32. You don’t get to judge monsters when you’ve seen how they’re made
You don’t get to judge monsters when you’ve seen how they’re made
“Halloween isn’t for another two weeks,” I point out, reaching for my glass of water.
“Yes, but I didn’t know if you had plans. I just assumed you’d be with Oliver.”
“Why would you think that?” I tease.
Vee laughs full-on, head thrown back. “You two are attached at the hip, and when you’re not? He stares at you like a lovesick psycho.”
“He’s a stalker,” I say, aiming for exasperation but failing. My smile gives me away.
Vienna snorts. “I’ve been too busy with, uh, other things to really talk to you about how things are really going.”
“Yeah,” I say, eyeing her, “you’ve been kind of absent the last few weeks. Is it about school…or?”
Her eyes widen. “No, nope, we will not be talking about that specific topic tonight.”
“Noted.”
“I’m working on something.”
“Oh?” I keep my tone light, but there’s no point pretending I’m not interested.
“It’s under wraps. Some things have come to my attention, and I’m trying to figure them out.”
“Some things like what?”
She leans closer, voice dropping. “I think the school buried the truth about the fire.”
“The one from years ago?” I ask.
Vee nods tightly. “I don’t think it was an accident.”
My mouth drops open. “No shit.”
“No one knows I’m digging into it,” she whispers. “Keep it between us. And please don’t tell Oliver because he’ll tell Callan, and then my investigation is over.”
“I won’t say a word,” I promise, then my voice hardens. “But, Vee…be careful. If it was set on purpose, you might be digging up something that was meant to stay buried.”
“You have no idea.” Vienna shifts on the bed and glances at me, hesitant. “This fire thing…it’s making me realize how much gets buried around here. How easy it is for people with money to make things disappear.”
I frown. “Yeah. Welcome to Willow Hill.”
She leans back against the pillows once again, both of us emerging back into the movie.
Vienna’s eyes flick up to mine, out of my periphery, then away again like she’s choosing her words carefully. “Can I ask you something without you getting mad?”
“Well, that’s not ominous.”
She pauses the TV. The room goes quiet except for the hum of the mini fridge.
She takes a breath. “It’s about Oliver. I’m not trying to warn you,” she adds quickly. “But have you ever looked up his last name?”
“No…”
Should I have?
It’s such a strange question that it takes a second to process.
Why would I? I follow him on socials. Nothing about his online presence screams secret.
He barely posts, and when he does, it’s parties, Callan, me, now, and people I assume are from his previous school.
It all looks normal. Like any other college guy. Exactly what he wants.
Her eyes stay on mine. “It might connect a few dots for you. Since this is girl talk.” Then she unpauses the TV like she didn’t just drop a weight on my chest. “Enough about Oliver. What are we doing for Halloween?”
I reach over, grabbing the bowl of popcorn, fighting the instinct to grab my phone and look him up. I’ve joked in the past, but I've never been serious. I figured that when he was ready, he would open up just like I want to do for him.
“I have no idea what we’re doing yet.”
“Well, I want to go to the spooky carnival on the mainland. Everyone’s talking about it. You dress up, there’s food, haunted…” She freezes. “Oh, I’m such a goddamn idiot. Please ignore everything that just came out of my mouth.”
“Vee, it’s okay, seriously,” I reassure her.
I used to love carnivals. The rides, the food, the games.
Now, even thinking about them makes my skin prickle.
Am I always going to hit roadblocks like this?
Is everything going to turn into a trigger if it’s even remotely adjacent to that night?
What’s next, mirrors? I mean, she is panicking with even bringing up the topic, worried it would make me spiral.
I need to schedule another meeting with my therapist.
I get up from the bed, clutching my phone. “Be right back, need to call my mom. I forgot yesterday.”
She nods, worrying her bottom lip. I muster a reassuring smile. She did nothing wrong. I’m the issue. I slip on my slippers and head downstairs, stepping out the front door of the dorm and into the cool night.
The temperature has dropped, and wet, misty air makes me shudder as I settle onto the front step, lifting my face to the sky. The clouds are thick, veiling the stars, but the quiet is what I need.
It’s been over a year. What’s the point of holding it all in? Keeping it quiet hasn’t helped. It hasn’t healed me.
“What are you thinking about?” I don’t jump. I would know that voice anywhere by now. Oliver stands at the edge of the steps, cloaked in shadow. His hoodie is pulled up, the dim lamplight casting soft angles across his face.
“Thinking about letting you in completely,” I say softly. He walks toward me and sits down. I lean into him, resting my head on his shoulder.
He helped me with my nightmares. It’s been a week and nothing. I don’t know if that’s because I pushed past my stupid fear or because he has been staying in my room each night.
“You’re not allowed to be alone,” he says flatly, looking around like someone is going to jump out.
“I know. I just…I needed some air.”
Instead of responding, Oliver wraps his arm around my back, pulling me even tighter to him. “Why now?”
“I think I was scared to tell you before,” I admit.
“Scared?” He looks down at me, and it’s the most confused expression he has ever shown.
I give him the same look back. “Oliver, I’ve given you more than anyone in my life, and I've known you for months. Yet I don’t even know if you have siblings.
You’re so cagey about your life before coming here.
So, the thought about giving you everything, knowing you won’t do the same, is part of the reason I’ve held back.
” I tuck some of my hair behind my ear as he studies me, soaking in every word.
“But I’m ready to try and really let it all go. ”
He pulls me up and starts to walk me back to the front door. “Where are we going?”
“We’re telling Vienna we’re leaving. Then you’re going to put on proper shoes, and we'll talk about this. Everything, Lyra. I want every fucking burden, secret, and truth you are hiding.”
“Oliver, I can’t just kick Vee out.” My mind is spinning.
“You're right. You can’t. I am.”
I grumble under my breath as we climb the stairs. “Why do we have to leave for this?”
“Because locking you in a car will ensure I’m getting every truth before we come back.” When we get to my room, Vee is already sliding on her coat.
“Don’t worry,” she says. “I saw you two downstairs. I’m on my way out.”
“I’m sorry…” She waves off my words.
“Don’t even worry about it. We’ll finish the documentary another day.” She hugs me, patting Oliver’s arm on her way out. “Take care of our girl.”
“My girl.”
She stills for a moment; so do I. Then she laughs, blushes, and hurries out.
“Lyra. Shoes. Another jacket.”
“So bossy.”
It takes twenty minutes of Oliver bossing me around as he stood in the corner watching me as I slipped on shoes, a hoodie, and a beanie for safe measure. The whole time, peeking over at him. Nervous to tell him, but above that, nervous that when I do, he’ll go commit murder.
“I’m driving,” I state as we approach his car.
“Lyra…” I ignore his warning tone.
“No, Oliver, you want my ugly hidden truths. Keys.” I hold out my hand.
He looks at my outstretched palm, then to my face. “You don’t need the keys to drive; it’s push-to-start.”
I narrow my eyes and sniff as I walk around the car to the driver’s seat.
For several long minutes, we drive in comfortable silence.
The road disappears past us as we descend the hill toward town.
I have no real direction in mind. Not yet, at least. It’s not until we pass the exit sign in the city that I know my destination.
I hop on the long bridge to the mainland when I start to speak.
“Vienna asked me something tonight.” I stare at the road. “Something I thought was strange.”
“What was that?” His voice is calm, fingers tapping his thigh.
“She asked if I’ve ever looked up your name.”
A beat of silence passes. “Have you?” More finger taps.
I glance over at him, then back at the road. “No. Most people like to find out things from the person themselves. Not from having to dig it up.”
“I’m not most people.”
“Yes. I’m well aware. You probably had Archer deep dive on anything with a paper trail for me after the night in the forest.”
“I did.” He pauses for a second. “Is my Dollface nervous about what she’ll find out?”
A few minutes go by before I answer. “If I looked up your name, what would I find?” I tap my middle finger on the steering wheel, matching him.
It feels like hours have gone by when in reality it’s only been minutes. “Well, let’s see.” He pulls out his phone.
“No, Oliver.” I shoot my hand out to grab it, but he pulls it back. “I want you to tell me. That’s why I’m asking you.”
“I was born and raised in Wraith Wood. Do you know where that is?” Oliver suddenly asks after a long silence.
I shake my head. I feel his stare, so I don’t feel the need to use words.
“It’s about forty-five minutes outside of Seattle. My father was the chief of police.” From his tone alone, I can tell he doesn’t like the man. He doesn’t show much outward emotion toward people, but he has it in spades for his father.
“Everyone thought he was the best guy. Why wouldn’t they? Charming. Wealthy. Great job. Family man. Let’s just say he wasn’t getting father of the year awards.”
“You two don’t get along.”
“You could say that, considering he verbally and physically abused me.”
I slam on the brakes, the car screeching to a stop in the middle of the road. The motion propels us forward, locking our seat belts across our chests.