull her out by her ankle. “What’s your deal? You’ve been looking forward to this all week. Why you putting up a fight now?”
She sits up, putting her back against the wall. She crosses her arms over her chest and frowns. “I don’t wanna wear that dress. It’s yucky!”
“Okay; that’s all you had to say. You know I won’t make you wear that dress. Let’s find you something more comfortable. Shall we?” I offer my hand.
She lets out a breath but slaps her hand into mine, and I help her to her feet. “You don’t have to wear a dress, but you do have to dress nice.”
Her upper lip curls.
I chuckle. “I know. Daddy isn’t happy about it, either, but if I have to dress like this, so do you.” I pull out a pair of black leggings and I find a top to go with them. I find a dress or a long top—I’m not sure which—but it’s white, so she’ll still coordinate with her sister. “How about this?”
She shrugs.
“Let’s try it on and see how it feels.”
I help her get the pants on and then slip the dressy top over her head. It falls to her knees, so I’m assuming it’s a dress. But the fabric is sheer with a spandex layer behind it. It’s much softer than the fancy dress Ally put her in. “How’s that?”
She shrugs.
“I think you like it.”
She grins.
“Alright. Let’s get your shoes on and get in the car before we’re late.”
Minutes later, I carry Kori out to the garage. I buckle her into the back of our SUV and climb behind the wheel. Once the car is running and the radio is on, Ally looks over at me. “Gave in, huh?”
I roll my eyes as I shift into reverse. “Nobody said they have to dress alike all the time. She still looks nice. That’s all that matters, right?”
Ally nods. “Right. As long as she’s dressed, I won’t complain.”
I chuckle because Kori will also strip off her clothes the minute they get in her way or if they’ve become too stuffy.
The ride to the event is quiet now that the girls have settled down. Kori is comfortable, and Kate is always happy-go-lucky. The girls ride side by side, playing with their dolls. I glance over at Ally to see her staring out of the passenger window, lost in thought. I never considered how hard this might be for her. I reach over and take her hand. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” she asks, looking over at me.
I shrug. “Because we are going to the annual remembrance of my first wife.”
She smiles over at me. “I thought I told you a long time ago that I’m okay with your past.”
I kiss the back of her hand. “I know you are, but this is a little more than that.”
She squeezes my hand with hers. “I’m glad we’re going.”
“You are?”
She nods. “Every year, I’ve watched as her mother invited you. Every year, you turn her down. But this year, you didn’t. Why is that?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. It just feels like it’s time.”
She nods. “I agree. And I think you going this year means that you’re finally letting her go. You’ll always love her in some way, and she’ll always be a wonderful part of your past, but you’re finally putting that time of your life to rest and starting fresh with us.”
I park at the cemetery and look out across the grassy field. I know Ally’s right. I moved on from the romantic loss of Amelia years ago, but something inside of me couldn’t fully let go. Ally has been amazing through all of it. In the beginning, she was okay with knowing that I was hung up, closed off, and unavailable. She never pushed for more than I was ready to give her. And she’s been that way ever since. She wasn’t ever jealous because she knows I loved another woman. She never tried to make me forget Amelia. She even hung a framed photo of Amelia in the living room next to the sonogram of our baby. Between the photos, it says, “Lost, but never forgotten, and always loved.”
I expected her to want to hide that part of my past. We’ve even had guests come to the house who have seen the photos and asked about it. While my initial reaction is to change the subject, Ally has always been open about it. Even to our girls—even though I’m not sure they’re old enough to understand it all yet.
Ally and I climb out of the car and each grab one of the girls. She holds Kate’s hand, and I hold Kori’s. Then Ally and I hold hands so the four of us walk toward the crowd in a line. I plan to sit in the back, but Amelia’s mom, Jill, spots me as we walk up.
“Ethan, you finally came,” she says, pulling me in for a hug. “Thank you for being here. Amelia would appreciate this so much,” she says, holding me tightly.
I pat her back. “Thank you for inviting us.”
She pulls back and looks over at Ally. “You must be Ally. I’ve heard about you.”
Ally holds out her hand to shake, but Jill ignores it, pulling her in for a hug, too. “Thank you,” she whispers in Ally’s ear.
“For what?”
Jill pulls back. “For pushing him to come, for allowing him to remember the woman who came before you, and for being such an amazing person. Not many women would be able to support their husband with a decision like this.”
Ally smiles at Jill, gently shaking her head. “I’m not competing with Amelia, Mrs. Walden. I know we never met, but I love that she loved my husband so much, and I wish I could thank her for helping him become the man he is now.”
Jill’s eyes water. She’s quick to wipe the tears away, and she turns her attention to the kids as a way to distract herself from the moment. “Well, look at you two. Aren’t you just the cutest!” She kneels to their level. “I love that dress,” she tells Kate.
“Thank you,” Kate replies, twisting her hips to make the dress move around her.
Jill looks over at Kori now. “Oh, I like your outfit, too. You look so pretty and comfortable. Did you pick out your outfit?”
Kori, happy that she’s getting some attention for being different than her sister, smiles and nods. “Me and Daddy.”
“Well, you did a very good job.” Jill stands and looks up at me. “And so did you.”
Everyone laughs.
“Come on. Find a seat. We’re going to get started soon.” She walks away, leaving us to get seated. Ally and I sit side by side, and I keep her hand in mine. The girls sit together, but I have a feeling we’ll be splitting them up before this is over. Ally gives them their tablet to keep them entertained and quiet.
The preacher comes to the podium and says a prayer. While everyone closes their eyes and bows their heads, I can’t help but look at the enormous photos they have on stands on either side of the room. One is a big picture of Amelia—the same one we used at her funeral and in the foundation her mother started. The other is a collage. There are some of us together, and some with her and her friends and family. There’s even the sonogram of our baby.
This is something I never would’ve been able to handle years ago. I refused to take calls from Jill and often deleted her messages before listening to them. I didn’t dream of looking at another woman because I was convinced that Amelia was it for me and that I’d never get another chance at happiness. I thought I didn’t deserve another chance. Amelia was dead because of me, because I gave in when I should have held my ground. But then Ally came along and changed it all. She made me open the eyes that I’d kept closed for far too long. She brought me back to life in many ways. She made me see how good it felt to let go, and little by little, she built me back up in my own time. She never pushed or prodded; she just supported me in any way I needed and loves me unconditionally. Because of that, I have a life better than I ever could’ve imagined.
When the preacher is done with the prayer, everyone gets up to light a candle in Amelia’s memory. There’s a long line waiting to give a donation and light a candle, so Ally walks off to entertain the girls while I wait. The line moves slowly, and when I get to the front, I hand over my donation and light the candle, sending her a little prayer. I turn to find the girls running, jumping, and playing while Ally kneels at Amelia’s grave.
I move toward her, stopping several feet behind her when I hear her talking. I know it’s a private moment, but I can’t help but listen to what she’s saying.
“I know you brought us together, so thank you.” She reaches out and places her hand on the top of the headstone. “It’s real love to want to see your other half happy, even if it can’t be with you.”
I smile and walk up to her just as she stands. I place my hand on the small of her back, and she turns to face me. “You make a donation?”
I nod. “Let’s get out of here.”
“You sure? There’s nothing you want to say to her before we go?” She looks at the grave.
I follow her eyes, looking at the smooth black stone with an oval picture of Amelia in the center. I shake my head and look at my beautiful wife. “No. I’ve said all I needed to say to her. You’re the one I talk to now.” I dip my head forward and press my lips to hers. Our kiss is soft and slow as I pour every bit of my love into her. “Come on. Let’s go home.”
She smiles and takes my hand as I lead the way to the car. “Come on, girls.”
The girls chase after us, running as fast as they can, giggling and chasing one another while playing tag. “Got you, Daddy!” Kori says, pushing my legs.
“You got me?” I bend down and scoop her up, tickling her sides as I finish the walk to the car. “It looks like I got you .” She laughs and giggles until I buckle her in, then I get behind the wheel. I start the engine and pull out onto the road. I take Ally’s hand in mine and kiss the back. “I love you.”
“I love you,” she replies as we leave the cemetery. It will be my last time here, and I’m able to drive away without a look back. For the first time in my life, there’s nothing behind me I want to hold on to. Everything I hold dear is ahead of me, and I plan to cherish every moment with my family because I know firsthand how quickly it can all be ripped away.
The End