Autumn
His hand slides over my swollen belly, and he presses a kiss in the curve between my neck and shoulder. “What do you think?” his deep voice rumbles in my ear.
I sigh, pulling away from him to run my fingers over the marble kitchen counter. “It’s nice, really big.”
“Yup, plenty of rooms to fill with kids.”
My teeth worry my bottom lip, and I rub at my pregnant bump. We haven’t even gotten through this one yet. “But it’s probably going to be at least another year or two before we start trying again. It just seems like a lot of space we don’t need at the moment.”
His tense silence makes his disappointment almost palpable .
“Sure, but what if it’s not available when we’re ready?”
It makes sense, it really does, but I can’t shake the feeling that we’re rushing everything.
“What’s going on, baby?” Dodge asks.
Tears well in my eyes, and I look over my shoulder at him. He looks a little lost as he takes me in before he walks toward me and pulls me back into his arms.
“Autumn?” He holds me tighter, his hand running over my hair.
I sniffle. “I like our apartment. It’s cozy and it’s us. Where we fell in love, and where I got to know Winnie. Where she called me Mama for the first time. Where we made this baby.” Emotion balls in my throat, making it hard to talk.
He shushes me. “Okay, okay. That makes sense, baby. I love everything about our apartment too. I thought this is what you wanted. We don’t have to get it.”
“I do. I want a house,” I tell him.
Dodge tenses, and then cups my face to look up at him. His thumbs wipe away the still falling tears. “You’re confusing, woman. ”
A hollow laugh bubbles out of me. “What if I’m making the wrong decision? Just because my hormones are making me sentimental.”
His lips twitch. “There’s no right or wrong. If we want to wait, we will find another house. Hell, I’ll build a house if I have to.”
I nod, still not feeling settled. The baby kicks at my belly, and I rub at the spot with a small smile. It’s almost like he’s kicking me, telling me to calm myself before I get too upset.
He kisses my forehead. “How about we sleep on it? If you still don’t feel like giving up our apartment in a few days, then we’ll put a pause on it. Fair?”
“Fair,” I tell him, and Dodge leans down to kiss my mouth. I raise on my tiptoes, my hands bunching at his shirt. He moans and pulls away.
“Alright. Let’s go on a little detour before we pick up Winnie,” he says with that mischievous wink that still makes me swoon.
I giggle, wrapping my hand in his as he pulls me toward the front door. My heart is full and content, solidified with conviction that this man loves me as much as he does.
“Winnie! Stop, honey,” I say, a little out of breath. I struggle to bend on one knee, one hand holding onto my stomach as if the baby is about to fall out. And he just may, swear to god he’s tearing my vagina out from the inside. My back has been hurting more than normal today as well.
Her little face scrunches. “No, Mommy!” The word still tugs at my heart. She’s been saying it for a few months now, and I cried the first time we heard it. Even Dodge had to wipe a tear away. It’s like she was always meant to be mine.
“We don’t touch this,” I tell her sternly, tucking the cord behind the TV.
She stomps her foot, her face getting red. “NO! No, Mommy! I don’t want to!” The terrible twos have been as terrible as everyone makes them out to be. It’s hard not to find it amusing, though not so much when I’m nine months pregnant and ready to give birth any day now.
Dodge comes down the hallway, pulling his shirt over his damp head of hair.
“You causing trouble as soon as I get home, Winnie girl?” She giggles when he picks her up, tickling her side.
His eyes are on me as I use the coffee table to push myself up to stand, a small hiss escaping as a cramp pains me.
“You okay?” he asks, setting Winnie back down as he walks over to me.
I nod, but before I can tell him anything, liquid gushes down my legs and onto the floor.
“Shit!” he curses, phone already in hand as he heads down the hall. I’m still staring at my sweats as he comes back, handing me a dress to change into as he tells someone on the phone to come pick up Winnie.
When I still haven’t moved as he hangs up, he stops from where he’s grabbing the hospital bag off the counter.
“Autumn? What’s wrong?”
Tears prick my eyes, and my mouth hangs open as I blink up at him. “We’re having a baby.”
His eyebrows raise, a smile flitting on his mouth. “Yeah, yeah we are.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to do this.
I don’t want to give birth.” The thought of going through labor suddenly terrifies me.
What if something goes wrong? What if I do something wrong?
What if it’s my fault because I’ve never done this before?
My lungs start to hurt as Dodge moves to me, cupping my face.
“Breathe with me, baby. We got this, okay?”
The urge to cry makes my nose sting. “I’m scared.”
He nods, rubbing his thumb over my lip. “I know. That’s normal, baby. It’s scary, but I’ll be right next to you every step of the way.”
“Mommy?” Winnie’s tiny voice has us both looking down. She’s been quiet, watching us with concern and fear.
Dodge picks her up, and her hand wraps around my fingers.
I give her a soft smile. “Mommy and Daddy are going to the hospital, and then we’re going to bring home your baby brother.”
Her eyes look at my stomach, reaching out to touch it. “Baby brother.”
I nod, stroking the blonde curls stacked on her head. “Yup. He’s in there, but it’s his time to come out. ”
“Gage and Mikayla are on their way over. They’re going to get Winnie’s bag packed and help clean up the mess.” He nods to the puddle still growing at my feet.
Winnie leans over, her fingers pulling at my hair. “I wuv you.”
A hiccuped sob bubbles in my throat. “Oh, my god. I don’t want to leave her, I don’t want to do this.”
Dodge snorts. “It’s too late, honey. We’re in this now.”
I nod and take a deep breath with my eyes squeezed shut.
He sets Winnie on the couch, not that it will stop her from climbing off, and grabs the hospital bag and car seat.
I kick my sweats off, throw the hoodie into the pile of dirty clothes, and tug the summer dress over me.
It catches on my belly, and it’s probably shorter in the front than I want, but it’s fine.
I’m sure they’ll force me into a hospital gown as soon as we get there.
A knock at the door has my panic coming back tenfold. Mikayla walks in without waiting for us to answer, and our gazes lock. Her face softens as she looks at me.
“Oh, Autumn,” she says gently, walking over to me and rubbing my belly, “I get it. I was scared too, it’s scary. But the nurses and your midwife, they know what they’re doing, okay? And as soon as the kids are down for the night, the club will be there to welcome its new member.”
My throat aches in emotion, and I give her a nod.
“She’s not joking. I’m sure the hospital would love to ban us because we take up the whole waiting room,” Gage says, picking up Winnie from where she was rummaging through whatever we left on the coffee table. “Hey, kid. Ready to party with Dillion?”
Her eyes light up. Ever since Dillion has started crawling and pulling up on things, they’ve been inseparable. “Dillion! I wuv Dillion.”
Dodge scowls, looking at Gage with a warning. “No, she doesn’t.”
I pinch my lips together. “Don’t start.”
Mikayla snickers, grabbing the bags for Winnie. “They act like they are the ‘perfect men’ most women would want to bring home to their parents.”
I laugh, then wince when another contraction comes through. “Oh god.”
Dodge is at my side, rubbing my back. “Alright, let’s go. I don’t want us to accidentally have this kid on the side of the road. ”
We follow them out the door, and I can’t tear my eyes away from our little girl being loaded into a separate car. Then I look up at Dodge, my vision blurring. “That was the last time it was just the three of us, and I feel guilty for not savoring it a little longer.”
His jaw flexes, and his throat bobs. “Autumn, baby. I love you, but you’re breaking my heart thinking this way. Everything is going to be exactly the way it should be. Winnie will love her brother, our family.”
It’s so unreasonable, but I start crying again. “You don’t know that. They could hate each other.”
Dodge reaches over, grabbing my hand. “Practice that breathing thingy. We only gotta worry about this moment, okay? Can you do that for me? Can you keep your mind from wondering about anything past this birth?”
I scowl, wiping my tears. “Of course I can.” Honestly, I don’t know if I can.
My anxiety has been crazy the last few months of pregnancy.
One night I woke up crying because I thought someone had taken my baby and put him in a UFO to send him into space.
It took Dodge a while to calm me down and remind me it was just a dream .
Focusing on breathing, I grit my teeth as a stronger contraction rolls through.
Dodge glances over, seeing I’m in pain.
“We got this.”
I nod, squeezing my eyes shut. He coos short little encouragements all the way to the hospital, and by the time I’m lying in a hospital bed with the baby monitors on my belly, I feel better. Calmer and in love as I watch the man at my side.
He smiles down at me. “What?”
“I love you.”
Affection flares in his eyes, and he leans down, kissing my forehead. “I love you more.”